3 Ways I Became Great in Bed


great-in-bedI know. I know.

That headline sounds so prideful.

But anyone who knows me knows it’s born of a place of deep humility…and the awareness that if I can become great in bed, so can you!

So today I want to share my insights, in hopes they inspire you to up your sex skills in ways that will have a profound positive impact on your marriage.

3 Ways I Became Great in Bed

1. I admitted what I didn’t know.

My first marriage was a disaster sexually. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, but even when there were inklings of cracks in the foundation, I wasn’t proactive in getting help for our sexual disconnect. 

So when I remarried, I was resolved I wasn’t going to venture down a similar path. I was proactive in being intentional about sex, and I have to tell you, healthy intention is three-quarters of the recipe. Once you both become intentional about nurturing sexual intimacy, together you can figure out any sexual hurdle. 

And you can experience sexual greatness.

I became great in bed because I wasn’t afraid to admit and figure out what I didn’t know. And the two of us together weren’t afraid of figuring out what we didn’t know as a couple. I’m not just talking about sexual technique (although there’s a fair amount of learning in that arena, for sure). I also am talking about not flinching in the face of vulnerability and the emotional rawness that sex stirs.

Some people shut down when sex starts to reveal their deep hunger for emotional oneness in marriage. But if you want great sex, you have to be willing to allow that vulnerability to take you somewhere…somewhere great.

2. I lowered my sexual inhibitions. A lot.

I think I lowered my inhibitions so much that I barely have any sexual inhibitions anymore. I see sex as this gift God meant for my husband and me to thoroughly explore and unwrap and enjoy in the exclusivity of our marriage. 

How we unwrap that gift is our own journey. What we do with our bodies and words in the privacy and holiness of our lovemaking is not up for others to scrutinize or debate. I promise you this—lowered sexual inhibitions will segue pretty quickly into profound sexual enjoyment if you let them.

I became great in bed because I have so few sexual inhibitions.

3. I put high priority on my pleasure

Now hear me on this. I didn’t prioritize my pleasure above my husband’s. Rather, I enthusiastically embraced that my pleasure was a non-negotiable. Sex is for both of us. Sexual arousal and pleasure are for both of us.

If you want to become great in bed, set the tone that both your pleasure and your spouse’s pleasure matter—and then coach each other accordingly. It is not selfish to want to be turned on. It’s not selfish to want to climax. And it’s certainly not selfish to believe and expect that the marriage bed is an equal opportunity playground.

Not surprisingly, when you love your spouse deeply, placing a high priority on your own pleasure actually motivates you to value your spouse’s sexual pleasure as well. Why? Because it’s a colossal turn on to bring sexual pleasure to the person you love.

I became great in bed because I don’t minimize the significance of my own pleasure—and that compels me to want my husband to experience intense pleasure, too.

It’s fascinating to me that we think sexual greatness is something reserved for models or A-list celebrities. We carry around this idea that great sex is for other people out there, but not for us “average” people right here. Nothing could be further from the truth.

If you and your spouse want to be great in bed, you will be.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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3 thoughts on “3 Ways I Became Great in Bed

  1. Running Deeper says:

    Well put Julie. I totally agree with you. I see a common thread that is woven through each of your examples is the importance of being vulnerable and willing to communicate. These two important principles are beginning to guide my wife and me more and more in our sexual journey together and it is setting the foundations for a wonderful sex life full of fun and enjoyment.

  2. SRW says:

    What an incredibly courageous & informative post this is! Thank you Julie for sharing such personal and important learned lessons and insights. I can only imagine the helpfulness this post could provide if this was required reading for every couple beginning premarital counseling. (Not to mention the possibilities for those that have been married for decades.) What a springboard it could provide for discussion. Keep up the good work. You are so needed “for such a time as this”… In addition I think we should all make a point of using the word “segue” in a sentence before weeks end!

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