authentic, intimacy, passion, sex, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
3 Ways to Make Multiple Orgasms Reality
Jan
Admit it.
You’ve not just heard about multiple orgasms.
You’ve actually wondered if they are a real thing (as opposed to mere words and myths, taunting you from magazine covers as you buy juice boxes, Cheerios and yet another gallon of milk).
You’ve wondered about them — unless, of course, you’ve had them (the multiple orgasms that is, not the Cheerios).
All wondering dissipates as you fall over the edge of pleasure again and again. In fact, at that point, you probably sound like Oliver Twist.
“Sir, may I have some more?!”
Multiple orgasms are indeed a real thing (I speaketh of what I knoweth). And while I do not think they are the end all of sexual experience or a necessity for great sexual intimacy, I do believe they are a sweet glimpse of sexual possibilities in marriage.
If you haven’t had multiple orgasms (but want to!), there are ways you can make them your reality.
Here are three of those ways…
1. Appreciate that your orgasm matters.
I think one of the biggest barriers to a wife having multiple orgasms is that she’s not all that comfortable with having even one. She has reduced her own pleasure during lovemaking to a nice side benefit. “If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well.”
If things are not even marginally good now, you can’t really expect “extraordinarily good” to follow.
I would put multiple orgasms in the extraordinarily good category, not because I think they have to happen every time, but because I think when they do happen, they are worth savoring. But if you don’t appreciate the wonder of one orgasm, it’s unlikely you’ll sing accolades for multiple waves of pleasure.
My advice, one wife to another? Start caring about your own sexual pleasure. Become incredibly willing to learn your own body, explore the stimulation your body (particularly your clitoris) needs for you to climax, and then teach your husband.
Husbands, let her teach you. Encourage her to teach you. Try different things. Listen to her guidance. Pay close attention to her body cues. Ask. Then ask again.
“What feels good?” A deep vulnerability for both of you to not only ask that question, but also to mine the depths of its answer, will take you to profound places.
I’ve long believed that phenomenal sex in marriage finds its roots in the crevices of complete trust in each other and in the Lord’s design for sex. There are treasures of oneness that are yours for the taking. And that’s true whether you have multiple orgasms or not.
2. Lean into pleasure.
Okay, so the first orgasm comes… which typically is the strongest one… and our tendency can be to immediately move into “wind down” mode. The orgasm was good…it opened the door to a very nice room.
But what if there is another door in the room?
Instead of pausing inside the first door, move toward the other door. And when you open up that one, you might be delighted to indeed find another door.
In other words, why not see what happens if you lean into the pleasure after your first orgasm. Why not see what happens if he doesn’t immediately stop thrusting once you’ve climaxed?
There is a lot to be said for what happens when we as wives embrace what it means to be sexually confident and uninhibited.
You, dear one, are a sexual being. As a wife, God has given you full authority to embrace sexual pleasure with your husband. All that nakedness (physical, emotional and spiritual) that is happening exclusively between you and your husband in the privacy of your lovemaking? It delights the Lord! He is happy about it.
Are you?
3. Stop telling yourself they aren’t possible.
Yeah, this one seems like a no-brainer, but for a motivational junkie like myself, I truly do believe that everything really does begin as a thought. So, if you’ve been downplaying the likelihood of you experiencing multiple orgasms, then your body will likely follow suit.
If, on the other hand, you relax and broaden your perspective, you might be pleasantly surprised at what you discover. Revel in the possibility of multiple orgasms.
Hey, I admit, I was once a skeptic about multiple orgasms.
But now I’m a believer. I’m not going to belt out a Neil Diamond song or anything, but I’m still a believer. With a very content smile on my face.
For more reading on multiple orgasms, check out this post by Mrs. Hot Holy Humorous.
Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
Hi Julie,
Really enjoy the website. The wife and I are beginning to take sex more seriously (finally). We have a lot of rather difficult hurdles lying in our way. One quick encouragement for ladies is just a reminder that most husbands care deeply about their partner’s pleasure. I would be absolutely ecstatic if my wife achieved multiple orgasms… Or even attempted it.
