Are You Overthinking Sex Instead of Enjoying It in Your Marriage?


overthinking-sexIt happens. Sometimes we overthink something instead of just diving in and doing it.

As is the case with any aspect of life we are trying to improve, we can easily slip into analysis paralysis. Eating healthier. Exercising more. Making a career change. Going back to school. Planning a trip. Clearing out clutter.

We get stuck. We overthink it.

Same can be true with improving sexual intimacy in our marriage.

Are you stuck in overthinking sex instead of enjoying it?

Now before I get too much pushback, let me clarify that I’m not saying you should skirt past struggles or pretend they aren’t as serious as they may very well be. If you have ongoing sexual struggles or disconnect in your sexual intimacy with your spouse, then most definitely that is where you need to focus. What will it take to genuinely address the struggles and move toward more nurtured intimacy?

Maybe as a couple you don’t have big struggles, but you still aren’t enjoying sex as much as you could. With each passing day, month and year, you keep telling yourself that you’ll get around to enjoying sex whenthe infamous when…

When we don’t feel so tired

When we aren’t so stressed

When we aren’t so busy

When the kids are older

When the kids are gone

When work calms down

When we get the house projects done

When we have more money

When we can travel more

There are a million whens. There will always be a million whens. And sex in your marriage easily can be held hostage until the next train stop in life. But it’s an illusion.

The reality is couples who savor and pursue sex in marriage do so amidst the chaos and messiness of life, not in spite of it.

Nothing good can come from believing the illusion that complete order and peace is “just around the corner.” And when we get there, it will feel monumentally easier to connect sexually than it does here.  All smoke and mirrors, my friends.

Are you overthinking sex instead of enjoying it? A lot of good sex has been had in less than ideal conditions. What about your marriage? Do the two of you need to have more fun together sexually and find more solace with each other sexually—not as an escape from life, but through oneness woven into your life?

Give it some thought. But don’t overthink it, if you know what I mean.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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