Intimacy in Marriage

BETTER Sex in Your Christian Marriage

Why Sex in Marriage is Totally Hot

We buy our dog food at a feed and grain store that happens to be in the city, rather than in a quaint rural setting.

(I imagine long ago it was out in the country…before the city did what cities do, gobbling up quiet dusty roads and turning them into meticulously straight paths bordered by well-aligned houses.)

I love the feed and grain store.

The heavy door swings open to the simultaneous sound of a creak and a jingling bell.

Rudimentary shelving is stacked with bags of dog food, bird seed and a sundry of supplies for farm animals.  A lazy cat sleeps the day away on the counter, squinting its eyes shut and offering up a deeply-contented purr every time a customer runs their fingers over its soft coat.

A yellow lab saunters around the place and plops himself down on the wood floors like it is his home.  (Who knows? Maybe it is.)

The distinct aroma of fertilizer, sawdust and seed permeates the air, ushering in a memory of a calmer time in history.

I actually walked in one day to find a pen full of chicks scurrying around, if you can believe it.

The feed and grain store resonates with comfort and familiarity.

And every time I walk in, I briefly wonder what it would be like if my whole life felt like the feed and grain store.

“What on earth does this have to do with sex, Julie?” (I figured I’d throw the question out there in case you were wondering it anyway).

Well, my whole life doesn’t feel like the feed and grain store, but some of it does.

Sex does.

Yes, sex in my marriage feels like the feed and grain store.


It’s true.

Here’s why…  sex with my husband resonates with comfort and familiarity.  The sex gets better — hotter — the more years I spend with this man… the more years I have sex exclusively with this one man.

This is such contrary thinking to the “friends with benefits” culture that says more partners means more sexual variety, which obviously is just… well… more fun, right?!

Or not.

Have you ever noticed that marital sexual intimacy is usually fodder for comedy in entertainment?  I think this is because the entertainment industry is bent on perpetuating the more marketable idea that single people have the corner on incredibly hot sex.

And apparently, according to many of the messages floating around, casual sex with a variety of partners makes it all the hotter.

But those of us with nurtured sexual intimacy in our marriage bed know better.

The gig is up, so to speak.  We are quick to discern that what makes sex phenomenal is the familiarity, transparency, and “knowing” that is inherent with a commitment to stay.

And by “stay” I mean for more than just the night.

I think it’s awesome that Deuteronomy 24:5 in the Old Testament tells us that “if a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”

I wonder how closely such a verse was obeyed back in the day.  (Too bad it’s not a universally accepted practice now, huh?)

One glimpse at the verse should reveal the deep consideration God gave to His vision for marriage.

He wants a husband and wife to grow in their familiarity with one another, that it would deepen their resolve to not only understand doing life together, but enjoying all it has to offer as well, including extraordinary sexual intimacy.

…that they would intuitively recognize and respond to each other’s touch in a way that cannot be known by a mere casual encounter.

Sex in marriage has the potential to usher in a comfort and familiarity to which we can’t help but want to return again and again.

Let the evening comedy shows or singles sleeping around say what they want, but as for me, I know the best place to go for the hottest sex.

And I know — I really know — who will be there when I get there.

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

October 3rd, 2012 by