I remember years ago having lunch with a friend and we were talking about sex in general — and oral sex in particular.
“What’s not to like about oral sex?!” I said rather emphatically, more as a statement than a question.
“Giving or receiving?” she inquisitively asked.
“Both!” I said. My friend, who is married, smiled and agreed, both of us appreciating this aspect of making love to our husbands.
Yes. I know.
As women who genuinely like oral sex, she and I seem to be rare among wives — and probably even rarer among Christian wives.
I have met wives who absolutely refuse to give oral sex, but are more than happy to receive it (quite the double standard).
I also have met women who refuse to give or receive it.
And, of course, I’ve met plenty of women who offer oral sex occasionally to appease their husband, but grudgingly do the bare minimum to make it an enjoyable experience (which, ironically, makes it a less than enjoyable experience for the man).
I don’t want to debate the morality of oral sex within a marriage, partly because I don’t think there is a moral struggle from a biblical standpoint — and mostly because I don’t think a moral struggle is the common reason for wife’s refusal or hesitancy on oral sex.
Instead, I would like to offer 3 secrets to amazing oral sex.
If you are a wife who has reservations about oral sex, consider this:
Secret #1 — Take a Shower Together Before Lovemaking
I’m not going to lie. Cleanliness does make a difference. The big hang up a lot of wives have about giving oral pleasure (and receiving) is the concern about cleanliness, odors, personal hygiene.
There is a simple solution to this. Make showering together part of your foreplay. Some say this isn’t reasonable time-wise, but I don’t get that.
How long does a shower really take?
And even if you can’t take a shower together, then take showers separately. One of you put the kids to bed while the other one showers — and then swap duties so the other spouse can take a shower.
There’s a lot to be said for the phrase “I’m going to fly through the shower.”
If a shower isn’t reasonable, then at least make the effort to wash your body with a wash cloth before coming to bed.
Cleanliness helps lower inhibitions during oral sex, making it easier for you both to relax and enjoy giving and receiving.
Secret #2 — Ask What Feels Good
It seems so obvious that we as wives should ask our husband what feels good sexually, but too many wives don’t. As a wife, do you think you should just instantly know how to give great oral sex? That’s crazy.
A better approach is to try different motions and techniques, and to ask him — ask him what he likes. With the right effort and heart attitude, you absolutely cannot fail at this.
There are many nerve endings in the head of the penis and along the shaft, and often more pressure is better than less.
And sometimes a sweet delectable mingle of firm touches and light caresses with your hands, mouth, tongue and breasts will send him right over the edge of ecstasy.
Also remember that oral sex isn’t just about the penis; a gentle massage on the testicles can feel stimulating for a husband as well. And one of the big reasons some husbands like oral sex is it is visually arousing as well as physically arousing. He gets to see you in a sexually provocative way.
Ask him what feels good.
And when he performs oral sex on you, tell him what you need. Help him understand the right rhythm and pressure of his touch that is most arousing to you.
Secret #3 — Embrace the Role Oral Sex Plays in Your Lovemaking
Do you see oral sex as a “have to” — a necessary part of sex simply to keep him from whining about it too much?
I gotta tell you — that is not a good perspective. It builds resentment rather endearment, and I’m not a fan of resentment in the marriage bed (or in the marriage, for that matter).
I certainly don’t think oral sex should be the only way a married couple connects sexually, because there is great spiritual, emotional and physical value to actual intercourse as well.
BUT, I think oral sex can play a significant role in sexual intimacy in marriage, particularly from a foreplay standpoint, but also occasionally all on its own as the complete encounter.
Oral sex is a great opportunity for spouses to bless each other selflessly. When you orally please your husband, he simply receives that love. That is powerful. It is loving. It is sacrificial.
So there you have it… 3 Secrets to Amazing Oral Sex… Come to bed clean, Ask what feels good, and Embrace what oral sex could mean to your marriage.
Truth be told, these aren’t secrets. They are common sense intentional efforts that can have a profound effect on connecting with your husband sexually.
Giving. Receiving. It’s all good.
Copyright 2014, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
31 thoughts on “3 Secrets to Amazing Oral Sex”
Excellent essay, Julie.
