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How to Give Great Oral Sex to Your Husband
Mar
I have to give a shout out to all my sisters in Christ out there who really aren’t sure how to give great oral sex, but really want to! You are not alone.
We need to do away with this crazy assumption that a wife will automatically know how to make oral sex an incredible experience for her guy.
No one becomes an expert without a little trial and error, and this is as true with oral sex as it is with anything else.
It’s like cooking an incredible meal — even if you follow a recipe, along the way you learn how to add your own nuances and adjustments to make him crave it even more.
Here are 6 insights on orally pleasing your husband:
1. Come to bed clean (both of you!)
Concerns about cleanliness can make husbands and wives wary about oral sex. The solution? Tell your husband that you really want to offer him oral sex, but you would love it if the two of you could shower together first.
I actually think showering together and coming to bed clean is a great precursor to any kind of sexual activity, but it especially makes oral sex more appealing.
Even if a shower together isn’t an option, still express to him that cleanliness is a priority to making this fun.
2. Make sure he knows you want feedback.
With a tender, genuine and loving tone, before you even start, say to him things like…
“Tell me what feels good, okay?”
“I want this to be really enjoyable for you.”
“I don’t exactly know what I’m doing, so you’re going to have to help me learn.”
Most husbands would die for their wife to humbly offer up that kind of attitude.
If your husband is like most husbands, he longs for you to not only desire him, but also to want to please him sexually. Obviously it’s in his best interest that you learn all there is about how to offer mind-blowing oral sex.
Invite him to be your teacher, and together you two will thoroughly enjoy sexual pleasure.
3. Heighten his arousal before you even put his penis in your mouth.
Anticipation is powerful, especially when it comes to sexual arousal. Even if your husband is ready to go (if you know what I mean, which I think you do), there’s no reason why you can’t heighten the sensations a bit more.
Have him lay back and then take your time caressing his entire body with a good mix of light and firm touches and kisses. Pay close attention to caressing and gently massaging his inner thighs, testicles, chest and neck.
And don’t underestimate the way you can use your breasts to gently caress his entire body as well.
All of that foreplay focused solely on him increases the likelihood that when he does climax, it will be amazing.
4. Use your mouth and tongue generously and creatively.
Here is where you most need his feedback. He is the only one who can help you understand what sensation on his penis feels the best. He may like you to suck, lick and/or circle the head of his penis with your mouth, tongue and lips.
He may want you to move your mouth up and down his penis quickly or at a slower pace. He may want variety — or he may want you to stick mostly with one motion that brings him intense gratificaiton.
Generally speaking, because of the number of nerves in the head of the penis, you have to pay close attention to what you are doing in that area. Surprisingly, that doesn’t always mean being super gentle. Just like the clitoris, the head of the penis usually requires firmer and more stimulation to build sexual pleasure.
5. Use your hand as well.
When we think of a wife orally pleasing her husband, we tend to think the mouth and tongue are the only players on the field.
But I think you can increase his pleasure so much more if you also use your hand around the shaft of his penis, while you are using your mouth as well.
Again, you need his feedback. Does he like a firm grasp and movement on his penis? Does he want to feel your hand and mouth go down as far as possible? Does he want your hand to wrap up and over the top of the head of his penis in a rhythmic motion?
The best oral sex usually has a bit of hand job thrown in as well, so don’t be shy about using your hand. The saliva from your mouth generally gives you enough lubrication to easily move your hand along the shaft of his penis.
6. When he is about to climax…
Okay, this is the struggle for a lot of wives. Should you receive and swallow as your husband ejaculates? Or should you finish with your hand? Or should you receive the fluid in your mouth but then spit it out?
I can’t answer this for you. I think what is key, though, is that whatever you do, make sure it isn’t going to be disruptive to him enjoying the experience.
Abrupt changes right before he climaxes may diminish his sexual pleasure. This shouldn’t be too hard for us as wives to relate to.
Think about that moment right before you have an orgasm — at that moment, the last thing you want is to have a sudden change in what is actually making you climax, right? It’s the infamous “cliff of pleasure” you’re about to plunge over. Once you are starting to go over, you want to go over with full freedom and enjoyment.
