authentic, orgasm, passion, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
Oral Sex and the Christian Wives Who Love Giving It
Jan
Years ago, I was having lunch with a woman who would eventually become one of my closest friends.
At the time of our lunch all those years ago, we were new colleagues, and we soon discovered we had a plethora of things in common — our love of sex being one of them.
To say she and I had great ease in talking about sex in our marriages would be an understatement. To this day, she is a confidante who I know will always be up for a transparent and authentic conversation about sexual struggles and sexual joys.
At our first lunch together, we eventually came upon the topic of oral sex, to which I said, “Who doesn’t love oral sex?!” She looked at me quizzically and asked, “Giving or receiving?”
“BOTH,” I answered enthusiastically. She agreed.
I know there are many wives out there who have never given oral sex to their husband, or if they have, they do not enjoy it. The reasons can vary, but suffice to say, most reasons would fall into at least one of the below categories:
“I can’t do it without gagging.”
“I associate it with promiscuous behavior.”
“Oral sex is something I did before I was married, and now I feel guilty doing it.”
“It just grosses me out.”
“I don’t think it’s a Christian thing to do.”
“It hurts my neck.”
“I don’t want him to come in my mouth.”
“I don’t know how to give oral sex right.”
“I’m self conscious. I just don’t know what I’m doing.”
If you are steadfast against giving oral sex to your husband, I am not sure if anything I write here is going to sway your opinion the other direction. I also recognize that some couples have mutually agreed to not include oral sex in their sexual intimacy, and I respect this choice.
My experience has been, though, that the exclusion of oral sex is rarely a mutual decision. Someone in the marriage has selfishly dismissed it without genuinely thinking through that decision (or the impact it has on their spouse). My heart is always to challenge people where they may be sabotaging intimacy.
If you are a wife who wants to bless your husband with oral pleasure and — dare I say — get to the point you love it, then stick with me sister. I can help you.
From a biblical standpoint, many theologians (and average everyday Christians) agree with the interpretation of Song of Songs in the Old Testament. This poetic book gives us great imagery of passionate sexual love between a husband and wife. The challenge, of course, is that it is told primarily in allegory and metaphor.
The words “sex” and “oral sex” don’t appear in the book of Song of Songs. But we do get the below passages…
“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” Song of Songs 2:3
“Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” Song of Songs 4:16
“I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride. I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.” Song of Songs 5:1
“My lover has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my lover’s and my lover is mine; he browses among the lilies.” Song of Songs 6:2-3
I know. Allegory and metaphor.
For a moment let’s put the interpretation debate aside and rely instead on good ol common sense. You would be hard pressed to find any married couple who thinks the only appropriate way to kiss is face to face with our mouths and lips.
We intuitively know that sexual passion affords us the freedom to kiss our spouse’s neck or their hand or their chest. A husband longs to kiss his wife’s breasts; a wife longs to be aroused this way. And those touches (just to name a few) are arousing.
So why would using our mouth to sexually bless our spouse’s genitals be any different?
It is no different. God has not arbitrarily drawn a line anywhere on our spouse’s body to indicate where sexual pleasure with our mouth is off limits.
“Okay, Julie, even if I can accept that oral sex is okay in God’s eyes, I’ve got all these other hurdles to get past.”
What if I have a strong gag reflex?
If your gag reflex is strong, then you will not be able to take your husband’s penis as deep into your mouth or you will have to go slower and/or you will not be able to swallow when he ejaculates. However, I think a lot of these can be overcome simply through practice.
Note to husbands: If her gag relfex is strong, then you may have to modify your expectations. Certainly you need to not force yourself deeper into her mouth.
Wives, if you can’t handle him coming in your mouth, then ask him to alert you that he is going to come. Pull his penis out of your mouth and let him come on your breasts or on a towel.
What if I associate oral sex with promiscuous behavior?
If you gave someone else (or even your husband) oral sex before you were married, good news! If you repent of that sin, you are indeed forgiven. What made oral sex wrong in those instances wasn’t the act itself, but rather the context in which it happened.
Same can be said when sex is portrayed among singles or glamorized in media, pornography or advertising — context means everything. When sex is taken out of the context of the exclusivity and sacredness of the covenant of marriage, that’s when it becomes sinful.
Oral pleasure with your husband is good and holy and God-honoring. You can choose to not associate oral sex with promiscuous behavior. Your mental stumbling block in this regard is self-created, so choose instead to embrace a healthier perspective.
