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Okay, if I knew how to turn on your husband, that would not be a good thing.
I do, however, know how to turn on my husband (beyond the very obvious technique of not allowing the kids to destroy the yard with the Slip n’ Slide, but I digress…).
Some sex books proclaim that guys are really simple creatures and if you just feed them and feign that you are merely available for sex, then all their wildest fantasies are fulfilled.
I’m not really in the camp of relegating guys as “simple creatures” that get all wide-eyed at even the slightest sexual proposition. Honestly, stereotyping of this sort can get dangerously close to being more of a put-down than a mere observation. And I don’t want to put down your husband or my husband or any husband for that matter.
“So,” you may be wondering, “What camp are you in, Julie?”
I am 100% in the camp of husbands and wives figuring out how to turn each other on.
This means we have to discard the sexually-saturated presumptions doled out by media. We have to become students (if your mind is flashing back to that hot college professor you had a crush on, snap out of it. Stay with me here. Focus.)
How do you become a student of your husband?
A good place to start is with a little experimentation. No, I’m not simply talking about new positions or other adventures, although there is a place for all of that too.
What I am talking about is getting out of the routine of every sexual encounter following the same script. In too many marriages, that “script” has been followed to a tee so many times that it is about as entertaining as old reruns of the Love Boat. I know that show had a good run back in the day, but it really kind of sucked…even back then. And in reruns? Painful.
As a student of your husband, begin at the beginning. (Apparently graduating cum laude has served me well). Start at the beginning. Brilliant. How do you initiate sex with your husband? (Yes, I realize some of you may be saying, “Well, I don’t.”)
Initiation can start early in the day or it can start 5 minutes before you are dropping clothing. What is crucial is that you are paying close attention to the way your husband responds. Smiles and happy noises are good indicators, but you know him better than I do.
Touch is powerful.
Don’t assume that all your husband wants touched is his penis (women make this mistake all the time… like the penis is the only show in town, when really your husband would likely prefer to be touched all over his body in a variety of ways). I can’t figure this out for you, but I can encourage you…. find new ways to touch your husband.
I could tell you how my husband likes to be touched, but that’s sacred knowledge between him and me. If you have no sacred knowledge of this sort between you and your husband, now is the time to get to learning.
Unlike college, you never graduate from this school (yeah, I know…some of you are saying… that’s exactly like college).
My point is that the marital landscape is always serving up new opportunities for couples to grow in their sexual knowledge of each other. I have been pleasantly surprised by things that turn my husband on that I would have never known had I not tried.
A little creativity goes a long way (not just with touch, but with your words…with your eyes…with your playful banter).
So, it’s up to you.
(Those are rhetorical questions. No need to publicly answer with specifics. Smiles and general comments are welcome though).
I gotta go. I need to get the Slip n’ Slide picked up before it destroys the lawn. My husband will be so happy later. Really, really happy.
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.