Your husband wants that as well when he is about to climax.
So when it comes to ejaculation, you and your husband should talk before sex even begins so you are prepared for what is going to happen in that moment.
Some husbands find it very loving and affirming that their wife would swallow, but I know that’s not going to work for every woman. Some women have stronger gag reflexes, and obviously there’s nothing sexy about gagging (or worse) as your husband climaxes.
Guys, if you are reading this (who am I kidding? you saw the headline. you are reading this)… please be sensitive to the fact your wife may have a hard time swallowing.
Consider having a towel nearby in case swallowing is not a good option.
On the flip side, though, wives if you think you can give swallowing a try — your husband would probably really like this.
Obviously the above insights are not exhaustive. See also my posts…
3 Secrets to Amazing Oral Sex
Some Thoughts on Oral Sex
Is It Reasonable to Say “No” to Oral Sex?
Enough With the Double Standards Regarding Oral Sex
An Important Follow Up to the Oral Sex Post
Other bloggers have written about oral sex too, and I think you can gain good ideas from them as well. Consider…
Oral Sex: How To
Oral Sex: Better to Give and Receive, Volume 1
Oral Sex: Better to Give and Receive, Part Deux
Oral Sex: Survey Says…
Oral Sex
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I can understand a wife’s trepidation at swallowing; honestly I’m not sure I could myself if I were her. I don’t understand the absolute refusal to at least try it; I would love to give my wife pleasure orally (or any way at all, but that’s another topic). My wife doesn’t want me to go down on her because she doesn’t want to have to reciprocate. I get that oral sex, at least cunnilingus, is-pardon the pun-an “acquired taste,” but it’s something I’m willing to do to please my partner. Or would be willing, if she would let me.
As far as to swallow or not, if it’s an issue, don’t! I personally like to ejaculate on my wife’s breasts or stomach; no taste/gagging issues and you can always shower afterwards instead of before. Not sure why sex in a Christian marriage has become so complicated, except to guess that WE as Christians have made it so.
Cynthia you are over thinking it. The main thing is your desire for his manhood . That’s what oral sex is all about. It can be shown in many ways there should be no pressure to duplicate an other couples experience. My wife finds my penis too big for her mouth. So she does her own variation. She like the taste of my semen that really helps. But even enjoying its taste Came over time. You are not required to give perfect oral sex but your husband needs to appreciate your craving effort. I’m not sure what you mean by big teeth and I don’t know the size of his penis but I believe you may thinking It’s the hard aggressive sucking that produces an ejeculation. But instead it’s your body language around his clean bare penis that arouses him to ejecululate. I sometimes say to my wife try to lure my semen out! Kissing licking hand use are very good I would guess. I can’t say because each couple is so different. But the main thing God desires is that you honor each other with your bodies .
Letty go slow and eazy and ask him how it’s going. Tell him that it’s your wish to offer you very best effort because you love him. Maybe he just wants to place semen in the place he has in his mind as the most meaningful? Don’t really know without seeing you to in action.
I’m a wife of five years. We have had oral sex many times, but as time goes by, I dislike it more and more. I know he wants it, and I’m here, reading these articles and the comments because I want to change my attitude about it. I want him to be happy in our sex life.. and I don’t feel degraded by it at all. In fact, I gave oral to other men I dated and actually enjoyed it, because I liked giving pleasure, and it only took a few minutes.
But my husband had never finished during oral before me, and I have only achieved it a few times. His penis is on the large side, and it takes a very long time, sometimes half an hour, and after a while, my neck is tired, my jaw is exhausted, my eyes are watering from trying to suppress my gag reflex.. MANY times I’ve failed and we finished with intercourse, and I’m left with actual cuts on the inside of my upper lip from tightly covering my teeth for so long.
He doesn’t know that.
I have been pregnant five times, (lost two early on) and during pregnancy my gag reflex is so heightened that I stopped giving oral during pregnancy after the second kid after nearly throwing up on him.
Now I want to be able to change how I feel about it to make him happy, but also so we can have a good sex life without having to constantly worry about getting pregnant.
I have never had an orgasm from receiving, and haven’t really enjoyed it that much but a few times. Sometimes I’m just bored and feel nothing.. but I don’t know how to tell him what to do differently. I know he would do anything I asked.
