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How to Give Great Oral Sex to Your Husband
Mar
I have to give a shout out to all my sisters in Christ out there who really aren’t sure how to give great oral sex, but really want to! You are not alone.
We need to do away with this crazy assumption that a wife will automatically know how to make oral sex an incredible experience for her guy.
No one becomes an expert without a little trial and error, and this is as true with oral sex as it is with anything else.
It’s like cooking an incredible meal — even if you follow a recipe, along the way you learn how to add your own nuances and adjustments to make him crave it even more.
Here are 6 insights on orally pleasing your husband:
1. Come to bed clean (both of you!)
Concerns about cleanliness can make husbands and wives wary about oral sex. The solution? Tell your husband that you really want to offer him oral sex, but you would love it if the two of you could shower together first.
I actually think showering together and coming to bed clean is a great precursor to any kind of sexual activity, but it especially makes oral sex more appealing.
Even if a shower together isn’t an option, still express to him that cleanliness is a priority to making this fun.
2. Make sure he knows you want feedback.
With a tender, genuine and loving tone, before you even start, say to him things like…
“Tell me what feels good, okay?”
“I want this to be really enjoyable for you.”
“I don’t exactly know what I’m doing, so you’re going to have to help me learn.”
Most husbands would die for their wife to humbly offer up that kind of attitude.
If your husband is like most husbands, he longs for you to not only desire him, but also to want to please him sexually. Obviously it’s in his best interest that you learn all there is about how to offer mind-blowing oral sex.
Invite him to be your teacher, and together you two will thoroughly enjoy sexual pleasure.
3. Heighten his arousal before you even put his penis in your mouth.
Anticipation is powerful, especially when it comes to sexual arousal. Even if your husband is ready to go (if you know what I mean, which I think you do), there’s no reason why you can’t heighten the sensations a bit more.
Have him lay back and then take your time caressing his entire body with a good mix of light and firm touches and kisses. Pay close attention to caressing and gently massaging his inner thighs, testicles, chest and neck.
And don’t underestimate the way you can use your breasts to gently caress his entire body as well.
All of that foreplay focused solely on him increases the likelihood that when he does climax, it will be amazing.
4. Use your mouth and tongue generously and creatively.
Here is where you most need his feedback. He is the only one who can help you understand what sensation on his penis feels the best. He may like you to suck, lick and/or circle the head of his penis with your mouth, tongue and lips.
He may want you to move your mouth up and down his penis quickly or at a slower pace. He may want variety — or he may want you to stick mostly with one motion that brings him intense gratificaiton.
Generally speaking, because of the number of nerves in the head of the penis, you have to pay close attention to what you are doing in that area. Surprisingly, that doesn’t always mean being super gentle. Just like the clitoris, the head of the penis usually requires firmer and more stimulation to build sexual pleasure.
5. Use your hand as well.
When we think of a wife orally pleasing her husband, we tend to think the mouth and tongue are the only players on the field.
But I think you can increase his pleasure so much more if you also use your hand around the shaft of his penis, while you are using your mouth as well.
Again, you need his feedback. Does he like a firm grasp and movement on his penis? Does he want to feel your hand and mouth go down as far as possible? Does he want your hand to wrap up and over the top of the head of his penis in a rhythmic motion?
The best oral sex usually has a bit of hand job thrown in as well, so don’t be shy about using your hand. The saliva from your mouth generally gives you enough lubrication to easily move your hand along the shaft of his penis.
6. When he is about to climax…
Okay, this is the struggle for a lot of wives. Should you receive and swallow as your husband ejaculates? Or should you finish with your hand? Or should you receive the fluid in your mouth but then spit it out?
I can’t answer this for you. I think what is key, though, is that whatever you do, make sure it isn’t going to be disruptive to him enjoying the experience.
Abrupt changes right before he climaxes may diminish his sexual pleasure. This shouldn’t be too hard for us as wives to relate to.
