body image, orgasm, Uncategorized
A Different Kind of Sexual Wetness: Candid Discussion about Female Ejaculation
Oct
Years ago an acquaintance and I were having a conversation about sex, and she asked me about female ejaculation.
I was new to blogging about sexual intimacy in marriage, and to be honest, I hadn’t really read much about female ejaculation, let alone experienced it.
I think I responded with a casual, “Well, some people think it’s a myth and some people think it’s a reality.”
I regret that my casual response likely did her a disservice.
Certainly that wasn’t my intention, but looking back, I know she was wanting some reassurance that what she was experiencing in her marriage bed wasn’t weird or wrong or cause for alarm.
She changed the topic.
And because our paths rarely cross, I have yet to find an easy way to revisit the conversation with her. (I mean seriously, I would have to seek her out. And initiate a discussion about female ejaculation out of the blue. Even for me, that feels a bit awkward. Maybe she’ll read this post).
Fast forward to today.
I’ve wanted to write about female ejaculation for awhile.
(And then I had lunch with fellow bloggers The Byerlys at Cracker Barrel and this topic came up. I know. Crazy, right? By the way, Paul Byerly is doing an anonymous survey on female ejaculation, which I highly encourage you to take after you finish reading my post).
For the record, I’m not overly enthused about the words “female ejaculation” — not because they aren’t accurate, but more so because they sound so cold and scientific.
Cold and scientific hardly seem like the right word choices for what’s going on in my marriage bed when I regularly experience female ejaculation. And by regularly, I mean every time we’ve made love in the past 2 years.
I just got a bit transparent right there, didn’t I?
Well. Anyway. The reason I just shared something so personal is two-fold.
First, I want to reassure wives who have experienced a wetness — an ejaculation — during sexual intimacy that what you are experiencing is real, not myth.
The initial time a wife experiences this, she likely thinks it’s urine. Yet most researchers believe it’s not urine, at least not urine as we traditionally think of urine.
And it’s different from the wetness that your vagina produces when you are aroused.
The wetness that lubricates the vagina so a wife can more comfortably receive her husband’s penis comes from the Bartholin’s glands, which have nothing to do with female ejaculation. (More on the science later in the post, I promise).
Second, I want to reassure wives who have not experienced female ejaculation that this doesn’t mean your sexual intimacy is less satisfying or less complete. If we hold female ejaculation up as a goal to strive toward or an indication of true sexual enjoyment in a marriage, we are really missing the point.
I think the experience feels incredible, but I can’t say it feels any more incredible than when I have a clitoral orgasm. Suffice to say, it’s all sexual pleasure and it all feels good. (All that wetness does make sexual encounters a little messier, but nothing that a nearby towel can’t handle).
As for the science and physiology behind female ejaculation, remember that I am not a doctor. Or a scientist. I’m just a housewife talking to you about sex. I’m going to simply give you the Cliff’s Notes version.
Female ejaculation is closely associated with what is known as the G-spot (named for Ernst Grâfenberg, M.D., who wrote about this spot in 1950, although he didn’t coin the term G-spot).
So where is this spot, anyway?
Generally speaking, it is on the anterior (front) wall of the vagina. Don’t worry if you’re directionally challenged and already feeling confused about its location. No GPS needed, I promise.
Easiest way to describe how to find the G-spot is imagine you and your husband are standing naked face-to-face.
As he caresses your body, he moves his hand to your vagina, slides his index finger in. With his palm facing his body, he does a “come here” motion with that finger — the same motion as if you were to beckon someone from across the room. With this motion, he is using the tip of his finger to stimulate the upper inside wall of your vagina.
That’s where the spot is. (Better to think of it as an area, rather than a definitive spot. And probably more comfortable to find when you are laying down).
It’s also where we find what are sometimes referred to as the Skene’s glands. These are named for Alexander Skene, M.D., who studied this area and found that some women do indeed have ducts and glands that are somewhat similar to a male’s prostate gland. (They also are called the paraurethral glands).
These glands produce a fluid that in some women is released when they are highly aroused sexually. It has some of the same properties as the fluid released from a male’s prostate gland.
