authentic, body image, passion, Uncategorized
3 Reasons it’s Sexy to Undress for Your Husband
Jul
I know what some of you are thinking.
“What’s the big deal with him seeing me undress?! It’s not like he’s never seen my body before.”
Or possibly others of you reading this are struggling with body image, and you’re not giddy one bit at the idea of your husband seeing you naked, let alone seeing you get naked.
But letting your husband see you undress might be a bigger deal than you realize.
It might be a pathway to sexual oneness and playfulness that you’ve thus far left untapped. And you may be surprised to discover that taking your clothes off isn’t just arousing for him, it’s arousing for you too.
As many a wife has happily discovered, sexual seduction is never just about the person being seduced.
Here are 3 reasons it’s sexy to undress for your husband:
1. He Doesn’t Get to See Other Women Undress.
Here’s the thing gals. You’re it for him.
You’re the only woman he gets to see do this undressing thing. If he is a good upstanding Christian guy, he is trying (and likely succeeding) in keeping his focus on you. And not that he needs to be rewarded for doing what Christ has called him to do, but for the love of God, reward him already!
Consider it a privilege to undress for him.
If you feel nervous about doing it, ask him to help you undress. That can be quite the turn on all the way around.
2. He is Visual.
If he’s like most guys, he is visual. There’s just something about a woman’s body that a man finds attractive. Your husband wants to see your curves. Your softness. Your breasts. Your hair.
Everything.
“Yeah, but Julie, my body doesn’t exactly look like a Victoria Secret’s ad.”
Hey, even the women in the Victoria Secret’s ad don’t look like a Victoria Secret’s ad in real life. Our idea of authentic beauty has been hijacked by photoshopping, good lighting and a whole slew of professional make-up artists and hairstylists.
And you know what? Your husband doesn’t want the airbrushed model anyway!
He wants you — the woman he does life with. The woman who gave him babies. The woman who fixed him dinner and dropped the kids off at baseball practice.
He wants his wife, because the most amazing thing about building amazing sexual connection is doing it with the person you literally said you would die for.
There is nothing sexier than a marriage covenant lived to God’s fullest imagination.
Your husband doesn’t just want to lay his hands on your body. He wants to fix his eyes on it as well.
3. It’s Good Foreplay.
Most married couples spend years — even decades — together.
That’s a lot of ground for familiarity in lovemaking. It’s easy to fall into a sexual routine that we could recite with our bodies without even thinking.
I get that there’s a comfort in predictable sex. But there’s also excitement and opportunity in sexual play and allure.
Undressing for your husband is good foreplay, because it forces the two of you to slow down a bit, take your time with arousal, and extend an invitation to touch one another.
Still unsure about all this? Just remember that you’re undressing for an audience of one, in the privacy of your bedroom. This isn’t America’s Got Talent. It’s sexual intimacy with the man you love.
Let go of your inner critic and stop overthinking it.
Enjoy the journey, because I kid you not, there’s a lot of great sex to be had in the journey.
And for more posts on body image, consider these…
A Body that Never Quits (possibly my favorite post of all time)
The Secret to Stopping the Body Image War
Are Body Image Struggles Destroying Sex in Your Marriage?
Body Image: The War Between Feeling Shame and Finding Freedom
Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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My wife prefers not to undress in front of me. When she does, she hides her breasts and genital area from me. She does not want to “feed” my already high sex drive. When I have talked to other Christian friends, they also shared similar experiences. More Christian churches need ministries like Julie’s…
If I may say so, God created and blessed women with incredible beauty and appeal–an artistic, aesthetic appeal that men simply do not possess. A beauty that volumes could be written about–and that does NOT require physical perfection by any stretch of the imagination.
To not delight in sharing that beauty with the only one who has committed himself to you in a covenant marriage–and let him express his love and desire for you–is to deny that you believe that very basic, but rock-solid, truth.