Think about that moment right before you have an orgasm — at that moment, the last thing you want is to have a sudden change in what is actually making you climax, right? It’s the infamous “cliff of pleasure” you’re about to plunge over. Once you are starting to go over, you want to go over with full freedom and enjoyment.
Your husband wants that as well when he is about to climax.
So when it comes to ejaculation, you and your husband should talk before sex even begins so you are prepared for what is going to happen in that moment.
Some husbands find it very loving and affirming that their wife would swallow, but I know that’s not going to work for every woman. Some women have stronger gag reflexes, and obviously there’s nothing sexy about gagging (or worse) as your husband climaxes.
Guys, if you are reading this (who am I kidding? you saw the headline. you are reading this)… please be sensitive to the fact your wife may have a hard time swallowing.
Consider having a towel nearby in case swallowing is not a good option.
On the flip side, though, wives if you think you can give swallowing a try — your husband would probably really like this.
Obviously the above insights are not exhaustive. See also my posts…
3 Secrets to Amazing Oral Sex
Some Thoughts on Oral Sex
Is It Reasonable to Say “No” to Oral Sex?
Enough With the Double Standards Regarding Oral Sex
An Important Follow Up to the Oral Sex Post
Other bloggers have written about oral sex too, and I think you can gain good ideas from them as well. Consider…
Oral Sex: How To
Oral Sex: Better to Give and Receive, Volume 1
Oral Sex: Better to Give and Receive, Part Deux
Oral Sex: Survey Says…
Oral Sex
Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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Julie you are a good writer and encourager!!
All sound good and would love to experience it much more often. Eye contact and super enthusiasm is also very much a plus! Women cannot know much it blesses her man to be fully accepted, enjoyed and pleasured in just this way. ==(:+ Women if you have not done this recently you likely cannot think of a better Surprise!
Once again, excellent post, Julie!!
I haven’t always given my husband oral, but 4 years ago something changed in me. My husband never asked before. He and I never talked about it before and someone in the church (the minister who married us) advised us before we got married to never, ever do that!! It was not something we ever talked about……until he ended up going down a slippery slope and having an affair. Thankfully, God healed our marriage and healed my broken heart. I wanted us to have a better, more intimate marriage after our marriage burned to ashes. Thankfully, God gave us beauty for ashes. Oral sex for him became my idea. I did struggle initially as I was a bad gagger at first and occasionally still am. I even ended up getting sick once that I remember, but he has been very patient with me and I have gotten much better after 4 year of practicing and he loves me for it. I’m glad you mentioned the swallowing issue in your post. It’s definitely not my preference, but I know he loves it when I am able to do that, but I usually do need to have a towel close by. It definitely is a learning experience to what your husband likes and dislikes when it comes to oral. Now he is unwilling to reciprocate oral on me, but I have never asked for that. But I do feel that any man who wants their wife to give them oral, should also be willing to reciprocate. So there is a double standard and I know I’m not alone, but I have never asked or wanted him to do that, but have been working with him to please me in other ways he was unwilling to do so in the past but is now coming around to having a more unselfish and giving attitude, which is an answer to my prayers for more unselfishness, that we would both be giving to one another in the marriage bed. Thanks so much for your continued advocating healthy sexuality in marriage. God bless you!
Wow! As a male, I don’t even think about asking. But as for giving, I would be incredibly willing. That’s, strangely and suddenly, also been taken off the table. What about wives who, for some reason don’t want to be the receiver of this pleasure, even, as in my case, this results in amazing results. Could women be afraid of passion?
Very thoughtful post. When oral sex within marriage is discussed, often times technique related tips are given much emphasis. But, I agree communication and feedback are so very important! And, this applies equally when the husband is giving oral sex. As to the climax, the wife and husband really need to discuss this beforehand. Open communication and reaching an agreement or mutual understanding before beginning helps avoid any awkward or unexpected reactions. But, such climax related concerns ought not distract from the truth that enthusiasm on the part of the wife during oral sex makes a big difference to her husband. A wife that is having fun and is playful from the start is enhancing the entire experience for her husband independent of how she finishes the loving act. Men want their wife to enjoy this form of intimacy.
