I’m not here to debate whether oral sex is okay for Christian married couples.
Personally I’m a fan (giving and receiving), and I can’t find any biblical argument against it.
What I am here to do is give helpful insights on making the most of oral sex!
If you haven’t given your husband oral sex (and want to) or if you have and want to make it even hotter, read on.
I’m optimistic you and your husband will be glad you did!
6 Ways to Enjoy Giving Oral Sex to Your Husband
1. Shower. Maybe even together!
There’s just something about both of you coming to bed clean that really lowers inhibitions about oral sex.
Showering together can be fun foreplay and lends itself well to getting comfortable with each other’s bodies. If you have one of those large whirlpool tubs, even better!
If bathing or showering together isn’t your thing, that doesn’t mean you can’t individually hit the shower before hitting the sheets!
2. Ask him what he likes.
None of us are born with innate ability on giving great oral sex. We just aren’t.
And this is true for husbands and wives. I don’t think husbands know what they’re doing when giving oral sex any more than wives know what they are doing — until, of course, you try different techniques AND communicate what feels good.
If your husband is like most, he will appreciate that you enthusiastically try AND that you receive his feedback. I imagine you’ll know from his reaction whether he is finding it all pleasurable, but a little verbal feedback doesn’t hurt either.
Ask for that verbal feedback.
The head of the penis is full of nerve endings, but really the entire penis, as well as the testicles, deserve attention. Don’t be afraid to try different touches with your mouth and tongue and ask him what he likes.
And remember, this isn’t an Olympic competition. You aren’t being judged by a panel of experts. No one is in that bed with you except your husband. With the right feedback, you’ll score a 10 from the only person who matters.
3. Draw reasonable boundaries.
All gag reflexes are not created equal, and what one wife can handle when a penis is in her mouth is different from what another wife can handle.
Here is where a husband and wife have to be genuinely compassionate and clear in their communication.
Husbands, she might not be able to go really deep or to swallow when you ejaculate. If that’s a deal breaker for you, then you’re being selfish. I know some husbands disagree with me on this (Trust me, I hear from them.)
If it is a deal breaker, then be ready for a wife who is never going to enjoy giving you oral sex — if you are pushing her head down further or trying to make her feel bad for not swallowing, then the entire act is not going to be enjoyable.
Let’s not forget that sexual intimacy should be rooted in love, maturity and selflessness.
Wives, I think you can enjoy oral sex more if you feel you won’t be pressured to go further than you are able during the sexual act itself. I realize much of this is up to your husband to create a safe environment for you to set that boundary.
I think husbands are more likely to respect this boundary if you express it in the context of still wanting to do all you can to please him orally. If you can’t swallow, finish with your hand or have a towel nearby.
But don’t ever make a comment about the experience being gross. This is your marriage bed. And this is your husband. Think about the hurtful or negative impact that your implications of disgust could have. Count the costs, ladies.
Oral sex shouldn’t be a source of contention, but rather an opportunity for nurtured intimacy.
4. Use your hands as well as your mouth.
I’ve long said that most blow jobs are part hand job too, with you using your mouth and hand in unison to just rock his world and let him lay back and enjoy.
Plus, by using your hand, you relieve some of the pressure on your neck and jaw. You can bring different sensations to the experience with your hands that rarely are possible with your mouth alone.
5. Try various positions.
Giving your husband oral sex may be easier if you are sitting on the bed with him standing in front of you, or he is sitting on the bed and you are kneeling on the floor.
My point is that various positions don’t put as much strain on your neck. Even laying in the bed offers you a variety of angles depending on which way you approach his penis.
It goes without saying that oral sex is simply one aspect of lovemaking. And as with most aspects of lovemaking, mutuality goes a long way.
A willingness by both a husband and a wife to give and receive orally is generally key to phenomenal enjoyment of it.
I’m a big fan of a husband and wife embracing freedom in the exclusivity of their marriage bed. God gives you a lot of room, so to speak, to make the most of that exclusive playground.
A desire to enjoy and be enjoyed can be radical for a marriage. That’s true with oral sex, and all of lovemaking really.