I love him, but how do I learn to like something that’s just uncomfortable and exhausting and even painful sometimes.. and makes me feel like such a failure? I used to be so sexually confident, but it’s slipping away.
Lanie
@ Lanie:
There are a few things you could try that may make giving your husband oral sex less painful and less stressful. (You may already have tried these, but I will offer these in the hope that it will help.)
Involve your hands more in the stimulation you give to him (you may need to use a lubricant, too). By using your hands more you can use your mouth only on the top or head of his penis. As well, you could try using your tongue more to stimulate this whole area (with licking) than always taking the entire head inside your mouth. These steps ought to help reduce the stress on your mouth, jaw and even neck.
Another activity that may help get your husband to his climax more quickly is to stimulate (gently caress, fondle, stroke, cradle) his testes with one of your hands as you stimulate his penis. This extra stimulation to this additional area may just be the special something he needs to climax in a reasonable length of time. (When he finishes, you do not have to take him deep inside your mouth. Continue your stimulation as he climaxes and have his penis in the front of your mouth. That should work fine.)
If all these do not help, you can start with oral and then try finishing him with a “hand” job. A variation would be to get him very stimulated through a hand job and then when he is closer to climaxing switching to oral sex for the finish.
You already have the proper attitude as you want to give him this pleasure. Hopefully, by experimenting over time, you can find what works for you and for him. Then you can start to enjoy this loving activity again.
As to not being able to enjoy receiving oral sex from your husband, I would encourage you to read the blog posts by various women marriage and sex bloggers on this topic.
Great participation on oral sex and detailed techniques leaves very little to the imagination which is applauded. Not to dampen the discussion, but I happen to be in a group of those makes that cannot generate an erection naturally due to prostate cancer. Does anyone have experience with oral with a limp penis? W can use injections to create an erection but that is not always convenient. Attempted oral with my wife but not with much success when soft. Suggestions and ways to do this would be appreciated. I think part of the problem is the size. Small is hard to keep in the mouth for any period of time. Feels tremendous initially but mouth gets tired for her and climax is not reached in this way. There is no ejaculate so this is a non issue.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
learning will never end.When doing oral sex both of you must be happy as that will characterize the fun.
T Life has many disappointments and it needs to be accepted. My wife grow up in a home were sex was never talked about but she knew her parents had a good sex life. Her mother died 3 years before her father even though his health was always the greatest concern. He confided in my wife (to my wife’s bewilderment ) about their sex life during those last years. He too had ED and couldn’t solve it. Now I don’t know what they might of done to try remedy the situation. But I’m sure all options were on the table. I would think the sacrificial act of oral like your wife did for you was tried. I remember when my wife first put my penis in her mouth and how greatful I was for this prim and proper women did this for me. It was not the. Erection was not the prize or the semen but it was her love for me. That’s why I love so much returning the favior remember it’s an act of love. Believe me we had our struggles and it was commitment that held it together.
Thanks It’s so rare to be able to help people with this very sensitive topic. Some might read comments on the topic of oral sex and think it semi inappropriate but I’m convinced that most couples that have long monogamist marriage like we have have oral sex with their life partners from time to time. It’s such a beautiful expression of love.
It’s a nice article an eye opener. Me and my husband have been married for two years now and the thought of me going down on him used to be so disgusting but now I do it for him at least twice a week and he loves it. The happiness I see on his face makes me want to do it more and more.
I can’t bear to swallow. The consistency is just awful. But I do so very much like to see the look on my DH’s face when he cums around the edge of my mouth and on my chin and breasts. Not an everryday thing, but a treat once in a while. But if he gets that stuff in my eyes I get cross! It stings!
