authentic, body image, intimacy, marriage problems, orgasm, passion, Uncategorized
You Might Be a Selfish Husband Sexually If…
Nov
Oh my, I can already hear the laments on this one about how you aren’t selfish.
And maybe you aren’t one of those sexually selfish husbands, and this post doesn’t apply to you.
But there are some out there. And maybe you are one.
Yes, there are some wives who are sexually selfish too. I wrote about them here.
Before you read the post on wives, here’s something worth pondering…
You might be a selfish husband sexually if…
(1) You are just in it for your own satisfaction.
Imagine for a moment that every (or nearly all) sexual encounters you have end with NO orgasm. No tingly feelings. No release. No mountaintop experience.
That. Sounds. Horrible. Right?
Well, if you are focused only on your sexual climax and aren’t making sure your wife gets to hers, it’s no wonder your wife sees sex as one big chore.
If she is not climaxing in most of your sexual encounters, then it might be that you are selfishly consumed only with your orgasm. One and done.
(Yes, I know. Sometimes, she is the one who isn’t interested in having an orgasm, but I do hear from pa-lenty of women who wish their husbands would pay a bit more attention to making sure she gets there).
For more on orgasm, check out all the posts on this page.
(2) You rarely or never respond to her initiation.
Maybe you’re that guy who has a wife who initiates, subtly expresses her sexual desire for you or even comes right out and says, “I really want to have sex tonight.”
And you do nothing. No interest. No response.
You handle her comments and initiation as if they are nothing more than a passing phase.
That’s selfish. And it’s sinful. It’s blatant disregard for 1 Corinthians 7.
I know that the reason some men ignore or back down from their wife’s sexual initiation is because of struggles with desire, erectile dysfunction, stress and so forth. I am in no way minimizing the legitimate physical and emotional issues that take a toll on sexual intimacy from a man’s perspective.
Even so, though, if that describes you, you owe it to yourself and her (and your marriage in general) to explore why those struggles are happening and possible solutions.
Through honest dialogue with your wife, you likely will discover a woman who wants to support you and reassure you.
But you can’t just keep ignoring her. That’s not going to work.
(3) You’re not willing to understand what sex means to her.
I don’t know what sex means to your wife, but I would be willing to bet it might be different than what sex means to you.
For some wives, sex is reassurance. (I touched on that in this post about my husband and I making love after someone tried to break into our house).
For some wives, sex is what reminds her that you are in this thing called life — together. For some wives, sex is a release of stress and the embodiment of love all wrapped into one.
Seek to understand what sex means to her.
(4) You aren’t pulling your weight around the house.
I know this is beyond cliche, but the truth is, most cliches find their roots in this thing called truth.
If you’re expecting her to take care of everything with the house, the kids, the in-laws, the errands, the soccer practice, the “we are out of milk again,” the bills, the homework and so on, well that’s just a huge drag on her sexual desire.
I’m not here to give you commentary on how division of labor should work in your home.
Just make sure it’s not all on her. Because if it’s all on her, she probably has little interest, time or energy to get naked with you when the lights go down.
(5) There are ulterior motives behind your compliments.
Every now and then I hear from wives who feel their husband is complimentary toward her only when he wants sex.
If your compliments find their foundation in an ulterior motive, she saw the pattern in your compliments long ago. The gig is up.
It hurts her. And possibly even angers her.
Plain and simple, compliments that are dripping with the sting of ulterior motive are never going to arouse her. Try a different approach — one that is authentic and affirms her regularly, not just when you want to get busy beneath the sheets.
(6) You insist on things always being your way.
I get it. There are certain sexual positions or experiences you like more than others. But sex can’t always be on your terms.
Sexual intimacy in marriage needs to be a place of mutual learning and awareness. It simply has to be the right mix of selflessness and selfishness, where sexual needs and desires are not just acknowledged, but pursued.
Of course, I’m talking about needs and desires and sex positions and sex experiences that all fall in the realm of what’s acceptable in the marriage bed. So, third parties are a no go. Pornography is a no go. BDSM is a no go.
You get the picture. Talk with your wife about ways you both can enjoy sex. Don’t insist on things always being your way.
If you’re still reading and you see yourself in any of the signs of sexual selfishness, be encouraged that you can right the ship on this.
If there are things you need to confess and ask for forgiveness on, then don’t delay!