There is a lot more I could say on this topic, but (as it’s somewhat secondary to my overall goals) I’ll just leave it with the fact that what I desire is to have my wife engaged in the adventure of exploring every “room” of sexual intimacy with me… Rather than occasionally dashing in and out of the first one, breath held, as if something died in there. Even a thorough exploration of room one would be fun!
Very inspiring
Thank you @G and @Josh for your comments!
@G … love how you carried the analogy a little further. So true.
I’m a happy recent discoverer of the truth of multiples 🙂
My experience has been that the second orgasm is usually stronger than the first actually.
Having said that though, the reason I never thought I could orgasm more than once was that if my husband tried to keep me going after a strong orgasm, I would have to cry uncle because it would be too much stimulation. I figured out that if I give myself a 30 second break to recover, he can then proceed and take me there again. And like I said, it is usually an even better orgasm than the first. Now that I know that I can orgasm more than once, I almost expect it 😉 And if my first orgasm was a bit of a dud, I don’t have to be disappointed because I know that there is another one waiting to be unleashed 😉
Thank you @workinprogress for your comment! Great insights! The more voices we have chiming in on this, the more we learn! Yeah!
I’ve been enjoying multiples for prob 10 years of our 17 year marriage. Your article is dead on about exploration together, etc. I do kinda seem to expect them too, @workinprogress. Lol. Sometimes 1st one is most intense but usually all feel different and good in different ways. Trying to relax & breath thru the last ones makes the pleasure seem more enjoyable. 🙂
Ok…I’m going to chime in here for the 1st time. Oh 1st I want to say reading your articles have improved our sex life greatly. Having been sexually abused for 7 years of my young life made it difficult not to mention my dear husband’s battle with porn. For anyone reading there is still good sex after overcoming these hurtles. Julie, I thank God for the part you played in that healing.
Anyhoo….back to the topic…I was in camp that multiple orgasims did NOT exist. Because after the 1 orgasim I was so sensitive to the touch that I couldn’t relax. (Even after waiting 1 minute.) My dear husband was/is in the camp that it COULD happen for me. But because I’m so sensitive I stop him completely. Got any pointers for going to the next level.
After years of faking (cause of our baggage) he wants me to get all that’s coming to me….and by golly so do I. 🙂
Thank you so much @GettingFree for your kind words about my site… I am so humbled by that (I’m going to email you separately to see if you would consider doing a guest post on my site).
As for getting to the next level… I recognize what you are saying about the high sensitivity right after orgasm. The clitoris is full of nerve endings and some direct contact maybe is too much. Here’s a thought… if you are climaxing through intercourse, possibly right after you climax, have your husband withdraw and then use his fingers to stimulate you vaginally (simultaneously, you could possibly stimulate your clitoris, since you can better gage in that moment how much pressure is too much).
Every body is different, so it will probably take a lot of experimenting with different touches to find what is pleasurable.
Some couples may find too that the first orgasm could come through oral sex and then subsequent orgasms through penetration after that.
Other thing to keep in mind is the word “multiple” has loose definitions.. meaning for some women, the orgasms are going to come one right after another with little lapse in between, whereas other women may need slight breaks of stimulation before being able to peak again.
Regardless, I think it’s encouraging and admirable that you and your husband have been intentional about not letting your past abuse to sabotage the potential for great sex within your marriage. You are wise.
Chiming in about the heightened sensitivity and the break needed… if you find it’s hard to tell your husband what you need to get to the next O, body language goes a long way. Its hard to talk in in the midst of orgasm! When I’ve had enough stimulation through the first one, I tip my pelvis back slightly, and he stops stimulating immediately but doesn’t remove his hand; then I will tip my pelvis back up and he knows I’m ready and would like to try for another one. And another… and another… *mischievous grin*
My husband and I have only recently realized the magnificence of multiples. For years, I felt convinced that orgasm wasn’t all everyone makes of it. Turns out, I respond better with clitoral stimulation and my husband feels proud of his accomplishments in taking me as far and as often as possible.
For almost 20 years, we were in the dark on this, and so ecstatic to find the light.
I’m in the group that needs a break between excursions, and also find that subsequent orgasms grow in intensity from the first — most of the time. With a low testosterone/erectile dysfunction issue, it also helps that my husband prefers to stimulate me by hand, which helps him feel and stay in control.