What if I’m concerned about his hygiene?
This may seem obvious, but have you asked him to shower before he comes to bed — or at the minimum wash his penis and testicles well with a washcloth? I’m guessing that if you make this request with the suggestion that you would then be interested in oral sex, he will oblige.
Note to husbands: Come to bed clean guys. Come on. Clean yourself up down there. Trim the hair a little if you need to; wash thoroughly.
What if I don’t know what I’m doing?
Most insecurities about giving oral sex can be overcome by simply asking him to tell you what feels good. Be honest. Say to him, “I want this to be really good for you, but you’re going to have to help me. Tell me what feels good and what doesn’t.”
When he gives you suggestions, don’t get defensive. The more you can develop good vulnerable dialogue about your sexual intimacy, the better!
Trust me, he wants it to feel good too, so I think he will welcome your request for input.
Note to husbands: Kindly give her some feedback and suggestions. Likewise, ask her what feels good when you please her orally.
What if my neck hurts?
An easy solution to this is have him sit on the edge of the bed and you kneel on the floor as you perform oral sex on him. This way your neck is in a more comfortable position.
What do I do to make oral sex incredible for him?
Beyond asking him what feels good, there are some other techniques that are sure to increase his arousal and enjoyment of oral sex.
Men typically are visual, so have some light in the room and position yourselves so that he gets a good view of what you’re doing. This is easily accomplished by him propping a few pillows behind him.
Also, use your tongue gently up and down the shaft of his penis and his testicles, in addition to taking his entire penis in your mouth. A variety of touches, firm and gentle, with your tongue and hands can make oral sex off the charts for him.
I’ve long said that a good blow job is part hand job too, so don’t think for a moment that you have to use only your mouth. Use your hand as well to stroke his penis firmly as you bring his penis in and out of your mouth. For that matter, don’t be shy about rubbing his penis on your breasts. This can be very arousing for him and quite the visual experience as well.
Oral sex can fit well into your sexual intimacy, often as part of foreplay and occasionally as the main act all together. Communication is key.
I get why he enjoys it. But how can I love giving it?
As a wife, you ethically are the only one in your husband’s life who can sexually please him. No one else is charged with that privilege and responsibility. There is tremendous power in that, and I would argue it is a good and righteous power, because it is a pathway to deeper intimacy with the man you married.
When you grow in your confidence in sexually arousing him, I believe you can find enjoyment in this. You can love giving your husband oral sex, because it’s never just about sex. It’s about blessing the man you fell in love with.
For more reading specifically on oral sex, check out these posts:
Great Oral Sex on Vacation. Or at Home.
6 Ways to Enjoy Giving Oral Sex to Your Husband
How to Give Great Oral Sex to Your Husband
Is it Reasonable to Say “No” to Oral Sex?
Enough with the Double Standards Regarding Oral Sex
An Important Follow Up on the Oral Sex Post
And from other bloggers…
Oral Sex: Better to Give and Receive, Volume 1
Oral Sex: Better to Give and Receive, Part Deux
For more reading, cruise through my list of past posts. as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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My wife can understand why a few Christian women who will sacrifice and give oral sex out of selfless love. However she cannot understand women who say that they enjoy giving it!
Other solutions to the sore neck thing:
put a pillow under her bottom to lift her off the bed when he goes down.
lie on your sides facing each other when she goes down…put a pillow under her head so she is at his level.
After years of battling over the subject, I’ve accepted the fact that getting my wife to perform oral sex simply out of the goodness of her heart simply isn’t going to happen. I’m done trying to figure out how to encourage her to do it. It’s not worth the struggle.
Though she’s plenty happy to receive ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’ve never understood the moral taboo about oral sex. I would imagine most husbands & wives allow their spouses to kiss their breasts and other parts of their body. So, like you said, where is this imaginary line of where it’s ok to kiss and not ok to kiss?
Good Hygiene is must for oral sex. Start taking shower together and clean each other and then engage in oral sex. That would be a good start
Oral sex is a huge part of our marriage and always has been. My wife is very generous with it–thanks goodness. For us, it is always 50/50–if she gives it to me, I give it to her and vice versa. Funny aside: When my wife was pregnant she has horrible morning sickness. Long story short: She heard that semen can make it better. Well, to get right to it, the final sixish months of her pregnancy were heaven on earth for me…heaven on earth every single day. Turns out semen does help with morning sickness and she got her daily dose to show for it. I am a very spoiled husband when it comes to oral sex!