Share this post with your wife and use it as a spring board into some good conversation on how the two of you together can move forward to heal and build intimacy.
Because sex should be a place marked much more by generosity than selfishness.
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In his book, “The Four Loves,” C.S. Lewis says that the first thing Eros (marital love) does is obliterate the distinction between the selfish and the selfless. I get what he said.
I am very selfish in my desire to make love to my wife, to see her get pleasure. When she enjoys sex, I selfishly feel like a million bucks. But, sadly, she has little interest in her own selfish pleasure. She has little interest in my kisses, my caresses or my touch, all the while she remains willing to “do” me manually from time to time so I get a needed release (in my selfish pain, I do count that blessing, which many men don’t share).
And, so I understand what sex means to my wife. It means an inconvenient obligation that she would much rather live without. She has told me she could live the rest of her life without it. Yes, she will unselfishly minister to me, but I selfishly want more than that. I selfishly want her to selfishly desire me.
If I’m being totally unselfish, I will respect her lack of desire and not, as Paul says in 1 Cor. 13, “seek my own.” I will just leave her alone and give up on our sex life. It would certainly ease the pressure she feels to generate a sexual desire she honestly believes has left her forever. And, yet, that doesn’t seem right. How many movie plots have we seen where the woman leaves the man. He respects her choice only to have her lament later, “but you never came after me.”
My most selfish sexual desire is to sexually please my wife. The most unselfish thing she can do for me is selfishly desire me. Selfish/selfless. When it comes to Eros, it’s all the same.
I selfishly want sex once a month. Which, incidentally, is the level that keeps me from driving myself into a bridge embankment.
Yes, I know, it’s too much to ask.
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I agree with e2 “If I’m being totally unselfish, I will respect her lack of desire and not, as Paul says in 1 Cor. 13, “seek my own.” I will just leave her alone and give up on our sex life.” As a Christian man, is it not wrong to expect sex once a week when the wife only desires it once a month or less?
I think we all need to get over what is selfish and what isn’t and just get on with having more sex with our spouse.
My wife and I have sex at least every other day, sometimes more. We each may not always be in the mood but we do it anyway to satisfy the other.
It is my belief that any woman who claims to not enjoy sex has not been properly satisfied. I think a sexually satisfied woman will enjoy sex as much or more than her husband and keep coming back for more. I know my wife’s orgasms are much longer lasting than mine. Watching her orgasm makes me jealous.
I think married couples need to get into the mindset that sex is something married couples do, like eating, bathing, and sleeping. I think withholding sex from a spouse is akin to withholding food from a spouse. Sexually starving ones spouse is cruel punishment.
I’ll note that these opinions are from a 51 year old man who has been married to the same woman for nearly 28 years and has had many thousands of wonderful sexual encounters with her.
BJ,
I honor your marriage and success. However, I respectfully disagree with your assertion that “any woman who claims to not enjoy sex has not been properly satisfied.” My wife routinely orgasms when we make love and, like yours, hers are longer and more intense than mine. But, when we’re not in the throes of sexual passion, she has little interest in getting into those throes. Women are hormonally different than men. We men are hormonally created to pursue sex even before we’re aroused. Women are (generally speaking) wired so that, until they are actually aroused, they can have little interest or desire in becoming aroused. I envy you your wife, but it is quite common that women are more like mine, fully satisfied and orgasmic, but with little sexual interest until they’re actually aroused. What’s most frustrating is that, because they’re not interested until they’re aroused, they often resist the very things that will result in their arousal
Hi there, e2. I pray your wife stops resisting and starts embracing. I have come to see the things my husband does that result in my arousal as gifts, celebrations of my femininity.
Thank you Reba for the well-wishes. Things are improving in our marriage. We are talking more and growing closer. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the physical affection catches up to everything else. We’ll keep working on it. And, even if it doesn’t, my love for her is growing so I’m not as frustrated as I was before.
Numbers 3 and 6 in the post are very important. Husbands ought to take the time and make the effort to understand what sex means to their wife. Honest communication is important here, but it may take some time to reach a good understanding. It is more than just physical for wives and for husbands, too. The spouses can grow in mutual understanding and their lovemaking can become better over time.
