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Well. I don’t know if it’s a secret.
In my completely unscientific study of the two people having sex in my house, I’ve started to notice something that can be the determining factor between a mediocre sexual encounter and a fantastic one.
Want to know our secret? (Insert melodramatic drumroll here).
I know, right? Mind. Blown.
We are in our 50s, and while we are not in horrible shape, we haven’t exactly secured any sponsorships from Nike or Gatorade. We are somewhere in between that. (Just kidding. We are nowhere in between that).
Point being, we are middle-aged people of average health who have stressful demanding lives. We are clearly like a lot of people, including some of you reading this right now. And though we didn’t marry with the boundless reserve of 20-somethings (we married when I was 33 and my husband was 37), I can notice a significant difference in the energy we had during sex our first several years of marriage compared to what we have now.
That being said, I also am keenly aware that when we are intentional about reserving some energy for lovemaking, the sex is incredible. It’s incredible for other reasons too, of course, but having plenty of energy is monumental.
Not only with more energy can we spend more time on foreplay, but we also are able to try various positions or last longer in more strenuous positions. Plenty of energy is kind of a deal breaker. You just know. You know when you are about to hit a wall of empty, yet neither of you have gone gloriously over the edge with pleasure.
Hitting that wall when you aren’t quite done turns lovemaking into a test of endurance. It’s like those marathoners who literally crawl across the finish line, and then a whole team of medics administers aid and hooks up IVs. I mean, you got the ribbon. But at what cost? You’re now half dead. You can barely revel in the bliss of having made it.
We are lulled into a false sense of bravado, thinking that even though we got winded mowing the yard 5 hours ago, we some how are going to be able to channel our inner endurance athlete when we crawl beneath the sheets at 11 p.m. We hoodwink ourselves. Go figure.
All I have to say is that it’s not such a bad idea to start paying attention. Start communicating with each other early in the day about your desires for later, and then plan accordingly.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.