Enough already with all these silly attempts to paint men into a corner as bumbling adolescents with a one-track mind.
TV sitcoms, one-liner jokes, stand-up comedy routines and conversations at the local hair salon brim with commentary about the male sexual appetite.
How he wants it all the time.
How you just have to show up naked and bring food.
Now, I’m not saying sex and fun shouldn’t mingle closely. They should indeed!
I just think we as wives have a passionate privilege to please our husbands sexually. So let’s not get caught up in unfair stereotypes about sex and men.
Instead, let’s get to the high calling of sexually pleasing our husbands.
Here are 5 ways to sexually please your husband…
1. Be sexually confident.
Do you want your husband sexually? Do you initiate?
Do you occasionally take the lead in bed and let him be on the receiving end of all things sexual?
How willing are you to bless him with your hands? Your mouth? Your breasts? Your entire body and soul?
I once wrote a guest post titled “I Think the Proverbs 31 Wife Liked Being On Top.” It’s more than a catchy title.
I was simply trying to throw falsehoods to the wind that being a strong and faithful Christian wife is incongruent with being sexually confident. If anything, being a Christian wife should go hand-in-hand with sexual confidence.
Marriage is the one place where sex is not a sin. All other circumstances that involve sex are intricately entwined with grieving the Lord’s heart.
But your marriage bed? That’s where we can confidently embrace sexual intimacy for all it is worth.
If you are not sure how to grow in your sexual confidence, the good news is you can learn.
2. Enjoy your orgasm and his orgasm.
I’ve long held to the mantra that while orgasm may not be everything, it certainly is a very strong something.
And though I know for some women in particular, having an orgasm EVERY time is not necessary for the sexual encounter to be fulfilling, I always get a little leery if a wife says she couldn’t care less about climaxing. Really?!
God created orgasmic pleasure. That was 100% His idea for a husband and a wife. That being the case, why do we not pursue it with fervor and abandon and deep gratitude to the Creator?
When you as a wife climax, it is not only good for you, it is incredibly affirming to your husband (at least if he is like most husbands). That’s why I wrote the post 3 Reasons Your Husband Likes it When You Climax.
Husbands, if you are reading this and you have been a selfish lover, ignoring what it will take for her to climax, find some humility, okay? Stop being selfish. It’s not helping you or your marriage.
And if you are a wife who struggles with climaxing, consider the posts I’ve written about orgasm on my orgasm page.
3. Bring God into the bedroom.
Whoa. Did I just say that?
I think too many Christian wives allow themselves to be held captive by sexual inhibition that is anything but Christian. In fact, they may even be sacrificing their intimacy on the altar of inhibition.
Proverbs 5:18-19 tells the man, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.”
So there we have it, straight from the Lord: A “fountain” (code word for penis), a wife, breasts, satisfaction, captivation and love. Doesn’t sound like inhibition to me, but rather sounds like ravenous delight in marital intimacy.
Check your heart to see if it is aligned with God’s Word on what it means to freely and passionately enjoy sex with your husband.
When you pursue your husband sexually, you aren’t just saying yes to sex, you are saying yes to the Lord. Invite Him into your bedroom. He’s already there, but I imagine would be happy if you acknowledged it.
4. Be sexually playful with your clothes on.
You don’t want to tease unless you are going to follow through, so make sure your sexual playfulness is alluring, not aggravating. I’m amazed at how many husbands and wives no longer have fun turning each other on.
If you struggle with being sexually playful, then you’re just going to have to get out of your comfort zone and try something. Here are 5 ways to be sexually playful while clothed.
5. Learn some new sexual skills.
Don’t know how to perform oral sex? Don’t know how to give a hand job? Aren’t sure the best ways to turn your husband on? Aren’t sure about positions other than missionary style?
You’re not alone. Most wives don’t intuitively know how to have amazing sex. Ask your husband to help you understand what is arousing to him. Or check out the deliciously wonderful resources available on the Christian market.
Any other ideas on how to sexually please a husband? Do tell.
Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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Julie,
I have a sincere comment that says something about this and others of your posts, but it reflects even more about myself, and more still about this era and culture.
I read posts like this, Julie, and I wonder if you are even real. I am sorry for seriously wondering that, but I do. As in, I wonder if you are who you write that you are, and whether or not you are really even female.