Neither spouse ought to insist on things always being their way in the marriage bed. That said, I am glad Julie that you touched on this in the next post on sexually selfish wives. Lovemaking involves some give and take. Husbands ought not be demanding nor insistent on always getting certain acts or certain positions, etc. But, wives can be more open to expanding their comfort zone within the marriage bed.
e2
Perhaps I could rephrase what I said by saying that a woman who claims to not enjoy sex has not been properly persued, aroused, and satisfied.
At any rate I don’t understand why any woman or man (some men are also not interested in sex) would ever turn down an opportunity to join with their spouse and enjoy the greatest pleasure known to mankind. Even if I’m not in the mood, which doesn’t happen often, or I’m not feeling well I still don’t turn down sex, because I know regardless of how I am now feeling, or whether or not I’m in the mood, it’s still going to feel great.
Beyond that I think it is a sin to withhold sex within marriage. In my view sex is what marriage is all about. A man and a woman could sinlessly live with each other do everything a married couple does except have sex so sex is really the only difference between a friendship and a marriage. My wife and I are married and we have sex, a lot of it. We are not just sexless friends living in the same house.
“I think a sexually satisfied woman will enjoy sex as much or more than her husband and keep coming back for more. I know my wife’s orgasms are much longer lasting than mine. Watching her orgasm makes me jealous.”
This comment makes me sad. The male body is equally capable of orgasmic intensity as the female body. However, in our culture, we seem to focus more on giving the female “the most intense orgasm ever” while just assuming that the male orgasm is a given, which of course it typically is. But there is so much more to male orgasm than what most men are accustomed to. I would encourage both you and your wife to look into tips and techniques that will make orgasm more powerful for you so that you can have what she’s having, so to speak. Have you looked into prostate play?
There are great medical solution today to increase pleasure of both partners, they are also clinically proven.
Many of them can be found on the web.
Having read this I find myself wishing I WAS a selfish Husband!
If that were the case it would put the solution squarely on my shoulders. I am ready to do anything, change anything to have an intimate relationship.
I’m the wife who is hyper sexual and feels my husband is selfish with meeting his own desires and leaving me feeling unfulfilled. I have been the wife who has had sex without being satisfied and also wanting much more sex then my husband but being rejecte. II can relate so much to this article and it’s hard knowing how to fix it or if I should move on.
Im the wife thats constantly turning my husband down. Its the way he comes at me about it thats a complete turn off. Hes always up my ass like a lost puppy begging for sex and affection. I have given in quite a bit over the past few years, but it always turns into about 7 mins of (all for him) sex, he catches a nut and then thats it. which makes me feel like ‘what a freakin waste’ and in turn the next time hes wanting it of course i have no want to go thru that again. I would love to have sex, but im bored out of my mind with this broken record. It has honestly made me start to dread him even asking and makes me feel disgusted by him. I need some freaking fire in my life, not a sulky sappy b**** that acts like a brat when he doesnt get his way. I miss the challenge and playful flirty fun if the way things were in the begining. Now when we have sex i feel like i could be a dead body.
If your woman’s turning you away, she is generally upset with you. There is nothing sexier than a man that says sit down and relax with a glass of wine, I’ll do the dishes tonight, a man that speaks with love and listens to his wife. There’s no bigger turn off than taking care of kids and house and being so exhausted you just want some time to relax. Idk my husband is very selfish so even though I’m dying for sex it’s so frustrating to always get close and never have him try to make me orgasm. It’s easy to make me orgasm and for the love of god just try. I do not like feeling like his cum dumpster and having the female equivalent of blue balls all the time… Easier to say no. The man that tries everytime, well I must have him twice a day and I have no problem spoiling him knowing next time he’s going to make me scream.
This may be too late, as most of these comments are from a long time ago, but I have been there. I’m the wife that is equally as sexual as my husband. We have been through years of bad sex/no sex. But we worked through it and learned that if you focus on the other persons needs yours will be met as well. It’s almost become a game for us. Who gets to pleasure the other first. Also, read the 5 love languages. Every person relates differently. If we treat our spouse like they are the same as us, we will fail. Sex was created for marriage and it is a beautiful thing! I pray everyone is able to get this area of their life worked out!
I love sex but my husband controls it. Not in the sexy way. No I would like if he would take some initiation in bed. He turns me down when ever I start flirting with him with comments like “Gross” or “Thats disgusting” So I rather not feel like that and give up.
So then after a week or 2 I will give in and we will end up having sex. But not without him commenting afterward “Bout time! You never try to have sex with me!”
