Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About a Sex Blogger, But Just Haven’t Asked Yet.
Okay, maybe not everything.
I can't give up all the goods on what it's like to be someone who blogs about sexual intimacy in marriage. But I can let you peek behind the curtain a bit on most of what goes through my head.
Not sure if these are all the questions you would ask, but here are my answers in no particular order:
Where do you come up with blog post ideas?
Just about everywhere. It's kind of like when you are thinking about buying a new red car, and suddenly everywhere you look there are red cars. Look! Another red car!
I think about sexual intimacy in marriage a lot, so I see a lot of ideas.
I get post ideas from conversations, books I read, emails people send me, random thoughts that roam through my head, my own experiences with sex, other people's experiences or struggles they've shared with me, magazine articles in waiting rooms, comments I overhear, comments on my blog, and observations I make glancing around the societal landscape.
I sometimes even wake up in the middle of the night thinking about ideas.
I keep a running list of blog post ideas, and I never run out of them.
Why do you moderate comments?
My blog is about sex, so it's a magnet for spam comments, particularly pornographic spam. Obviously, I don't approve those.
I am pretty gracious in allowing most legitimate comments, even comments from people who vehemently disagree with me. I appreciate the free exchange of ideas. However, I will edit out profanity and I do reserve the right to not approve any comment.
Some comments I receive have nothing to do with generating healthy dialogue and instead are hateful for the sake of being hateful. These do nothing to contribute to the conversation, so I generally do not include them.
No surprise, I do receive some strange comments too, like from people claiming to know spell casters who can help you get your lover back, as well as comments from people propositioning me (for marriage, sex, etc.) These make me laugh and then hit the delete key.
Every now and then, a commenter asks that I connect them to another commenter, so they can comfort each other in their shared loneliness. I'm never going to connect commenters. Never. That's not the purpose of my blog.
Occasionally, I receive comments from people whose hearts I believe are in the right place, but they just are sharing way too many specific details about their sexual encounters. I will either edit out some of the specifics or I will not approve the comment all together.
My tips for you if you are going to comment on my blog?
Don't use profanity. Keep your comment to a reasonable length. Make a point or ask a question that is relevant to the post. Respect that everyone may not share your perspective. Try to speak out of your own story.
What does your husband think of you blogging on sex?
He's a fan!!
He has always been one of my most avid supporters, although he doesn't read every post.
He was a team player when I said, "Hey, we need to try out these lubricants so I can review them for my blog!" That was fun and funny at the same time. (See Slippery When Wet: Lubricant Review and More Lubricants).
Rumor has it some of the guys he works with follow my blog, so here's a shout out of "thanks" to those guys!
Is sex always fabulous in your own marriage?
Uh, no. After all, we are married, and just like every marriage, we have our moments of difficulty (sexual and otherwise). I want to be authentic in my writing, so I will touch on some of this disconnect at times, while still being respectful to my husband and the private idiosyncrasies of our life.
I will say, though, our sexual intimacy in our nearly 15 years of marriage has been profoundly enriching to our marriage. I love sex with this man. Seriously. Love it.
Do you have a dirty mind?
Kind of, but in a completely marital fun sort of way. Sexual intimacy bloggers tend to be pretty adept at steering any conversation toward sex and finding sexual humor in the most unlikely of circumstances.
We have mad skills at puns and sexual innuendo, not because we aren't serious about our topic, but more so because we are fun people.
J. Parker of Hot Holy and Humorous and I have tremendous ease at bantering about sex.
She and I make comments and observations out loud to each other that we obviously wouldn't share at a neighbor's backyard barbecue or the PTA meeting. Well. J might. She's a loose cannon, that one. (Just kidding J. You know I am Team J all the way).
What is your favorite post?
Can't limit it to just one. These three come to my mind immediately, though:
A Body That Never Quits
Why I Cried When We Made Love
What is Better Than Falling in Love
What is your most popular post?
