Are You Headed for a Sexual Train Wreck?

A dear friend and I were talking the other day about how it just doesn’t seem like human nature to ask for support or insight, unless something has reached a crisis point.

My friend has been navigating a particularly challenging personal situation.

For the most part, she hasn’t willingly sought out the support she now realizes she desperately needs… and has needed for quite some time.

My heart was heavy on the empathy side.  Been there. Done that.

Can you relate too?

Whether it be our fierce independence or our embarassment about the nature of the struggles or our sheer frustration that we are even in a difficult situation, we are more apt to dig in our heels and “go at it alone.”

But wouldn’t it be wiser (even more Christian-like) to accept and ask for help before things reach dire straights?

Every week I receive emails from people who are at a crisis point in their sexual intimacy.

The pain, anger, bewilderment and devastation of neglected intimacy has become almost unbearable.  And now one of the spouses (sometimes both of them) have reached a breaking point.

It’s not that God can’t work in the breaking point, because He can. He is sovereign and abundant in love, no matter when we summon Him to the scene.

Even so, I believe He wants us to slow the train down and pay attention to the debris on the track — long before we are heading full force into an unstoppable train wreck.

Is your sexual intimacy headed for a train wreck?

Has there been debris — warning signs — piling up on the track for quite some time?

Have you banked heavily on a false sense of security that such “debris” in your sexual intimacy couldn’t possibly take the whole train down?

If indeed things are “not quite right” in your marriage bed…

…if you find yourself spending more time arguing about sex than having it

…if you do not both value the indescribable benefits of making love

…if you think your spouse is selfish or unreasonable for wanting to have sex with you

…if you have ever found yourself rationalizing that infrequent sex is “just what happens in marriage”

…if you fantasize about or act upon sexual release through adultery or porn

Then I implore you to wake up, even if only ONE of the above things characterizes sex in your marriage.

The train wreck is coming if you do not start paying attention.

Now is your time to address those issues, dig deep into them, and renew your resolve to do what you said you would do in your vows — protect and nurture your marriage with steadfast love, respect and honor.

And if you need help with that (which you do), then surrender your heart to the Lord and His Word and humbly plead that He would show you His design for sexual intimacy.

He also is gracious to work through Christian counselors, books, and ministries, not to mention the encouragement and support of other Christians who are safe for you and will pray for you, support you and build you up in your marriage.  By all means, seek those resources.

Don’t wait for the train wreck. The damage may be more than you can bear.  Or repair.

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

5 thoughts on “Are You Headed for a Sexual Train Wreck?

  1. Tommy Eldridge says:

    I heard a phrase sometime ago and it has stuck with me a long time. It goes like this “A person won’t make a change till the pain on their situation is greater than the pain of change”.

  2. J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) says:

    Yes, yes, yes! How true. And I hope that blogs like yours (and mine) will encourage couples to address issues when they arise and not let them fester. I know that counselors often say that they could do more for people if they would come in earlier. But it takes some courage to admit there is something wrong and ask for help.

  3. Topper says:

    Every ultimatum requires a penalty if that ultimatum is not met.
    Can I get you to verbalize that penalty, WH?

  4. WH says:

    @Topper: unfortunately, most wives will not budge on sex unless divorce is a looming and immediate possibility. I’d basically say it’s over unless we resolve this quickly. Don’t wait until you’re 60 and on Viagra…establish that sex is required for a marriage to be a marriage.

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