I recognize that as a Christian woman speaking and writing about sex, I need to be clear about what I believe. I love authentic dialogue, and I respect that not everyone believes what I do.
At the same time, I am secure and enthusiastic about holding to these beliefs:
I believe that Jesus Christ came so that we may have life and have it to the full.
He died on the cross for our sins. No one comes to the Father except through Jesus Christ. When we acknowledge Him as the One True Lord and Savior and repent and ask for forgiveness for our sins, we are indeed forgiven and have eternal life. This gift of salvation is available to everyone who confesses their sins and asks Jesus Christ to be their Savior.
Faith in Christ does not instantly make marriage easy, but faith certainly does better equip us to journey marriage, appreciate its goodness, and navigate its challenges.
God designed marriage to be between one man and one woman.
I believe God designed marriage to be a covenant relationship between one man and one woman. I do not believe in any version of marriage that says it is okay for spouses to have sex of any sort with people other than their spouse or to invite other people into the exclusivity of their intimacy.
This means no third parties are involved in your sexual intimacy (no inclusion of other people, no viewing of elicit materials such as pornography, and no fantasizing about people other than your spouse).
Marriage is sacred and should be treated as such.
Sex is not “optional” for married couples.
I take to heart 1 Corinthians 7, which clearly says a husband and a wife are not to withhold their bodies from each other. I recognize that there are instances of illness or injury that make it difficult or impossible to make love. These are the rare exceptions (and even in many of these exceptions, close physical contact is still possible and should be nurtured).
I also recognize that when there has been a betrayal (adultery, pornography use, etc.), it is not unusual for a married couple to have to rebuild sexual trust, which can take time.
However, the vast majority of married couples should be having sex on a somewhat regular basis (I’m not going to put a number on what “regular” means, but certainly regular enough that we know within our hearts and before the Lord that He is pleased with the ways we nurture our marriage).
God designed our sexual organs and orgasm.
Kudos to you God! Definitely one of your shining moments. Sexual pleasure within marriage was His idea. He himself said that what He has created is good. That being the case, I believe that both a husband and a wife should feel free to initiate sex, nurture sex and fully enjoy sex with their spouse.
Sex is not only for making babies, but also for having fun and for bonding a couple in profound, mysterious and tender ways.
The “one flesh” dynamic is unique to the marriage covenant.
One flesh is about so much more than sex. It is about emotional, spiritual and physical connectedness. I believe the profound implications of sexual intimacy beyond the physical aspects are one of the reasons God wants sex to be kept within marriage. To say there is a lot at stake is an understatement.
When things get treacherous in marriage (notice I say when, not if), I wholeheartedly believe that married couples should seek resources to help them journey and strengthen their marriage.
I’m not in the camp of “going at it alone” when it comes to solving problems in such an important relationship as the covenant of marriage. There are many, many Christian resources available, whether they be counseling, books, websites, etc. Isolation in our pain and confusion sucks. God is all about shedding light and inviting us to walk in it.
So, there you have it. A quick synopsis of what I believe.