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In my post, Pursue Me Sexually, Dear Husband, I shared how much I appreciate that my husband expresses his desire for me.
Some of the comments I received, though, emphasized that pursuit is a two-way street and that wives also need to pursue.
I've touched upon this pursuit topic before in my post Does Your Husband Want The Girlfriend Treatment? Will You Give it To Him?
And the topic also shows up in these posts:
It's worthy of another discussion though... this aspect of pursuing your husband sexually.
I honestly think that many wives underestimate how enriching it can be to their marriage to be intentional and authentic in sexual pursuit of their husband.
Intentional. Authentic. Those are key.
Do you have a lingering suspicion that I'm speaking to you? As your sister in Christ and a fellow wife, I just want to encourage you, so please receive my heart on...
3 Reasons You Should Pursue Your Husband Sexually
1. Your opinion of him affects him.
Yes, this is a common thread I hear (as well as what is confirmed through relationship research) -- most husbands gain a tremendous amount of reassurance and affirmation from how their wives feel about them.
Certainly, I'm not just talking about sex, right?
Well, no. Many husbands admit that they do like it when their wife expresses that he is a good provider, a loving father and her go-to guy for fixing anything broken in the house or car. Those types of compliments are nice.
BUT... and this is a very significant BUT...
How you feel about him sexually affirms him in a way that can't quite compare to any other compliment.
You are his wife. You are the one who offered him not only your heart and commitment when you married, but also your body and soul. Hopefully you both entered into marriage looking for more than a "roommate."
When you genuinely express your desire for your husband and when you actively show up in lovemaking, he gains the confidence to forge through the jungle that is his life.
He is better equipped to do all that other stuff you value in him -- be a good provider, be a loving father and fix the problems that plague his family.
2. He wants to satisfy you sexually.
I can hear the confusion already.
"Julie, I thought we were talking about me pursuing him, not him satisfying me?"
Well, when you pursue your husband sexually, you are reminding him that you hunger for the way he sexually satisfies you. If you have downplayed the importance of your sexual satisfaction, then you are missing out.
Orgasm, sensual touch, kissing and everything else that goes along with lovemaking is good for your well-being. Sex isn't just for your husband. God designed it for you too.
3. It increases the likelihood of fidelity.
I'm cautious on this point to say that a wife sexually pursuing her husband is not necessarily a guarantee that a husband won't commit adultery (or become involved in pornography).
Sexual fidelity is an individual choice that both a husband and a wife need to make, and sadly, some people compromise their integrity and get careless with their marriage vows.
But I think common sense would tell us that a married couple is greatly increasing their odds for fidelity if they mutually nurture and pay frequent attention to their sexual intimacy.
For more on this, read my posts What a Shark Taught Me About Sex and Would You Be Fine with Your Husband Having Sex With Someone Else?
I realize each marriage is unique and only the two people in it can navigate what pursuit really means.
As a wife, do you think your husband wants you to pursue him sexually? How could your relationship be strengthened in this way?
Could sex become more fun? More endearing? More mutually-valued?
They are questions worth asking.
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.