Lucky, lucky, you, Alex.
@Jeff, thanks but am I really that lucky? I just think that in a good marriage you have to have a really open sexual “book.” As far as when my wife was pregnant and getting her daily semen, yeah, it was fun. Every night (and some mornings) she was draining me. I actually think the hottest sex we ever had was while she was pregnant. Doesn’t hurt that she was all about my sperm.
Tim
My experience is exactly like Tom’s above.
She was totally inexperienced to start and kept suggesting she would get used to “all this sex stuff” Never happened.
Oral sex was not something we did early on in our marriage. I thought of it as something not proper and a product of porn. Then I read some well written marriage blogs on the subject. All the while I knew that my very patient husband wanted me to try it. It has been a year since then and I am glad that he did not give up on me. It has given a much needed spark to our intimacy. We both enjoy it.
Rachel
My wife loves giving me oral sex and I really love giving it to her.Sometimes I am so into giving her pleasure that I think I could just go on but then she says she needs me in her.
Steve
“@Jeff, thanks but am I really that lucky? I just think that in a good marriage you have to have a really open sexual “book.””
Man, there’s not a rolleyes big enough for this. If it was as cut and dried as you try to make it sound, blogs like this one wouldn’t need to exist.
Imy marriage oral sex is one of the many things we do in the bedroom. There are no issues regarding that, I understand that this particular article is just oral sex but in our marriage we are now diving even deeper in sexual activities. What are biblical thoughts on anal sex? Would that be inappropriate or are we able to explore that?
@Carmy — thank you for taking the time to comment. I have not written on my blog about anal sex (yet!) but that’s just because when I do, I want to make sure I’ve really thought through such a post. I don’t think it’s forbidden in marriage, but that it can’t be treated like every other sex act. There are just many factors that come into play and have to be considered. I will say that many of my feelings are echoed in this fabulous post by Ruth Buezis over at Awaken Love https://www.awaken-love.net/2017/09/21/a-respectful-frank-discussion-about-anal-sex/ I also address it in an offer I have going on now that you can find out more about at https://intimacyinmarriage.com/better-sex-in-your-marriage/ Thanks again ro commenting!
Yes Alex, you really are that lucky! :). My wife bait and switched me. Happy to perform it while dating. Will do it once a year now if I’m lucky. And like Tom above, she’s more than happy to receive
I know this is an older post but I wanted to comment. Recently the Lord has dealt with me about giving myself to my husband sexually and trusting Him with the outcome. I have been married 28 years. My marriage has been a rocky one. I am the second wife to a man that I thought was whole when we married but truly full of wounds and from a very restricted religious background full of criticism negativity and legalism. I have been very hurt by his ways through the years and have given it all to God. While I am not perfect by any means I know I am a good wife. Recently when the Holy Spirit spoke to me and told me to give myself to my husband sexually and trust Him with doing the work in my marriage I said ok, God .If you are telling me to do this you give me favor with this man because I have not been treated so wonderfully in the past but I do trust You. God answered my prayer. I gave myself to my husband and started with oral sex to show him I was dead serious. I didn’t even turn off the lights. When in the past I would have done so. Needless to say my husbands mind was blown and this one act has led to many more encounters. My husband through my giving myself to him via sex has begun to treat me like a queen. He knows (as God has moved upon him I am certain) –that I am the only person that can please him in this way. It has brought us close as he has opened up to me and after every encounter he talks to me about his worries and concerns and etc. My husband trusts me now as someone who will not hurt him and someone that can give him great pleasure like no one else can. God can use sex to heal a marriage and bring two distant people together. For many years I wanted to leave and God told me not to. It was bad. Bad with my husband and my in laws who were always hindrances. Anyway let me just say this. Do not doubt the ability of God to turn around a very bad situation. My marriage was dead and I had a lot of resentment. When God told to me to begin to love my husband sexually He added that He wanted to use me to be the ‘door” to reach my husband the way I had prayed for over 20 years. Now I can see the fruit of that obedience and God is turning this man from a selfish careless hurtful person to a man with a heart and soul that is turning to God. Anyway, I am sorry for the long long comments but Ladies, never underestimate the power you possess as a woman to plant seeds of love and desire and wanting into your husbands life. This is major stuff! If you are willing to let God use you to reach your mate and make him all that God means for him to be, get ready for good things to happen. Sex is paramount to marriage, in God’s eyes and also to that man you married.