Cathy 3am Sex is not something we think about as a couple all day long. We live in a world of so much broken confusion. So many topics cause pain and motivate us to do our part to teach the gospel of Jesus and Him crucified to anyone that will listen. Oral sex is something that clues us together but we don’t talk about this with others. So that’s why I love to write about our sex life because some people need to know how normal it all is. I know how your HD feels. Thats the reason it’s so very cute to see her enjoying pleasing me and is the reason i let my ejaculate any where I please
It’s the reason I can let myself to have such freedom sexually withy wife. Did you catch that? There was a time of such trial in our lives that sex was an after thought. Then we had a period of rest together we discovered our freedom in Christ and found a solution to our incompatible sexual bodies. I’m the top 1% for girth and size and she’s so small I can hardly enter my finger not alone my penis. So we love oral sex both of us equally. That’s a beautiful thing.
Now tell me how many times is normal we have it on average every other day for the last 14 years ???
It’s a error to think in terms of are we normal ?Its compared to whom? It’s a matter of being ithoughtful about your husbands sexual needs. I’m sure there are marriages that never have oral sex or vaginal sex for that matter. Even just vaginal sex and very irregularly and still have a great marriage. It’s that the two of us know from each other how important sex is to our relationship.
It’s a error to think in terms of are we normal ?Its compared to whom? It’s a matter of being ithoughtful about your husbands sexual needs. I’m sure there are marriages that never have oral sex or vaginal sex for that matter. Even just vaginal sex and very irregularly and still have a great marriage. It’s that the two of us know from each other how important sex is to our relationship. But many don’t know how sexual they are because sex is treated like being odd and even worse yet taboo. We both love being who we are sexually and there have been weeks where we had sex daily. We both love behaving like naughty young people.?
We know we are all different and the only thing that matters is each other. Never wish you had sex as in an other couples sex life. If you do you have a chance to givie into the temptation of adultery.
A week is a long time for us to do without sex. My wife went shopping and will be back soon. Can’t wait. She came home undressed and showed and it was good real real good. Really really messy but good??
Couples not couple
No I did get it right
She did think like this I believe. But why did wrong thinking set in and why of all people were we the onces to deal with this particular problem? To me it was so I could write this today.
As I read all the good sex life that all of you are having I wish that I could have. I been married 44 years and had to put up with a lack of sex. My wife doesn’t want to believe what the Bible says about sex. I have tried to talk to her but she gets angry about it. When I have sex with her she claims it hurts but won’t go to the doctor. I pray to God that but no change. Don’t know what to do any more. My life is about over and I will never feel what its like to have a great sex life. I still pray but feel forgotten. Can you give me any advice? She won’t believe things that people write. She thinks it dirty. Thanks for taking the time to read what an old man has complained about.
There are millions of Richards and Janes out there. You can’t force a good sex life. After 25years it started to heal. The last 8 got getting better and better. After the fall in to sin we were told to put cloths on and get to work or you will die of starvation. After sin Sex became a problem instead of a blessing and we learn that our bodies are a temple of God. Your wife’s body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Treat it like a temple of the Holy Spirit. Both yours and hers. Sometimes things don’t go the way we planed it. I sure know all about this.
RICHARD–I began having problems with sex a few years ago. I went through a lot of abuse when I was young so sex to me was dirty. I went through a time where I was dealing with my past so sex was the last thing I wanted to do. Due to not having sex for a long time, I seemed to shrink to the point that when we would try to have sex it hurt so much I would constantly brush my husband off. After dealing with my past, I finally went to my doctor & he referred me to a gynecologist. Ends up I have a condition called vaginismus, with me being menopausal the vaginal tissue needed help so she prescribed a estrogen cream. She also suggested I use a product called vaginal dilators. Because of going so long with no sex, I had to use these dilators to help me get bigger & it worked!!! I also had been praying about this issue & God really wanted me to fix this problem & please my husband. He is a very special patient man who deserves the best & I want to please him. Our sex life is amazing now & it is no longer dirty to me. I feel bad that we’ve been married 26 years & finally we have a great sex life. Maybe there’s something in your wife’s past that’s causing her problems & as for the pain part, she should really go to a doctor. I know it’s embarrassing…trust me, I was completely embarrassed but I did it for my husband & I’m so glad I did it. After a month of using the estrogen cream & dilators, I was fixed. Good luck.
We held hands in church very secretly of course. I thought this morning as we were sitting in church”we have always been taught that what’s done in secret is always bad.”Except for our sex life! But when I write about our sex life it’s not a secret but instead one of our favorite things.
