Category: sexual intimacy

April 22nd, 2016 by Julie Sibert

Our youngest cub screamed "MOM!!" at the top of his lungs. (And I was a mere 20 feet away, mind you).

Obviously, I was going to walk into the living room and find a severed limb (which has never happened in my house) or a broken big screen TV (which has happened in my house. But that's a story for another time).

Takes a lot to rattle me, but I got up from my chair at my desk and nonchalantly responded to what must be a life-or-death situation.

Nope.

It was dog puke.

There's much truth in that saying that once a woman becomes a mother, her tolerance for gross stuff goes way up.

Out of necessity.  Out of frequency of said scenarios.

Out of reality that as her tolerance is rising, the tolerance of every other capable person in the house seems to systematically plummet.

So I pulled the carpet cleaning machine from the closet to clean up dog puke from carpet that I think was installed in the early 80s. (That's no lie.)

Always the optimist, I rationalized it was a good time to clean the carpet anyway, because there were already muddy prints on it.  (Thanks to the pup. And the rain.)

What could all this possibly have to do with sex?

Well, nothing directly per se.  I mean, after all, cleaning up dog puke hardly could be considered foreplay, even with the loosest definitions of foreplay.

BUT, life is messy, right?

And it's more often messy than it is crisp and clean.  Messy hearts. Messy emotions.  Messy calendars. Messy floors. Messy jobs. So on and so forth.  You know what I'm talking about.

And I have found that sexual intimacy with my husband helps me keep sane amidst all that mess.

Sex builds our resilience to weather the ups and downs of life, the annoying inconveniences (dog puke), the debilitating tragedies (grief, loss, confusion), and the crazy-making that just comes with being human.

And with being married.

This is why I have sex.  Much more than the biblical command behind it, but rather because sexually connecting with the man I love gives me perspective.

Keeps me grounded.

Reassures my heart.

Helps me not be derailed by life's messiness.

I think God just knew -- He knew that when a husband and wife mutually and respectfully and intentionally treasure each other intimately, they would find solace there.  They would be rejuvenated by their sexual oneness in unexpected ways.

So I cleaned up the dog puke. Marveled at my now somewhat-clean 1980s carpet.

And felt grateful my husband and I had made love last night.  God must have known I needed it.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , ,

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April 21st, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

intimacy-in-marriageIt was raining as we crawled beneath the sheets, the sound of water running down the gutter outside our window.

The song "Who'll Stop the Rain" weaved its way into our conversation in the dark, as we laughed and cuddled and lay naked next to each other.

And we were trying to remember who sang that song originally.

(We also were trying to remember the first name of a kid who our oldest son played baseball with several years ago, which really had nothing to do with the rain song. But it helps paint a picture for you of the randomness of our conversation).

Anyway, in our attempt to remember the song, I racked my brain for other lyrics in it, but came up blank.

I rolled over and grabbed my phone and did a search.  (For the love of God, what did we do before the internet?! Seriously.)

It's Creedence Clearwater Revival, by the way. Released in 1970, the year I was born.

So we played the small portion of the song, and I tried to join in right before the clip ended, which my husband, laughing, unabashedly said, "You added nothing to it."

So true.  And we laughed about that.

What's my point in sharing all this with you?

There's something to be said for connecting with your husband before you drift off to sleep, regardless of whether you have sex.

(Although, I might add, we did make love after all this, if you can believe it.  Maybe having finally identified CCR as the artist, not to mention my stellar vocal contribution, lent well to putting us in a playful mood.  Midway through foreplay, I remembered the name of the kid our son played ball with and I mentioned it to my husband. Which, not gonna lie, seems kind of weird to think about now as I tell you.)

Anyway.

My beloved and I have had some of our most endearing conversations and connection in those moments between awake and asleep -- the moments that are intensely personal, private and full of the kind of knowing that is harder to find in the busyness of daily life.

It's sweet, sweet connection, and it's one of the reasons we try on a regular basis to crawl into bed together.

I wrote a similar post about this awhile back, where I pleaded, "Keep me in the dark please."

