authentic, intimacy, sex, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles
An Important Follow Up on the Oral Sex Post
The other day, I ran a post titled Enough With the Double Standards Regarding Oral Sex. Comments I received on that post from Paul (of The Generous Husband fame) and Lusanda shed light on a very valid point:
Some women struggle with performing oral sex on their husbands because of the prevalence of oral sex depicted in pornography. Obviously, in pornography, women are often treated as nothing more than a means toward a man’s sexual satisfaction. Very observant Paul and Lusanda — thank you for the comments! You are spot on.
How tragic it is that pornography has horribly skewed God’s gift of sex. Nothing delights Satan more than to see something that God has deemed as sacred — sex — treated with such callous, malicious and promiscuous intent. Satan is beyond crafty, capitalizing wherever he can gain a foothold. I so hate him for his craftiness, especially when the stakes are so high.
What is possibly even more tragic is when we further Satan’s agenda by refusing to delight fully in sex in its right context of marriage. Read that sentence again. Let it soak in. Could we ever be partnering with Satan’s agenda?
As much as I believe Satan is thrilled about rampant pornography, what I think thrills him even more is when married individuals believe that sex is dirty — and subsequently treat it with disdain. I’m not saying this is an easy hurdle to get over (the issues are complex), but certainly anything we as Christians associate with sin is going to stir extreme reservation.
Understandably, wives and husbands who associate sex, including oral sex, with sin or unethical fringe behavior hit a roadblock. They are unlikely to fully appreciate the pleasure oral sex can bring within the exclusivity of their marriage.
I’m not talking about whether a couple prefers oral sex. That’s a different matter that I talk about in my previous post. I’m referring instead to when a husband or wife chooses not to participate in oral sex solely because they think it is sinful (or that it somehow equates them to the people participating in pornographic material).
A wife pleasuring her husband — and a husband pleasuring his wife — is indeed a beautiful act of worship. I’m not just talking about oral sex, of course, but if oral sex is included in a married couple’s repertoire of sexual pleasure, there is nothing wrong with this. If anything, there is so much that is right about it.
If we partner with Satan in seeing sex — even sex within marriage — as sinful, then possibly the flipside holds value as well.
If we intentionally nurture and delight in sex with our spouse, then we are casting our allegiance with God. We are saying that Satan is a liar, that God is the bearer of truth, and that His good gift of sex in marriage is exactly that — good and right and beautiful.
I don’t know about you, but I want to be in God’s court, not Satan’s. Obviously that’s true on all accounts; I just happen to be talking about sex specifically right now. I think sex is one of the most amazing privileges God ever designed for married couples, especially when a husband and wife pursue their sexual intimacy with compassion, respect, exclusivity and honor.
In that context, there is tremendous freedom to enjoy sexual pleasure. Giving. Receiving. It’s all good.
P.S. If you like this blog or if there is another marriage blog you love, cast your vote over at The Marry Blogger site. He’s compiling a list of the Top 10 marriage blogs, so give a shout out to those people who are doing what they can to uphold the sanctity of marriage.
Copyright 2010, Julie Sibert, Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
What is possibly even more tragic is when we further Satan’s agenda by refusing to delight fully in sex in its right context of marriage. Read that sentence again. Let it soak in. Could we ever be partnering with Satan’s agenda?
Its kinda like letting the terrorists win.
Ahh… good analogy Brent!
I certainly think the more married couples can nurture their sexual intimacy, the more they strengthen and ground their relationship in God’s design for marriage. Not always easy to nurture intimacy, but the payoff is huge if a couple intentionally walks in that direction and tackles their issues, rather than perpetuate a pattern of obligatory sex (or no sex! Yikes!)
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I’m so glad you are willing to address this topic. My program over at the Romance Rescue deals with actually changing our body’s aversion to sex over this very kind of thing. I will never be the “technique girl,” but we really can move from averse to aroused by changing our energy. Thinking about the perverted side of things is truly revolting, but you hit it on the head regarding the victory the enemy receives when we throw it all out.
The terrorist analogy is right on, Brent.
The most common complaint that I hear from guys is that oral sex was not a problem until AFTER they said “I do” and that’s when everything went downhill. On that, I call shenanigans.
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When,you get sick and have a choice of being in pain everyday and enjoy sex or take pain medication that makes you impotent.What a suckie choice aye? I lost my wife cause she became abusive to the point I started having panic attacks and in the end she was enjoying attention of a man who was writing clandestine letters everyday and he’d visit her at work.This started after I got sick.I tried to compensate by being very attentive but she is a daily drinker and
after 3 ard beer she became very abusive until she passed out this cycle lasted for several years .I sought grief counseling when I lost my father and found myself walking on eggs around her.I knew two years she would be out of my life.
My blood pressure went down 20 points and my doctor asked what I was doing differently and I said my wife left me.I never realized how abusive she was and how she damaged me .I been alone for going on 9 years and I have trust issues when it comes to women. I reminded every time when a different event happens just how much this woman cheated me out of . The divorce was amicable and we don’t talk negative about each other.She actually thought we could be friends after this event and I said no!
I truly feel for all the men who end up having prostrate cancer as they no longer have a important part of their life.Some said they were worried about wife leaving them.I know several and their wives are glad to have them around beating cancer.I envy that as I figure I’ll play it safe and live alone and help my kids as grand kids come.
I love giving my husband oral sex. I recently have been restricted from any sexual intimacy, healing at the moment from a surgery, and oral sex has been a blessing. I can show him that his comfort and pleasure matter to me.
There should be great satisfaction in pleasing your spouse.