This angers and disgusts me because I COME AT HIM ALL THE TIME. He purposely turns me away and makes me feel ugly. Then when I give up trying and focus on other things he wont even show signs of being in the mood or wanting sex.
Then when we do have sex finally, ill be excited and then my libido drops as he walks into our bed room and lays on the bed for me to get on him and THAT IS ALL. He lets me orgasm but I DO EVERYTHING. I rarely get a moan from him let alone being touched. Its like doing a male blow up doll. Its me on top every time or me giving HIM a BJ while he stabs me lazy like with his fingers.
I know he talks and texts other women. He has done it for years. I have caught him many times.
I admit I feel unloved, Unattractive.Stupid and sometimes I fantasies about other men.
Hi I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and we have a child with each other what gets to me is i always do the house, go to work, cook dinner and tidy the house and let her relax whenever she wants so theres no excuse of her being ties i try to have sex with her but she always has an excuse like im tied, not tonight and do you have to! i dont try it on that often as i dont like being rejected as anyone wouldn’t do, i know how to pleasure her and i have many times in the past but she still saids no! each time ae do have sex she makes it out as a chore and last time we had sex she said just get it over and done with! It just puts me down and un wanted for the last 2 years we’ve only had sex once every 2 months and yeh i dont last as long as u use to but thats because we dont have sex that often so i have got control like i use to but i do use my tounge to satisfy her before we have sex. I just dont what to do i dont want to lose her but im depressed and upset with the way things are going on pmease somebody help me and we had my son 3 years agon and i know a women maybe not be back to normal after 2 years but ive been a gentalmen and waited and still nothing changes
I am a very free and sexual wife. I married a man who loves this about me, but does not find it necessary to actually please me. Oh, he enjoys all that I provide for his pleasure and often speaks about how happy he is sexually, but I am over here ravenously starving. I dress, dance, whatever…. He lays in bed with his socks on and enjoys. When he is finished, though I am barely warm, he asks me, “Do you want me to finish you off?” Or, “Do you want me to do this or that?” But he asks like, he’d rather not. Of course I want more, I haven’t started yet! I used to say yes, but the half hearted attempt just made me feel so used and taken advantage of, often times he would get bored and stop or I would stop him because the emotional toll was too high to pay. I have been married for 15 years and I am not the same woman. Sometimes I think I hate this man. How could he love me at all? I don’t need lube, I need time and attention! I am or used to be multiple orgasmic, now I am fighting to become aroused by him. I pray, “Lord, help me to desire my husband,” so that I don’t start to wander. God answers and I do desire him, I take him and he is fully engaged, but just not for me. He is only involved for me as long as it gets him where he is going. I can go to bed hungry, who cares. I am so angry. I look at him sometimes and am so disgusted I could vomit. I wish I could have no drive than to be with someone who cares absolutely for it. I am depressed and bitter. It’s abusive. And it feels abusive. It’s like he doesn’t understand that sex isn’t just on his terms, how he likes it, for his pleasure. I could cry all day but he’s happy so there is nothing for it. He says I am just one of those women who always have be unhappy about something. But this is the only thing I have been unhappy about and how it has affected the rest of our intimacy. I am a good little wife, who provides a good little life and keeps her man happy. And I am the loneliest person on the planet. With a husband who can admit he is selfish sexually but won’t change. And he doesn’t care, so long as he can put his hands down my pants when he wants. I wish I could just not give him anything for 1 year and see how he survives.
Penny,
I’m a husband and so much of what you wrote resonated with me. My wife is like your husband.
Just last night we were talking and I was transparent and shared that I would like to have a closer relationship with her. Her response was to become hurt that I’m not satisfied with our marriage relationship just as it is.
I understand your frustration. I’ll be praying that the Lord open his eyes to your pain.
M,
Thanks. But my husband simply doesn’t care about my needs. He never has. He will just wait me out till my desire gets the better of me and he gets what he wants. And he’lI leave me there staring at the wall, wanting. And he won’t have a care in the whole world. I have wasted my youth begging, and am approaching the rest of my life in resignation. I pray your wife will wake up to all that sex really means to you and how wonderful it could be. A lot of women don’t understand what sex means to their husbands. Changing her perspective might help. I know God can do all things. In my case He would have to animate the stone that is walking around in a person suit to help me. I just feel so defeated and hopeless and angry and disgusted. What a waste of potential my marriage is. Never maturing. Anyway….I have no hope.