Do you and your husband try to go to bed together at the same time?  I know it's not always possible.

But strive toward it every now and then, okay?  God offers you a profound opportunity in those moments between awake and asleep.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in intimacy, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , ,

March 24th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

It sounds like you'll get a medal or raise a trophy with a plaque that says "Sex Champion!"

Well, not exactly.

Although, if they were handing out something like that, I'd want to be first in line!

So maybe you don't get to stand on a podium, per se, but certainly the Lord is well pleased any time He sees His followers speaking up about what's important to Him.

That's my eloquent way of saying, "Will you be a champion for sex in marriage?"

I was thinking about all this as I was coming down from the emotional high after a few friends and I put on a Pursuit of Passion Event on March 5 for engaged and newly-married Christian women.

It was all about helping them get their marriages off to a great start sexually!

We planned and poured our hearts into it and PRAYED that God would show up.  And boy did He!

Thirty women attended. And they were grateful to have other Christian wives speaking so boldly and specifically and biblically about sexual intimacy in marriage.  One gal said to me afterward, "If I had known it was going to be this good, I would have told more women to come!"

My friends and I aren't just trying to be champions for sex, we are also trying to create a few sex champions along the way.

Our vision is to build generational patterns of nurtured sexual intimacy.  Passionate, frequent and mutually-valued sex in a marriage -- that's our heart.

Sadly, as someone who blogs about sex, I hear too many stories of Christian wives who have heard nothing positive about sex from other Christian women. Nada. Or what they did hear was minimized to only a barrage of don't-do-its when they were teenagers or "it's gross, but your obligation" when they got married.

Tragic.

Compound that with too many Christian couples not knowing where to turn to help them build authentic sexual intimacy, and it's no wonder we don't have more sex champions.

If anyone should be the loudest sex champions, it should be married Christian couples.

(Okay I admit, that last sentence could be taken a few ways. Possibly I know too much about loud sex. But I digress.)

If you don't know how to be a sex champion, it's your lucky day!  I have IDEAS!

First, if you have children, be sure to have ongoing age-appropriate conversations with them about godly sexuality.

Don't just focus on the risks of sex outside of marriage, but give equal air time to the passion, oneness and infinite richness of sex within marriage.

Let those kiddos see you and your spouse being affectionate and playful with each other.  No, they don't need to see or know the details of your intimacy.   But there's nothing wrong with particularly the teenagers knowing you have sex.

And regardless of their age, all of your children will benefit from seeing your appropriate physical affection with each other.  They learn a lot about marriage from watching the two of you. Be a sex champion.

Second, speak favorably about sex in your circles of influence.

Don't be the wife at the Bunco party or office or moms' group who casts sex in a bad light. Don't lament about "it's all he ever wants" and then roll your eyes in disgust.

While your friends don't need to be privy to the details of your sexual intimacy, there's just something refreshingly attractive about a wife who speaks positively about sex with her husband. Don't be timid to say that it's something you both enjoy and both look forward to.  Be a sex champion.

Third, mentor younger couples about the importance and richness of sex.

As a wife, do you know a younger wife you could encourage?  Could you speak into her life about sex and marriage?   As a married couple, could you and your spouse together speak into a younger couple?

Yes, it takes courage, but you'll be saving them from a world of hurt later in their marriage if you help them establish a good sexual foundation now.  Be a sex champion.

Fourth, consider bringing an intimacy speaker into your church or small group.

There are a handful of us out there who are willing to stand in front of anyone, whether we know them or not, and talk openly about why nurtured sexual intimacy is so vital to a marriage.

I love talking about sex.  Love it.

(A good friend of mine says I'm the only person she knows who can so casually ask her about sex in her marriage with as much confidence as I would ask her what she's making for dinner or how her job is going).

Make sexual intimacy the main focus of a conference or make it a break-out session.  At any rate, get the conversation going.  Be a sex champion.

Fifth, keep investing sexually in your marriage.

Want to try a new position?  Want to find new ways to be sexually playful?  Want to better understand what turns your spouse on?