My husband leaves the room if I start to undress or change clothes in front of him, and he just avoids looking at me in general. I slept in a bra and panties last week. He gave me a hug when he came home, and his hand brushed my rear end (I had on a thin dress) and he said, “are you wearing lace panties?” And I was thinking, yeah, the same pair I slept in and then walked around in when I was getting ready. But he avoids looking at me so much, he didn’t notice. It’s equal opportunity, though. He haaaaaaates it if I look at him when he’s changing, so I’ve started leaving the room; if I didn’t, he’d just gather up his clothes and step into my stepson’s room to change.
I do wish I had married someone who enjoyed the way I look or was interested in my body. I really think that would have been fun.
You got to be kidding me? There REALLY ARE WOMEN out there who realize how sexy it can be to undress in front of their husband. And it is beyond my imagination that I actually undressed a women in my lifetime! This refusal period is headed into months now, not weeks. I honestly doubt I can get excited enough to even do it.”OBLIGATION SEX” is not exciting and the waiting periods are increasing. I think maybe the best way to get a refuser interested again is to “separate” from them. If they love you— you can bet they will “jump your bones” then. I have seen it happen quite a few times. I just don’t believe anymore that sex is even a part of marriage. Rich
My husband and I dress and undress in front of each other all the time and make a dramatic show of oohs and ahhs towards each other. Last night, I thought he was asleep and I undressed at the end if the bed. Suddenly I hear I quiet wolf whistle, so I struck a naked pinup pose and continued to dress, but instead of a basic nightie, I pulled out his favorite lingerie. We went through a little rough spot recently and last night was a boon.
The rough spot addresses #1 on your list. He does see other women undressing and naked because he watches Game of Thrones-like TV shows and his co-workers sometimes share porn. He knows I hate it and if I am around, he will sometimes leave the room and come talk with me while a sex scene plays out, but sometimes it happens too fast, or he looks away, but sometimes he succombs to the temptation to indulge in it.
It makes me want to run and hide and never show him my naked body again, but I do and do what I can to cement myself in his psyche.
To the men with hiding and refusing wives….if you only understood the deep seated pain and fear many women deal with concerning their bodies and sexuality. Satan has played the lies far too well and far too strongly. Don’t just pray for sex. Pray that God’s Truth prevails. Pray against the fears your wife was. Advocate for her and pray how you can be a balm and ease the pain that holds her back. Ultimately it is between her and God, but your help and advocacy can be very powerful. And I beg of you never ever ever succumb to porn or oogling other women. It will likely be the final nail in the coffin for her esteem and your sex life.
I’ve always ‘made over’ my wife when the opportunity presented itself – maybe to the point of embarrassing her (very modest). But she is still as attractive to me as when I first laid eyes on her many years ago. So this article spoke to me as – once again – Julie expressed my thoughts better than I could ever verbalize myself. So I shared this link with my wife, and boy was that a moment of personal brilliance. She really put 2 and 2 together, and I’ll play the ‘gentleman’ card regarding the rest.
Side note – I pray for those here that have challenges in their marriages because – even in a relatively good marriage – I felt the frustration and even anger when not in sync with my wife in the area of intimacy. And I couldn’t even tell you why I was getting ‘sideways’, but there a great deal of distance that would develop between us. But please keep working towards your goal in a constructive manner and keep seeking the wise counsel that brought you to this site. There’s plenty of challenges you cannot overcome, but there are no such limitations for God.
Some ‘experts’ (as if anyone could really be an expert on other people’s marriages!) recommend the opposite… Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, for example, says that in order to keep the mystery, married people should not become so familiar that they undress openly before their spouses..
I get his point, but I believe all generalizations are eventually … just generalizations..
Every marriage is different, and every person is different.
While keeping the mystery and spark is important, in my humble opinion there should also be room for relaxation and familiarity… the kind of affection that gives one freedom to dress and undress in front of their partner without it any sexual undertones.
As a husband, I fully agree with your comments. In fact, I often find myself incredibly disappointed if I miss out on watching my wife get undressed and get to the bedroom to find her already in her pajamas. And it doesn’t matter if I already know we are going straight to sleep. There is just something wonderfully intimate about watching her, not to mention the huge wow factor. Yes, I am clearly visual and God made my wife quite beautiful. It also gives me a chance to flatter and encourage my wife, as she has her confidence built by knowing I continue to find her captivating after more than two decades of marriage.