One of the sweetest byproducts of this discovery is the feeling of power my husband has upon my reaching the top. He has even felt disappointed when I have reached my limit!
Yes, gentlemen have great interest in leading their wives to this mountaintop. When they fully connect with their wives in this unique way, I think they can’t help but to want to explore that path again, and any side streets along the way!
Julie,
I am also here to proclaim the truth of multiple orgasms. In fact, my husband has a nickname for me that references the fact that I am (quite often) multi-orgasmic. And, like workinprogress, I find the latter orgasms are more intense than the first one. It’s like I am riding bigger and bigger waves out into the ocean of happiness 🙂
I think one of the greatest keys to my own multiple orgasms is communication. Like you said, being willing to let my husband know is key in what works – because what works for orgasm 1 is not always what works for orgasm 2,3,4, etc. The pressure points tend to be different, the pace of movement, etc. Also, just like you said about doors – be open to not only 2 but possibly even more orgasms!
Also, just as another aside, there are times where the multiple orgasms are very discreet things. Other times, however, they sort of just run all into each other without much of a ‘break’ in between.
Hoping more & more women experience this incredible joy!
GettingFree~ Just a couple suggestions. Give yourself a minute or 2 and then have your husband start stimulating you again, and use a good lube to reduce the friction (we love coconut oil) Relax and breathe through the sensitivity if you can (remember breathing through contractions?) Don’t tense up- focus on relaxing.
And as a word of encouragement… once my body experienced it’s first double, it is MUCH easier now. It’s like my body has acclamated to what it is supposed to do.
And, as a side note, it was during my first “second” O that I first “gushed” (ejaculated) What a pleasant surprise that was! So, go for it, you never know what mysteries lay behind door number 2 😉
I found this as a link from The Generous Wife and I’m so glad I did. I’m a member of the Multiple Orgasm Club (a proud one at that) and I find that the intensity of the orgasm depends on a few different things. First would be the type of simulation. Sometimes vaginal penetration alone isn’t enough so kissing and touching on other sensitive areas during intercourse gets me over that edge. The position is another huge thing. Also you have to communicate DURING because helping someone reach an orgasm with no help is like diffusing a bomb with no training. 🙂 Sorry if this was long. Having a healthy sexual relationship has been and is still a challenge for us but I’m willing to share anything I’ve learned thus far.
Hi there Julie.
I wonder if you could clarify exactly how you define a multiple orgasm, because there seems to be some disagreement on this! I’ve heard it defined in two ways:
(a) More than one orgasm within a lovemaking session (with a reasonable gap in between). In which case, that’s not uncommon for me, and I wouldn’t define it as multiple orgasm at all – just ‘a good day’!
(b) One (or more) orgasm DIRECTLY after the first one (just as one orgasm is dying down, another one swells and takes over, with no gap). In which case, that’s happened only twice in my life, and was completely unexpectedly both times. TBH, I’d never chase this, since trying too hard to orgasm seems a good way of not having one! But also, since my orgasms are so powerful they almost render me unconscious (!), it would seems a bit of a waste to use up two in one go, rather than have a little recovery time and then build up to enjoying another mind-blower!
I’d be interested to know what other people’s thoughts/experiences are, and how you (and others) define the ‘multiple orgasm’, as I’ve never really been able to get to the bottom of it!
Thank you.
@Kitty… thanks for your comment and insights!!
I suppose there could be a variety of definitions, but I tend to be in the camp of thinking of orgasms fairly close together… maybe a little lag in between, but not a ton.
That’s not to say more than one orgasm over the span of an entire lovemaking session couldn’t be classified as “multiple.” It’s all good really!
And my guess is that no matter how a woman defines multiple orgasms, she’s likely describing something that is leaving her smiling.
And honestly, if your orgasms are nearly rendering you unconscious, that sounds delightful! I’ve been there too, and it’s great!
Thanks again for stopping by!!!