The more you nurture sex in your own marriage, the more enthusiastic you are about sex in general.  Be a sex champion.

The reality is we need more champions.  Instead of being paralyzed in fear or disgust over the ways society has skewed God's gift of sex, start to tune your heart toward what you can do in your own home and community and church to raise the bar.

What can you do today to be a sex champion?

You may not get a medal.

But I guarantee sweet Jesus will be smiling.  Your spouse will be smiling too.

Everyone will be smiling.

Because everyone loves a champion.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, passion, sex education, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , ,

February 21st, 2016 by Julie Sibert

Occasionally, I have readers lament that I ignore women who are the higher-drive spouse in a marriage.

It's never my heart to marginalize anyone, so I wanted to take the opportunity to share that I do have a page on my site with about 20 blog posts specifically on the topic of wives who want more sex.

Some of the posts I wrote, but there are also several posts from other writers I respect.

This page is a GREAT resource.  Seriously, it is.

On the page you will find so many ideas and insights and encouragements for those wives who hunger for and desire more intimacy with their husbands, and often find themselves feeling terribly alone in the process.

Check out the page and be sure to share it as well.  You never know the marriage you could be helping!

Wives Who Want More Sex and Aren't Getting It

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Pursuit of Passion ResizeIf you know of engaged or newly-married women, please help them get their marriages off to the right start sexually by telling them about the March 5, 2016, Pursuit of Passion Event in Omaha!

 

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in intimacy, marriage problems, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , ,

February 16th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

I received an email from a young husband who was struggling with his thought life that was wandering to a woman who was not his wife.

It all started with a dream he had (obviously dreams are beyond our control), but then he found himself while he was awake occasionally drifting back to the images in the dream.

He felt horrible.  Didn't know what to do.

Admittedly, he loves his wife tremendously, so he wondered why his thought life was such a struggle.

Before we tag this sort of problem as just being a male tendency, let's be honest.

We all are prone to our hearts and thoughts wandering, even if we wouldn't act upon such thoughts.  Wandering thoughts are a human issue, not just a guy issue.

Have you ever thought sexy thoughts about someone other than your spouse?  I don't think it's uncommon, whether it be someone we actually know or someone in the media and entertainment.

That being said, I don't think thoughts are automatically cause for alarm. We have to be wise to hold them up to God's truths and promises.

And that means we have to be disciplined to actually seek God's truths and promises -- always, but especially when we feel confused or overwhelmed.

The Lord will not disappoint.  He is faithful to reveal to us, teach us and grow us beyond thoughts that are less than honorable.

Here are 3 things to remember:

1. Don't stay stuck.

If you find yourself thinking romantic or elicit thoughts about someone other than your spouse, don't dwell on those thoughts. Easier said than done? Well sure, but not as hard as you think if you look for strength in the right place.

Immediately, find a scripture verse that holds God's promise AND ask God for help and wisdom.

Some verses that are extremely helpful and clear:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (1 Corinthians 10:12-13)

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

See what I'm talking about? God is for you. Satan is against you. Make sure you are aligning yourself with the One who is for you.

Another wise decision is to put some accountability in place. At the minimum, find a mature Christian who you trust to keep things in confidence and tell them about your struggle with your thought life.

Ask this person to hold you accountable, both in direct questions to you, as well as you having the freedom to call them when you are struggling.

Men should have male accountability partners and women should have female accountability partners. (This should be obvious, but sadly too many people don't follow this wisdom and just end up worse off than they were with their original struggle, if you know what I mean).

Should you share your struggle with your spouse?

Well, I think this is ideal, but you will have to discern if and when this is appropriate.  As scary as it may seem to admit to your spouse your area of struggle, I think many couples, if they are mature and have a heart for God, will find the battle easier to fight if they are fighting it together.

God works in the light; Satan works in the dark.

When you and your spouse get to a point where you can share vulnerably about your deepest struggles, you're better able to pray for each other and strengthen your marriage against temptation.