My reason for serious suspicion is simply this: My experience with women, especially married ones (I confess to having two now, one prior to knowing Christ) is that women, especially married American 21st century women, care not a wit for sex nor pleasing nor submitting in any way to their husbands. My conversations with married male friends of mine all give me the same account, without exception.
And now I find this blog of yours and I want to run my eyes. I honestly don’t know if I can believe what I am reading and by whom.
Truly I want to, I just am still quite skeptical, I confess. My life experience has taught me to be.
@Topper… Thanks for the comment and I can assure you that I am who I say I am. I realize that not all wives are like me, but there are some.
If you want to read more about my story, you can do that at this link: https://intimacyinmarriage.com/a-little-bit-about-me/
Also, I have a Facebook fan page, where you can see a picture of me and my family. You can find that at this page: https://www.facebook.com/IntimacyInMarriage
Also, many other bloggers quote me and refer to me. For example, I write a monthly post for Dustin at Engaged Marriage. Here is my recent one: http://www.engagedmarriage.com/sex-family-planning/3-sex-lies-some-christian-wives-believe
Also, I’ve written for Sheila Gregoire, who is a well known Christian author and speaker. Here is my most recent post for her: http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2013/11/assume-sex-marriage/
Hope this is helpful!
Thanks Julie for a great essay.
I would suggest that wives be more playful during foreplay. A big plus for husbands is when the wife takes the initiative, and suggests or starts things (activities or positions) she knows that he enjoys. This relates to your first point above about being sexually confident. When the wife ties that in with your last point, learning some new sexual skills, it can provide a very pleasant surprise to her husband during the couple’s lovemaking. (Variety of activities and positions helps, too.) The confidence that the wife shows to her husband is a “turn-on” for him.
Julie, my wife and I truly enjoy your honest approach to what God had instore for intimacy on a Christ centered marriage bed. I have shared many of your posts with her in a loving way, hearing these truths from you has had a very positive impact on our marriage and her understanding of me. Thank you for your bold approach to talking about topics the church is chicken to address.
#1: Actually have sex with your husband. More than 5 times a year.
Topper,
I do not personally know Julie, but I can say that I am a woman like her and her blog gives me affirmation that I’m not alone in enjoying sex with my husband. I am a 21st century woman that loves sex with her husband, loves pleasing him and allowing him to be head of our household. So yes, there are women out there that actually have a sexual desire for their husbands and want nothing more than to please their man. Yes, Topper, we do exist! 😉
Keep up the good work Julie, there are waaaaaay too many women just like “toppers” out there, she sounds just like my wife. Wait a minute. Where is my wife? Are you on the computer again? Are you Topper????
Nope, false alarm, my wife doesn’t even have enough interest in intimacy to even read or complain about it!!!
@Topper
I want to second what Julie said. I know her personally…and not only is she real, she is not alone. I’m also a Christian wife who enjoys and promotes healthy, godly sexuality. I could name several friends who feel the same, although I admit that sometimes we can feel like odd birds among women who don’t realize how important physical intimacy is in marriage.
Still, we’re out there and we’re speaking up. So take heart!
And I for one am thrilled that Julie is here speaking truth and godliness about the marital bedroom.
I absolutely agree with this post!! So beautifully written and expressed! Every item you list is a wonderful tip on how to please your husband, and I appreciate you being so bold as to state it as confidently as you did. This is the type of post couples should read!
I also like the fact you asked for other ideas. At the risk of being overly bold myself, I’d like to focus on point 5, something I’ve learned with my husband.
My experience is simple, and it works so well for us: Doggy style! It’s such a powerful way to make love. It increases his confidence and allows the pace to be more intense, which can be a nice change. He can let me have it and wow!
It’s a blessing to ‘stumble’ into your blog via a tweet @husband mentor… Of course as a believer, we never stumble as my belief is always that my steps are ordered in Christ.
I look forward to your subsequent posts.
I love your writing….your honest, direct approach to say all the things we do actually think of…
God’s blessings to you as you help me to become the wife that God has called me to be.
Great Post. Sharing it via our ministry Facebook page! Thank You!
Thank you Julie! Such true and simple advise that is often overlooked by sophisticated women who are overwhelmed with life and really just need to slow down and realize the blessings that are passed by without nurturing intimacy and a strong sexual bond within marriage.
Wonderful Ideas and thoughts as always!!
Apparently there really are a few married women in this world who enjoy sex.