I’ve read many Christian blogs on sex and oral sex. My question is, do you think it’s okay to just do oral sex sometimes to meet the needs of one another rather than full sex. I know sometimes one spouse might not be in the mood but would be willing to do oral to meet the other needs.
In this type of situation would it be okay & Christian like to let oral be the whole show every so often?
Thanks for the help
Jessejames,
I don’t see any problem with oral being the only form of sexual contact from time to time if husband and wife agree to that. There have been times when my wife and I have enjoyed each other in this way and still felt connected and satisfied. It is a very intimate thing that can show how much one loves the other. During intercourse you are both giving and receiving simultaneously. With oral sex, most often only one is giving at time and so the givers pleasure is more emotional and spiritual because their focus is on their spouse.
Just my 2 cents,
What if you as a wife always gives but never recieves?
I agree with Miriam! Completely. About 8 weeks ago, God took a sexually DEAD marriage and breathed His life into it. We are still working out some wrinkles but it is totally transformed and most of that has to do with me pleasuring my husband. I look forward to this – even daily! – which is an absolute miracle. My husband is still in shock at what a miraculous transformation has taken place.
I am now open to all God has for us (and for me personally) sexually. I am re-evaluating EVERYTHING I have ever learned or been taught about sex – negative and positive.
I think the church has it ALL wrong. The one thing and the only thing they have right is that sex is intended for marriage. From there it goes quickly downhill with superstition and opinions and finding verses to say things are wrong that God never called wrong. It sickens me that I am 57 years old and have NEVER had a complete orgasm. And I did not like to pleasure my husband and was uptight when he would me. So much to change and work through but we are on the right path and I lay 95% of the blame at the feet of the church.
As a side note, the silver lining in this sad story is that sex actually gets better as we age! OH glory was I glad to learn that fact!! I can have enough orgasm to fill a life time from now until I go to meet Jesus!
Jessejames YES!
It is fine! You are enjoying one another. God never said that every sexual encounter with your spouse need culminate in full intercourse. Just enjoy.
We so enjoy that now and I love to tell my husband “no pressure. Just enjoy.”
My wife and I have been together for 40 plus years oral sex is a big part of our sex life,recently she said she was going to start swallowing because it was the right thing to do. Now every Friday night after dinner she kneels down in of me while i’m in my easy chair brings me to an orgasam and swallows I don’t ask her about the taste I just thank her.We talk openly about our sex life,we ask each other if my penis has spent more time in her mouth or vagina ,we just don’t know the answer but we know we are both very lucky
So incredibly encouraging to read both Miriam and anonymous words here. So powerful. Amazing!
We’ve not had any kind of sex for 20 years, We are still married. I think it’s too late for us. I wouldn’t know where to start.
I might be the only man on Earth who does not want or ask for oral sex. I’d love to find a woman who is totally against it. I will give it to her but you never need to be concerned with returning the act. If you ever want to see a “human train derailment,” turn down an offer of oral sex from a woman! They look totally stunned and many are unable to reply for a period of time until their minds fully comprehend the apparent shock caused by your answer.
I have been married to my wife for seven years and I have expressed my desire to receive oral sex to the point of orgasm. I give her oral sex anytime she wants it and sometimes more often then she asks for it. I fully believe that It is my job to fulfill her sexual needs in ANY way possible and that it should be the same for me. When the subject is talked about she always says I shouldn’t have to do things I don’t want to to. At this point I believe that my emotional well being is going down hill fast. It hurt me to think that my wife doesn’t want to please me and I really do not want to end up resenting her and have our relationship drift apart. I don’t know what to do.
My wife happens to enjoy sucking my penis and also loves swallowing my cum, it makes her feel good knowing how much I’m enjoying it.
I clean my penis before it and shave it so it’s hair free.
We also love having Anal sex with a condom of course, the tightness feels so good and she climaxes over the intense feeling it gives her
My wife thinks oral sex is dirty? Nothing will change that. She treats sex in general as a duty and shows me zero affection whether in bed or any other time? I’ve tried to talk about it but she just gets mad at me? She doesn’t like kissing, or snuggling and is most often cold and distant. I get depressed often. For twenty plus years I’ve encouraged her to make friends but she actively avoids it. I feel alone most often yet she would never say anything is wrong. Sorry to be a bummer.
