Purpose of Orgasm? You Tell Me.

What do you think is the purpose of orgasm?

I was pondering this as I was watching the March 19 episode of Nightline, where they did a segment on female orgasm.

They even showed researchers observing a woman’s brain activity as she brought herself to orgasm while in an MRI machine.

Why do I never get called for research like this? I’m not sure I could masturbate under such circumstances, but maybe I could.  All in the name of science.

At one point in the segment, the reporter asked one of the doctors what the purpose of orgasm is.  I was a little disappointed in his answer, because he immediately responded with “procreation” — that we would not reproduce if it weren’t for orgasm.

Ironically, in the same segment, they said that upwards of 75% of women do not have an orgasm during intercourse.

I’m no math genius (okay, I was barely a math class attendee), but even I can see some problems when we run the numbers:

If most women aren’t reaching orgasm during sex, a logical result would be that the human race would be at risk of extinction, right?

In reality, we have countless women who, during sex, are contemplating what color to paint the ceiling — and yet they still manage to fill their homes and mini-vans with rugrats.

No matter how the research is spun, orgasm just isn’t a “must have” ingredient for the baby-making recipe.

I always cringe a little when I hear people say that the purpose of orgasm is to get us to have sex, as if God needed to use some sort of trick to populate His earth.

We do not serve a Lord who resorts to trickery to accomplish His plans.  It’s just not His demeanor to succumb to such tactics.

Could it be that there is more to orgasm than surface interpretations?

Could it be that sexual pleasure, bonding and connection — in their right context — were indeed greater goals of God when He designed sex?

The clitoris serves no other purpose but sexual pleasure in a woman. Yet we have droves of people (men and women) who still minimize the significance of a wife’s sexual pleasure.

Sadly, wives are often at the top of the list, treating orgasm as if it is a delectable treat locked behind a glass case, never (or rarely) to be reached.

The physical ecstasy of orgasm is indeed profound (even scientists agree with this).  Nothing. Quite. Compares.

But while sexual pleasure in and of itself is amazing, there is something else going on when a husband and wife each climax (I’m not even talking about climaxing at the same time… I’m simply talking about what happens when a husband and wife experience sexual pleasure in one another’s arms).

The common analogy used is “spiritual glue” — that sex bonds two people in a way that we couldn’t fully comprehend, even if we wanted to.  It is physical glue too, as the hormone oxytocin, present during arousal and sexual activity, aids in those sensations of closeness.

Of course, this is why sex outside of marriage is so horrendously destructive — and why sex within marriage is so amazingly vital.

Through sexual intimacy, God meant for a man and woman to get “stuck” together, so to speak — He just meant for that to happen after they have first made a verbal marital vow to stay together.

Sexual intimacy that is nurtured endears a husband and wife to one another.  My husband and I are nicer to each other when we pay close attention to our sexual intimacy.

We better understand our marriage vows.

We have greater appreciation for the sheer amount of effort it takes to do life together. Sex helps equip us emotionally, mentally and physically to do that.

Plus it’s a heck of a lot of fun!!  How it must bring God joy when His kids delight in something He designed!

Do you want to worship the Lord in your marriage? One way to do that is to make love authentically and often.

If you rarely or never experience orgasm, something’s gotta give in this area… I encourage you to see that there are countless benefits to you and your marriage when you climax.

If you are struggling, do not lose hope.  Read all of the posts I’ve listed below — and any other Christian resources you can find on this topic — so that you don’t continue to miss out on sexual pleasure.

The purpose of orgasm? You tell me. Husbands and wives, please chime in and comment on this post.

And for your continued reading pleasure…

Does a Wife’s Orgasm Even Matter?

The Truth About Your Orgasm

3 Reasons Your Husband Likes It When You Climax

Your Orgasm is Your Responsibility (Mostly)

“Oh God” and Other Things We Say During Sex

Some Orgasms You Have to Work Very Hard For

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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18 thoughts on “Purpose of Orgasm? You Tell Me.

  1. thop says:

    You seemed to do a pretty good summary of what I would say. 🙂

    Orgasm with your spouse is like no other, well….anything. It is an amazing sleep aid, the best relaxation technique ever, makes the world seem brighter, problems are diminished, it also makes you feel sexy and confident. But strange thing making love with your spouse & orgasm is also, like you said, an amazing form of worship.

    God is truly awesome and creative to design us this way. 🙂

  2. Buddy Knight says:

    I think orgasm (in BOTH genders) is part of God’s overall engineering design for humanity.

    Looking at ALL the health benefits of a regular monogamous love life (which are completely offset by the downsides of promiscuity) it appears that sex is an integral part of God’s creative design for humanity and the human family.

    Orgasm, IMHO, is designed to be the chemical dump for beneficial substances such as oxytocin, vassopressin, and dopamine, among others. And, the pleasure keeps bringing us back for more (that, and the pair-bonding from the chemical dumps).

    Sex, and orgasm, are (IMHO) critical components of the “two becoming one” that the Bible speaks to.