2. Don't put yourself in a position where temptation is more likely to progress to sin.

Temptation is not a sin.  Even Jesus was tempted.

But simply knowing we won't act on thoughts is sometimes not enough to guard our hearts.

We need to be proactive to not put ourselves in situations where it is more likely we could sin or even stir up more thoughts about the person who is not our spouse.

So you might have to make some tough choices.

If the person you have had sexy thoughts about is someone you see regularly (such at work, at church or in your circle of friends), strive to limit those times you will see them and/or make sure there are plenty of other people around.

I recognize that we can't always cut off all contact with the person.  Sometimes this is reasonable, but life often is messier than that.

For example, if you work with the person, it probably isn't realistic that you quit your job or ask your boss to make accommodations and put you on a different project, etc.  (Although, I have heard of situations where indeed someone did find a different job rather than face what felt like unbearable temptation, so for some people, quitting is the best choice).

Regardless of the circumstances, I do think we can at least limit our time with the person. Be a grown up and figure out what you need to do.

3. Be intentional about nurturing your marriage.

A good defense is a strong offense.  Be proactive about nurturing your marriage.  Spend the time and sometimes the money to enjoy each other.

Go on those walks you say you're going to take, but never do.

Schedule the weekend getaway.

Find a mutual hobby.

Talk.

Pray together specifically for your relationship.

Make love more often and with greater passion.

Read a marriage book together.

Get involved in a small group with other married couples.

Find an older, more mature Christian couple, who can mentor you and your spouse.

Send each other sexy love notes and texts.

Exercise together. Join a gym.

Address the hard issues that have taken a toll on your marriage. Learn how to heal and grow.

Back each other up.

Hold hands more.

Touch each other more affectionately, particularly in public (while shopping, at church, etc.)

Make a list of reasons you fell in love with each other.

Do something spontaneous with each other.

Make your marriage a priority over the kids.

Believe in your vows enough to live them.

When it comes right down to it, the more we pour our hearts, thoughts, and actions into loving the person we married, the less room we have in our hearts, thoughts, and actions for someone else.

Have you struggled thinking sexy thoughts about someone else? Then do more that will give you reason to think sexy thoughts about your spouse.

Baby steps count. Take them. Today.

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Pursuit of Passion ResizeIf you know of engaged or newly-married women, please help them get their marriages off to the right start sexually by telling them about the March 5, 2016, Pursuit of Passion Event in Omaha!

 

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in marriage problems, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual sin, sexual struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: , ,

clean sheets
February 8th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

clean sheetsEvery now and then, I receive comments or emails from husbands that read like a laundry list of the worst excuses their wife has ever given for not wanting to have sex.

Sometimes I laugh.

Most often, though, I'm sad.

Yes, I know, I'm hearing only one side of the story when these husbands reach out.

But even if I were to hear both sides of the story, we would still arrive at the same picture -- marriages struggling sexually.

Until a comment I received recently, it had been awhile since I had heard the "clean sheets" excuse, meaning, "I just changed the bed and the last thing I want to do is mess up these clean sheets with sex."

Some of you have said it.

Some of you have heard it.

Ultimately, though, God longs for us to ask what our marriage means to us.

By what should a marriage be recognized?

I sure hope it's not clean linen.  Sweet baby Jesus, help us if it's clean linen, because that would be sad commentary.

"Well, their marriage was nothing special.  But did you see the sheets?  Phenomenal. 1,200-thread count Egyptian cotton, and I swear it looked like they'd never been used, if you know what I mean."

Joking aside, this is one of those "ya gotta count the costs" sorta things in a relationship.

What if the "clean sheets" excuse really isn't the reason.  What's the story behind the story, so to speak?

Is it possible that "clean sheets" is just code for some deeper struggle in your sexual relationship with your spouse (especially if it's one of many excuses on the laundry list. No pun intended)?

Whenever I speak to women's groups, I always try to at some point to bring the conversation to a "count the costs" focal point.  I'm annoying that way, but some of them actually tell me afterward they appreciate this kind of candid transparency.