I want to tell a story of me and my marriage. Known one another almost my whole life, were first loves to one another, then married as mature adults (30,38). Now married 21 years; marriage was good at first, pretty traditional BUT he was never interested in ORAL..giving or receiving. I have always been a giver/taker. He gives through by doing things.. being creative and artistic; just not sexually. So, this went on for a few years, we spoke of it openly and he was satisfied as is (ain’t broke, don’t need fixin’). That was not good enough for me..I NEEDED and desired more than he contributed, his… “hey, are you awake?” hornyness nightly. Eventually I gave up on that and looked elsewhere, starving in my marital bed for satisfaction. I took a lover who was in the same situation as me, reversed. Was I fulfilled, YES…do I want for he and I to be together as a couple, NO. We get what we need from one another, is all we both want.
I know you will all judge me but that is your thing, not mine.11 years together now and we have done almost everything we desire..and MORE to come.I have no regrets with this arrangement, only SATISFACTION…too bad my selfish, lazy hubby didn’t get out of his own way and think about my needs too! Am I a slut, perhaps..but a happy one.
God bless each of you who are fighting for your marriages. So many struggles. I’ve dealt with the same things, as a male in my upper 30’s. Let’s keep working towards it – don’t give up! Many of people have had their marriages seem hopeless in that area, only to have the switch come on.
(1) You are just in it for your own satisfaction.
The only way I even enjoy it is if she seems likes she’s enjoying it. If not I lose my erection quickly.
(Yes, I know. Sometimes, she is the one who isn’t interested in having an orgasm, but I do hear from pa-lenty of women who wish their husbands had orgasm control even though they’re only allowed to practice 6 times a year) FTFY 8
(2) You rarely or never respond to her initiation.
I never respond because she never initiates. The initiations don’t exist. I’m not “that guy”. Sex is something that never occurs as an idea in my wife’s head on its own ever.
(3) You’re not willing to understand what sex means to her.
I’ve just been on a marriage-long mission to figure that out now for more than a dozen years, that’s all.
(4) You aren’t pulling your weight around the house.
I do more than she does. Of course.
(5) There are ulterior motives behind your compliments.
Every now and then I hear from wives who feel their husband is complimentary toward her only when he wants sex.
Of course, because normal men want sex ALL THE TIME. So he only does anything that he does “when he wants sex”. He eats his breakfast only when he wants sex. He goes to work only when he wants sex, he breathes in only when he wants sex, his heart beats only when he wants sex. Sex is going to have to be attached to everything in his life, its on his mind CONSTANTLY.
(6) You insist on things always being your way.
Not really, its just that I’m the male, and if we’re going to have sex, we have to do things that AROUSE me for it to be POSSIBLE. If we “do what she likes” I lose my erection, and the show is over. I’m totally willing to work and find things she also likes that turn me on, her not so much.
The trouble I find is that my wife is so sexually shy that I don’t know what switches her on although I have asked many times. She knows most things that switch me on. Sometimes I start a sexual session wanting to excite her but she often says don’t worry about me. I know I can bring her to climax manually but she seems to prefer pleasing me which in the end I just receive which makes it appear that I am selfish.
My husband never really got into sex, but it has gotten worse. Over the years he has spiraled down. No forplay the 3 times this year we had sex, he doesnt make me feel beautiful or desired. If he initiates he expects me to be ready in seconds and really doesnt care if I take my clothes off. I try to take care of my skin and my body to look good, but he doesnt notice. I havent really changed in my appearance from the day we met. Ppl say im pretty and I alway get comments from ppl that I look 12- 15 years younger than I am. I have expressed my unhappiness with him and he says WE will do better or WE will make time for sex. My self esteem has dropped and I have gotten to the point that I dont want him to touch me at all. I want to leave him but i guess I still love him and feel guilty for not wanting to stay in the marriage.