@Richard. Your post makes me feel an overwhelming sadness. I have been married for less than ten years and our sex life is nearly non-existent. You have been married for 44 years and have the same issue. Will I also spend the rest of my life never knowing what a fulfilling sex life feels like? I have tried to talk to my wife about it with no success. I get similar accusations of only ever thinking about sex and treating her like a piece of meat. I tried to get her to read marriage books with me but she says that I am just trying to get more sex. She won’t even try to read them. Our marriage will be dead in a few years if she doesn’t show me some kind of effort. I won’t leave or cheat. I took my commitment seriously. Besides, I wouldn’t risk giving myself to another woman only to find out she doesn’t really want me either. Nothing left to do but wait for it to end. Go to work, come home, cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, go to bed, wake up and repeat…
It is good to start by understanding the source of the rejection yourself. You can’t teach the Christian prospective until it’s understood yourself. The pleasure of sex is not the means to happiness in of its self. Real joy comes from our joy in praising God always in all cercumstances. When I read the last few comments I realize you are still at the first steps of real joy in life. You married someone and assumed everything would kind of just work out. Then reality set in and your marriage in the area of sex has become a source of pian. I totally understand this I’ve lived it. Am I correct on this? Do you understand what I am writing? We (both my wife and I) were raised with a dark cloud of guilt about the enjoyment of life. So the question is what is TRUE enjoyment of life? It it self indulgents? I know lots of people who live on empty and are always living to please selfs need for pleasue
So thats why we are so pro sex today. Because we believe sex praises God and when husband and wife are one sexually God is being praised. That’s why all sexual misconduct is not promoted. It slanders Gods purpose of sex. Enjoyment and making babies brings God praise.
When I read and think of the things we’ve done just for fun,it was clean fun. Now most would be horrified if they knew what we’ve done for the shear pleasure of celebrating man and women oneness. But is that wrong? I must admit it is a little overly on the edge of what one could do sexually but it almost seems the best of sex comes the closest to the original. The danger of watching a madly in love couple pleasing each other is like watching a child hug her mother for being the very best mom in all the world. It brings a true sense that children and moms are very special relationships. We don’t adore the man and his wife relationship because sin has filled mans hearts. The temptation of lust needs to be kept in check. It’s like the person I know that never visits because he is jealous of our achievements in life. Should the beauty of sexual expression be kept silent because others would be offended??
Life is so mean! It really is. Satan is such a liar. He was a liar from the beginning. When Adam and Eve fall into sin they were so ashamed God found them and put cloth on them and life became very confusing and difficult. We won’t be married in heaven but we will still be male and female and we will be perfect without sin. What will our relationship be like without sex? Don’t know but I do know it will be better then sex. But while here on this sin filled world we are blessed to have companionship and it’s good and God is pleased with that. We were born to be joyful before God. God does not need us to entertain Him. He is God. We are born to be filled with joy because God is full of joy and we are made in His image. But life is still hard because we are so sinful but better days are a coming.
I am a 33 year old virgin woman and not married of course. I’m looking forward to marriage at some point in my life. I would like to make my future spouse happy.
Cassidy to be 33 single and a virgin is commendable. I pray that you may find a husband that understands the meaning of the pureness of sex. When I was single I had that great need to please and God let me wait so long before I found the right spouse and I was in the need of prayer back then. A
It’s going to be summer soon Love it
When I gave up on what I thought was my right she would of never started giving oral sex the way she does. I found the altimate why of giving her oral sex and she is now very very willingly to returns the favor. It gets messy but we love it that way.
Oral sex for us is as good as sex can be. My wife is very appreciative of my technique. I’ve never demanded any favours in return but she sure loves giving me oral sex when we are naked together and have the privacy. I wish a person could be sexually intimate all day but when it’s over it’s over till the next time.
Am learning a great deal.