Copyright 2017, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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16 thoughts on “6 Ways to Enjoy Giving Oral Sex to Your Husband”
If only she would try. I’ve never received. I’ve given, time and time again, but never received. But sex has always been a problem for us (4-6 times a year, not by my choice).
I’ve asked, but not a lot – I don’t want to “push”, and its always outside of the bedroom, so its not in the pressure of the moment. I’ve offered it as an alternative to full intercourse (even offered to just give to her, no strings attached). Nope.
Latest response: “I’m just not interested in that.”
Crushed. So, so crushed that she won’t even try. In fact, I think I would feel better about it if she said “yuck, no way, thats disgusting!” At least then I would know she had some kind of position on it, possibly one that could be reasoned with. But “Meh, whatever, I don’t care about that” ? How do you argue against that? If you really didn’t care one way or another, why wouldn’t you at least try it for the one you supposedly love? I guess you really don’t, then.
Like the post from John, but in a slightly different way. Fellatio is something my wife never liked. She is half-hearted about it, to the point that I know she doesn’t like it, can’t get into it, and it has never even gotten to the point of whether she will swallow or possibly take the act so far she might gag. Never gets there.
But here is the other thing: I love, love, LOVE giving HER oral. Mind you, it was never something I asked to do. Many many moons ago, one evening, after a wonderful date night, she pushed my head down, so that I knew what SHE was requesting. It was magical. I loved every moment, and she had multiple climaxes. After that, intercourse was AMAZING. What I had always worried about was soreness or hurting her. No chance of that, and our finish was amazing, both for her (again) and for me.
Being a guy, I thought, “How can I repeat that?” I am usually (almost always) pushed away, as if this is the worst possible foreplay she could imagine.
Occasionally, I am “invited” to partake. I won’t list all of the things I enjoy about this pleasure I can give to her, but it is always as above–AMAZING.
For weeks after, our relationship is easier, and I feel so powerful and loved. But asking again, it is always met with basic revulsion that I would approach her with that request. Again, I’m not asking to get, but to give.
One of the things I will never understand: I think I could go the rest of my life and not get to give her oral pleasure, if I just were given one cogent reason as to WHY??
You might ask if I have ask her? Yes, and the shut down I got was firm, total and left no doubt–I was finally told, “It’s my body, not yours.” Ok, but does it not feel good? Does it hurt? Do you not have multiple climaxes? Is intercourse not amazing after?
Response: ” I don’t want to talk about this.”
So not only am I denied this pleasure, I am denied the knowledge of why!
This post has several great insights and helpful suggestions. The one thing I would like to add to the discussion for the wives is that there is a third approach to consider trying. This is when you opt to accept your husband’s ejaculation inside your mouth and then discretely spit out the semen a moment or so later. You may think of this option as a compromise if you like. You do not have to swallow, but you allow his climax within your mouth. (You can work up to do doing this with some practice.) This is gratifying for your husband both physically and emotionally (as it shows him your complete acceptance of him).
A final thought is that it helps when the wife cultivates a positive mental attitude to giving oral sex. It becomes easier to let go and enjoy the act.
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Oldermarried, don’t use oral sex as foreplay! Read, “She Comes First” to learn how to make it the main event and your wife will probably rarely, if ever, reject it again.
I work daily on my positive attitude toward oral because it is the only thing that is left us due to prostate surgery.
It’s not very arousing trying to manipulate ‘it’ in a manner that will result in orgasm.
Actually, it’s pretty hard work. There is no ‘let go and enjoy the act’ during this program. How is that for complete acceptance?
At least there is no ejaculate I need to worry about!
And to oldermarried,
Just because something feels good once, doesn’t mean you feel a need to repeat it.
None of us know exactly what the other is experiencing. Maybe what you think is AMAZING really isn’t AMAZING enough for her to want to do it again.
I just love reading about your take on encouraging wife’s to enjoy their husbands. That’s the case with the two of us. We started oral sex August 2009. On our anniversary. My husband had asked so many times if we could try oral sex. The answer was always no and no again. He just accepted my no’s I know today how selfless he has been all those years. We were at a New motel and they had mirrors above and at the foot of the bed. I started to think about all the requests I had said no to. When we walked in to our room it was clean smelling. He always also requested I shave and that was also always a no. This time was different for some reason I said I want to take a shower I washed and saved really well. Then he took a shower. He came out of the shower and found me at the end of the bed with my legs apart waiting. We never looked back. True story.
