Sex Begins in Church. Not Just in the Kitchen.


sex-begins-in-churchIt sounds blasphemous to say sex begins in church.  I mean, it really does.

But not when it’s the kind of sex I’m talking about — between a husband and a wife who see the value of nurtured sexual intimacy.

I dare say that church is one of the BEST places to begin sex, what with God being the designer of sex and all.

(One of the posts I loved writing a few years ago was Worship the Lord. Make Love to Your Spouse.)

When I say sex begins in church, I’m in essence saying sex can begin anywhere. It just takes being intentional with our affection.

Worried you’re going to miss the sermon? Or forget about the canned food drive that just scrolled in the messages on the big screen? I’m not worried at all.

For most women, multi-tasking is like sport.  If ever there was a gender that could be affectionate  and engage in worship and listen to the sermon and remember the canned food drive, it’s us women, right?!

Sexual arousal between you and your husband relies heavily on what happens when your clothes are on and you aren’t verbally saying anything.  The way you discreetly communicate your attraction for your husband can do wonders for what happens when the clothes come off.

We get this.

I mean, it wasn’t long ago that the wildly popular song “When You Say Nothing at All” could be heard at countless weddings.

Keith Whitley, Alison Kraus and Ronan Keating all recorded this song, which is a modern-day anthem for speaking love and desire without words. (If you want a sizzlin’ hot old school version, just read Song of Songs in the Old Testament).

Anyway. I digress.

Back to this idea that sex begins in church (uh, I mean anywhere. Sex begins anywhere).

Below are 5 tips on playfully saying, “I want you, even though I can’t have you right now.”

1. Use your fingernails. 

Light touch is amazingly alluring. When you run your fingernails along the back of his neck or just under the cuff of his shirt or to caress his hand and trace his fingers, that will pique his interest.

2.  Hold his hand.

All hand holding is not created equally.  Sure, there’s the hand holding that says, “Wow! It sure is fun to be at the amusement park together! Let’s go!!”

And then there’s the hand holding that reassuringly says, “I am so attracted to you. So grateful you are mine. So turned on. Maybe later after this lovely rendition of Amazing Grace, we can go back home and find new and creative ways to agree with God on His amazing gift of sex.”

Okay. Maybe it doesn’t say all that. But you get the idea.

You can convey your sexual attraction through hand holding. Probably works best if you mix in some light touches along his forearm and wrist as your hand makes its way to his.  (I know, I keep coming back to those fingernails, don’t I?)

3. Whisper something.

Whispering is not only acceptable between a husband and a wife, it’s almost expected if what they’re communicating is exclusive to the two of them.  We as a society are neither shocked nor offended when lovers whisper to each other.

Lean over and whisper something sweet, sexy or inviting into your husband’s ear.

4. Put your hand on his knee.

There’s just something about a wife’s hand resting softly on her husband’s knee or thigh.

This particular gesture is incredibly sexy in its own unique way.  Maybe because it’s an appropriate public touch that is alluring at the same time.

I think we’d have to search high and low to find a husband who doesn’t like the feel of his wife’s hand on his knee or thigh, whether they are sitting on the couch together or sitting in church together.

5. Lay your head on his shoulder.

Yes, I know.  This seems a bit cliche and meek and maybe even a bit sappy.   Who cares.

Laying your head on his shoulder and leaning into him can be a great way to say, “I want to be close to you.”

When you do any of the above, you are discreetly and passionately giving clues to a puzzle the two of you will solve later.

Foreplay isn’t just what happens in your bed.  Foreplay is what happens throughout the day, in simple and profound interactions between you and your husband.  In your home.  In your community. In your car. In your church.

My great-grandmother Iva MacDonald Deaver wrote in her diary on February 5, 1915, about the love between her and my great-grandfather.

Her words echo wisdom that is as relevant today as it was a hundred years ago:

“I guess love doesn’t reason. It just feels and knows from the little things that would mean nothing at all to anyone else.”

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Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

Never want to miss one of my posts?  Subscribe via email on this page.  And be sure to join my more than 9,000 followers on my Facebook page and 10,000 followers on Twitter.

11 thoughts on “Sex Begins in Church. Not Just in the Kitchen.

  1. H says:

    How is a husband supposed to respond to a wife who does all these things but then doesn’t follow through? Anticipation is supposed to be a good thing for sex but what if that build up leads nowhere? It is beyond frustrating. I feel angry at her and I don’t want to feel like that. Every single time without exception, if sex is hinted, implied, or directly spoken about more than an hour or two in advance, then it guarantees that it will not happen. I feel stupid for having fallen for it again and then I get angry at her for torturing me in this way. Then I feel worse because of the anger that I don’t want to feel. I would rather that sex be a total surprise out of the blue. At least then I wouldn’t have to feel this way anymore.

  2. JustWant2BOne says:

    I just love the closeness of sitting close in church, sometimes holding hands. Sometimes I will rub his lower back if I think I can do it in a way that no one will really notice, like if he is sitting on the end of the pew and I can slip my right hand behind his back. I also love it when he does things like puts his arm around my shoulder or better yet caresses my shoulder in a loving manner. It makes me feel safe and secure when he does these loving gestures in church. Went through a period of feeling very insecure due to a mistake he made, but praise God for His mercy and restoring our marriage. God can heal anything and I praise Him for healing some deep emotional wounds in me and for helping to restore trust and intimacy in our marriage.

  3. JustWant2BOne says:

    I just wanted to add that feeling safe and secure is a definite must when it comes to intimacy and for awhile after trust was broken, obviously one doesn’t feel safe and secure. And for those who choose to rebuild and not divorce after an affair, it is of utmost importance for the wayward spouse to do things to rebuild trust and safety. One of my primary love languages is physical touch. Unfortunately and sadly (working on this) I don’t get a whole lot of enjoyment out of our sexual relationship and some of it is due to his inhibitions and selfishness, BUT I will add that I get a whole lot of marital satisfaction from just holding hands in church or when he holds me so close to him at night and we spoon or when he is affectionate and caresses me at night whether or not it leads to sex or not. Sometimes it’s nice when his caresses don’t always mean that he wants sex, when he’s just being affectionate. Our sexual relationship is sometimes a bit of a struggle and I greatly appreciate your blog, Julie, and other Christian women who are sex positive and encourage wives in many matters.

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