Hi! Can someone please tell me what I can do to get over the taste and feel of pre-cum? This comes from him almost as soon as his penis comes out of his pants. It honestly makes me throw up when it comes out in my mouth. Maybe I can just eat or suck on some salt before hand so I won’t notice it; but then there’s the feel of it in my mouth as well. If I can just get past this we will be able to see about how to get him to climax and be a happy man. I really want to be able to do this for him. Before now, I couldn’t make myself even think of oral sex as anything but disgusting. We will be married 22 years on the 9th of this month, and I am just coming around to seeing this as something good for both of us and not as a son. So, you husbands who are patiently waiting for a change, don’t give up on those prayers. 22 years is a long time to wait, although, not as long as 44, but it is worth it once we holy women come around.
Do one on preparing for oral sex. I just thought of this this morning. We always do and we know exactly what that means. Because I bet there are more couples like us we’re the penis size and the wife’s size have a huge incompatablity. For 25 years we worked on a marriage that had not much pleasure in sex and for the last 8 we worked sex and its getting better and better.
I am a little confused
1st) oral sex isn’t a right
2nd )women love getting oral
3rd) don’t give oral just to expect the favour ‘ returned’ is super UN-sexy
4th) eye contact is GREAT!
5th) if a woman doesn’t want to shallow DON’T force her, it’s not your right
6th) it’s not your right to cum over a woman’s body unless she requests it
7th) women tend to enjoy a varied technique down there! We LOVE when you ask nosy questions.
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Thank you for sharing these responses so respectfully and tastefully. Pun intended. But so glad that these folks want to honor God and are sharing the virtues and beauty of oral sex. I so look forward to enjoying this pleasure with my future wife.
I am happily married about 9 years. It is very sad to hear from so many married couples, especially from the men, who are denied physical affection by their partner. This is unloving from any perspective, but as a Christian, we know that our bodies belong to the other. It is not our right to deny our partner affection. (1 Cor 7:3-5) Barring fasting, or serious physical illness, we share our bodies with our spouse and as a matter of love, we also care about the other’s pleasure. I do not ever need to wonder if I will be able to talk my wife into physical intimacy. I do not need to wonder if I will be able to negotiate my way into intimacy. Rather when I desire it, I enjoy it with her. There is nothing to deny, really, as we are one flesh and have complete access to the other. This is what a Christian marriage should be. If you are suffering through something else, please return to the simple truths of God’s Word. Your partner has access, and every right, to your body. Bless you.
I’m married 25 years. We both love when I give me wife oral. Sadly she doesn’t like giving me the same. When she’s not up for love making, there is a huge difference between my wife giving oral and using her hands. I’m thankful she cares about my needs but, oh, how I wish she would embrace what brings me that sweet satisfaction.
Good stuff on this site. I stumbled on this site from an Erotic Song of Solomon Facebook page.
My problem probably isn’t unique. I’ve begged for sex for most of 9 years of marriage. I’ve considered affairs, maturbated, resent my husband, he doesn’t see th normalcy of intimacy tho he’s seen it in black and white in the Bible. He validates depriving me saying I wasn’t God’s choice of a mate for him. I’ve been turned down by him so many times I can’t count. He will not pursue me, barely likes hugging& doesn’t want to be kissed. He loves God & is in church all the time. I’m not desperate for his affection anymore more like a divorce would resolve it all. Thank you & I do enjoy knowing you speak truth.
I go down on my wife of 25 years regularly and enjoy it almost as much as she does.
But she’s simply not very good at going down on me. It’s boring for me, not sure about her. I guess she feels she must reciprocate but I prefer coming inside her anyway so “finishing” isn’t the issue.
It’s simply that I’d enjoy it as foreplay. She loves me, she loves to make love. She just doesn’t like blow-jobs.
We deal with it.
Rhonda, if I may be so bold, you need marriage counseling. And failing that you need to decide if you really want to be with someone so cold and clueless.
He’s in church all the time? Great.
Doesn’t sound like church is in him so much.
my wife and I leave aaprt in two diffrent countries, as christians, how can we fufill our sexual needs?
These threads almost always become either weird or just plain sad.
Looking back when sex was at its best was in early marriage. She tolerated missionary position best so that was it even though it got boring for me. Oral sex was horribly out of the question. I couldn’t even get her to touch my member with her hand. I’ve now been sexless for 14 years, see no hope in sight, waiting for it to end!
Married over50 years and the only oral I got was being screamed at for not doing this or that. Sex was impossible she wouldn’t shut up.