An issue I had was I was abused in this fashion as a child by a female babysitter. Which I know any normal person would say that they could see where the hesitance comes from.
Needless to say we didn’t do it for quite some time because I was working through some of my PTSD.
We felt fine about it when it was just us, but once we had a child we felt it was dirty for us to take part in oral sex because of kissing our child and sharing drinks and food sometimes. I understand it’s mainly a mental block but I’ve read that other people have had the same concern.
I still struggle with that mental block, but hoping I can find freedom and look at sex between husband and wife as a good, healthy thing rather than something that is dirty.
I’m sure most people who have children probably take part in oral, and probably don’t think anything of it.
I am going to come from the medical side seeing that no one has. We now have multiple strains of hpv. Which cannot be detected in men but it can be detected in women. Both can carry the virus that lays dominant this virus can cause vaginal cancer, throat cancer and penis cancer. So you can contact this thru oral sex.
Why can’t i find a good christian wife?
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The title of this post is the wife who loves giving. If your the wife and you love giving your husband oral sex Hes going to really love the idea of you loving your penis in her mouth experience. The husband would be a fool to object. For me to expect her to swallow is just something I’d never expect. To ejeculate in her mouth I’d only do if she was ok with it. Take only what she happy to do.For the husband remember: The best way to get her cozy with oral sex is to give her 5 orgasms with your tongue. I’m convinced the wife’s orgasm must be amazing
Oral sex is very important to secure a marriage. My close friend and her husband have a age gap of 17 years, her being older. She says intercourse hurts but realizes that she has a responsibility to see that his needs are met. About twice a week she gives him oral and swallows but no intercourse. She has told me that she enjoys their encounters and looks forward to them. She uses a vib. on herself while doing him. By the way, they are a Christian couple.
I’ll never forget the day I decided to head “south” – after almost 10yrs of marriage! I had always wanted to give her some oral sex but was simply too scared to ask her if she minded so I just dove in (now I don’t recommend this, communication is always the best route I recon!). I was ready for her to pull hair and tell me to stop. I felt this reaction as I started but then she began to relax and tell me how nice it was for her. We still never talked about it but it started to become my favourite “thing” to do. She experienced her first orgasm this way. Then she started to give me oral and I did feel like I was in heaven.
Over the years I have noticed a real change in my wife. She now really enjoys giving me oral and one time, when she got rather passionate I moved my fingers down to pleasure her a bit and she was very wet. When we were finished we lay there and I asked her about how much she enjoyed giving me oral. A real lot was her reply. I get really turned on when I do so. This has had the effect of helping me enjoy what she serves me even more now.
After nearly 40yrs of married life I feel like we’re just starting. We’re learning how to communicate, we’re enjoying making sure the other is very satisfied sexually and we’re beginning to explore and try new things. My question is, why did it take us so long? I sigh, thank the Lord and recognise it’s all part of the journey. So grateful God loves sex. Oh, by the way, an improvement in our sex life has also mirrored a much deeper relationship with the Lord. We now often welcome Him in when we begin to enjoy sex and we often thanks Him afterwards for making sex so much fun.
Running deeper Remember the title the Wife who loves giving. Over the years us man know our wifes. How we turn our wives on has a lot to do with turning off selfish ambition turning off the television. Pay the bills. Live within your means. If kids are involved do your part. Dont just make them and run. Yes I know from 35+ years a wife that feels safe won’t mind returning the favor. She has been at it for years.
And today most women want other women instead. Go figure.
Is this selfish??
We didn’t have sex until marriage but did everything else including oral, and i received my fair share of blowjobs. In marriage (11 years and 3 kids) it always happens as foreplay but lately, (especially since my vasectomy and no more condoms), it’s very seldom to completion. Of course I want sex and to finish PIV 99% of the time I just really wish every now and then she’d take me all the way there. I feel so selfish even typing that but I really desire it, she’s so amazing at it. If I do ask and receive I still feel guilty. I just wish she’d do it on her own, even less than once a month. She’s always switched to her hand at the very end, has let me finish in her mouth maybe 5-10 times in 15 years but never swallowed (which doesn’t bother me). We have sex 2-3 times a week, I always make her orgasm with my tongue at least once before sex so I like to think I’m not that selfish hahah.