Truly this is a revelation to me.
Mind you, I am not overweight, I don’t smoke, I exercise. I am pretty sure I am in above-average condition for my age (46). The bummer is, the more I exercise, the healthier I keep myself, then the more my sex drive remains buoyant and vital–which is an unfortunate drive to have when you are married to an ice-woman like this.
I also have in the past made it very plain to her that I want to please her physically in the bedroom, and not just myself. No dice. The glacier did not melt, nor does it show any sign of ever melting.
I feel duped. Deceived. Entrapped. She had posed as sooooooo uber-intimate and passionate when we first met.
I feel supremely ripped off.
@Topper: I’ve read your other posts from today, I cannot tell you how sorry I am at your situation. That identical wife you describe was married to a close relative of mine…no sex for decades but mad as hell if he was interested anywhere else. Divorce ensued and he had to financially start over in his late 40’s. His wife was basically PAID to deceive him before marriage, then starve him for sex until he broke. This website is trying to solve that problem, but the ultimate fix can only come from parents of girls and from the pulpit.
@WH… thx for your comment. I think the ultimate fix, though, can come from all Christians following the truth of scripture and trusting the Lord in His design of sexual intimacy in marriage. Parents and church leaders teaching young people that sex is a holy, beautiful, sacred and passionate gift to marriage is certainly part of that fix.
Thanks for the encouraging blog. The problem may be a lack of understanding of male sexuality on the part of many women. I am sure you will agree that male sexuality is presented very negatively in our culture.
There are sensational stories about crimes. Stories about good men with a mature and normal sexuality are few.
Not sensational enough.I am not saying that the crimes are not horrible and should be not reported. However, it would be nice to read more information about how a normal man develops and matures sexually.
It would also be nice to read about women in the same way.
Your comment about the belief that all men are raging teens is well taken. Could you write a series of blogs on the stages of male sexuality?
I did not understand or know about the true nature of men until I read about it in books and read blogs like yours. Actually, I don’t fault any woman for not knowing and understanding. There is so much misinformation about about the nature of male and female sexuality.
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The comment by Maria is true and apropos There is a lack of understanding of male sexuality among many women in our society. This is a holdover from the time when any discussions of sexuality were taboo. As well, the lack of a healthy respect for male sexual needs may be in part due to a distortion in feminist thinking. (Equity feminism that proclaims and defends the equal dignity and worth of women vis-a-vis men is a good thing. But, sadly, gender or radical feminism fosters antipathy between women and men.)
I always thought that feminine women and masculine men complement each other as each has some character strengths that the other needs. Women do need to realize and accept that men’s need for frequent sex is more than just physical. As others have written about, men perceive the sex (within the relationship) as love and when women withhold sex they are seen as withholding love. It is true that a lot of men’s needs are met through sex. One can attribute it to the wiring of the male brain, but it is nevertheless true.
I wish my ex-wife could have read this long before we divorced. May not have made any difference but it wouldn’t have hurt anything.
My husband and I have been married for 22 years. We are both Christians. It took the first 20 years for me to understand God created sex and it is a very, very good thing for our marriage. My poor husband lived with an “ice woman” for way too many years. Now that I have a much better understanding of what God expects of me as the wife, WE are really enjoying making up for lost time. Sometimes it is more than a little challenging with two teens in our house. Lots and lots of prayer and reading this and similar blogs have really made all the difference for us.
We have been married 24 years with 3 teenage boys. I can honestly say our sex life is better than ever! I thank God for a very unselfish, patient, and creative husband. Thank you for your honest and candid writing. It’s so refreshing and encouraging! Keep up the great work!
I have been checking out your web site for several weeks. Checking to see if it was good and written from a true Biblical perspective. I have grown to appreciate the candid articles about relationships in marriage. I have felt for a long time, that sex, (or the lack thereof) was the cause of many marriage problems. I really appreciate the comments by Larry B above. What happens in many marriages is as time passes, one or both spouses get lazy in their pursuit of sex. They don’t realize the vital role it plays in a strong Christian marriage. As has been stated in other blogs, when a married couple have a strong relationship sexually, why look around.