To those who have the hiding spouse. Your anger & desperate hope that they’ll come around is not working. It’s getting no where. Change your approach. At least FORGIVE.
We all do things that offend. We all have quirks, habits, & wrong conclusions. Forgive as Christ has forgiven you. Forgive as you want forgiven, as if u were the offending party. Question, how long are you expecting God to put up with your mistakes before He has had enough of you? Apply yourself to the difficult spouse as God does to you.
Every marriage has an adjustment period. Time to adjust to each other & to adjust to being one together. How long that period is depends on the peace, love, & security one feels to actually get down to adjusting. One cannot adjust if they are busy fending off a forceful push to adjust. We can only give them space & time that we would want to adjust.
Learn to take what you get. I’ve talked with a few husbands that are determined their wives are leaving & their going to divorce. They’ve been singing that tune for years, but their wife is still there. I try to convince them that they have something to work with because they haven’t left, but that’s not what they want to hear. Things could be worse. We are not all brain surgeons because we don’t have the capacity. For the same reason the hiding spouse hides. It takes time, love, & care for them to adjust.
Marriage isn’t a business transaction. What it is, it’s a body that you love. A premie baby that can’t leave the hospital. It’s walking with the one you love whether they are in crutches, a wheelchair, or on their own 2 feet.
Don’t just pray for your spouse. Pray to be Christlike in your own heart, mind, & reactions.
I have no problem undressing in front of my husband. I understand his visual nature and that it’s effective foreplay. However, your first point: “He doesn’t get to see other women undress” makes me bristle. The phrasing would indicate he’s missing out on something to which he is entitled. Or that he’s avoiding something he would enjoy because it’s not allowed. And it’s our job to reward him for behaving like a gentleman. Truth be told, he is not missing out on anything to which he is entitled. He is to view other women as sisters. Period. Thinking of showing myself as a way of rewarding him for not looking at others…well…that makes me feel objectified and cheap.
Perhaps a better way to state this point is: “You are the only woman he WANTS to see, the only woman by whom he WANTS to be aroused.”
Sometimes I forget that something as simple as this can cause big emotional connections to reemerge. Or just be fun. Or lead to intimacy. What a wonderful reminder of how beautifully and wonderfully we are created. According to God’s image. NOT the media and world.
To undress before your husband helps in fueling your sex appeal before him. As a woman, it is when you undress before your husband that he will sees your two breasts and the book of Proverbs 5:19 says, “Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love”.
Isn’t it amazing all the things women seem to be uncomfortable with?
I don’t know about other women, but I grew up learning that I need to cover my body and to consciously not allow boys/men to see parts that might “turn them on”. That became a daily part of my life. And there were plenty of boys trying to catch a peek.
Then there’s the strip clubs available for male sexual arousal pleasure.
The magazines used for arousal.
Pornography used for arousal.
Men taking pictures of naked women through the peep holes in hotel doors.
Etc., etc.,etc.
Women are very painfully aware of all of these things. It’s not appealing behavior.
I had the public school call me one day to tell me to make sure my daughter didn’t show off her underwear on the playground.
She needed to wear shorts under her dress. This was Kindergarten. They told me to tell her is was inappropriate to let her underwear show.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not sure it’s only body image issues that cause an inhibition to showing off one’s naked body.
It just might be an ingrained social rule.
We have been programed that it isn’t safe or appropriate to flaunt or display our naked bodies for the precise reason we are encouraged to do so after marriage…..male sexual arousal.
The problem is, we are taught these rules at a very young impressionable age when what we are told becomes our truth.
It’s not easy to just flip that switch after marriage and begin to enjoy prancing around naked in order to turn our husband on. What is being asked is for a woman to spontaneously change a conditioned response that has existed most of her life.
One that was developed to protect her from the very thing she is being asked to change it for now.
If you think about it, woman’s body image issues are also caused by social messages.
Let’s quit blaming inhibited women for not freely opening up for their husbands desires.
Give her time to start to feel comfortable being the seductress she was raised to not become. Remember, it’s because of male sexuality that society has produced rules of modesty in the first place.