We posted an essay last month on this topic of oral sex within marriage. We discussed the husband’s climax at length as we agree this is the biggest challenge (or hurdle or obstacle) for the wife giving oral sex. What we suggested is that the wife give swallowing a try to see if she is comfortable with it. We wrote that one or two bad experiences early on does not mean that she will always have trouble with it. That said, we pointed out that for most husbands the more important thing is to be able to climax in his wife’s mouth (for both emotional and physical reasons). Wives, as they gain more experience with oral sex, can work up to doing more and be comfortable. A wife certainly does not have to finish her oral sex the same way each and every time. Variety can be a good thing here. And, for sure, guys should be sensitive here and not be demanding of their wife.
“Should you receive and swallow as your husband ejaculates?” Forgive me for being a bit explicit, perhaps I misinterpreted this, but the wife can also opt to wait until her husband has finished ejaculating and then swallow. For some wives, this may be easier. For some wives, easing back at the time of climax and only having the head of the penis in her mouth may reduce problems with her gag reflex. Communication is in play here, too. The husband ought to signal his wife when his climax is approaching or imminent. Being ready for the moment makes it easier to take it in stride – even when it is an “amazing” climax. Which, by the way, is proof that she gave excellent oral sex.
Ok, I totally understand that women may be reluctant to have him finish in their mouth. My sweet bride feels this way.
If you want to finish him off this way, there is an alternative. Lets see if I can describe this in an appropriate way.
When he gets all worked up, keep licking, but without the head inside your mouth. A strategically placed washcloth will catch the mess. The wife’s soft lips and tongue on the sensitive spot on the shaft, just below the head of the penis will do the trick. This lets the wife use her mouth, lips and tongue to please him, but without having to worry about him finishing in her mouth. When he crosses the finish line, don’t stop abruptly, keep kissing and licking until he tells you to stop.
Men love oral sex! It’s a huge plus if women can show their love and appreciation for their hard working man by offering oral sex often and randomly. Don’t make your husband have to ask for it. Swallowing is a huge bonus. If you have trouble with swallowing just think of your favorite dessert. The kind of foods your man eats also contributes to the taste of his ejaculate. Heavy meat eaters tend to have the most salty taste. Drinking pineapple juice daily helps with taste as well.
Wake up early and use your mouth as his alarm clock ladies! 😉
I think it’s important to point out that it’s perfectly okay if a woman does not want her husband ejaculating in her mouth, though. This article could be taken the wrong way. Oral sex may not be okay to some husbands and wives, and some wives may have issues with performing and receiving oral sex (especially if the issues are due to a troubled past). Some husbands may not want it as much or may not want it if they know their wives aren’t 100% comfortable with it. There are all sorts of scenarios that go along with this topic, so I think it’s really important that women know it is NOT a must. It’s not a requirement. It’s not a sin if you don’t do it or don’t want him finishing in your mouth or if you don’t swallow. Husbands and wives both should be respectful and consider the feelings and reasonings of the other. That’s the only way true intimacy can happen.
@Anonymous… thank you for your comment. I agree that in some cases, oral sex is not healthy for the marriage. I explored this more in this post: https://intimacyinmarriage.com/2011/12/31/is-it-reasonable-to-say-no-to-oral-sex/
Definitely respect is a must!
Thanks again for commenting! I really appreciate that!
wow. Is all I can say. I’ve read other Christian books on marriage & sex but none have gone into this much detail. I’m glad there are brave Jesus-loving folks out there who dive into these extreme details. It’s reassuring to me as I come to terms with how God made married sex for us to enjoy. (Still learning that). But on the flip side of this, it’s quite… explicit. I almost shamed myself for even reading this b/c it is quite explicit. Almost too much. But a good read-very brave author!