My wife considered not only sex to be dirty but anything to do with sex. As far as I can figure this stems from her Catholic upbringing and continues today. She will only engage in sex when she wants it and no other time, and no amount of biblical enforcement will turn her from this selfish direction. It also does not matter how much discussion we have pertaining to it. She stands that if I want sex so much then I should find someone else to do that with. I was shocked with this, how could a church so blindly enforce such a poor stance on sex. And was this why he had been cheated on in the past?
We’ve been married 42 years and we have both been very oral oriented. First time my wife gave me oral was in the front seat of my old Ford that had a bench seat, no console, she just got down on the floor and blew my mind. I couldn’t believe that a single sex act could be that powerful and that good. It was a short time after that I gave her oral the first time. She had asked me to help fix her mother’s sink plumbing as it was plugged. I was on my back looking up into the plumbing and asked my wife to hand me different tools. She had a denim skirt on, and at one point she got a lot closer to me, and leaned over the sink to close the drain flapper. I happened to look up and I got a direct look right up her skirt. I was amazed at her, and just that quick one time look at her sent my hormones into overdrive. I came out from under the sink and told her I needed to sit down for a bit as my position on my back was causing me distress. I walked into the living room and sat on the edge of the couch, and she walked right in with me. There was no one in the house as her mother and aunt had gone shopping. As she came around in front of me to sit next to me, I stopped her right in front of me. I grabbed her legs and just started stroking my hands up and down her legs, she asked me what was I doing, and I fessed up about looking up her skirt. She was angry and embarrassed, and wanted to know what was I doing. I just told I needed her right now. She just stood in front of me with her hands on her hips as I ran my hands further and further up her legs into her skirt, then I could feel her panties, I quickly grabbed them and pulled them down, and hiked up her skirt, grabbed her buttocks and pulled her toward me and she had to grab my shoulders to maintain her balance, then I just buried my face in her womanhood and licked her slit from top to bottom, sucking on her clit until she almost fell over. She was moaning and trembling, but at the same time she was nervous about her mother coming home and finding her this way. She eventually pulled away, fixed her shirt and blouse, and told me to get up and finish the plumbing, then we can go home and I can finish her good. So I went out and resumed my position under the sink, and my wife made sure to give me more up skirt shots, this time though, she had no underwear. We did go home and boy did we have the time of our lives, giving each other oral the rest of the day in every room of the house, then finally having inter course. I will never forget that day. It’s only gotten better over the years. We each enjoy pleasuring each other every chance we get. All I can say is use spontaneity and look for every opportunity to spring a sexy situation on your spouse, it sure makes things fun and different, never boring.
That’s a real good story. We can tell you sex was free and pleasing for each other. It the each other thing that’s so important.
In the original article above, it says: “Wives, if you can’t handle him coming in your mouth, then ask him to alert you that he is going to come. Pull his penis out of your mouth and let him come on your breasts or on a towel.”
May I suggest a far better option than “a towel”? I’m the husband in the scenario — just move your mouth and switch to sucking and licking up and down the shaft and directly at or down below the frenulum. Keep the tongue and mouth going — no cum in mouth, plenty of amazing joy for hubby! (This works if he’s lying on his back, of course.) Problem solved and everybody wins. If this tip helps even one couple, I’ll be so happy to know.
The only problem there, is that many women nowadays are into other women instead. So many women these days are leaving their husbands and boyfriends for another woman. What is up with that?
Wish my wife would give me oral and let me give her oral, she did the first 2 years of marriage, she would start giving me it while I was sleeping, what a great way to wake up at 2 in the morning. Now she forbids it, when I ask she gets upset and tells me to stop asking, she thinks it’s gross, I don’t know what happened to her but it has brought a lot of stress and took the spark out of sex, she gives me sex twice a week but she hates it and never has an orgasm only gets one if on top, which she never wants to be, no, variety, no spice just missionary, me on top and her enduring. 30 years of marriage sex has been very disappointing but our love is strong and I believe having 7 children led to her hormones being destroyed, I think she only enjoyed sex for 5 or 6 years of that. She loves God, is very spiritual and wants to please me but is unwilling to do any oral.
I don’t know, or even care, if you will allow this to be posted. I just know that it helped me to write about a thing that I have nobody to talk to about.
______________
I know that the OP is old, but it is a subject very close to my heart and has hit upon my nerves.
Every. Last. One. Of. Them.