IntimacySeeker, I don’t see entitlement in Julie’s context. There is an expectation, but it is of marriage intimacy. Both spouses enjoying marriage sex. You are correct, husband should want & desire wife only. Men & women are given sexuality from God.Yet, even He recognizes the need to be married for sexual purposes instead of being in raging lust outside of marriage. Even God says that the sexual aspect of our bodies are not our own but the others. God doesn’t mean sinful desire & demanded entitlement but marriage peace & intimacy to not be hindered. One reason for that is there sexual sin that could become a temptation, but its not for giving into what is demanded, but for growing a strong marriage together.
& Anonymous 2, I understand what you are saying. I would agree there is a slight adjustment for a woman. Yet, because of faulty mentoring or faulty conclusions this adjustment becomes a major hinderance for years sometimes. There is a difference between kids on a playground, other worldly settings, & marriage. A peeping Tom is not a husband & correct teaching of modesty to a child would at appropriate ages teach that sexuality & nudity is needed behavior in the safety of marriage. Also, it is not the husbands desires alone that creates this need for uninhibited behavior. 1st men throughout the ages have never had a loss of women posing for porn. For every man’s desire there is a woman willing to sin, too. In the marriage it has to be the same way, but on the righteous side. I do not see that Julie is saying to just do it because your man desires it. I get that she is saying do it because it is right & good for you, your husband, & your marriage. I would even further it to say society would benefit, too. Sex isn’t all that cloak & dagger. God talks about it with great detail sometimes. We should be owning it as God gave it. The church has a lot of fault for the sexual problems we have as a society, because past generations have wrongfully labeled it as nothing but selfish. So then, the next generations are left to conclude that sex is unacceptable while the world teaches them that everything is acceptable. & we get the messed up generations we’ve had since the 70’s. & people like Julie are trying to help correct that, in Biblical ways. The answer to sinful sex isn’t hiding, digging in, & closing doors. God says to expose it. Bring it to the light. When the church handles sin in worldly ways we get what we have now.
Thank you Julie. I do see your point. It is needed. Thank you for having the conviction & passion for this blog. It has helped me & others. I know.
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As Anonymous 2 said, it’s quite a transition to go from “never/nothing” to stripping for your new husband.
(Linked to you post here.)
@weakness embraced I want to be sure we understand one another here. I have no problem with expectations in my marriage or with my husband feeling entitled to me.
In this statement, “He doesn’t get to see other women undress” I hear a sense of entitlement to see other women undress and that because of marriage, a husband is denied this pleasure. Other women owe my husband nothing and their bodies are none of his business.
If we are going to talk about men’s visual nature and the temptation they face, we need to talk about all hearts involved: the husbands’, the wives’, AND the hearts of the women being objectified. They deserve better than we often offer.
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I really don’t see any sense of entitlement in particular statement, simply because the only thing inhibiting him is God’s commands. If I were not a believer, there is no reason not to look, lie, cheat, steal, or do anything else that I felt I could get away with. So as the post says, we shouldn’t be rewarded for doing what is required by our master, but neither does it imply a sense of entitlement to say he doesn’t get to look at other women. The rule of not being allowed to look at naked women outside of marriage applies to all men married or unmarried.
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I have given up on ever seeing my wife naked. We make love in pitch black darkness and when she gets dressed in the morning i have to leave the bedroom. I have given up on anything ever changing. I really blame myself for this, not her.
Watching my wife of many years undress is so hot and satisfying. Just the other morning she was running late for work. When she got to the bottom of our bed and right in my early morning eyesight, room lit only by a slight ray of sun, she lifted her gown over her head and paused briefly before going to shower. It was the most beautiful sight. Her large breasts were amazing and even more so because she didn’t even realize I was awake. I told her later that evening. She had no idea but she loved the fact that I received a visual image of what I loved to look at. It made her smile the biggest smile. I thought about nothing else all day. She knows I love her to tease me anyway on any given day. When you are married a long time and high school sweethearts, you must spice things up. For me, the visual one, it is highly important. We talk about that often because she might not like to wear certain lingerie, she knows it revs my engine good. She has said just that simple stepson her part helps both of us have a very fulfilling time of intimacy.