This is the first time I have commented on any of the pages. My wife and I have been married for 39 years. Good sex is VERY important to me still, but has become less important to my beautiful wife. (Believe me, she looks like she is in her early 40’s. Great shape and great body) I can understand this as she has went through her change. The really good news is she realizes it, and wants to work on getting the “fire” back in our sex life. I believe this blog and web site can be a great asset. We have had a “good” sex life thus far, but really believe the best is yet to come. (no pun intended) For everyone out there, know this. When your kids are out of the house, and you finally have time together the opportunity for more and better sex is there. Don’t wait to get educated. Start enjoying all that God has for you with the God given partner you have. His blessings are there for all of us as we seek Him and His desires for us. I have a true story that happened to me one night about 18 years ago that perhaps I will share here some time. God indeed wants us to enjoy sex with that special partner He has given.
(don’t worry, it is rated pg) Blessings to all.
My husband and I celebrated 38 years of marriage yesterday. We are becoming more happy together as each year passes, thanks to a load of commitment and patience. As I’ve read how unhappy a lot of husbands are (I didn’t realise the extent of this) how about educating the men on how to treat their lady? The importance of a woman feeling loved and cherished cannot be overrated as a lead-up to a successful, regular sex life within the marriage. What can these husbands do to make their wife feel absolutely cherished? After all, their are two people and two sides to these problems with sex. I’m sure all the men that read this blog would love to learn how to treat their wife, even though they feel they are doing their best. Please do not put the whole blame for an icy wife’s cold shoulder to sex on the wife. This is a problem that can be worked on and that can lead to success and great happiness for both partners. Some tips please?
@Topper – Let me speak up for us men. I’m married to a woman who already does all 5 of these. It’s not impossible! And for the record, we were virgins when we married. She was raised with the “good Christians don’t talk about sex” mentality. Now she’s hot and and wild when we’re together. PTL!
I really appreciate this article! I have been married for 18 years and my husband and I have struggled sexually for about 3 years now. He will not touch me at all unless I initiate contact. I have never been the aggressor which is what he wants me to do. I struggle with low self-esteem and must admit that I have NEVER undressed my husband! I love to read and will be reading everything you write and have written ! Thanks for the encouragement!
I love point 1talking about the proverb 31 which says be confident sexually and also love the most important point number 3 which says bring God to your Bedroom dat means alot of sence to me snd I hope it will akso mean alot of sence to other young fouples outthere, tanks for sharing and your eye opening about all these points, thanks God blesss you in jesus name, faith from Nigeria.
Thsnk you again for all tge points.
First of all, you want to get your man so aroused before you even touch him. You want him to be practically begging and drooling for your touch before you let him have it. This gets him going in a way that he has never felt before. The more anticipation and sexual tension the two of you can create with each other, the better. This all contributes to the strength of his orgasm and as well, the amount of time it takes for him to feel pleasure too. With an adequate amount of foreplay, you can have him exactly where you have always wanted him.
I really do sometimes need a hand at how to be better for myself and my husband. I think that in the midst of all that goes on around me, it is refreshing to hear from people who think like me. I absolutely think that I have to be willing to give to my husband, who is as much willing to give to me. We have been married fourteen years, and have 4 beautiful children, and I still desire to please him, and am turned on by his touch. I appreciate your words, and will follow more of your work.
I am still working out my confidence and assertiveness, which is what brought me here. I am appreciative.
Give your man signals that you want to make him sexually happy. You can set a dinner date and serve him food with aphrodisiac that can heighten his mood-sexually. To get a man excited, you let him know your desires towards him.
I am a Catholic and I’m 26 married to my husband for 3 years and I have been having a hard time with accepting that it’s OK to please my husband sexually. I made the mistake of having sex with my husband before we decided to get married and I have been having this guilty feeling that I am not allowed to please my husband in any way or form when we are being intimate. When I do go a little further with him in trying new things, during or afterwards I feel guilty doing what we just did and we are married. After reading this it washed away all thoughts of anything I do with my husband being wrong. I am so thankful for wives like you who encourage and enlighten other wives who are lost that it is God’s will that we please our spouses. Thank you so much… My husband (will) thank you! God bless! -Theresa Neill
Shalom Beloved. I was introduced to your blog by Brother Victor Marx. WOW. This is excellent stuff. I will be subscribing to your FaceBook page shortly. HalleluJAH & Amen!
This is absolutely answered prayer. This is sooooo important. I hope that Christian women understand this and apply it. I see so many women who care nothing about this issue or are so into themselves and what they want. In a marriage you should be out pleasing each other.