Thanks Cheryl for encouraging wives to just do it. I would feel much much accepted and appreciated if my wife would think of my desire for variety and pleasure and give unasked for oral sex sometimes.She did maybe twice or three times in our married life and (over 30 years) then not with enthusiasm, more like let me get this over with. She is a very good wife but wish she’d realize how pleasure she could bring to our marriage bed by being willing to push her boundaries. Wives I think if you give it willingly he will be more tuned to give you what you need. Push through smile and just gently do it while you look in his eyes. Also be willing to touch yourself with enthusiasm if that is possible? These things done strictly for someone you love will do wonders to build closeness. Men need full acceptance just like women do!! WE have talked it over many times and she is dearly loved and knows but does nothing that pushes her comfort zone. As far as ejaculating in his mouth it should never be forced for sure but what do you want? A close intimate marriage where you give fully or your own way? Its very much a refusers life of fear that holds pleasure in the marriage bed?
I’d be happy with any oral sex; great or not. :/
I enjoyed your post and comments of your readers. I have been married many years and have not had oral sex offered. It would be great. My wife can not talk even talk about it which makes me wonder. I, like Anonymous enjoyed reading and in fact still have hope. Time is closing in. I will remain faithful. I wonder if there is a way bring her out. Thanks for this web site and all you do Julie.
even bad oral sex is great 🙂
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Great post. Seems like a popular topic this week, or maybe I just happened to find all the links, haha.
I linked to it here: http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/christian-sex-links/best-christian-sex-links-of-the-week-6/
There is a huge difference between being made to feel ashamed and being convicted of sin. Satan is the accuser the Holy Spirit is the convicting person of the Trinity. The spirit will only convict of a violation to his word the bible. The question I hear most “is oral sex a sin before God?” In days gone by we lacked a way to clean our bodies so in this case it was gross and immoral to expect this from your spouse. But today it needs to be a mutual enjoyment if it’s not its wrong to expect my wife to give me oral sex against her will. I believe in some cases when one partner learns how beautiful the act of oral sex can be it causes anger and hurt in the marriage. This was the case for us my wife would never think of doing this for me and I would never ask because I would not want her to do so against her will. But we had a unique problem. My penis was too big for her vagina and sex was never enjoyable for either of us because of this.Oral sex was the only way no other for play or gel worked. So after 25 years I finally asked her to take a showers with me. She never once in 25 years suggested this. So I took a deep breath and said. Take a shower with me! So she did and we washed each other. Then I told her to lie at the end of the bed on her back now spread your legs. I got down on my knees and she said ” I don’t want you to do this because it’s gross” but I insisted and she consented and she had the best orgasm I ever heard from her. Her body shock and she was hooked. So I waited and waited. Till one day she returned the favor and from that day forth our sex life has been wonderful
My wife has always said “I’m uncomfortable with that.” I love to perform oral on her but she is prude and has excuses such as its too sensitive there, I want you up here, etc.
Then she came up with Vaginismus, then her shoulder hurts so now she can’t do anything. And my unemployment so she hates me. I have back and forth porn addiction (remission for now) and depression (duh). She could care less. As far as she is concerned her abuse as a child is an escape card. lack of energy card. Oh, and the example in another post of wife sitting on computer all day, that’s my wife and then she comes to me in tears because she learned about some strangers kid who dies in an accident…well, my wife has given the devil himself the keys to our marriage and is proud to do so and blame me for doing it!
We have been married for 28 yrs and ever one of them has seen sex become less and less to her.. She has said she could happily go without for the rest of her life. She is a well educated professional… 51 yrs young, in great health and in fact looks and acts like she is 35).. Well “acts” 35 except when it comes to sex and espeically oral sex.. She flatly refuses giving and / or receiving. Yes we are Christians and yes we have 3 kids (well they are older now) and yes I try to do everything I can to help her out at home, etc. I’ve even printed out articles from this web site and asked her to read them so we could have a serious talk.. But she cries and tells me “i feel like I am letting you down” and then clams up and wont talk.. Sex is every month or so and its always missionary and very unevenful.. So much so I went MONTHS without orgasm…. I have reached my end.. I am done.. If we didnt have one child left in high school Id be gone (I am retired)….
