My husband and I take care of his elderly mother. I handle all the doctor appointments, so I’ve seen my fair share of waiting room magazines.
As we were sitting in a waiting room, the headline on an issue of Men’s Health magazine caught my attention:
Special Report: You and Your Penis!
KABOOM! SHAZAM! KAPOW! (Okay. Those words weren’t included, but that’s the kind of emotion elicited by the exclamation mark after the word penis).
I couldn’t resist this article. A special report on the penis?! Sounds sexy.
So I started reading the article and took the magazine with me when we headed back to the exam room. My mother-in-law’s doctor and I had a humorous conversation and debate about various findings revealed in the special report. I know it may be a stretch, but I’m erring on the side of optimism that my 87-year-old mother-in-law also found this a bit comical. She did laugh, so there’s that.
As the appointment drew to a close, I realized I was out of time. But not out of article.
I considered stealing the magazine. Clearly the authorities (or the women working at the front desk) wouldn’t fault me. I mean, come on! I blog about sex, people! But stealing is not my thing, so I passed, despite how tempting a special report on the penis is. I did the next best thing and bought my own copy at Barnes and Noble.
And yes, I know. Men’s Health isn’t exactly the New England Journal of Medicine. If there was any doubt, may I point out that also on the cover of this issue of Men’s Health was the headline “Perfect Steaks, Pool Sex, + Energy Drinks Explained.”
Of course, I saw this as a bonus. I was getting the “Special Report: You and Your Penis” and I was getting pool sex explained. (Never mind that I don’t think pool sex needs much explanation. Water. Friction. Not as good as the movies make it out to be. “Look, there’s an incredibly comfortable lounge chair we could use. Right. Over. There!” I digress.)
The inside spread of the special report is all decked out in red, white and blue, and aptly titled, “The State of the American Penis.” The magazine surveyed 1,284 men and women, although nearly all the questions asked seem to be ones that only a man could answer. You know. Because it’s about his penis.
I don’t want to flesh out all the answers (because, well, like I already mentioned, this isn’t the New England Journal of Medicine, so you can imagine some of the questions included. And there was a sidebar explanation of the origin and continued use of the eggplant emoji to represent a penis, complete with a pictorial timeline. Did you know you can buy a vibrator that looks like an eggplant? Me either. Thanks, but no thanks on that. I’ll pass. )
I did find a few answers interesting though.
64% of men say they manscape, with the highest percentage coming from men aged 30-44.
Sadly, 45% of men said they got their idea of what a penis should look like from watching porn. (As if we didn’t already have an astounding amount of reasons why porn is unhealthy, we can add this statistic to the list).
Beyond the survey, there also was an article about how researchers cannot agree on the right way to measure a penis as far as length. Not gonna lie, this little dissertation was both a historical lesson on measuring the penis (all the way back to the 1940s) and a rabbit trail on whether mode of arousal impacts size of erection.
While I find the commentary and research on size interesting, I don’t think it’s too good to get hung up on numbers. A better approach is to work with what you have and to remember a woman’s main area of arousal— the clitoris — is crazy close to the entrance of the vagina. It sounds so cliche, but it’s not size that matters when it comes to the penis as much as it is what you do with it.
And let’s not forget too that she will likely experience the best arousal and climax through a variety of touches and techniques. Thrusting within her isn’t always the end all that movies make it out to be when it comes to her having a great orgasm. Take my word on this. Take your wife’s word on it.
If this post inspires you in any regard, I hope it inspires you to see the penis as part of God’s fabulous design. Wives, your husband’s penis is not something gross to be endured, but rather something worthy to be savored and appreciated. Husbands, your penis size is not something to compare to others, but rather something to enjoy sexually with your wife.
Let’s hear it for the penis!
If you want more reading that I believe is a bit more substantive than Men’s Health, check out my review of The Penis Book.
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.