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My husband is an avid gardener and grows quite a few varieties of peppers. Last year, for the first time he grew Tabasco peppers, which are tiny, but obviously (as the name implies), very hot. At the end of the season, we dried some of them and recently I ground them into a powder for seasoning.
Sexual tension is a lot like that Tabasco powder. A little bit can bring amazing flavor and “wow!” Too much and everything is ruined… even painful.
Sexual tension can be a remarkable component to a couple’s sexual intimacy, especially when we are talking about extended foreplay. As a spouse, do you embrace the privilege of arousing your spouse… long before lovemaking is going to take place? It is indeed sacred ground. No one else (ethically and morally) is allowed to arouse your husband. That is your territory, and yours alone.
Sadly, so many couples never even wander into this sacred ground on their sexual intimacy map. It’s like you have one of those GPS thingys but you refuse to update it, so you constantly resort to the same path — every single time — when, low and behold, there are unexplored paths to get you to your destination.
Sexual tension — built with compassion — offers allure, anticipation and promise of oneness yet to come. But as I referenced in my post Don’t Tease Unless You Plan to Follow Through, if you build sexual tension with no intention of actually having sex, it’s like building a home in which you never plan to live. Talk about disappointment. Talk about frustration. Talk about sexual tension gone very bad.
If you want to throw your marriage in front a firing squad, making it prone to unfathomable attack, drench it in a bunch of sexual tension and deprive it of every ounce of sexual release. I’m just saying. There are a lot of regrets and hurt wrapped up in that kind of pain.
So let’s get back to the “good” sexual tension. As a wife, how do you build that into your sexual intimacy?! You have some idea of what turns your husband on sexually, but maybe you can add some of the below suggestions to your repertoire.
Remember, don’t walk down these paths unless you intend to reach the destination. And if at first your husband is more caught off guard than aroused, resist the urge to feel offended. You may have to add a little commentary along the way…“I want to be with you later and I just wanted you to know.”
Remember — the key with sexual tension is to build just the right amount, without allowing it to turn into sexual frustration. Keep your sexual suggestions brief and authentic. Maybe use a couple throughout the day, but don’t overdo it. And then after you get those kiddos in bed, follow through. Let sexual tension roll into sexual release. I love sexual release. It’s such a nice headliner finale after a day of “opening acts” warming up the stage.
So, what suggestions do you have on building good sexual tension? Throw your ideas into the comment section (unless, of course, this post has inspired you to go do something else. Hmmm. What could that be?)
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert, Intimacy in Marriage Blog.