    Personal observation: Women have a capability, it seems, that men do not: MULTIPLE ORGASMS (I know, some would love just ONE, but I’m talking capability not experience). (C’mon, men, admit that we ENVY that capability to have back-to-back orgasmsms, etc.) Have you ever wondered why WOMEN can and MEN can not? (Eastern mysticism & practices notwithstanding.) I think it is intentional on God’s part, and a component of the “balance” that He puts into his designs.

    The ability, and experience, of multiple orgasms could be intended to offset the downsides of female sexuality: Monthly cycles/cramps, labor pains, etc.

    But, in summary, I believe that the orgasm (male and female) at important components of the process for two to become one.

    NOTE: You might want to check out an article by Dr. Zouxin Wand, et al, from FSU: http://www.neuro.fsu.edu/~wang/kim%20FiN.pdf

  3. loveof9 says:

    I subscribe to the “2 types of orgasm” theory (for me it is fact). There is a physical muscle spasm orgasm generally produced by intense stimulation of the clitoris. I can produce this witha vibrator and concentration on relaxation and letting it happen, it is relaxing, a release, but akin to popping my knuckles or doing exercises. The other orgasm I have, does not produce the clinched muscular spasm but fireworks in my head, elation to my soul, and a warm gooey feeling to my whole body! Neither are very easy for me but we’re working on it. I think it is possible to have them at the same time, and I believe I would fairly explode. I am very happy going between the two for now tho’. Why would God create these experiences for us? I believe the muscular spasm is excited reward for the man to keep his interest peeked and continue to motivate him to “please” his woman. I believe the second is the woman’s reward and does all that relaxing chemical bonding you spoke of. He is an AWESOME God and marital sex just proves it!

  4. Clark says:

    I would dare say that without an orgasm when making love, making love is not going to happen. If one of the partners in a marriage is not having an orgasm when making love, making love is not going to happen very often (if at all), and the partner without an orgasm is going to be resentful. God has blessed each person with the God given gift to have an orgasm so that married couples would make love on a regular basis to help keep the bonds of love towards one another strong. If our spouse is not having an orgasm when making love, it is in the best interests of the longevity of the marriage to do whatever it takes to solve the orgasm issue as soon as possible. My relationship with my spouse doesn’t get any better when we are making love on a regular basis.

  5. Brian says:

    I know this post is about female orgasm, but I just have to comment to Buddy Knight that male multiple orgasm with ejaculation is very much possible. I’ve done it as many as three times, back to back, in a total time of about an hour. And I’ve done this many times. It’s also possible to orgasm without ejaculation – full on full body orgasm without ejaculation. But I’ve only done that once.

    I believe the same thinking applies to female orgasm. If you believe it’s not possible or too difficult, that will be your reality. But if you believe in endless possibility, really want it and work at it, that will be your reality!

  6. donotdisturb blog says:

    I agree with what you wrote Julie. I believe the purpose of orgasm is a drawing of one to another. It is a drawing together of bodies, minds, souls and spirits. A union that is as close to heaven as we can have here on earth. Moments that lead to this kind of union build us up and are never wasted. Orgasm is an amazing gift to our marriages and I for one always want the best for my marriage.

    Megan

  7. Doris says:

    I second loveof9 two-type orgasms theory, a fact for me too 🙂 . Some researchers concluded that a good sustained female orgasm, if lived by a man, might kill him. Not sure how much of a stretch this is, but we can imagine that their relatively short (and limited) orgasms seem like a warm-up to us.

    Why our Lord designed us this way? Maybe to teach us that we must feel dependent (of our DH) even at this primeval level. If I’d think as an independent woman, shortly after that would arrive a second thought: why not having casual sex? Promiscuity may bring a couple of stunning orgasms but no affection (the illusions, surrogates, or any imagined remorse patching, will vanish sooner or later, leaving your soul in a dry desert). Bad girls aren’t as happy and satisfied as the good ones (see a recent blog of Julie’s about this) which makes me think that you won’t experience total orgasms unless you’re in love for the long run — the classical word for this euphemism is: Marriage!

    Yet another good point in teaching our daughters to keep sex for marriage and marry wisely for their own sake and full satisfaction (among other blessings).

    Where was I? Home alone again. Hurry up! Hubby calling me for the morning erotic massage! Bye… 😛

  8. J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) says:

    Julie, I agree that such a pleasurable moment together, and being able to bring your spouse to that level of pleasure, creates an intimacy that is relational, emotional, and spiritual. I was disappointed that none of the relationship aspect was mentioned in the NightLine bit. They focused purely on the physical. I believe we Christians following God’s design can have much better sexuality because we can experience everything it was meant to be.

    By the way, no stinkin’ way I’d go in that MRI machine.

  9. Paul H. Byerly says:

    God did not need to give us pleasure to get us to procreate. Most female animals don’t have an orgasm, and some have pain every time – but they still “want” to mate. In some species mating can cost the male his penis or his life, and yet they do it.

