authentic, intimacy, passion, sex, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
5 Ways to Be Sexually Playful While Clothed
Feb
My husband and I were laughing the other day about my less than stellar organization skills when it comes to meal planning.
I mean, I’m not completely inept at it. And I can cook.
But admittedly, I don’t always know what I’m cooking until I open the fridge or freezer and scan. For me, it looks something like this:
1. Scan. Scan. Scan.
2. Go get pizza if scan produces no viable results.
Anyway, as we were joking about this, I looked at him and wryly said, “Well, what I lack on my feet I make up for on my back.”
(Insert husband’s mischievous and joyful smile here.)
Are you and your Beloved sexually playful with your clothes on?
I recognize that in many marriages, the sexual tension is beyond heavy — the bad icky sexual tension, that is, not the “I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off-as-soon-as-we-get-done-with-this-boring-office-party” tension. That kind of sexual tension is actually good foreplay, but I digress.
If you already are sexually playful in how you express affection and desire with your clothes on, then good! Keep it up! (Pun intended, of course).
If you could grow in this area, here are 5 ways to be sexually playful while clothed:
1. Do not easily take offense.
If your husband occasionally expresses his sexual desire for you by a playful pat on your rear end or making some suggestive reference to what the two of you could do later that evening, can you welcome that with a cheerful heart — rather than dismiss his advances as inappropriate, disgusting or inconvenient?
Now, before you get defensive with me, I do recognize that not all spouses are smooth with their advances.
I’ve received pa-lenty of emails from women who don’t appreciate being groped by their husbands, particularly in public or semi-public places.
So, a little coaching and teaching goes a long way. Express what kinds of sexual suggestive affection you find appropriate and enjoyable. Stretch your imagination on this, walk in respect and strive to not take offense.
It’s a good thing your spouse wants to have sex with you and is willing to express that.
2. Use code words or touches that are exclusive to the two of you.
Okay, I can’t reveal specifics here about my husband and me, because that would compromise the deliciously fun exclusivity to it all, but let’s just say we know.
We know by certain words, touches and looks what we want. And many of these we could share in the most public of places, and only the two of us would recognize the significance behind those words or touches or glances.
Build your own sexual language. Build your own sexual interaction that is subtle and crystal clear at the same time! But by all means, don’t sexually tease unless you plan to follow through.
3. Become comfortable with sexual joking.
I’m not talking about vulgarity or profanity in your sexual dialogue. Particularly for most wives, that kind of talk is not arousing.
What I am suggesting is that part of what makes sex so great in marriage is a shared ability to have fun sexually, including when talking.
What is key to this is being conscientious of hurtful triggers. If you know something is going to stir up painful memories or is too delicate of a topic to joke about for your spouse, then by all means, be respectful. This is the person you love.
On the flip side, if you know you are being unnecessarily sensitive to the way your spouse jokes with you sexually, then broaden your perspective. Become mutually willing to joke around sexually.
4. Stop worrying about “what the kids will think.”
Enough already. One of the best things for your kids is that they would see you being affectionate with each other, including affection that is sexual in nature. You don’t need to be overt to be playful.
This is particularly fun when your kids are teenagers and are totally grossed out by the fact that their parents even have sex.
While standing in the kitchen one day, I gave my husband a nice passionate kiss and playfully tickled him. Our older son rolled his eyes and said, “Yuck. Get a room.”
To which I seductively said with a quick wit, “Oh we will! Later.”
(Groans ensue from teenager, who deep down really is glad his parents are in love and not afraid to show it).
5. Get courageous with sexual playfulness!
Yes, one of the ways to be sexually playful while clothed is simply to try! If all this seems like foreign territory, then start with baby steps.
Maybe a playful caress in an arousing area of the body or a rather mild comment while you’re in the kitchen cooking.
Maybe just say, “Hey, I think what would really help us sexually is if we could be more affectionate when we aren’t having sex. Can we try that?”
Maybe just out of the blue in the privacy of your own home (or in the car), run your hand across his penis on the outside of his jeans and say, “I really need an excuse to not do laundry later. Think you can help me find an excuse?”
Anyway, you get the idea!
Sexual playfulness while clothed can go a long way in a marriage. In fact, when all is said and done, I think all the clothing will be somewhere on the floor.
For more reading, consider 5 Cheapest Ways to Turn Your Husband On and How to Get an A+ in Foreplay.
Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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What a great list of idea! So much fun and a good place to start. Thanks for sharing.