Well I posted this blog page on my FB and you will see a drastic uptick in views starting Sept 2 2015 I have already lost donors to our ministry because of some of the subject material. BUT Hey I ( we ) would rather see marriages saved! Some of your writings and subject are intense and no one has to agree with everything you say to glen wonderful insights . God Bless Your ministry!
Dear Julie
God bless you also your entire family your
friends , neighbors and ministry….
Sincerely.
M Christine
Dear Julie,
It has been a pleasure to read this encournaging package. To assure you this is not about women alone but it applies to men. Pleasure in sex should be the aim of both couples, but sometimes men are very selfish. When they reach their climax, they dont care whether you are already there or not. He will just feel confortable and leave you hanging.
Therefore please teach men how to satisfy their wives inorder to leave a happy marriage life.
Maggie
there are many who make love without enjoying orgasm.i think its time you invest in this area.it refreshes and make your immune system strong,its a pain reliever.we have it all in bedroom.thanks julie
@Julie
Your articles are great. Just what the doctor ordered.
Problem is, I don’t know how to present this wealth of information and perspective (and ministry!) to my wife.
Any advice?
Aggghhh really how many Christian blogs out there always promote the wife pleasing her husband. It’s so boring !!!if a woman is having a good time during sex it’s virtually impossible for a man to not enjoy it. It’s the way a man was designed,men have to be taught mutually satisfying sex. You have to wait years !!!! To fix that
I am so glad to see the comment by “Sue from Aus”. My husband and I are currently facing another vicious cycle of nothing changing because he wants more sexual initiative from me, yet I do not feel cherished by him, and each of these play into each other in a negative way. His way of expressing his need or desire for more intimacy is to degrade me, criticize me, belittle me and use hateful words and neutral or negative actions toward me….no physical abuse, but definitely emotional abuse. It makes it difficult for me to overcome the original adversity because it’s the way he’s dealt with any issue in our marriage from the start. I do love him and want to please him….and with that I also want and need to feel as though I am cherished. He thinks that the way to show me that is to help with the baby/toddler and help with chores around the house. It seems there may be alot of men who don’t understand what it means to truly show love and cherish their wives. ….and if they did, those wives would be naturally free and open within that love to give of themselves in a way that didn’t feel opressive. A man who is able to refrain from being hateful toward his wife and deal with issues in a positive, solution-minded way is the man who will find themselves in a happier marriage. I have talked to my husband about this, and I do everything I can to stay positive. I also love sex and know how important it is to him as well. However I feel that until he finally understands the rest, not much will change, regardless of my actions.
Maggie and “R”, please don’t paint all men with a broad brush. Maybe *your* particular men are selfish in bed, but unless you’ve slept with all men (God forbid), then you don’t know what “men” are actually like beyond your personal experiences.
I enjoy all ur articles they ar wowonderful.pls enlighten us the more we are young couples of our time thks.
Lovely
Thanks for the great article! Even though you address women I still wonder how many men are out there who’d like to increase their knowledge about how to please their wifes? I believe that if we are doing a great job we will get the appropriate “response” 😉
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I was reading this post from 2013 and its 2016. I am looking up information to save my marriage. I am a woman who always gave sex to my husband when he wants it and how. As a matter of fact the only thing we dont do is having anal sex. I have tried it but have had hemroids a lot in past and it hurts and when I tried it he was too rough. As a Christian family background I use to think some things were off limits but I still did them secretly to please my man. I grew up watching men being great providers taking of their wives and children but they were emotional wrecks. I saw 2 of my uncles cheat on their wife over and over and I figured they were having sex because my cousins were being born over and over. And my father mother would tell me the womanizer that he was although she was remarried to my stepfather who was wonderful but sometimes me and my sisters caught him looking at women as they walked by.. I saw Pastors cheat with secretaries. I heard that if you dont give it to him someone else will. As I was a child between 7 and 12 men tried to hit on me and my younger sister and I were afraid to walk down the street because neighbors husbands would stare at us and the looks they had we knew was not the grown men should look at a 7 or 12 year old. Then when I was in Junior high a guy I sneaked and dated but quit because I was a virgin and didnt want to have sex tried to rape me under the school stairwell. The year after I graduated a really close friend raped me. I didnt tease him or give him any idea that I wanted to have sex. It made me not trust men and I felt everything is always about pleasing the men but why when they are never satisfied enough no matter what you do. However I still pleased my man throughout because of that saying if you dont somebody else will. And