Looking back, the very first sexual words I can recall my wife saying were, “Don’t cum in my mouth”, and nothing has changed in the nearly four decades since. I thought things would change up as we moved on through life – after all, she loved it when I visited her “garden” and lapped at her flowing “honey”. And while I’ve always practiced good hygiene, shower often, still keep myself trimmed (just in case!), and have even had the good fortune to be “blessed” down there, she has almost never budged off of those words. Oh, sure, she’d give it a lick and a promise as part of foreplay, but never once finished the job. And her answer to any complaints was always the same, “How would you like it if some guy came in your mouth?”
Other than pointing out that I’m her husband and not just some guy, what exactly is the correct answer to that?
This ended up being such a bone of contention between us that she confided in tue female half of one of our couple friends, who told my wife how much she loved giving total oral pleasure to her husband, and that my wife should learn to love it before I found someone else that would. (I’ll add that this friend also told her husband how lucky he was because “____ doesn’t do that for _____”. I know this because he sympathized with me, just before giving me the sad eye and a pitiful shoulder pat. FML.
While the friendly advice did cause my wife to try it a few (3} times, the result was alway the same – her in the bathroom, gagging, spitting, and brushing her teeth for all they were worth. After that she’d come back to bed and ask how it was.
“Oh, that was great, honey. It was all I ever dreamed of. Especially that last part with all the sick noises you made in the bathroom.”
Seriously, another question I had no response to. At least, no appropriate ones.
(A quick FYI here – there was no previous sexual abuse in her life. She just doesn’t like it. Says that it’s nasty and the texture grosses her out. PERIOD. THATS IT. QUIT TALKING ABOUT IT.)
It was at that point that I just quit. I gave up, and our sex life became as dead as it could possibly be. As Tom commented above, it was no longer worth the struggle.
And it turns out that her friend was right. I did find someone who would take her mantle, and I haven’t bothered my wife about it since. Luckily it’s someone with an oral fixation whose husband’s medical issues have left him both impotent and unable to take any ED medications. Neither one of us want to change our situations, and I’d call it a friendship of convenience, but it’s not really even that. I don’t even know if she likes me – and I don’t even care. It’s better that way.
On the one hand it hurts my heart to admit that this is what I’ve become, but apparently not enough to make me stop.
All of which leads me to this:
You young marrieds, or even those considering marriage, heed this cautionary tale. Please do whatever it takes to overcome any hangups (or “texture issues”, grrrr) and joyfully participate, or at least experiment in, all of the different types of marital relations, or this could happen to you. I certainly never envisioned this for my life.
It doesn’t matter if you have to “fake it until you make it”, just do it. Do it with a happy heart and a smile. And if you’re not willing to do that, then maybe you should let the other person go before you both get weighed down with the obligations of life that you can’t escape.
Decades from now, when it’s just you two, you’ll both be happier for it.
In what context is oral sex or blow job right in the eyes of God if I may ask. What is the law of nature concerning sex and what is not, that which qualify to be sin before the Almighty God. I need your serious answer from the point of God’s view and not of man and his/her wickedness. thanks…
First some church history and then to the hot topic.
Ok Christians represent a broad spectrum of beliefs and especially regarding remarriage when both spouses are still alive, abortion, and women being priests. Christianity stems from the church that Jesus founded through Peter in Rome. It’s called the Catholic Church. If you don’t believe me, go read church history. Protestants didn’t exist until 1,500 years after Jesus was crucified. Who do you think gathered the various books and assembled them into what we know as the Bible? There’s no inspired table of contents. It came from the magisterium. Okay enough history.
So in the Catholic Church it’s this simple. The man “finishes” inside the wife’s vagina. You can do pretty much what you want to together leading up to that, but that’s how it needs to end for it not to be sinful. There, and I didn’t even bring up Onan. Whoops I just did.
I wonder what God says about oral sex. If I knew anyone in my church was having oral sex and that person came up to kiss me on the face, I would turn my face away, or if it was a pastor in my church I would not attend his church. God said, be Holy for I am Holy, there’s nothing holy about having oral sex. this is My opinion.
I was surprised that my grandmother gave me a set of ben wa balls when I got married. I’ve long since discovered that using the ben wa balls while receiving oral sex makes my orgasms more intense, and that using the ben wa balls while giving my husband oral sex gives me more pleasure because of the additional stimulation.
Like my grandmother did with me, I will take my daughter’s aside on their wedding day and give them the same gift so to help them enjoy sex with their husband’s more.
The gift that keeps on giving.