Want to Give Your Wife Intense Sexual Pleasure? Do THIS.


the-art-of-doing-thisI could say this post is only for you husbands, but I think husbands and wives would do their sexual intimacy a world of good by reading this post together.

Possibly you already love sexual pleasure. Or maybe you as a couple are still trying to understand what is pleasurable and you want to learn new techniques. Either way, you will like this post!

Husbands, how adept are you at using your hands and fingertips to arouse your wife between her legs?

Do you know how to touch her there in a way that drives her wild?

Sometimes we think of this type of stimulation of the vaginal and genital area only as it relates to foreplay. Don’t get me wrong…that is scrumptiously delightful! It also, though, can be more of the main show for a wife; more of the entire experience. And, of course, using your hands and fingertips in this area to varying degrees throughout a lovemaking experience adds excitement and intensity.

I was going to title this post The Fine Art of Fingering Your Wife, but sadly I think such a headline would have stopped too many people in their tracks. Does it sound abrasive? Crass? I went with my gut and decided on the calmer headline. But my content isn’t changing at all.

Let’s talk about how you can use your hands as a husband to stimulate your wife in one of the most sensitive areas on her body.

A few initial tips to consider…

As a husband, keep in mind you are going into a delicate area. If your hands and fingertips are rough or your nails are not reasonably trimmed and filed, your wife may experience more discomfort or annoyance at your touch. So take the time to get your hands in decent shape by removing callouses, using some hand cream and taking proper care of your nails. No, they don’t have to be girly hands; just reasonably smooth.

Cleanliness also is a priority, in my opinion. Not only is cleanliness more appealing, but it also helps prevent things like urinary tract infections for a wife. So as a husband, clean under your nails and wash your hands.

Wives, get in the habit of going to the bathroom before and after any sexual activity to clear bacteria away from your urethra opening. And come to bed clean. I’m a fan of a shower before sex, but even if you don’t do that, make sure you’re as clean as possible.

Make sure you both are in a comfortable position. For some couples, a husband leaning against the headboard and then his wife leaning with her back to his chest gives him good access with his hands to caress her. Or you can use pillows and different positions to make sure you both are comfortable. If you both are comfortable, you will be able to give your full attention to the pleasure and closeness.

How to Sexually Arouse Your Wife With Your Hands 

1. Use lubricant

You want your fingertips and hands to move smoothly over the area. She may already be wet depending on how aroused she is. Such natural lubricant would be somewhat internal, so if you gently use your fingertips to enter her vaginal area, you may be able to draw some of the wetness out as you move over her vaginal lips and clitoris.

If there is not natural lubricant, you can use artificial lubricant. There are so many great ones on the market, which you can find out about at this post.

Saliva also may be a sufficient lubricant. You can either wet your fingertips with your own saliva, or if your wife is open to it, moisten your fingertips gently in her mouth. (This can be quite sexy, actually). You also may start by stimulating her orally with your mouth and tongue in order to make the area wet.

A little lubricant of some sort will allow you to stimulate her with your hands and fingertips in a way that is incredibly arousing. The more aroused she becomes, the wetter she will likely become as well.

2. Take your time

If you don’t intimately understand her anatomy in this area, this is a great time to explore. Not only will you learn a lot as a husband, but the journey will be particularly delightful for your wife. And my guess is you will find yourself getting quite aroused, too.

Take your time with your fingertips to gently explore region, including caressing her legs, moving from her thighs toward her vagina. You may even want to caress her breasts, abdomen and the creases of her legs near her vagina. The point is you are building her arousal as you work your way toward more focused attention on her vaginal and genital area.

Explore the lips of her vagina using various motions. Some circular motions, including along the rim of her vaginal opening, may feel particularly arousing.  Occasionally, move toward her clitoris and caress it. The clitoris can be finicky, so pay close attention to how she responds. Too fast or too much direct stimulation on the head of the clitoris may be irritating or even painful for her. As a wife, you need to help him understand what turns you on and what you need in his touch.

Husbands, welcome her feedback. You both will benefit if you learn exactly what she desires.

There are an estimated 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris head, so it’s no wonder it is sensitive to pleasure. What you may not know is the clitoris is more than just the head, but runs internal as well with nerves, ligaments and muscle.

Not only does taking your time build her arousal, but it also builds trust and closeness. What the two of you are experiencing in these moments is incredibly tender, vulnerable and intimate. It’s not just a physical moment, but a relational moment as well.

As a husband, be wise about taking cues and feedback from her. Too light of touch may feel ticklish. Too heavy of touch may feel annoying or rough. Wives, help him excel as a student! Give him feedback, both with your words and with your sounds. 

3. Find her G-Spot

To this point, I’ve talked about ways you can caress her mostly externally, moving inward only to the point of caressing and exploring the folds of the vaginal lips and the rim of her vaginal opening. You also, though, can stimulate her by moving further into her vagina.

The G-Spot is a patch of skin on the internal front wall of the vagina. From an anatomy standpoint, this area is now generally considered part of the clitoral network. Remember how I said the clitoris is more than the external head of the clitoris? The network of tissue and nerves that descends internally includes this area on the internal wall of the vagina.

The G-Spot is only about an inch or so in, and you can find it by inserting your pointer finger (or your pointer finger and middle finger) and then rubbing the front wall of her vaginal area in a “come hither” motion. It’s the motion we think of if we were going to use our fingertip to summon someone toward us, as in “come here.” A circular motion on this area may also feel good to her.

The more aroused she becomes by your stimulation, the more wet she may become, even to the point of what’s known as female ejaculation, whereby fluid comes out rapidly. Having a towel underneath her will relieve some of the concerns about the bedding becoming too wet.