If there is something you and your spouse could do to heal sexual brokenness and better nurture sexual intimacy, isn't your marriage worth that kind of effort?

I think it is.

Yes, it takes courage and humility and possibly even the trusted resource of a professional Christian counselor to start digging yourself out of sexual disconnect.  But there are many couples who have done it.

And along the way, they've discovered that sex is never just about sex.  it's about a oneness and strengthening to a marriage that can't quite be described.  Intimate and exclusive sexual intimacy is one of the main things that God designed to set marriage apart from any other human relationship.

So, when we ask the question, by what should a marriage be recognized, most Christians who have studied God's heart and word would indeed have "sex" in their answer.

If there is more to your "clean sheets" excuse than "clean sheets," I encourage you to hunger for God's truth and redemption in this tender area of your marriage.

And if there really is nothing more behind your "clean sheets" excuse?  I mean, if your sexual intimacy is actually quite great, except when you've just changed the sheets?

Well, there are these crazy contraptions called towels.  With a little planning, it's amazing the way they can protect clean sheets.

See, I do care.  About your marriage. And your sheets.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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xes cover
January 23rd, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

xes coverI was digging through my email inbox not long ago, and (embarrassingly) came across an email to which I hadn't responded in more than a year.

Yup. A year. Ugh.

It was from Joy McMillan, author of XES: Why Church Girls Tend to Get It Backwards... and How to Get it Right.

In her email she was complimenting me for a guest blog post I wrote on another site.

I humbly responded to Joy, tripping over myself with apologies for not responding sooner.

Boy am I glad I didn't let my embarrassment stop me from hitting the reply button!

We ended up exchanging posts for each other's sites.  You can see her post at this link, and my post at this link.

Here's the deal.

This woman is a crazy good writer.

Cra. Zy. Good.

Which is why you should have on your nightstand XES: Why Church Girls Tend to Get It Backwards... and How to Get it Right.

At first I couldn't tell if this is a sex book masquerading as a marriage book or a marriage book masquerading as a sex book. But by the time I reached the end, I decided.

It's both a sex book and a marriage book, and a delightfully authentic one at that.

What I like about this book is what always draws me to good writing:  Joy doesn't hold back in being transparent about how hard marriage is (let alone trying to build authentic sexual intimacy in the midst of it).

She is real about her own marriage and what nurtures or destroys sex between a husband and a wife.  I found myself nodding a lot and saying "yes" to her many great insights about passionately pursuing and enjoying sex in the oneness of a marriage covenant.

All of that would be enough, but she goes further and lets us in on the story behind the story, so to speak.  (We really don't see most of this till we near the end of the book, but it's worth the wait).

She courageously bares her soul about what it took for her to shed light on and heal from the devastation in her past, including promiscuity, sexual abuse and criminal activity.

That kind of authenticity is so attractive.

It equips and encourages women to trust in the forgiveness and redemption of the Lord.

And it reminds all of us that through the ups and downs and in-betweens of doing life as a married couple, anything profound is always found on the other side of intentional heart (and hard) work.

Joy loves the Lord and loves her husband, and she shares with humor, heart and humility the reality of a faith refined and rekindled in the ordinary and the extraordinary.

Each chapter includes questions at the end to compel you to dig deeper.

I believe there's no sense reading something if you aren't going to glean from it and apply to your own situation the nuggets of gold that are transformational.

And this book is definitely one from which you can glean.

It's not a quick read. And it's not an easy read.  But it's a rich read.

Joy McMillan is a crazy good writer.  Personally, I'm glad she didn't keep it all inside.

I think you will be glad too.

"It's easy to wait until your marriage experiences a crisis to spring into action, but having a thriving marriage means doing the work, consistently, and often behind the scenes, on a daily basis.  It means little by little putting things into place before they're ever needed.

"It's choosing to intentionally stock your marital tool belt with effective tools, carve out time for each other daily, and prioritize your intimacy -- spiritual, emotional and sexual -- when things are going well so that when things aren't, you're prepared."