As many husbands will say, oral sex is not just about exciting physical sensations. It can be a profoundly intimate experience for both spouses – the receiver and the giver. It shows acceptance and trust and respect in ways that intercourse does not. Both the giver and the receiver may feel vulnerable, but the mutual trust and respect overcomes this. So, yes, as a supplement to intercourse it can and does enhance the intimacy for the married couple.
The one point to add is that enthusiasm is so much more important than technique when giving oral sex. Make it playful and make it fun.
I have a question in regards to “finishing” when performing oral sex on my husband. Is it wrong to “waste” a seed by swallowing? I’ve always wondered if it was ok to do this. This is very sensitive subject, sorry if my language isn’t the most modest.
@Kim… thanks for your question. There are different theologies on this. Some Christians do believe that it is a waste to swallow or spit out. I personally do not hold to this. For example, is seed wasted when a man has to ejaculate within a medical setting for purposes of gathering semen for in vitro fertilization, fertility struggles, etc? I don’t think so.
A more common issue I hear from couples, particularly from husbands, is that some feel “rejected” to a degree if their wife does not swallow. I recognize though that a woman may have a real struggle swallowing, especially if her gag reflex is strong.
I encourage you to pray and search the Bible to arrive at a decision as to whether you should swallow or not. The reality is that during oral sex (or manual sex such as a hand job), you could argue that seed is wasted. But honestly the same could be said during intercourse, whereby semen doesn’t always produce a baby and semen spills out, etc.
Anyway, great question. Thanks for stopping by the blog and taking the time to comment.
Kim, I agree with Julie. The passage where Onan is punished for spilling his seed is really a heart issue, I believe. God punished him, not for the physical act of spilling his seed, but because of his heart motivation for spilling his seed-he did not want to impregnate his wife when God clearly commanded him to. He was directly disobeying a specific command from God specifically to him.
I’ll be honest, I like giving oral, but not getting it-haha is that weird? I am just really sensitive to smell and sounds. Bathing does help, but let’s be honest, a vagina still smells like a vagina. And for some reason, the smacking sounds really bother me. Maybe I should wear earplugs…
I love these. All so true!
I would also suggest wives try various positions to approach him for oral sex, so that their bodies and mouths are as comfortable as possible. That can make a real difference in how it feels for her and for him.
Great post, Julie!
Along with cleanliness, I’m just going to say it: shave your balls. It’s pretty common for women to groom their lady bits, but men: if you’re sporting a Duck Dynasty on your junk your wife isn’t going to be too excited bury her face in it.
Relaxing is the key clean is second take your time is an absolute. Face him try to get it all in my mouth is fun to watch his reaction. Give him his chance so stay naked for a while and give some hints like spread your legs and flirt him over. Enjoy your freedom it’s great!!!
I’m so glad someone else out there loves oral sex. I think it is taboo for a lot of women. I know some think it is morally wrong. Personally, I think that has to do with what culture has done to oral sex. Culture has perverted our minds when it comes to foreplay and receiving pleasure.
I enjoy this form of intimacy in both aspects. I’m really comforted to know others feel the same. I have some friends that would be mortified if they knew I enjoyed this.
after 25 years, I’m missing it all. Always wanted her to, she rarely (twice) does it to me. She also stops me from going down on her, even though I understand the sensitive areas, etc. Now she has Vaginismus. No coital at all. all other “humping” is injuring my tool. She is lousy at hand jobs and hides her beautiful body from me often. I am bored and frustrated, she could care less, and blames me for not being…loving enough. Sound familiar?
I just want her. She is so, so, so inhibited.
She controls all the sex while telling me that I do. ??done
I am in my 60s and have a Masters of Theology. As a former pastor, I have been involved in many theological discussions. I have never heard of a theological one on “swallowing.” I have also never heard a theological discussion on flossing. The point is, why not simply treat this as a personal matter between and husband and wife and not try to infuse a theology of swallowing into it?
Ken Newberger, Ph.D., Th.M.