Another view..If multple Os leave you exhausted or there are hurdles to your sexual relations you might want to explore another method of love making that is not so intense but total body involement for hours if desired. Check out “Peace Between the Sheets” subtitle Healing with Sexual Relationships by Marnia Robinson
Don’t forget that men can be multi-orgasmic as well, with ejaculation. The stereotype that men are done at ejaculation/orgasm, then roll over and fall asleep without any cuddling or “after play” may be true for many insensitive husbands. Many caring husbands love to revel in the afterglow. Some are able to achieve multiple orgasms. Many more would do so if they and their wives were open to that reality.
But in a world where many wives view sex as a burden and just having sex at all is a real treat for a husband, the idea of trying for multiple male orgasms must sound quite remote.
What a different reality we can all have as loving and caring husbands and wives when we are willing to open all the doors of love!
My husband seems to enjoy my pleasure, but he rarely does anything to give it to me. I mostly have to take it for myself (self stim during intercourse) and let me tell you it isn’t easy! Doing almost all the physical work during sex, as well as stimulating myself while he just lays there makes it hard to relax. A part of me wants to keep exploring this our current sex method and another is tired of it, too. It really does make sex (which I normally enjoy and am.voracious for) more of a bother and a chore.
I wish I knew why hubby rarely orally or manually.stimulates me. Yes, I asked, but he doesn’t give clear answers.
There is a Multiple Orgasm Club? How can I get a membership card? LOL.
I’m one of those wives who likes it all–sex with and without orgasms, sex with many O’s, sex with one O. But I must say that it’s a very intense feeling to experience waves of climax. And not all multiple O’s feel the same. Sometimes it helps to have one orgasm with clitoral stimulation (hand/mouth from hubby) and then the vaginal orgasm is easier. They can come pretty close together and feel rather nice. Great post, Julie!
It is hard for me to imagine multi-orgasms when, after 32 years of marriage, she still has not experience ONE orgasm. She often tells me that it is not important to her to experience one (sex is not important to her which explains our low frequency). How do you convince a spouse that orgasms are important to one’s health?
@Seeking… without talking to your wife, my educated guess would be that she has never experienced an orgasm ever, so she doesn’t really know what she is missing (because if she had had an orgasm, she likely would want to revisit that feeling at least occasionally).
As for convincing her… possibly explain to her what it means to you to please her… that you desire for sex to be this bonding experience, and if only one of you is experiencing pleasure, it’s hard to fathom that it’s really a bonding experience.
Would she be willing to read a Christian sex book together? Maybe that could be a springboard into more discussions and broadening her perspective.
If she is not open for any type of discussion or even an inkling of wanting to nurture deeper intimacy, then I would encourage you to continue to pray for her and for your marriage, as well as discerning additional opportunities to bring the topic up.
Another card-carrying member here. 😀 Though my husband and I have had issues throughout our 12-year marriage regarding sex (mostly regarding mismatched drives: I have struggled with extremely low libido) one thing we have not had issues with is my orgasms. My husband considers it a point of pride that–as long as I want them–he can usually give me more than one. In fact he literally said to me recently, “My goal is to make sure that when all is said and done the number of my orgasms is but a pale shadow of the number of your orgasms.” Last Sunday I had 5(!), and only stopped because I was getting worn out. It is possible ladies!
married 30+ years, wife usually willing though frequently passive in the past. abused as a youngster will not allow manual stimulation of any kind. Only vaginal touching allowed is penetration. Occasionally she will allow oral stim which totally rocks her world over and over. But she is happy to do that about once a year maybe twice. This is very hard for me to understand. I really enjoy rocking her world but sometimes I think she does not like losing control to that degree. I am willing and it hurts that she is not esp when she gets so rocked when she does go for it. hurts lots…
This is powerful info and an interesting approach going through the doors. Nothing excites me more than bringing my wife to pounding soul drenching orgasms but we have not pursued that recently so will talk it over with her and see if she will allow me to bless her like this with 4 or more. Wow can not wait to try it. I love loving her. Orgasms are healthy and if ejaculation happens that would be wonderful. Her meltdown will help get her ready to absorb the semen and help keep hormones balanced. It’s God’s perfect design!