Joy McMillan in XES: Why Church Girls Tend to Get it Backwards... and How to Get it Right.

Thank you Joy!  The marital landscape is a better place with Christian books like yours.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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January 11th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

sexual-intimacy-strugglesI hear many stories about marriages struggling sexually.

The circumstances are as varied and vast as stars in the sky, as cliche as it may sound.

And there is legitimate and heart-wrenching pain within every scenario, where behind closed doors, the true character (or lack thereof) of a marriage is forged and revealed.

Many, many sexual struggles.

But do you know the one reason at the root of almost all of them?

One person in the marriage wants nurtured healthy sexually intimacy.  And the other person does not.

Another (yet less frequent) version of this scenario is the two people do want to heal, but they can't agree on what healing looks like.  So they stay stuck in their corners.

Lack of mutual resolve on doing something -- anything -- about the sexual disconnect sets the foundation for more of the same.  Sexual struggle becomes their normal.

"Oh. My. God. How did we get here?!" you could hear at least one of them (maybe both of them) screaming from the pit of their soul.

Sexual struggle may even become so normal that it seems completely counterintuitive and cumbersome for the couple to climb their way to a better healthier sexual normal.

It's tenacious and tender work to create something better, isn't it?

And you know what?

Without even hearing all the details about such a marriage, if I would arrive on the scene, I would bet my last dollar I would find one person who genuinely and humbly wants to walk in the direction of healthy intimacy.

And one who does not.

RELATED POST: Sexual Intimacy and Marriage: I Didn't Know What I Didn't Know

I was talking to a great friend of mine the other day and we were musing about feeling excited about the new year.

Quite the segue I'm making here, huh?!

Any. Way.

My friend and I were talking about the new year, and she said her word for the year is "intentionality."

"I love that!" I said.

Being intentional about anything takes effort, which is probably why the word doesn't inspire waves of action among the vast majority of people.

Being intentional means having to fight against your natural tendency of taking the path of least resistance.

And it means having to baby step and big step your way out of longstanding unhealthy normals.

Hard. Tiring. Frustrating. Overwhelming.

And yet.

Something better at the other end of all that intentionality, if you stick with it.

There's a lot of psychology behind why we as the masses suck at this whole thing of being intentional and pursuing healthiness as our normal.

But come on. You don't want to hear a psychology lesson right now.

You don't really want to hear why you like the cheese curls and chocolate better than the chicken and cauliflower.

We generally, though, know what's healthy and what isn't.  You'd be hard pressed to find someone who would say "the cheese curls are DEFINITELY healthier than the cauliflower."

And you'd be hard pressed to find someone who would say that sexual disconnect in a marriage is healthier than authentic sexual intimacy in a marriage.

Nearly all of the people who read my blog land here because nurtured sexual intimacy is far from their reality.  Their norm is sexual disconnect, discouragement and, for some, desperation.

If you are reading this, either you are the one in the marriage who wants to work on healthier sexual intimacy.  Or you are the one satisfied with the status quo.

Which one are you?

Regardless of which one you are, I'm wondering if you are willing to do a courageously intentional thing.

Could this blog post open the door to some dialogue with your spouse about sexual intimacy?

Psychology lesson aside, it all circles back to the truth that you gotta do something if you want something to look differently.

I don't know your circumstances, but my hope is that you have not lost hope for healthy sexual intimacy in your marriage.

I can't give you guarantees that if you move in the direction of healthy sexual intimacy that your spouse will want to move in that direction with you.

But it's worth a shot to at least try.

Because I doubt more of the same -- an unhealthy sexual normal -- is the marriage you both envisioned way back in the day.

Right?

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in marriage problems, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , ,

Pursuit of Passion
January 6th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

Pursuit of Passion

Yes, you guessed it!

My co-author and I heard the pleas from many of you to offer our book Pursuit of Passion in a print version, so that's what we just did!

You can buy it on Create Space or Amazon.

Is 2016 your year to improve sexual intimacy in your marriage?

Then grab a resource that will help you do that.