because I wanted to figure out what made men tick and do the things they do good and bad. I left my highschool sweetheart because of mistrust. I married him 6 years ago 3 years leaving my childrens father from cheating. I found out my husband was looking at porn on the internet when I had to use his computer when mine crashed. He claimed they popped up. The girls were teenagers and one favored me when we were young high school sweethearts. I was hurt and surprised being that we made love all the time and I thought was great. I then begin for first time feel unwanted and over the years Ive gained weight but not 300+. I let it go. That was 3 years ago. Now fastforward to August 2015 I left my husband for financial reasons among other things. For last few months we have been working on our marriage. We are not in same household but we started dating again and being intimate for almost 2 months. Again no bars held back and intimacy is great and although we had passion before its even more passionate now. But guess what yesterday after we had been intimate he was using the light from his phone to find my underwear and I saw a picture in his phone of a nearly naked woman that was not me. Mind you since we were teenagers and now he has always been obsessed with taking naked pictures of me. Has some in his phone right now. Again he denied it but there was no way out this time. He told me that he downloaded from website and is and I looked better than some of those women physically and face wise. Now I was so hurt and thought why if you are getting sex from your wife and trying to save your marriage would you do this. Now I’ve matured in a lot of ways and not giving up on my marriage but I initiate let him lead all of the above. Even working out. Mainly for my health but also I want to look better physically for my husband. What more does a man want. It makes me want to be alone and I understand now why so many women are alone. Not all but we are tired of selfish men. I looked up reasons my husband would watch porn. Some said he’s been doing it a long time, life is frustrating and it’s his escape, or he’s missing something he longs for emotionally. I don’t know what to do. I know we both need counseling but now I don’t trust him. I never thought my husband was a cheater and he thinks it’s not cheating but it is if you have to lie and hide it. He has never liked to go a lot of places, not a club man, doesn’t suddenly need to go to store to get something and always made me feel wanted. Never complained about my weight. When he and his first wife separated he said he never cheated. I asked him how did he control his sexual desire and he said he masturbated. I have always suspected he was using porn because he had magazines when we were teenagers but I thought as a Christian man he grew out of it. Am I supposed to accept it. No I can’t because to me it’s another form of cheating. Men some of your wives are not giving you sex because they have either been abused sexually or saw things like I did and mistrust men. Also financial issues can turn a woman all the way off no matter how good her man looks. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you or love you. It’s a known fact women act on their feelings. If you have a cheating wife that you love you need to find out why before you leave if you know then use your best judgment don’t be a fool. But just because your wife isn’t having sex doesn’t mean she’s cheating. 9 times out of ten we know the truth if you really love your mate and pay attention. Obviously I’m no expert and I think wives should give it up to their husband but mean in order to receive love you can’t be selfish. If she is there is a way to get her to love you. But you must give love to receive love. Giving love to me is just as rewarding as receiving. But most of all trust and properly communicating is #1. I woman always knows when you are lying. My biggest pet peeve other than cheating is lying cause they go hand in hand. Sit down and talk to each other like I’mgoing to do today I’m going to try to listen which is one of our problems as women. But I just have a problem listening to lies. I respect my husband even when it hurts when he tells me the truth. It is why I considered staying married to him besides still being in love with him.
I need to correct something from previous entry cause I’m not perfect but I’m honest. I married my husband after I had been broken up from my children’s father for 3 years. I did not cheat on my children’s father with my husband. I was never married to my children’s father.
It is hard to find someone who truly loves you for who you are but sometimes you need help when things go wrong. Not by cheating cause no matter how you cheat it’s a temporary fix and doesn’t fill the void that makes you do wrong over and over. I believe one person can satisfy you I know from experience but it goes both ways and takes work. It’s not hard if you truly love each other. Too me cheating takes more work not to mention disease and other things protected or not. I just don’t like or agree with it. Besides if you say you are a Christian or whatever your religion is how can you live with a lie that you know at least one other knows. In fact other than your mate God is the most important you should consider he knows. He will forgive you if your mate doesn’t. He will love you regardless. Your mate needs you and you him/her. Be a testimony for a newly wed. I’m trying to be. I will let you know my outcome. Pray for me, Pray for us.
I forgot to mention that although my husband and I have been married 6 years we’ve loved each other for 30 years. I never cheated on him.