Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

How to Get an A+ in Foreplay

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My husband is the type who rarely wears cologne, but there is one in particular that... well... really turns me on.

He usually puts it on right before we go to a wedding.

Or to church.

Such a tormentor that guy is.  Making me wait like that.

Ahhh... the allure of foreplay.

Foreplay possibilities are endless... and, in many ways, uniquely understood between a husband and wife. What constitutes foreplay for one couple may more than miss the mark for another couple.

That's why it's good to follow the adage, "Be a student for life and never stop learning."  This definitely applies to foreplay.

So listen up class.  Here are some suggestions on how to get an A+ in foreplay:


Are you gracious and receptive to your spouse's advances?  Do the two of you mutually foster an attitude of playfulness, tenderness and desire -- as much with your clothes on as you do with your clothes off?


Do you think foreplay is just what happens in the 15 minutes before intercourse?  Time to broaden your perspective.

Foreplay is also about building an eagerness hours or even days before sex actually takes place.  A love note can be foreplay, as can a touch or a kiss or a look or a tone of voice or certain words.

Here are three reasons I love public displays of affection.

Some couples get really clever with the ways they text.  My suggestion is don't be explicit and don't send photos, but there's nothing wrong with code expressions that have a shared meaning.

At any rate, get good at building the kind of anticipation that is comparable to that feeling of the roller-coaster going up the really steep incline... you know the thrill that's coming!


Nothing robs a couple of sexual opportunity more than a distracting or volatile atmosphere.

Some would say atmosphere is just about romantic candlelight or nice music playing in the background to "set the mood," but let's be real... for most couples, those atmospheric attributes can be hard to coordinate on a super regular basis.

Having the house picked up or the kids in bed early or fresh sheets on the bed are just a few examples of making sure the atmosphere is favorable for a little sexual activity.

What are you doing to set the atmosphere to make sex a desired activity in your marriage?


Do something.  Your spouse cannot read your mind.  I'm not saying that being subtle in expressing your desires isn't sexy, because oftentimes it is.  But you can't be so subtle or lackadaisical that your spouse totally misses your intention.

And if foreplay seems way outside your comfort zone -- especially extended foreplay long before you actually have sex -- then take a risk and simply try something.

Give him a long passionate kiss before he leaves for work.

Place your hand on his inner thigh as you are together in the car driving somewhere.

Trace his fingers with the tip of your finger as you're sitting in a waiting room (or sitting in church).

Do something.


Have you told your husband what turns you on?  Have you asked him what gets him in the mood for sex? Educate each other on the foreplay you each like best.

When people ask me what is the secret to deep authentic sexual intimacy, I always emphasize that clear and compassionate communication is vital.

Don't assume you will know each other's bodies with any kind of lasting depth if you aren't willing to talk about your intimacy and what it is that you each like.


I know this should go without saying, but it's not foreplay if there isn't a fair amount of arousal happening on both sides.  That's at least gotta be the direction you both are moving.

It's not always at the same pace, but are you at least catching each other's signals?  And remember that if you are doing something that you think is foreplay but your spouse clearly doesn't, then that's a quick way to get a "D." And no sex.


The whole purpose of foreplay is that it would lead to sex actually happening.  I realize that sometimes the best laid plans hit roadblocks and detours, but for the most part, no one's going to get an A+ in foreplay that never goes anywhere.

That was kind of the message behind my post Don't Tease Unless You Will Follow Through.

So there you have it...  some encouragement on boosting your sexual GPA and getting an A+ in foreplay.

But I'm not done!  I want to hear from all of you.

Without being too explicit, what specific foreplay ideas can you share?

We want to encourage one another in our marriages and I'm sure you have some super great foreplay ideas!

Other posts worth considering on this foreplay topic...

Here's to happy and hot foreplay!

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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October 4th, 2012 by