As a wife, let your husband know if his internal stimulation with his fingertips feels good. It may add to your pleasure. But if it detracts from it and you would rather he focus on more external stimulation, by all means, communicate this to him. 

4. Edge her toward pleasure

Edging from a sexual perspective is all about heightening your spouse’s sexual arousal and pleasure and then backing off and then heightening it again. This ebb and flow is powerful in making an orgasm all that more intense and enjoyable.

What you do with your fingers as a husband can be amazing in this regard. 

You will edge her toward pleasure by continuing to explore the entire area with your fingertips. Her pleasure may become so intense that she will crave climax. As a wife, lean into the pleasure—give yourself the freedom to become consumed by his touch and the pleasure he is bringing you.

If her desire is building intensely, more than likely she will either tell you or move your hand toward more continuous stimulation on her clitoris as she reaches a point of no return and experiences the release of orgasm. Wow. Just wow! What an incredible feeling.

5. Work together

Another variation to consider with arousing your wife in this way is that she too can participate with her own hands. It may be incredibly stimulating for her to rub her clitoris as you stimulate her internally. Or possibly she wants you to caress her vaginal lips and other parts of her body while she stimulates her clitoris. Caressing her rear end and even gently near the anal opening may be incredibly arousing for her.

You can work together so she will experience profound orgasmic pleasure.

It is an art to learn the intricacies of caressing your wife between her legs. You could overlook such techniques or rush through them, but doing so may hinder bringing her intense sexual pleasure.

Don’t underestimate the touch of your hands, husbands. Your hands and fingers are some of the best tools you have to sexually please your wife.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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6 thoughts on “Want to Give Your Wife Intense Sexual Pleasure? Do THIS.

  1. David says:

    Nicely written!

    I’m 60 and believe it or not, I’m still finding ways to take my wife as far to the “edge” as I possibly can.

    Whether feathering her clitoris, g-spot and outer vaginal lips with my fingertips or the head of my penis, what I find emotionally stimulating is the slower and gentler the foreplay is the more intense her arousal elevates.

    There might be thousand of nerve endings surrounding her clitoris, but when her arousal reaches a “peak” her vaginal lips must also have thousands of nerve endings as they swell and puff up and is also extremely sensitive to the touch. Because she’s climaxed by feathering just her vaginal lips. (especially when they are buff)

    I also get a deep understanding how she likes her clitoris stimulated during foreplay (and after penetrating) while I position my body on top and she’ll gently grasp my erect or semi-erect penis with her fingertips (careful not to scratch with her nails) and feathers the head sometimes vigorously directly on her clitoris. (feels euphoric to me as well)

    90% of the time I’m not so vigorous with my fingertips (or orally) because I want to take her to the edge and allow her arousal to climb until she is going insane and begins to climax effortlessly instead of her experiencing an instant climax. though sometimes she’ll experience one anyway.

    When I finally release my seed, I’ll pull out and feather the head a little more vigorously (if she desires it) directly on her clitoris until she climaxes again.

  2. Ron says:

    Awesome post! For many years I wanted to pleasure my wife this way, but she was resistant. She finally let me pleasure her using my fingers and hands pretty much like you describe and she enjoys it a lot. I want it to be all about her, take some time and enjoy the cuddling and sexual pleasure. I’ll get my fun another time, I just want it to be about her.

  3. Confused says:

    I read this with my wife as you suggested. She got upset and it caused a lot of tension between us. I thought it was a way for me to focus on her pleasure which is all I want to do. I want her to experience as much pleasure in sex as possible. I want to be a selfless husband and spend time pleasing her.. She gets upset when I try and talk about pleasure and her orgasm. She says that’s all I focus on. I rarely bring up the topic directly because she gets so upset. I don’t understand why. I really just want to care for her and love her well. It’s almost like she doesn’t want to receive pleasure. She doesn’t like me to touch her sexually as part of the sex act. I give her a lot of nonsexual touches so it’s not like I only touch her sexually. I’m just confused and hurt. I don’t know what to do any more.

  4. Julie Sibert says:

    @Confused… I’m sorry to hear your wife is so resistant even to talk about her own pleasure. I am not a counselor, but I would think possibly her resistance and anger are rooted in something else… maybe skewed messages she received about sex or something in her past? Could you ask her compassionately (while clothed, not during sex), “Can you help me understand why talking about sexual pleasure is so difficult for you?” I just think if she could share vulnerably what she is feeling/thinking… what’s behind it… then hopefully the two of you could work on what it would take for her to get to a place where she appreciates pleasure (hers and yours).

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  6. Old Timer says:

    Well my turn. Hopefully short and brief. Hygiene – DW almost always was ready for lunch. With the cute curl on top it always seemed that DW wife took great care of herself. How unknown. UTIs and Bathroom trips – Almost never. Why interrupt the after glow. We usually wake up together the next day. UTI’s one or 2 in over 50 years of marraige. Confused – My DW was the same way. Growing up in the 50’s, the normal church teachings and her real quite shy ways put a damper on some parts of our sex life. She could be embarrassed real easy. Once in a while she walked out of her closet but not very often. I had to be careful mentioning it because I would be accused of being with a different women. Yeppers it was her. DW response a lot of times was if I do not understand why and feel I do not need to do it I am not going to. The last 3 or 4 years DW became like Dave’s DW. Alzheimer begin pealing the layers away like a onion. The parts that should have worked really worked finally. A couple worked to well and you had to watch the touch. What was happening now should have happened in our 20’s and 30’s. Not able to enjoy it as much as we should have because of my short comings but we had a great time trying. For a short amount of time I had the sexual side of my DW I wish we would have had many years ago and I will miss it very much.

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