Intimacy in Marriage

BETTER Sex in Your Christian Marriage

My Bad Knees Taught Me About Good Sex

I have crappy knees.

When I walk up or down stairs, it sounds like concrete is being mixed. In my knees.

I also have pain when going up or down from a seated position (or like if I want to get on the floor to play with my baby nephew. Getting down is hard. Getting back up is harder).

I can blame some of it on heredity (mom and big bro have bad knees too).

But in the past year, my knees got really bad.

So I finally went to a doctor, who after ruling out arthritis, promptly sent me to a physical therapist.

While I think the concrete dynamic is still at play a little, I must give the physical therapist props for figuring out what was causing so much pain in the up-and-down movement.

Seems my lateral band of fascia (part of surface muscles that run along the outer thigh) is like one big knotted rope.  It’s supposed to be smooth and flat. Mine were like knotted ropes.

So after weeks of therapists digging their thumbs into my thigh to “loosen” up the rope, they sent me home with daily exercises. They also recommended I get a foam roller to roll my thigh across. Excruciating, I might add.  But it works.

If I don’t pay close attention to doing those exercises regularly — included the dreaded foam roller — I almost immediately notice the “rope” getting tangled back up again.  More pain in the knees.  On the other hand, if I do heed the physical therapist’s orders, the negative impact on my life lessens significantly.

I think there’s a lesson in all that when it comes to sexual intimacy. Actually two lessons.

1. If you don’t address existing problems in your sexual intimacy, problems and pain will likely get worse.

2. If you don’t regularly have sex, problems and pain will likely emerge.

Long story short, maintenance sex matters.

I’m not really enthralled with the term “maintenance sex,” but it’s probably the best to convey the significance of not only addressing sexual problems, but also having sex regularly.

(Just for the record, I’m talking about marriages where there’s no reasonable excuse they couldn’t be having frequent sex, like injury or illness or long-term military deployment, etc).

Maintenance sex matters.

Making love to your spouse often, preferably with an eye on the benefits of such activity, is one of the most thorough ways to tend your one-flesh union.

Think I’m exaggerating?

Well, don’t take my word for it. Run your own little covert operation in your marriage.

Authentically make an effort to have sex more often. Every marriage is different on frequency, but for the sake of example, let’s say right now you are having sex 2 times a month.  Increase that by 100% and have sex 4 times a month.

I would be shocked if such effort didn’t result in at least a few benefits to you, your husband and your marriage.

Less stress?  More grace?  Feeling closer?  More  willingness to be supportive?  Greater tendency to be affectionate?

You really have nothing to lose and all to gain by giving “maintenance” sex a try.  Who knows… You might even ditch the word “maintenance” and replace it with something more alluring.

Like “Wow” sex.

Or “I-Never-Knew-What-I-Was-Missing” sex.

Or “We-Really-Should-Do-This-More-Often” sex.

Anyway, there you have it… the lesson my bad knees taught me about sex.  (And here you were probably thinking my bad knees were really slowing me down in the bedroom. Not likely.)

Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

January 5th, 2013 by