Go ahead and enjoy. We were raised to think that sex was not created to enjoy. Wrong it was very good let’s restore it the way that brings a joy to have God watch us enjoy each other the way it was before sin told over. God created a perfect way to enjoy sex and yes for some oral sex works best for both of us. I am very joyful to be given a method to release my wifes sexual desire. My wife enjoys working my penis with her mouth because she enjoys my sexual release by way of semen any where I desire to place it.
We are a couple today with no sexual inabitions. But never talk sex with people in our circles. But we do love talking about sex together. And I love writing about sex and thinking maybe an other couple will read these comments and start planning their own adventures. Porn is prostitution. But married sex is pure joy if the desire is for each other not selfish lust.
Because oral is our sex it’s my very favorate thing to comment on. That true story that’s my wife of 33 years. M that’s my wife. She’s very gifted at giving and loves she it lots when she receives. It’s defenantly an act you learn like so many things in life. We do a lot more things in life besides oral sex. I’d say I think about oral sex about 30 minutes per day. I can’t speak for my wife. She has perfected the use of her mouth tongue and hands. She knows all the nerve ends. She can do it nice and it took time and communication. It’s her way of showing me a thanks for being a man comes at least 3 times a week lately. The first thing that stood in the way in the beginning was the thought that we might be the only Christian couple our age doing this. But she knows now as long as God knows we do this for each other out of love and appreciation. She can be so naughty laying at the end of the bed waiting for her treat. I try to give it a little different every time. A quickly can take 3 to 4 minutes. I’ve played around on her bits much much longer some times she’s even fallen asleep once? It’s how we take short breaks from the norm.
Oral sex brings the most response because it’s so trusting of your partners respect of you as a person of the other sex. A women wants to be held and treating in a way that draws her to you for protection and tenderness. The man wants to know he’s a good protector and that she enjoys his manly strength. That’s why feminism destroys marriage. The. Sexs are at war and nether of the two will surrender.
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We enjoyed oral sex during the courtship years and she swallowed. She stopped oral sex altogether after we were married. Odd.
We were married at 21 and my wife always considered oral to be a very nasty thing to do. I did ask nicely several times over the years, yet the was remained “we are doing just fine.” After a night of some drinking, neither one of us was drunk, but we had a nice buzz. While I was using the bathroom, she stripped down and was ready when I entered the bedroom. As usual, I started pecking with small kisses to her breast and lowered to her abdomen, so I made the move and a bit buzzed and caught up in the moment, before she knew it, she was panting and squirming. She wasn’t ready to reciprocate and I didn’t push her, but every few weeks, she was more than happy to get hers. After I learned her spots, it became a game. I can basically cause her to lose it in less than 5 minutes and she would always say, “not the next time.” After 3-4 months, she decided to return the act, but it didn’t do anything for me, I faked the sensation for 15+ years and then, it went away without issue. She didn’t hurt me, but it was no longer worth the time. Now we are 61, married for 39 and after 20+ years as I had completed my love to her, she attempted to position us for her turn. I asked her nicely, what are you doing and she, “I am gonna do you.” I quickly said, that’s ok and got back into position for the act 2 of love basic love making. The next day I ask her what was she trying to do and she responded “I was gonna do you.” I said, you know I don’t like that and we let it go. The issue: After 15 years of not getting even close to a pleasurable moment, it didn’t make sense to go there. She would have said, let me try or something, if she thought she had something new. I still do hers 3-4 times a month and I started to feel bad about how I probably was not fair to her, albeit I really don’t think that she thinks too much about it. After reading these stories, I figure that I should discuss this with her, less the faking thing, but I don’t know how to tell her, it wasn’t working. I know my wife and best friend and she will now consider if anything is good for me. With the exception of oral, she is the greatest of all time. She moves, squeezes and direct the love perfectly. It is very infrequent that she doesn’t cum and ejaculate and when she lets it go, I can’t hold the words spewing from my mouth. Her cumming is as good for me as it is for her. Anyway, I guess that I will just suggest that she kiss me a little and try being the director.