Megan
I love #4. Yes, enough already…..the greatest gift we can give our kids is to exhibit love and affection. What great encouragement, Julie! Yes, we wives do need to kind of ‘lighten up’ when our guy is playful sexually. It really means a lot to them when we respond. It gives them such courage and empowerment. I love this! Thank you.
Great list! It’ll be helpful to tuck these away, especially with how playful my husband and I are.
Thanks for the happy article! This is one area in which my husband and I are really strong and have a lot of fun, and I was so happy to read your point about not worrying about what the kids will think, as I’ve been a bit worried about what will happen to this facet of our relationship after we have children. I suppose we can keep it up, after all 🙂
I’m totally borrowing this: “Well, what I lack on my feet I make up for on my back.” I don’t like cooking, but I do like sex. 🙂 Love your ideas here, Julie!
#4 is what I needed to read. I confess, I get tense every time my sweetheart touches my rear!! LOL
I tried implementing this idea of being sexually playful while fully clothed. I tried doing various things suggested in this article last year but I usually I got the eye roll or my character was verbally assaulted. I no longer will try these things. I hope other readers will benefit from this article.
Warmth in marriage is a critical factor and warmth is important in keeping marriage fresh, forgiving and sweet. Touching should always be welcomed and the the atmosphere permissive and willing to both give pleasure and indulge in the same. The room should be needed often as you give little glimpses of what you will serve up later (but not much later) on a silver platter in that room. You will find the sex will be hot and satisfying as you enjoy it the way God intended it to be enjoyed. You will need that room! You children will gladly not distract while you use it and will not be damaged for knowing what may be happening in the room. They will want a marriage like your full of sweet innuendo and indulging each other.
I love this entire group of Christian blogs, but I must admit that I read a great many of them with the same feelings that a homeless child would have as he drifts from window to window on Christmas morning.
I like your blog!
Follow through ladies Its worth it!!
I really enjoy these readings and believe they are going to be helpful. I post this comment now before I go over them with my wife, because as a Christian husband and father I long to keep world sin out of the house and desire badly for my wife and I to kindle again. It has not been easy as she is older that me, but I know that these actions would light my fire to say the least. We as men want sex, and we want it passionately with our wives. I can’t wait to read more with her.
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So I’m 68 and my husband 69. I was abused by oral sex when I was 20 and told my husband before we were married that oral sex would be out for me. Sex for him always was one-sided. We did it and he rolled over to sleep. Unbeknownst to me, I had vaginismus and at that time, male doctors actually laughed at me about the disease because “I was just crazy.” I WAS CRAZY, not my husband or anyone else. I thought that having a baby would help but my husband didn’t want children. I became pregnant anyway and had to have an emergency C-section because “I was too small to have a baby.” We’ve been married 46 years now and he demands that I give oral sex. I no longer feel anything towards him in any way. I hate oral sex and approach it without any feeling anymore which drives him crazy. Now, I probably am the one who is crazy because I have done EVERYTHING, including psychiatrists, psychologists, surgery, creams and oral meds, dilators, you name it. I joined the NVA for a time but gave up after no help or hope. My husband refuses sex by oral and hand “because he can do that himself.” Why is the woman always the one who is put down because she cannot receive, or now give sex????? I have been abused, put down by my husband and doctors, in terrible pain not only from sex but from “caring doctors’, suffered surgeries and vulvar nerve blocks with little support from home, and nearly abandoned because I cannot give or receive sex like a “normal” woman should. I have absolutely NO DESIRE for sex anymore after what I have been through to try to have it. At 68, divorce, suicide or anything else seem to be the only answers. My husband hangs in there for whatever reasons to the marriage but constantly puts me down. I don’t believe in divorce but this is killing me. I would give him oral sex if I could make him happy, but he knows I hate it and now have no feelings for him anyway. He just wants oral sex whatever way he wants it and my physical support. What new answers are there? We live in a rural area but I have sought help in Pittsburgh and at the Cleveland Clinic, which were mostly jokes. Where can I go to actually get the physical help I need?
Dear Lois.
I’m so so sorry to hear of your difficulties. Having suffered myself, I know vaginismus is a horrible condition to deal with. I found a cure four years into our marriage and those four years were hard enough. I can’t imagine your pain but there is a cure. Please check out the womens therapy centre in Plainview NY. The doctors there are miracle workers and can help you. https://www.womentc.com/
Call or email them. It was the best decision I ever made. Hugs
I’ve tried a lot of these and my wife always says is that all you think about. I’m still in love after 30 years. I pat her butt, Hugh her when she lets me. I still tell her I love her but she never says it to me. But I’m still here. The last 15 she has been very distant to me. I think she should be glad I’m still here, and trying.
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Love this!! Thank you Julie!