A couple of thoughts. First our sex live is not our marriage it’s not until we understood other issues that our sex life became a act of love giving as me to her and her to me. Second sex has been tarnished since the fall and always will be don’t expect too much for your self but think about your wife and love her anyway. Third christians have a saying that applies to much of life but not to our sex lives and that is this”what needs to be done in secret is sin” not true when it comes to sex in marriage and marriage alone. We should never talk to christians about our sex lives if they have this approach. What you need is to talk to a christian couple as a couple and be very open about your troubles. Not just sex but there is defeniantly other under laying issues going on. I hope I was helpful because if I by writing about our good sex life causes you to be dissatisfied with yours I have done wrong. But please don’t give up on your marriage because you will not improve your witness by doing so.
Great post. When we were first married I never swallowed. I still don’t like it. But we don’t use artificial contraception, and so often have oral sex. I have discovered, over time, quite a liking for his semen on my backside, tummy, breasts and face. I know some people say this is wrong, but for me facials have become a huge turn on and an important part of our sexual relationship.
@ Cathy . . . There are differing opinions about this. But, we might consider that if this (taking the semen on the body and/or face) is done within a loving and respectful marriage, a loving, married sexual relationship and it is not coerced, why would it necessarily be wrong?
There are individual differences and individual preferences. What works and is pleasurable for one couple does not work for another couple.
There are married couples who make use of oral sex as a substitute for artificial birth control. This is not as rare as some folks might think.
Men can’t expect their wives to suck them off unless they keep their pubic hair trimmed very short. Bushes of pubes are the single biggest turn off for oral sex. And men should wear branded boxer briefs, not manky old pants with no style or visual appeal. If a man can’t be bothered to look attractive below the waistline he brings sexual frustration upon himself. Too many men are stubborn, hung up and ill at ease with themselves and their sexuality. This is both rooted in their own parents’ behaviour and a lack of interest in educating themselves because their ego depends on feeling they naturally know it all. I can’t understand why men don’t think like women. It’s like there’s some sort of cognitive deficiency and no matter how many elephants there are in the room they just cannot see them.
If women are still hung up about oral sex once their man has sorted out his appearance it will be because of his general attitude around the house.
Most people lead boring, unfulfilling lives. Why? Because they’re frightened, uneducated and faithless. Getting a degree does not constitute the type of education I’m on about.
Who wants to work for somebody else in a boring job in a boring town or get into debt with a high street bank or have routine, “sex” in the same old place with the same old position and the same old everything? I can’t believe God wants everybody to be boring. You’ve got a brain. Think. You’ve got a Christian faith. Use it. Stop being boring, safe, predictable and unhappy. If you’re unhappy at work just quit. If you can’t because you need money to service huge debt repayments it’s your own fault.
OK, I am hesitant to enter into this conversation, and may come to regret doing so, but here goes:
Maybe my wife and I are old fashioned, behind the times, prudes, not with it – you name it. We’ve never tried oral sex. Never really even seriously talked about it or considered doing it.
Call me extremely weird or a freak of nature, but I am quite content to leave it that way.
The thing is, when we are intimate, it isn’t just about our orgasms. Yes, those are nice to receive and joyful to give to one another, but that is far from being all that it is about. It is about embracing each other in total love, totally open to each other, totally giving of ourselves to each other, clothes off, and – this is really important – eye to eye with each other. There is something really great that makes us feel that we are really super close and connected to each other when we maintain eye contact throughout, all the way to watching each other with joy as we give each other an orgasm.
My problem with oral sex, as well as with any sexual position that is not face-to-face, is that we lose that eye contact. The focus shifts to being just about the pleasuring of the genitals. That may be nice, but I’m afraid that we would be missing out on a deep interpersonal connection that is at the heart of what marital intimacy is all about.