For decades upon decades, there has been much debate among doctors and researchers about what exactly does happen when a woman ejaculates. Is this thin clear fluid coming from the Skene’s glands only or is it diluted urine that accumulates in the bladder during arousal and then is released? Or is it a combination of those?
Unfortunately, there is no consensus (as well as no extensive studies that I could find) on the exact origin of this fluid.
Sometimes it gushes out, whereas other times it is trickles out. Quantity varies from woman to woman. I mean, it’s not bucketfuls, but for some women, it’s definitely enough to be quite noticeable during sex, that’s for sure.
For most women who experience it, the release of the fluid typically happens while she is experiencing what most describe as a G-spot orgasm. (From a personal viewpoint, I will attest that this is definitely a different sensation than a clitoral orgasm).
While experts can’t land on a conclusive origin of the fluid, there does seem to be consensus that “something” is happening that is quite wet.
So there you have it. Female ejaculation. It’s not a myth (just ask any woman who has experienced it).
If you experience it, you don’t need to feel self conscious. In fact, if a husband knows that this wetness is simply his wife’s uncontrollable response to intense sexual pleasure, he likely will find all that wetness quite arousing.
If it happens and your husband seems caught off guard, take the time to talk about female ejaculation (probably do the talking afterward, because I’m guessing you’ll be rendered speechless while climaxing).
Word to the wise, the finger trick isn’t the only way to stimulate the G-spot. Some wives (myself included) attest to the G-spot being stimulated during certain sexual positions and/or when the penis is at a certain angle during penetration. And no surprise, there are entire lines of sexual vibrators designed specifically to stimulate the G-spot.
If you never experience the release of this fluid, no worries. Doctors have yet to really determine why some women ejaculate and some do not, but either way, it’s no reflection on your degree of sexual confidence as a wife.
What’s of vital importance is that you and your husband are committed to enjoying and nurturing sexual intimacy.
Within the exclusivity of your marriage, you have tremendous freedom to pursue and appreciate sexual pleasure and sexual oneness. Don’t get hung up on how wet that pleasure is or isn’t.
For more reading on female ejaculation, check out the below posts by my fellow blogger friends. And don’t forget to take Paul Byerly’s anonymous survey at this link.
Female Ejaculation at The Marriage Bed
Female Ejaculation: Is It Real? at Hot Holy Humorous
“O” Zones: The Delightful Urethral Sponge at Bonny’s Oyster Bed
For more reading on orgasm in general, I have an entire page on my site on orgasm.
Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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We have only discovered this within the last 4 or 5 years of our 29 years together. Or rather, we discovered how I can help her achieve this. It doesn’t happen every time, and the volume and intensity varies, but it usually happens while she is being simultaneously digitally and orally stimulated. The first time it happened, she was amazed at the sensation, but was embarrassed (‘Did I just pee in your face?’) After I assured her she hadn’t, and it was all good, she felt more comfortable releasing herself during future encounters. While trying to keep conversation polite, yet being genuinely curious, do other women have that same sensation when this happens?
So glad to see this finally getting some attention. Anybody, male or female, that says it is a myth is grossly misinformed! I have experienced it with my wife and I can tell you that it isn’t a myth. Thanks for the discussion.
Julie – Thaks for this, and for the “personal testimonial”. Unfortunately, porn has taken FE and distorted it the way it distorts everything. Hearing about it first hand from someone we know and trust is great.
I was overdue with my second baby and my husband and I were having sex. When I was climaxing, it felt like my water broke. I even went to the doc the next day and they tested fluid, wasn’t my waters. After thinking about it for a bit, I’m pretty sure afterwards I realized I ejaculated for the first time. Ha!
It can definitely be real.
Until my husband had an affair, I had never heard of such a thing. He told me that she released a fluid that soaked through her panties and got his leg wet. I asked his affair partner how she learned about it and she said she talked to a guy on the phone and he told her what to do. (???) I don’t even remember what words I googled to gain information about this phenomena, but I discovered plenty of information. We tried it and it worked! The first time the fluid was very thick and scanty. I guess because it had been entrapped there for 60 years I would not say that squirting feels better than an orgasm, but it is more refreshing. I’m wondering how in 35 years of marriage we had never discovered this. I wish that we had discovered when we were young, but maybe this is our reward for sticking together and working things out.