    Orgasm, and female orgasm in particular, is a real problem for evolutionary biologists. To these folks EVERYTHING has an evolutionary reason. If female orgasm does not serve some importnat evolutionary purpose, then it would have stopped a long time ago – so they MUST find a reason. A number of bizarre hypotheses that have come and gone (upsuck of semen, keep her laying down after sex, selection of men who are more caring). None has panned out well, and none even comes close to what the evolutionary biologists need to put it to rest. The current “best theory” is that it’s a left over from the fact that males and females start from the same basic template – like male nipples.

    All that to say science can’t decide why women enjoy sex, or even if they should. For me it’s easy – God made women to climax because He wanted them to enjoy sex.

  10. Amythest says:

    Hmmm. Who knows the purpose? I had to laugh at the stupidity of the idea that it is needed for procreation. I’ve been married 8 years, had 4 kids and a husband who decided 3 years ago he would never have sex with me again, and I’ve never had an orgasm with him and obviously never will. Didn’t change anything regarding me getting pregnant so often!

  11. landschooner says:

    if your husband is a Christian, he CAN’T decide that. You can even eventually bring him before the elders of your church to have them deal with his rebellion. Not that this is the first step, but I just wanted to convey the seriousness of this. If he is your husband, he needs to act like it and part of that is having regular and frequent sex with his wife. you have authority over his body and he has authority over yours. 1 Cor 7.

    If you are not Christians, well, please get marriage counseling help anyway. I’m sorry you are going through this.

    LS

  12. David says:

    Landschooner has raised the sin of not giving your spouse his or her “entitlement” to sexual intimacy. Regular sex in a marriage is a huge help in avoiding the temptations to indulge in immoral sex, as 1 Corinthians 7 so wisely points out. The sex drive is enormously powerful. It is virtually criminal to deny your partner the right to sexual pleasure. God knows this and has given sensible, practical instruction in 1 Corinthians 7.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Hi..
    this is grate help to know about Orgasms. I am 41 yrs old.. 2 mos married and i had a first time sex with my husband.
    due to work deployment, we have been separated physically. I just need your opinion, that even if we are separated, can we do a cybersex just to make him release (even alone) and i would experience my orgasm? Furhter, can we do also sexting through chatting in any means of communication?
    I am a Christian and i want to know if what we do while separated could displease God.
    Thanks for your help.

  14. JulieSibert says:

    @Anonymous… thank you for your comment. I don’t see anything wrong with cybersex, as long as you are still maintaining exclusivity (meaning, no one can see you and you are talking or video chatting over a secure network). Also, it is important that when you are together in person, you do all you can to nurture your intimacy.

    As for sexting, this isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but you have to remember that it is really easy to accidentally send a text to someone you didn’t intend for it to go to. For this reason, if you are sexting with your husband, I would suggest you talk in code, so to speak (make up rather innocent words that actually represent something sexual). Also, if you are using company-issued phones, I would recommend you not sext in any way, as technically those texts do not belong to you. Companies have various policies about using company-issued phones for personal reasons.

  15. Delilah says:

    If god wanted women to have the same libido as their husbands, he should have designed us better. Men almost always have an orgasm during sex, women almost never. As a result, sex isn’t high on a woman’s list of things to do. It never will be as long as the “reward’ is so unattainable for women. I mean the point of sex is pleasure. Men aren’t INSISTING on having it because they want to feel closer to god – they want an orgasm. Period. Otherwise they’d be coming up with excuses like women.

    I regularly hear “counselors” say, “well have sex anyway, you’ll get into it.” Nope. We never do, not if we’re truthful with ourselves. It makes women feel like a receptacle and nothing more. IT’s a violation and then we have to pretend to enjoy it or there are hurt feelings to deal with. It’s just the way it is. It’s a major design flaw. Oh well.

  16. Julie Sibert says:

    @Delilah … thanks for your comment, but I do think your casting the net pretty far in your insistence that women never have orgasms and that sex is a violation.

    If you speak with wives who enjoy sex and who are in marriages where sex is mutually valued and pursued, I think you would find there are women who don’t think there is a design flaw. Also, if you speak with wives who once did not enjoy sex, but with their husbands have grown to find ways to experience more pleasure, you would hear them say that it is worth it to pursue and nurture sexual intimacy in a marriage.

    My observation is that when a marriage is void of nurtured intimacy (sexual and otherwise), the marriage tends to suffer and the two people exist more as roommates rather than as a strong healthy couple.

  17. Osage says:

    Thank you for discussing this topic. As a woman, it’s a question that’s been rattling around in my head for quite a while. Why did God bother to give women the ability to orgasm? I was beginning to think I was the only Christian woman who wondered why. It serves no purpose for procreation, it’s for pleasure only. We women endure the pain of childbirth (Genesis), and our monthly menses…we deserve to have orgasms! It’s a blessing! I think He gave it to us out of love, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of it. Many of the website I visiting in searching for this answer talked of leftover tidbits of evolution as the reason women have orgasms, I was searching for the answer from a Christian perspective, thank you for tackling the topic, at least I’m not alone in questioning the reason for it!

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