My beloved shared with me the other day that one of the guys at work was joking around about wishing he could get “the girlfriend treatment” from his wife.
Of course, this is a loose reference to the idea that a girlfriend is more sexually available and adventuresome — and then she becomes a wife and all those fireworks go by the wayside. Her husband is left hungering for “the girlfriend treatment.”
Sadly, the reference can also suggest infidelity — that a man is getting better sexual treatment from his mistress than he is from his wife.
Obviously, anyone who knows me and has followed this blog knows that I’m never advocating pre-marital sex or infidelity, so don’t mis-read my aim or conclude that I take either of those scenarios lightly.
It is worth lingering for awhile, though, on the “the girlfriend treatment” comment.
Sure, my husband’s co-worker was joking around. Well, maybe he was. Possibly there is a deeper message in such casual banter.
Does it apply to your marriage at all?
Sex can be sensory overload — in a very good way. But too often we just scratch the surface of how stimulating it really can be.
We go through the motions. Touch him here. Kiss him this way. Yada. Yada. Yada. He comes. Maybe you come. It’s predictable and routine — void of genuine focus, passion and allure.
So, as a wife, are you willing to go the extra mile when it comes to seducing your husband?
Are you willing to do what it takes to give him something that isn’t just about orgasm, but more so is about an experience that leaves him breathless?
The truth is that even though you are his wife, you also can be his “girlfriend.” Here are some tips on leaving him giddy with delight:
Become sexually suggestive.
Arouse him throughout the day with nuances, touches and references that imply his evening will be anything but routine.
Use your hands, breasts and tongue to caress him every place except his penis.
Foreplay is incredibly powerful. If you are reluctant to engage in drawn-out foreplay, you are limiting how intense his orgasm — and your orgasm — can be. Foreplay also ushers us into a place that reminds us once again that sex isn’t just a physical experience — it is a soul-filled experience as well.
Take control sexually.
Not all husbands find this arousing, but if you are fairly confident that your husband would be turned on by you taking an assertive lead in what is happening during sex, then by all means — take the lead. Some guys think this is off-the-charts hot.
Enthusiastically respond to his suggestion of sex.
If your husband feels like a child begging for a cookie when he suggests that he wants to have sex, then possibly you need to change how you respond to him.
The next time he expresses his desire for sex, stop what you are doing, turn toward him and give him a passionate kiss. Look him in the eye and tell him it sounds like a great idea.
And if the timing isn’t right, still respond to him positively and promise that the two of you can make love later that day or evening. (Follow through of course).
Communicate that you like what he is doing to you sexually.
When you relax and allow yourself to enjoy sex, it can be almost impossible to keep this feeling to yourself. Instead of remaining silent during sex, respond vocally — allow the intensity of the experience to come out so he knows you are liking it.
Honestly, I think Christian wives more than anyone should be the biggest champions of hot sex. Sure, the media is spilling over with lame innuendos that marital sex is boring and non-existent.
But God always intended for sexual intimacy to be a sacred place — overflowing with oneness, pleasure and delight.
Can you imagine a workplace where when one of the guys laments about wanting “the girlfriend treatment,” your husband just smiles and thinks happily to himself, “I don’t need the girlfriend treatment. The wife treatment is already rocking my world!”
Any other ideas on how to give your husband “the girlfriend treatment?”
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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14 thoughts on “Does Your Husband Want the Girlfriend Treatment? Will You Give it to Him?”
I love this post and it is very timely for me *blush*
I wouldn’t have thought of the “girl-friend treatment” phrase, but I think you are 100% spot on on all five suggestions. Ladies, give it a try. I think the odds are very, very high that your husband will be deliriously happy.
In many marriages the husband is the higher need/higher drive partner. By responding in a loving and positive way when he risks asking for sexual intimacy, you create an environment in which he is prepared to take that risk. Approach it from the other viewpoint and the outcome is what happened to me for about 5 years. Before suggesting sexual intimacy I thought long and hard about whether I was prepared to risk rejection. Was the pain of being shot down worth the slight possibility of a “yes?” This was a wedge being driven between my sweetheart and me.
I suspect that lower drive spouses probably don’t see the very real, very deep pain that constant sexual rejection causes.
I give thanks that things changed at our house about four months ago. That long and very painful period (quite possibly related to perimenopause) seems to have passed and my bride and I are in a much happier place. Today, I am the guy who thinks to himself, “who needs the girlfriend treatment, my wife is smokin hot.”
One more thought “long drawn out foreplay” Yes! I’m willing to guess that many husbands would respond with delight and joy at this.
Don’t give passionate kissing short shrift. Kiss often and kiss with passion, especially when you will not be getting between the sheets immediately. Let yourself enjoy passionate kissing for its own sake, and respond positively when your husband wants to kiss seriously too.
OK – he might need reminding that passionate kissing does not mean you are headed to bed right then and there. Tell him you want to be able to kiss passionately for its own sake.
I agree with you Robert… there is a lot to be said for passionate kissing for its own sake… that it not become behavior that is associated only with making love.
What’s not to like about a passionate kiss!!