I am quite willing to accept any claims that oral sex is the most mind-blowing intense experience imaginable, and that we are missing out on something huge by not trying it. However, the very close connection that we get through loving each other face-to-face (and there are a number of ways that this can be done) seems to me to be too important to sacrifice.
ChristianHusband: Your comment so blessed me… I am glad to see I am not the only one to think that marital union should be about communication and meaningful encounters, not maximum stimulation of one’s private parts. Pleasure has its place, but I am concerned that all the focus on it, people lose sight of what’s truly important.
Perhaps the issue is that so many Christians don’t focus on what’s important, and try to seek fulfillment in triavials.
The most profound testimony I read about this subject came from a married couple, who told about their sex life before and after coming to Christ. in the ‘BC years’, everything evolved around pleasure and maximal enjoyment… they ahd a great sex life, and all kinds of enchancements imaginable. (toys, films, you name it..)
After they found the Lord, they realized how foolish all that was – and now, their life is focused on Jesus…and they said it is so much better than anything they ever had in their before Christ years.
Call me a prude, but that’s the type of marriage I seek and pray for.
@NGal and Christian Husband of 38 yrs:
For those who are religious and are Christian, it is possible to be good Christians; and also have deep emotional love/intimacy and a great deal of exciting pleasure in your lovemaking with your spouse. These things are not mutually exclusive!!
Other bloggers (both wives and husbands) and myself have written that oral sex is not just physical for the husband. It conveys an acceptance and shows love in ways that intercourse does not.
Can a married person (Christian or non-Christian) have a great loving marriage without oral sex? Yes, if both spouses are okay with no oral sex. But, if one spouse wants this and never receives it that will create a certain ongoing frustration (and resentment) which is damaging to the sexual relationship, and thus to the marriage.
As to eye contact in fellatio, there are positions that allow for this. Sure, it is not constant eye contact, but it can be frequent eye contact.
If the spouses try oral sex and both do not like it that is okay. But, never trying it shuts you off from the possibility that it will add some nice variety, some spice if you will, to your married lovemaking, and deepen the shared intimacy you both experience..
Larry B, July 11th @ 4pm – excellent response.
A lack of sexual experimentation in the Christian bedroom has it’s roots in man made religion and holier than thou pomposity. God must be very disappointed with how his gift of piping hot sex, bursting at the seams with never ending possibilities of perfectly innocent fun is so under appreciated by his children. The devil then uses this stupidity to tempt people into his despicable, adulterous schemes.
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The most important aspect of sex between a couple is that they experienced the learning of each other alone together. After decades of marriage, all he has to do is express his desire with just that twinkle in his eye. She instantly knows what he wants to do with her after dinner and after the kids are in bed for they alone have those privately shared memories of their intimate joys that no one else on earth knows about. Those shared private memories of how they have enjoyed each other as God created them are what are so erotic within the marriage.
I like giving oral sex to my husband, but it’s so stressful. First of all, I try to make eye contact, but he’s never looking at me. He always has his eyes closed. This makes me sad. I’ve read this means he is fantasizing about other women and that makes me VERY sad.
Also, I have a very hard time making him finish. I mean I can go at it for a while and it rarely works. Sometimes my jaw hurts so much I just have to stop. This makes me feel like a failure and I must just be doing a REALLY bad job.
I’ve asked him to tell me what he likes and he just says “I like everything you’re doing, you’re doing a great job.” But he just says that, the fact that he only finishes like 10% of the time says otherwise. By the way, 10% is a FAILING GRADE. 🙁
@B…. thank you for taking the time to comment. As for the lack of eye contact, have you asked your husband if he would find it arousing to make eye contact. It’s not unusual to close eyes during intimacy (just like it is not unusual that when a husband and wife passionately kiss, they often close their eyes). It’s not immediately a sign that the person is thinking of someone else.
I guess I just encourage you to give him the benefit of the doubt and have a conversation with him about it.