Thank you so much for this post, Julie! You are spot-on. I’m so glad my wife can read this kind of stuff from another woman, and see I’m not just making it up! Your comment about women being sexually confident and uninhibited resonates especially with me. I find that very attractive and stimulating. Thank you for putting words to thoughts and feelings that are oftentimes ambiguous or elusive. My wife and I are really getting somewhere now.
Another excellent post on intimacy in a loving, passionate marriage!
“My advice, one wife to another? Start caring about your own sexual pleasure.”
Spot-on! Giving your own female sexual pleasure the position it deserves within your relationship is one of the finest gifts you can give your husband!
It did not take my husband and me long to work together toward my multiple orgasms, and ever since, it’s as if he’s earned the keys to my Queendom! When my husband gives me multiple orgasms, I feel loved for, cared for, cherished, sexual, beautiful as the woman he adores…he feels a sense of achievement and is confident in his wonderful manliness, his ability to bring me incredible pleasure. Together, we are bonded again and again.
Ladies, as stated by other posters – it is a pure JOY for a loving husband to pleasure his wife. Do not feel greedy or ashamed for accepting this gift your adoring husband wants to give so freely!
Thank you again, Julie, for providing a forum where couples dedicated to a committed life-long marriage can honestly and openly express themselves and learn more about themselves. Sex IS a most beautiful gift from God for wife and husband to explore and enjoy together.
hi there,
love you blog. so much inspiration.
being the man in the house, I feel it is my responsibility to lead, also in bed. And give me wife full pleasure.
Her pleasure is my pleasure.
A couple years back, my wife had a disc hernia. And since then she has been more or less totally numb from waist and down. Meaning she cannot feel anything. No orgasm.
And so our sex life has become very traditional. While she is caring and loving, sex has become a routine. Sex has become a “pleasing my husband” thing. I get orgasm every time, but that isn’t the full satisfaction. I am missing the satisfaction to see her satisfied. And you know the saying, if mom isn’t happy nobody is happy.
Any advice how we can grow? how she can achieve orgasm ?
I believe that God created marriage between a man and a woman for the purpose of sanctification and creating children and raising them to be saints. I feel that marriage by nature is defined by the conjugal act, a union that is monogamous and exclusive, in which the two become one flesh in a lifelong partnership. I feel fortunate to have a husband who seeks within me a spiritual longing that is satisfied only when God fills us with Himself. Through our faith, we seek deep intimacy and fulfillment with each other, including what my husband calls my “ecstasies,” his term for multiple orgasms. We researched and apparently my orgasms are “sequential.” During the marriage act, I am blessed to have a generous husband who desires to ensure that I’ve had enough and comforts me when I have reached fulfillment.
Julie, I recently found your blog and love it as I have said on other issues. This one written by you is so true but oh so humorous n witty!!! I can’t quit smiling!!!
Providing multiple O’s is not as hard as some think if you remember to think vaginal ( usually the hardest for many women), digitally by the husband ( usually works like a charm), and orally by the husband (virtually never fails)! However, when any of these fail you need to ask your wife about it. Much to my complete shock my wife thought my performing oral sex on her must be wrong spiritually??? Any orgasm THAT INTENSE must be bad??? And if you rest and do it again you will have yet another evil orgasm!!! THAT is the terrible training ground for most women, particularly Christian women. It has GOT TO BE WRONG IF IT FEELS SO GOOD!!! How sad that is they we lay that foundation for our young people beginning at an early age. My experience in life personally and through discussions with other couples is that orgasms ARE NOT so elusive once you get past the psychological blocks that have been placed before us. God made everything and it was good. God made women and it was good. Well, God made orgasms AND THEY ARE GOOD!!! Thanks. Love your sense of humor. Keep it coming.
I know multiples are achievable, yet I fin after 3 they aren’t worth the effort. I’d really like to know how to have an orgasm durring sex, just one, I’d be happy with one at the moment.
Wow. What a blog I’ve stumbled across! I have been happily married for 30 years and have never had an orgasm with my husband. I’m starting to pray for this since now it’s all I want from my sex life. I’m not comfortable about verbalizing with my husband about what I want. I’m scared I’ll hurt his manlihood or pride. I don’t want him to think he’s not ” doing it right”. I still enjoy sex and it brings us closer but I would give anything to have even one. I can’t seem to “let go” and he is “finished” before I even could think about achieving such a high level. Interesting blog, though.
to Needing Help & Prayers,
There are two very different things you mention in “me letting go” and “him finishing too soon.”