Again, this is hard to narrow down, but the below two posts resonated with a lot of people when I wrote them and still do if I post them again on social media:
5 Things You Must Know if You Are Denying Your Husband Sex
5 Lies Christians Spread About Sex (The Last One is the Worst)
How did you get connected to all these other Christian sex bloggers?
We are an interesting lot, us Christian sex bloggers.
In the vast world of blogging, there really aren't that many of us Christians blogging specifically about sex, but there is a growing number who blog about marriage overall, including sexual intimacy.
The internet has made it easy for us to stay connected, and we are gracious in promoting each others' posts, books and resources, as well as brainstorming and troubleshooting together. We don't always agree, but that never seems to be a deal breaker.
We will guest post for each other, champion each other and spread the word through social media.
To peruse many of the great blogs out there, check out the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. Also, at the end of this post, I listed some of my favorite writers/speakers.
And I have to give props to Paul and Lori Byerly, as well as Cliff and Joyce Penner, Linda Dillow, Juli Slattery, Lorraine Pintus, Les and Leslie Parrott, and Shannon Ethridge. They are all Christians who were writing about sex in marriage long ago and really paved the way for the rest of us.
What does your extended family think of you blogging about sex?
Well, clearly I'm the cool aunt, right?
I'll never forget a lively and interesting discussion at Thanksgiving dinner one year with my adult nieces and nephews, my parents, a cousin and a few other adult family members.
Somehow the topic of lubrication came up, and before long my mom and I were comparing notes about different sexual lubricants. That was a bit much for the nieces and nephews to wrap their brains around, especially at Thanksgiving.
For the most part, though, my extended family just knows this is an area I'm passionate about and that my heart is to help marriages.
Do you have special training to write on the topic of sex?
I always offer the disclaimer that I am not a doctor or counselor. I am simply a Christian wife trying to encourage other people in their marriages, particularly in this area of sexual intimacy.
What do you friends think of you blogging on sex?
Well, my gal friends who are married are fairly used to me asking how sex is in their marriage. That seems bold, but none of them flinch when I ask, because they know my heart is to simply speak hope and encouragement.
Also, some of them seek me out when they want to talk specifically about sexual struggles or have questions. Because they know I won't flinch. I always say it's good to have safe places where we can process out loud.
And, of course, my friends are true gems and my best champions. They are some of the first to tell me to write more, speak more, etc.
Are you making a lot of money from your blog?
Nope. Hardly any money at all.
BUT, I blog because I care about people and want the best for their marriages. A few years ago, I co-authored a book about sex titled Pursuit of Passion: Discovering Great Intimacy in Your Marriage, and I get some small royalties from that.
I don't speak and write full time on sex, although I would love a gig like that some day!
Right now I speak and write when I have time, because my heart's main focus is first on raising my boys, taking care of an elderly parent, and being an encouraging wife and partner to my beloved.
Go easy on bloggers like me who occasionally tell you about affiliate products from which we can make a small percentage or if we promote various products/ads.
We aren't money hungry; we are hungry to keep doing what we do. Running a blog costs money, and we have to be able to sustain what we do in order to help and encourage as many people as possible.
If we charge for products we develop or speaking engagements it is because there is value in what we offer.
Who are some of your favorite bloggers on sex?
Below are some of my favs. I've simply listed them in alphabetical oder:
Be Fully Well
Bonny's Oyster Bed
Calm Healthy Sexy
Encourage Your Spouse
The Forgiven Wife
The Generous Wife
The Generous Husband
Heaven Made Marriage
Hot Holy Humorous
The Marriage Bed
My Beloved is Mine
One Extraordinary Marriage
One Flesh Marriage
The Romantic Vineyard
Sex Within Marriage
To Love Honor and Vacuum
The XY Code
So there you have it! What it's like to be a sex blogger in a nutshell! Any question I missed? Feel free to comment and I will try to respond.
Copyright 2018, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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