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I’ve commented on this topic before. It was the solution to our incomparable size problem. Entering was painful for both of us until we started having oral sex. When he gives oral to me he can enter with no problem if he gives it till I orgasm. If I give him oral it gives me great pleasure to see him enjoying his manhood. It took time and practice. He is a high quanity producer of semen so having semen all over my face or breasts is quite common. Love it
I just read what my wife wrote I want her but she is gone shopping. When I think of men and women that have troubles in this area I say “you need to come to terms with it because when you do you will only think of pleasing her or him not your self that fixed our sex life.” I found that by pleasing her often what ever that might be she one day realized she wanted to please me”. When she writes about our oral sex and how she actually enjoys my semen I feel so blessed. So men pray for ways to break the ice. And wives take a shower with your man wash his penis and try giving him oral sex and remember a happy man is a loyal man
I love treating my husband to a slow sensuous blow job. Especially when he least expects it! He often works from home, and sometimes I go under his desk in his home office and unzip him, and suck him sweetly. One confession though – I don’t like the taste of his semen so tend to let him spray outside on my face or breasts when he blows.
Anything special she does with my semen gives me a man joy in our marriage. I can see why giving oral and letting it run over your body would be special to him. Good for you! But as far as the taste my wife has acquired a love for just getting some on the tip of her tongue and kissing me deeply. Sounds weird maybe but we like doing things with each other’s juices.
I’m a 33 years old married person and have passed 8 years of conjugal life. I must say that over the years participation in sexual activities between me and my wife has lessened to a point where we make love once or twice in a quarter 🙂 There are several reasons for that. Our 2 years old daughter, who sleeps between us on every night , so we hardly get an opportunity. But that is not the only reason. My desire for an intense oral sex is probably the biggest reason among all. I always feel that a sex incomplete without an intense mutual oral stimulation. I tried to give the oral pleasure in several occasions and always expected same from her side. I won’t say she always turned it down. To satisfy my she gave it in some occasions but it was always extremely mechanical and it shows that she doesn’t like it. I don’t want her to do something just for my pleasure. So nowadays I don’t ask for the act and sexual interaction between us has become very monotonous. I don’t know why I like oral sex so much and find sex incomplete without it. I still dream about high 69 position and masturbate in bathroom, don’t let her know. I think I can never have good oral experience unless I love the other person like I do my wife. Don’t want to indulge into such intimate act with anyone and everyone. So I feel, being loyal to this relation I will never get the pleasure in my life and I don’t want to make my wife do something that she doesn’t like. Because being in this relation for years I can read her mind very easily while having sex. I don’t know what to do…
Not knowing what to do can be dangerous. I’ve gone trough a very similar situation and by the sounds of it it was a worst case sonario for us. In fact it couldn’t get any worse. Until I started to pray for wisdom how to break the ice. I was an 8th grade education person from a church going dysfunctional family. Wanted in the worst way to marry a good Christian girl. It turned out after we were honest with each other she had real great guilt over masturbating stating in grade school when she discovered her clitoris.(She has always had a VERY high sex drive but was ashamed of it. I was exactly the same did the same things and we never discussed it because we were ashamed of sex. When got married at 25/ 28 we found out I had a top 1% for huge and she was top 1% for small. She had a forward tilt so I could never enter from behind she became ill for many years early in our marriage and I fall into a deep depression again. But it all worked out when we started to pray and our guilt was taken away. Today I love writing about sex because I know it’s the most holy thing we can do together. Yes she loves giving and receiving oral sex. Like 3 x a week and our sex drives are still both high and we are not ashamed. Best case scenario ?In fact when I write this my heart is full of joy. You just need to be patient and live by example. At 58/ 56 our bodies connect and it’s fun free and good.
Hi. I’m a pastor and it feels so good to see my Christian family talking on this subject I have always been a shame to do this and even though I do it at times not often I feel like I’m neglecting my husband by not doing this because I’m always the receiver so with asking this question, what do I do because I am a gagger for real.
If your a pastor I believe your husband needs all the attention you can find. I know a man who’s wife is a pastor and he said to me ” I feel like I’m the tag along now that’s she’s the pastor.” So it’s important to him to get this right. The best way my wife got over the gagging was lots of practice. We actually would make the one hour rule. She would suck me till it would be getting to the danger zone of no return. Then we would break talk a few minutes not just about sexual things but many times we would. Then I would tease her with my tongue and mouth. Kind of a suck lick. Then it would be her turn again. Finally she would know it was coming and she would let me spread it any were I wanted to. We would both taste some together. Until one day she said I actually like that flavour and we never looked back.