If he is not already open to pleasing you orally or will not “keep going” digitally, then a good source might be to ask if he will read Kevin Leman’s “Sheet Music.” It is VERY direct and informative, but written from a Christian, relational, view. It is also a good source for you working on “letting go.”
If you have “faked it” with him, then it will be a painful discussion to bring this up. You need to open this discussion by confessing to not being genuine with him and hoping that he can accept you being genuine.
If you haven’t faked it, and if he is a concerned and connected man, then he probably suspects this. In such event, opening this discussion should not be as difficult.
Use his male ego in your favor by saying, “I love being with you, but do you think you could try …. That would please me so much.” He would melt like butter.
Most men want to know how to please their wife. If you don’t think you know where to lead him, that is where books like “Sheet Music,” can be helpful.
I have said a prayer for your husband to (as the Talmud says) “come unto you for your pleasure.”
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Hey Julie – link to J’s site is broken and needs updating
Bill
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Old post, but want to comment on one point, as a follow up to “Needing Help and Prayers.” Wives, tell and teach your husbands what you enjoy. We really want to know. We can’t read minds. And while you may think it will hurt our egos, it is the exact opposite. At least it is for me. I crave to have my wife vulnerable enough, trusting enough, and interested enough to teach me how to pleasure the woman I am completely committed to for life. It is almost non-existent in my life, but still something I deeply desire.
So did you have to talk yourself into having multiple orgasms or did they just happen for you?
I give myself multiple orgasms with out even touching myself the mind is a powerful thing. I read most of is breathing/flexing techniques along with imagination.
When i first had them I was talking to a Muslim guy. He was very handsome could pass for a rican. Muslim arnt allowed to date or have sex b4 marriage. Just getting to know him deeply turned me on so much… so the RARE times he’ll say something naughty to me would make me come back to back. Eventually when ever I thought of making love to him. I would uncontrollably I’ll cum back to back to back with out touching myself.
I had to end the “friendship” i felt like I was in the friendzone cause I didn’t know what he really wanted. I was willing to marry him but he would need his parents approval and we all knew they wouldn’t let him marry a black girl. Wish god mad us transparent so ppl could see it what’s inside that counts.
When our children were young and we had a smaller home, most of the time we would make love in silence, with controlled, muted passion, fully covered with a comforter and blankets as a precaution against interruptions by the children. We were wary of our rustling sheets, the creaking bedsprings. Making love was easily worth these apprehensions, yet I was fortunate to obtain even a single orgasm during this period.
We are empty nesters now, and over the years, our conjugal experience is increasingly integral to our prayer life. During the conjugal act, we communicate with each other, verbally and non-verbally, and seek to obtain a harmony of spirit and body.
For example, during foreplay, my Hubby’s stimulation of me to obtain my initial orgasm will usually vary with my subsequent orgasms. The pace of movement and stimulus points change as we seek to obtain sensations that overlap each other and enable me to “mount” up again for each orgasm.
During rigorous coitus, there are occasions when my husband will come close to PE. We slow our pace and/or withdraw and passionately cuddle until he is able to resume coitus. One of his intimate expressions to me is, “If you climb on the saddle, be ready for the ride!”
For us when we have both orgasmed we are very satisfied. Too much of a good thing is excessive to us. But that’s just our ways!
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My wife, currently 56 has been hyper multi orgasmic for about ten years now. I credit my new commitment to her then, the introduction of vibrators, and my ability to control my orgasm. We spent 4 hours having sex today and I’d say she had at least 200 orgasms. Unfortunately, none for me, but it’s ok, I was very satisfied by the big smile on her face.
Married 23 years.
About 7 yrs ago, my wife started being multiple-abled. (Don’t know what else to call it). Now, 20 orgasms is “normal”. 51 last week. We always end with intercourse and she always has several vaginally then too.
My point: keep at it! It keeps getting better and better!!
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Nope, one is enough for me. My body just doesn’t need another orgasm after I’ve had one. It just isn’t in me.