My husband and I to have been in this situation. As I have a higher sex drive than he. When I mention having sex/ Love making mostly he is all for it. We have been married 18 years/together 21 years. In this time, I can say I have has 2 true orgasms given to me by him. for the first 16 years of our marriage my sexual desires didn’t matter, and it was hard for me to be able to tell him what I needed ( my fault) Here the past few years I have been pretty vocal on my needs and no reason to have sex if my needs cant be met the same as his. He is always satisfied when we have sex. He will tell me I will not even ask for bj till you cum, yet 5 minutes in ( which he jumps straight to the “V” ) he goes for intercourse. I have literally explained that the intercourse part of sex is not and will not be what will or has it ever been what gets me to orgasm. My self esteem is hurt, trust isnt there, desire I have but only to not have my own needed desires met. I want and need to pleasure him in all ways, but I don’t get any of that in return. Few seconds of hands, tongue, then supposed to be wham bam, and I guess I am supposed to be fullfilled. One would think after 18 years of marriage, that my husband would be in less a hurry and more in to sex for the full and complete pleasure of us both.I have went through a 1.5 yrs. of not wanting to have sex with him and him at me day and night ( myself not getting any sleep, wink here and there) . Him waiting till I fall asleep on nights I would just pass out, he says we had sex I dont remember it. To trying to work things out ,talking things out. Finally he and I , or I thought we came to understanding that both our needs and desires are to be met. Sex last longer, I enjoy sex but still he has no real desire to make me climax. I love him with all my being, and when we make love I put all my love into pleasing him, I dont feel that in return. Ones sexual desires in marriage is a promise made to one another, yet one that is broken so much. No medical issues, granted up till about 2 months ago it was porn day and night for him then I was supposed to be up and ready to go when he got aroused by it. I am a pretty gal, although not perfect. I don’t feel loved trusted or valued as a wife should be. Many pray for a fix to this issue, but I believe every couple truly needs to be right out honest with their partners even about the sensitive subject of sex. If it isn’t working talk about it when it begins, don’t just hope it gets better. I rather my partner be blunt with me than hold in something that can be corrected with willingness. Especially when your partner worries more for their pleasure than yours.
Husband never does foreplay or anything to get me in the mood. He just says, “want sex?” this never turns me on, and then we fight about it. I can’t go from zero to 60 just like that, and I have told him that. He doesn’t listen. Sex is nothing but a chore now.
Obviously a long time has passed since this post was active nevertheless the topic is still an everyday relationship killer.
I have been with my husband over 22 years. I have been sexually deprived and unsatisfied because he does no foreplay, rejects my sexual advances and if all is good we will engage in having sex about 3 or 4 times a year. I have been struggling with our sexual life for over 18 years . Anytime I try to bring this topic his temperamental behavior scares me and he starts yelling at me to go find me another man to F**k me. Or will insult my worthiness I am NO LONGER sexually attracted to him, which is fine because he has no sex drive. Flop on the couch watch TV eating sweets while his stomach looks rounder than a 8 month pregnant lady and then straight to sleep. Does hardly anything to help me up keep our house. I Love him but honestly I’m Not in Love with him Anymore. How Can I? His negative, pessimistic, cold fish ways killed my inner spirit. I am a beautiful, curvy, sexy woman. I have a magnetic personality. He’s been lucky that I have not given any room for outside our relationship attention. What Ive learned is that so many individuals just have the act of intercourse but very few know how to make love. I am going to leave my relationship eventually, that is a fact. I deserve better. I am worthy of better I rather be alone than to be married and lonely.
It seems to me that there are a lot of men on here who like to list everything that they do around the house and expect applause (or sex) for it. I have noticed this on loads of marriage blogs. Reading some of the replies make it quite clear why wives are less than enthusiastic. The comment from Onerebrof is just awful, especially his last sentence, “…I’m totally willing to work on things that she likes that also turn ME on…’ This comment, if it weren’t so ignorant and tone deaf is almost funny. How about working on things that turn HER on, just her for a while? Show her that you are willing to ‘work on things’. If things are as bad as you say, you might just have to put your own pleasure aside for awhile until you have worked things out for her. Whatever it takes. It’s obviously not working for her, so sacrifice for her, you won’t be sorry!
Men have a light switch, when they are done they are done. You can turn that light switch back on but it is only when that light switch is on is when they are able to turn your light switch on – it is just how men are made – there is no way of getting around it. This is simple and I have no idea why women don’t get this and would love an explanation – if women want their mountop experience, then they need to slow the man’s accent to the top of that mountain and get themselves caught up to the man by prevent the man from climbing so fast. If the woman wants to be at the top of the mountain, they need to control the accent – it is incredibly difficult for the man to do it because he accends so fast. Yes, my hot wife sent me this article and I tell her this all the time.