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My wife is really into foreplay. I have discovered the build up for her is something that builds all day. Small gestures and kind words, doing things to let her know she is special. For the men reading this give your wife a pedicure, rub her feet and make her feel you would protect her and be a place of rest and comfort offering her safety and security whenever she asks for it or simply “read her mind” Treat her like she’s the only woman In the world, give her more than she deserves in this and she will treat you like a real man. For the women reading this, with all your being let him know in the most loving way what you hope from him. Spell it out if you have too, he might just be really tired and unfocused. Make him focus!!!!! Your beautiful and have many talents so make his brain light up and don’t be shy about it. You have to give him what he wants and he what you want.
In a marriage you need to foregive each other and selflessly give. Be the one to take the first step so you can place it on your wife’s/husband’s heart. Pray together first. Offering God praise and asking for forgiveness for how you treat each other and dishonour Gods plan for marriage. After that “the marriage bed is undefiled” and you are free to enjoy it fully. Love him, live for him, and men give her more than she could ever ask for in kind words and gifts. Love and Live for her. Sex is more than just an orgasm it’s about fulfilling Gods design for marriage. Be her protector and shield and give her the world with prayer and appreciation, and women be the beautiful being God made you and please your husband and appreciate him. Forgive him and give your best each of you offering more to each other than you deserve that day. In marriage the two have become one flesh and so when your sights are on God, you behave as one flesh in all you do including sexual intimacy.
For eighteen years I’ve been apprehensive about oral sex with my husband, but in looking for new and better ways to pleasure him, I stumbled across this blog. I tried it on him right away and was surprised to find how much I liked it, never mind him! 😉 And thanks the the gents to weighed in with what they enjoy about it because it’s really helped me to do the job right. And to the ladies who commented, it was in huge part your comments that made me less afraid to try the thing I’ve naturally craved for so long. (I can’t wait to do it again!) And as for my husband? Let’s just say he’s a VERY happy man. 😉 God bless!
Not sure how to approach this tactfully and reading through the posts, it does not seem very critical to be tactful so I hope no one is offended.
Any length and girth may be accommodated by working on the gag reflex and overcoming it. The penis will slide right down a throat and then the semen is deposited past the taste buds.
Anyone who wants to take her husband all the way only needs to learn how to move the flap in the throat to cut off breathing – as when you swallow food. Once that is learned, any wife that wants to give oral sex to her husband will have a happy hubby indeed!
Again, I hope no one is embarrassed and I apologize in advance for any uncomfortable feelings!
I also apologize to the host if this technique is mentioned elsewhere on the website.
Thank you for this topic on Oral sex, now I will not be bothered about doing it with my husband.
I easily missed my husband when we’re away from each other for more than three days because of our work assignment so we just do a message with each other our feelings of missing one another. We love each other and missed each other most especially our play and conversation.
I’ve reread all these comments. I really believe this open discussion has helped couples with sex. The conscience is the big word in all this. People have guilt over things that are not sinful. All the sexually things you do together entertain angles because angles delight in Gods gift for procreation on this world. But what’s more delighting before God is long suffering when life is not going as we expected and we learn to be patient with each other not to forget faithful.
Excellent information & helpful tips
To the writers of this column, the two friends at the the beginning taking about having lunch and discussing this topic, you’re not alone. My wife too (14yrs) also likes, I should say, loves to give me oral sex. We call em “love jobs” 🙂 That does not mean those who don’t do it don’t love their husbands. I’m sure they do. To those ladies, I would say work with your husbands at your pace till you hopefully reach the stage of enjoying this wonderful act.
Calling them love jobs is why we call it making love. We grow as people when married humans do erotic passionate things together ❤️ Unfortunately most human sexual behavior belongs under the topic careless selfish desire. Can we please draw the lines for sexual decency. 🙏
After we read it here, we tried french kissing immediately afterwards. It is very intimate and balances the previous subordination.