Ok, the Times I have experienced it were mostly clitoral stimulation, only.
Julie,
Thanks for the post, but I’m a little confused. You say the FE is the result of G-spot stimulation. My wife often experiences FE, but her only stimulation is clitoral. Being post-menopausal, her vagina has become dry and painful, so I generally avoid it, instead using manual or oral stimulation of her clitoris. If her G-spot is getting stimulated, it’s not because of anything we’re doing as far as I can tell. It does seem to be related to orgasmic intensity; the more intense, the more likely it is to occur, but the mechanism of orgasm for us is always the same, direct clitoral stimulation.
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Well, all comments above point to the same conclusion. We are all made unique by God. 🙂 And to answer Ron in the first comment in my experience FE does make you think you just peed. Many women hold back orgasming because there is part of it that feels much like needing to pee. It takes getting past that sensation to feel great. Thank Julie for tackling a tough subject.
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On a date we took time to explore and stimulate the G spot. we had real good instructions that I pieced together from several websites! It can take an hour the first time but it is awesome to see it actually happened. Has not happened since so wish we could make it happen again as it was several incredible orgasms for her and then another one with me inserted. There was quite a bit of fluid and it was clear not at all like lubrication. first it was white then it turned Clear and spurted out about 3 to 5 inches.I think we just need to take more time and really connect emotionally so I think we just need to take more time and really connect emotionally first. For a real good Rendition on why this is good for marriage read Eric Smith’s book on the Design of a woman and the art of manhood. Julie I would like to see more instructions on how this can happen and especially how important the emotional connection is that would make this possible!
New research done in ultrasonic study….
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/seriouslyscience/2015/01/12/proof-female-ejaculation-just-pee/
Have a blessed time intimately, but just for the record….
You know someone had to be a party pooper and bring up a study on pee.
In our experience in the last year (took 15 years to get to FE), there’s times when it tasted very similar to pee with a large volume and other times it’s been a thicker consistency and almost cotton candy sweet in taste.
For us, we’re kind of glad to have this new spice later on in life.
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I am so glad to have found this article. I used to think FE was a myth. My husband once brought it up but I had no interest. We had a great and satisfying sex life, have had for the 6 years we’ve been married. But having babies and breastfeeding made me quite dry down there for the majority of the time, not to mention being sleep deprived as well. After the last baby I’ve had more recovery time and am finding my sex drive all over again, better than ever. One time during making love and a particularly amazing orgasm recently I noticed a very noticeable wetness between my legs afterwards. I knew it wasn’t my husbands ejaculate because he was wearing a condom!! It was a bit mysterious and I began to revisit FE. I read much about it, but much of what is out there is either porn inspired or insists that it’s only urine. I have very good bladder control so I had a hard time believing that it was urine. The problem for me was that I couldn’t pinpoint at what time FE happened for me, if indeed it did. I just knew that with really intense orgasms there was a definite increase of thin wetness. So most recently we’re making love, and we had been flirting via text throughout the day, so when he came home we got down to business (during nap time of course :)). I had been working on relaxing during sex, and following the natural desires and movements my body was prompting me as we were making love. All of a sudden during cunnilingus, I felt a gentle urge to bear down so that pleasure was enhanced. Mind you, I was NOT feeling any urge to pee. A few seconds later husband says, um, you squirted! I was surprised and elated (except for the big wet spot on the bed haha). So FE is an intensely pleasurable sensation that for me happened during foreplay, and orgasm came afterwards. Many women say they feel an urge to pee. I did not. I felt only the desire to pursue the pleasure and to lose myself entirely in the moment with no self consciousness, and it happened. I would say FE definitely makes me want to have sex more. Because the sensation was amazing. But I have had many occasions when I have not had FE and still had stupendous orgasms, so for those who feel they may be missing out by not FE, don’t worry. You most likely are not missing out. 🙂 it’s just good to know that I’m normal and I didn’t pee myself. If this would have happened a while back I would have been horrified and embarrased. But thankfully I was open to it and I can see it as a good thing. I really wish there were more christian blogs that talked about this. Thank you for tackling the subject!
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