The other day, I ran a post titled Enough With the Double Standards Regarding Oral Sex. Comments I received on that post from Paul (of The Generous Husband fame) and Lusanda shed light on a very valid point:
Some women struggle with performing oral sex on their husbands because of the prevalence of oral sex depicted in pornography. Obviously, in pornography, women are often treated as nothing more than a means toward a man’s sexual satisfaction. Very observant Paul and Lusanda — thank you for the comments! You are spot on.
How tragic it is that pornography has horribly skewed God’s gift of sex. Nothing delights Satan more than to see something that God has deemed as sacred — sex — treated with such callous, malicious and promiscuous intent. Satan is beyond crafty, capitalizing wherever he can gain a foothold. I so hate him for his craftiness, especially when the stakes are so high.
What is possibly even more tragic is when we further Satan’s agenda by refusing to delight fully in sex in its right context of marriage. Read that sentence again. Let it soak in. Could we ever be partnering with Satan’s agenda?
As much as I believe Satan is thrilled about rampant pornography, what I think thrills him even more is when married individuals believe that sex is dirty — and subsequently treat it with disdain. I’m not saying this is an easy hurdle to get over (the issues are complex), but certainly anything we as Christians associate with sin is going to stir extreme reservation.
Understandably, wives and husbands who associate sex, including oral sex, with sin or unethical fringe behavior hit a roadblock. They are unlikely to fully appreciate the pleasure oral sex can bring within the exclusivity of their marriage.
I’m not talking about whether a couple prefers oral sex. That’s a different matter that I talk about in my previous post. I’m referring instead to when a husband or wife chooses not to participate in oral sex solely because they think it is sinful (or that it somehow equates them to the people participating in pornographic material).
A wife pleasuring her husband — and a husband pleasuring his wife — is indeed a beautiful act of worship. I’m not just talking about oral sex, of course, but if oral sex is included in a married couple’s repertoire of sexual pleasure, there is nothing wrong with this. If anything, there is so much that is right about it.
If we partner with Satan in seeing sex — even sex within marriage — as sinful, then possibly the flipside holds value as well.
If we intentionally nurture and delight in sex with our spouse, then we are casting our allegiance with God. We are saying that Satan is a liar, that God is the bearer of truth, and that His good gift of sex in marriage is exactly that — good and right and beautiful.
I don’t know about you, but I want to be in God’s court, not Satan’s. Obviously that’s true on all accounts; I just happen to be talking about sex specifically right now. I think sex is one of the most amazing privileges God ever designed for married couples, especially when a husband and wife pursue their sexual intimacy with compassion, respect, exclusivity and honor.
In that context, there is tremendous freedom to enjoy sexual pleasure. Giving. Receiving. It’s all good.
P.S. If you like this blog or if there is another marriage blog you love, cast your vote over at The Marry Blogger site. He’s compiling a list of the Top 10 marriage blogs, so give a shout out to those people who are doing what they can to uphold the sanctity of marriage.
Copyright 2010, Julie Sibert, Intimacy in Marriage Blog.