Yes, Julie! I Do Want the Printed Book!

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

Posted in intimacy, passion, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized Tagged with: ,

sex-begins-in-church
November 15th, 2015 by Julie Sibert

 

sex-begins-in-churchIt sounds blasphemous to say sex begins in church.  I mean, it really does.

But not when it's the kind of sex I'm talking about -- between a husband and a wife who see the value of nurtured sexual intimacy.

I dare say that church is one of the BEST places to begin sex, what with God being the designer of sex and all.

(One of the posts I loved writing a few years ago was Worship the Lord. Make Love to Your Spouse.)

When I say sex begins in church, I'm in essence saying sex can begin anywhere. It just takes being intentional with our affection.

Worried you're going to miss the sermon? Or forget about the canned food drive that just scrolled in the messages on the big screen? I'm not worried at all.

For most women, multi-tasking is like sport.  If ever there was a gender that could be affectionate  and engage in worship and listen to the sermon and remember the canned food drive, it's us women, right?!

Sexual arousal between you and your husband relies heavily on what happens when your clothes are on and you aren't verbally saying anything.  The way you discreetly communicate your attraction for your husband can do wonders for what happens when the clothes come off.

We get this.

I mean, it wasn't long ago that the wildly popular song "When You Say Nothing at All" could be heard at countless weddings.

Keith Whitley, Alison Kraus and Ronan Keating all recorded this song, which is a modern-day anthem for speaking love and desire without words. (If you want a sizzlin' hot old school version, just read Song of Songs in the Old Testament).

Anyway. I digress.

Back to this idea that sex begins in church (uh, I mean anywhere. Sex begins anywhere).

Below are 5 tips on playfully saying, "I want you, even though I can't have you right now."

1. Use your fingernails. 

Light touch is amazingly alluring. When you run your fingernails along the back of his neck or just under the cuff of his shirt or to caress his hand and trace his fingers, that will pique his interest.

2.  Hold his hand.

All hand holding is not created equally.  Sure, there's the hand holding that says, "Wow! It sure is fun to be at the amusement park together! Let's go!!"

And then there's the hand holding that reassuringly says, "I am so attracted to you. So grateful you are mine. So turned on. Maybe later after this lovely rendition of Amazing Grace, we can go back home and find new and creative ways to agree with God on His amazing gift of sex."

Okay. Maybe it doesn't say all that. But you get the idea.

You can convey your sexual attraction through hand holding. Probably works best if you mix in some light touches along his forearm and wrist as your hand makes its way to his.  (I know, I keep coming back to those fingernails, don't I?)

3. Whisper something.

Whispering is not only acceptable between a husband and a wife, it's almost expected if what they're communicating is exclusive to the two of them.  We as a society are neither shocked nor offended when lovers whisper to each other.

Lean over and whisper something sweet, sexy or inviting into your husband's ear.

4. Put your hand on his knee.

There's just something about a wife's hand resting softly on her husband's knee or thigh.

This particular gesture is incredibly sexy in its own unique way.  Maybe because it's an appropriate public touch that is alluring at the same time.

I think we'd have to search high and low to find a husband who doesn't like the feel of his wife's hand on his knee or thigh, whether they are sitting on the couch together or sitting in church together.

5. Lay your head on his shoulder.

Yes, I know.  This seems a bit cliche and meek and maybe even a bit sappy.   Who cares.

Laying your head on his shoulder and leaning into him can be a great way to say, "I want to be close to you."

When you do any of the above, you are discreetly and passionately giving clues to a puzzle the two of you will solve later.

Foreplay isn't just what happens in your bed.  Foreplay is what happens throughout the day, in simple and profound interactions between you and your husband.  In your home.  In your community. In your car. In your church.

My great-grandmother Iva MacDonald Deaver wrote in her diary on February 5, 1915, about the love between her and my great-grandfather.

Her words echo wisdom that is as relevant today as it was a hundred years ago:

"I guess love doesn't reason. It just feels and knows from the little things that would mean nothing at all to anyone else."

Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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