As for not finishing during oral sex, I don’t think it’s a case of pass/fail. Ask him what he thinks it will take for you to help him climax during oral sex. You may need more pressure around the head of his penis and/or to use your hand as well. And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying oral pleasure even if it doesn’t result in climax.
Key is more conversation with your husband about what you each find arousing.
@B
I second what Julie said about communication with your husband as to eye contact and what he may need to help him achieve climax. Do talk with him.
It is sad that wives can feel that they are somehow failures if their husband fails to climax through oral sex. The truth is that some men have difficulty climaxing in oral sex. This difficulty can be caused by a number of factors that the wife has little or no control over. So wives, do not fault yourself if your husband does not finish during oral sex!
For the wife whose husband rarely finishes or has difficulty climaxing, you can always perform your loving oral sex as part of foreplay to intercourse. When giving oral becomes tiring, switch to intercourse and keep the loving intimacy going free of stress.
One point to bear in mind. Some husbands may feel a bit hesitant to let go and ejaculate in their wife’s mouth out of fear that she may not like him to do so or she may find it unpleasant. If you are okay with him finishing in your mouth, make sure to reassure your husband at the start that you want him to do this. As well, when you are building him up to his climax, you can always say something like “Cum for me, baby.” This can remove the anxiety your husband may feel, and that can help him to climax. Keep in mind that you do not want to give him any negative non-verbal cues about this. So, when he does finish, don’t react negatively to it.
Being on the receiving end of oral sex makes me over flow with gratitude to God for my loving Godly wife. Being a man is so awesome. My wife asks me yesterday after giving me oral “what its like being the husband and being invited to deposit my semen in her mouth or any or any other place I wanted? I kissed her and said “Thankful to have you as my wife. It has taken years of patience and practice trial and error to have a relationship this trusting and thoughtful. When I think of this act of kindness and how humbling it is for her to give me this pleasure it brings me so close to her and her to me. We have had many sexual struggles through the years including sickness and also incomparable body parts but for us oral sex made it possible to show our love for each other. There is no shame guilt for either of us and I truly love to share what sex can become. She used to be appalled that I desired to place my mouth and tongue on and in her vagina. But she understands today that I love giving her this beautiful sexual experience and that I just love the response it gives her. RETURNING THE FAVIOR?
So when I reread this post I understand that marriage is the best gift God has added to my life. Learning to understand each other’s most intimate detail grows with time. I believe any couple comparable or incomparable can develope love and their love making skills but please don’t rule out oral sex because no touch is more detailed then when the mind and tougue touch beautiful body parts that responds is incredible. When my wife gives me oral sex it’s an art. A
Personally I’ve always liked giving a woman oral sex instead of having it done to me. Sadly, my wife doesnt like it and thinks it’s dirty
The fastest way to get to solid ground on any specifics regarding sexual intimacy is to introduce the mindset to the concept of “honor.” Lovemaking is all about honor. Honor through expressing desire for, consideration toward, approval of, delight in, acceptance of, patience, etc. The rub (pardon the pun) surfaces when we sacrifice the honoring our spouse’s desires on the alter of our own. Often this shows up as either sexual greed or sexual neglect – neither of which expresses honor but rather, contempt.
We had the same problem. She loved the experience when she allowed me to the first time but felt guilty that I would do this for her. She knows now I love it when she’s clean it tastes great and I tell her.
What an interesting read after more then a month since I wrote the last. Thank you for allowing me to share. Oh how I wish I could help every couple that struggles. Marriedbuthavegivenup. I hope you haven’t. It will not make life better just to have good sex. I have no idea who you are so I can be very open about this. If she cries because you talk to her about this then maybe she needs to talk about other things first. When my wife and I were going through a similar situation I had a friend that would tell me about his sex life with his wife and I would feel so hurt because we had such problems. When you read about our sex lives I fear you go through the same thing. Sorry! But don’t divorce over sex.
But here is what happened to our sex life. Read what I wrote previous. Yes we have great oral sex. Oral sex saved our sex life. With penis so big I could never get it into my wife. We made three babies together without get in comfortably. Our first two I masturbted and we pushed the semen in with one finger.