Thanks for the suggestions! The ones you pointed out incorporate multiple senses (sight, touch, sound, wit) that will make sex an experience not just an activity. I’ll add one: read the sexy magazines! I didn’t before I was married because I thought they were “unwholesome.” (I even surprised MYSELF when I bought the first two miniskirts of my life within the first 6 months of our marriage!) I started reading the magazines and using those ideas to supplement what my husband communicated to me about his sexual needs and attitude. Even though I used to snub my nose at magazines, I now find them (or the websites, if I don’t want to buy the issues) to be helpful tools within our marriage to deepen our sexual understanding of each other. In that way, I am able to give my husband the “girlfriend treatment”–by doing what the girlfriends out there do! I’m naturally playful and my libido nearly matches his, but I think using the “secular” resources discerningly can also help couples who struggle to create the girlfriend/boyfriend environment in their relationship. Even if a couple finds they don’t want to try any of the suggestions, the information could open up a dialogue about what they do want for each other.
AND, he hasn’t stopped giving me the boyfriend treatment. While we dated we were limited in how we showed our attraction to each other. For us it came out a lot in compliments, gazes, or sighs (kisses too!) and we created our own language to express what we couldn’t express with intercourse. Though now we can communicate our passion with sex, I still like him to express it those other ways too.
Husbands, showing how much you enjoy your wife’s sexuality can also be a source of encouragement if she tends to have a lower drive. Tell her you think she’s foxy, right at the moment you think it! Most likely she knows you want to have sex with her, but does she know WHY you want HER specifically? To communicate this you could take time to admire her form, or spend a lingering moment enjoying her scent or the feel of her hair–and do this anytime sex with her crosses your mind. Anytime. For example, it’s nice when my husband compliments me on a new hair style I spend time on but I feel the same love when the last thing on my mind is my hair and he tells me how beautiful he finds it. Similarly, I like it just as much when he compliments my body while we’re running errands as I do when he compliments it in the bedroom. Knowing that he thinks about my sexiness outside of our sexy time is a gift I cherish. Those 10-15 second exchanges that we had while dating are still important to me, and they enrich our sexual encounters.
Seems like I remember seeing or hearing that “The Girlfriend Experience” is the best selling item on the menu at one of the more famous brothels in America. I remember thinking how tragic it is that a man, especially a husband, would need to spend hundreds of dollars just to imagine this. The experience doesn’t always involve sex because sometimes the guy just wants to be treated nicely even if it is pretend.
Then I remembered my good christian ex-wife and the unwanted unilateral divorce and realized that yeah, if I had the money and the time I would have loved to just be treated nicely. You see the first thing my wife did after getting “saved” was take sexual intimacy out of our relationship and it stayed out for 30 years. When I tried to talk about it she would say, “ We have sex. I don’t know what you are talking about.”
I am so sorry, bill. It hurts when I hear of any wife that throws away a man. I am sorry that she didn’t understand what marriage and sexual intimacy really is. It always makes me strive harder not to throw mine away.
I wish that I could get the girlfriend treatment from my wife too. But sadly it seems as if sex is the last thing on her mind. One can’t get the girlfriend treatment from their wife if the wife views sex as some unpleasant chore or marital duty. I sometimes wonder what I can do to lessen my sex drive so I’m not held captive by it. To those of you who receive the girlfriend treatment from your wives, I’m not envious but happy that it’s happening for some of us. Enjoy all that passion and never take it for granted.
My husband would definitely like more passionate kissing: as foreplay and for its own sake! Otherwise, I think I do a good job.
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I think it is important to see that “girlfriend treatment” as more than just sexual pursuit. For example, when my wife and I were dating, she would pursue spending time with me, leave me special notes or gifts (like a random York peppermint patty or something), she would compliment me, she would seek to be interested in what I was interested in, she wanted to be playful, and she went out of her way to look nice for me. But now that we’re married with kids, she rarely does any of those things. I work in an office where young women coworkers often affirm me, take interest in me as we work on joint projects, sometimes they surprise me by bringing me my cup of coffee without me asking, they are fun/playful in how they talk to me as we work together, and frankly, they dress nice, do their hair nice, smell nice, etc, and while I love my wife and am completely committed to her, it is a struggle sometimes to see those things and then think, “where did they go in our marriage?” Why doesn’t she seem as interested in me as the gal in the office across the way? Why doesn’t she care about her appearance like she used to? Why do I seem to have wonderful ideas to the ladies at work and stupid ones to my lady at home? Again, I love my wife and made a vow to be with her and her alone for life, which I intend to keep, but ladies out there, it is a struggle when it seems like the only woman that doesn’t want you is the one you want the most.
Hello, I’m cathrina I really enjoyed your post! Spot on I would say! Except im not a christian I am a Muslim..(please don’t think Isis dogs who kill innocent non Muslim AND muslim people, who couldn’t be further from islam) I just wanted to say i have been applying your tips and have had wonderful results! Please wives of all races and religions remember to love your husband sincerely as you expect him to love you sincerely! Make sure you look like a queen and even more importantly feel like a queen because I you do you will be his Queen! Dress up for yourself and for your husband! Amazing what new clothes can do to a marriage!