But today what a wonderful life together. Three grown kids one grand baby. They love the Lord and they have no idea we had troubles and never will. I can’t imagine what life would be if we baled. I’m going say this perfect oral sex on her she’ll love it but talk about what it might be that bothers her.
But today is a oral sex day and I can’t.
A, if it’s too big to fit inside her vagina comfortably, how in the world does she manage to suck it? The bigger a penis is, the more difficult it is to perform oral sex (at least in my experience*).
*Yes, I’ve been with several men. But don’t think poorly of me. Its just that when I was younger, I confused sex with love and acceptance. I grew up without a father, so I craved male attention. I’m no longer that way, fortunately.
Many women just do not understand how important oral is in a relationship. I learned a long time ago that you keep your guy happy in bed and he will be less inclined to look elsewhere.
My wife and I have been married 21 yrs and until a few yrs ago it never occurred to me to even ask her for oral sex. One night while we were being playful in bed she just out of the blue told me she had a surprise me but I had to keep my eyes shut,sl I did. The next think I knew I felt her lips kissing the head of my penis… she had a little trouble with not rubbing with her teeth by accident that first time, but in the years that have been followed, she’s gotten really good at it.
Recently sho told me it was OK if I wanted to finish in her mouth as it happened a few time by accident and when it did, I felt so guilty that it ruined the experience for me. Unfortunately due to her having IC and Fibromyalgia she doesn’t like receiving as she let me try a few times, but it wasn’t enjoyable to her at all. It took a long time for me to except that it as OK to just receive and not give in return.
Interesting mix of opinions and great comments. My question is what if I am not really allowed to perform oral sex on my second half? We talked about it many times and agreed many times but when it finally comes to the act itself, he always pulls away in its very last moment and switches to a traditional missionary position. I tried to encourage him as I am more than happy to swallow and all those sorts of things. Unfortunately, no matter how much I like giving it, it only stays on a ‘talking level’. On several occasions, it made me feel a bit frustrated and almost instantly gave me an idea that I might do something wrong or there is another reason why he doesn’t want to. So I asked but nothing seems to be wrong. I obviously don’t want to push it or bring it up every time so I exercised patience for a couple of years…still at the same point though. Any advise from you?
Hi there. I so desire to give my husband oral sex but I have big teeth and have no experience…I was in a previous marriage and we never had oral sex. So in my new.marriage hubby wants it and I try but I end up hurting him and so it causing some bad situation.. he does try to help but it’s not working. Any ideas guys…I could use the help…
@ Letty:
Allow me to offer a possible explanation of sorts.
(Sorry to read that this issue has been going on for a couple of years.)
There could be 3 reasons why your “second half” does not want to climax through oral sex. First off, he may suffer from some form of performance anxiety. He may think that if he does not climax strongly you might think poorly of him. A second reason might be that he thinks that climaxing in your mouth is somehow wrong, degrading or “dirty”. As a very loving, intimate act within a monogamous, committed relationship (marriage), oral sex is not dirty. The last reason could be that he finds climaxing during intercourse to be more intimate and desires that greater feeling of intimacy.
I am not saying that these possible reasons justify his refusal to climax during your loving oral sex, especially given that you would like him to.
As to advice, you can now and then continue to give him reassurance that you are okay with him climaxing in oral sex, and even ask him to do so. You might tell him that you would like to share the experience with him of him climaxing inside your mouth as you think it would be very intimate. You might, delicately, inquire of him why he does not want to try this once in a while. But, Letty, do not think that it is your “fault” that he does not want or cannot bring himself to do this. If his reluctant is psychological in nature, he may need some counseling on this.
If during your loving oral sex, you happen to bring him to a point of arousal and excitement where he is beginning to orgasm (internally, which precedes ejaculation), he may not have time to switch to missionary position. If he actually experiences climaxing inside your mouth and sees how you are completely comfortable with it, he may let go of his mental inhibitions. Hope this helps.