“Oh God” and Other Things We Say During Sex

Years ago I was having lunch with my sister-in-law and my mom.  In all seriousness, I asked, “What do you think is the hardest part of parenting?”

Without skipping a beat, my sister-in-law said, “Quiet sex.”

All three of us erupted in laughter at her comment, which obviously referenced the lengths some couples go in keeping their sexual intimacy under wraps and out of earshot from their youngsters.  Honestly, I still chuckle a bit when I think of her statement.

Quiet sex.

Certainly there are times when we need a bit of discretion in how vocal we are during sex. (Tent in a crowded campground? Hotel room next to your in-laws? Awake children just a few bedrooms over?)

I wonder, though, if some people’s inhibitions are anchored in something other than, “I don’t want the kids to hear us.” Is that just an excuse you are using to mask other internal struggles?

Some women fear the sense of “losing control” if they fully allow themselves to experience sexual pleasure and express how good it feels.  They are nervous about pleasure that is so profound it gives way to screams, moans or emphatic pleas of “don’t stop!”

Other people may feel that being vocally expressive during sex is somehow incongruent with with being a Christian. Hmmm.  I must have missed that on the test about commandments. Thou shalt not scream with delight when in the throes of sexual passion.

In all seriousness, some people feel expressing themselves during sex is somehow sacrilegious, as if the expression itself cheapens what is going on in the marriage bed at that moment.

Call me crazy, but it makes more sense to walk in truth than to rest in faulty theology.

Faulty theology and skewed tapes will take you and your sexual intimacy hostage.  Given enough room to roam around in your heart and head, they will take you down.  It probably will be a slow painful decent, but a decent nonetheless.

Do you really want that going on in your marriage?

Here are five things to consider with regard to vocal expression during sex:

1. Orgasm was God’s idea.

He was the One who made it so intense and so indescribable.  That was all the handiwork of the Creator. (A stunning accomplishment Lord. Kudos to You).  So if we can exclaim our appreciation for a beautiful sunset or squeal with delight when we see our children playing, doesn’t it make complete sense to express our genuine gratefulness for intense sexual pleasure?

2. You won’t lose control if you allow yourself to experience intense pleasure.

An orgasm never rendered anyone completely senseless.  I mean, I’ve had some off-the-charts orgasms, but if necessary I still could have managed to get the kids out of a burning house or to throw the cell phone across the room if it rang at that moment.  God did not affix a warning label on marital sexual intimacy that says, “Hey, if you have a really intense orgasm with the person you love, you may become completely incapacitated.”

3. God wants you to enjoy sex with the man you married!

When you genuinely express out loud that what is happening when you make love feels good, this is one of the sweetest forms of worship.  You are indeed saying, “I agree with you God that marriage and sex are fabulous!”

4. It will likely turn your guy on big time if you express how good he’s making you feel.

You gotta be authentic about it though.  Don’t be just tossing around an “Oh baby, do that again” if you don’t really mean it.  He’ll see right through it.  Instead, when something genuinely feels good — when you are on the edge of ecstasy — let him know. Really let him know.

5. Sex is your own private playground.

Don’t put the brakes on your sexual expression because you are hung up on “what would the gals at church think” or “what would my co-workers think.”   First of all, who cares what they think in this scenario. You’re enjoying sexual intimacy with the man you married.   Any of them who are in tune with the sacredness of marriage would probably think, “You go girl!”

Recently I commented on a post my pal Mrs. Hot Holy Humorous wrote about sexy names people have for their spouses.  With regard to things I call my husband, I wrote, “Well, I think in the grips of passion, I say ‘Oh God’ a lot. Hopefully he doesn’t think it’s a direct salutation.”

She and I both had a laugh about that.

But it reminded me that Shannon Ethridge referenced the “Oh God” exclamation in her book The Sexually Confident Wife.  She wrote…

“…maybe there’s a reason we sometimes shout ‘Oh, God! I’m coming!’ as we experience orgasm. Perhaps sexual climax brings us closer to God than anything else on earth. Isn’t a powerful and pleasurable sexual connection, when freely enjoyed between husband and wife, a sweet foretaste of the connection we’ll one day experience in the afterlife?  When we can intimately know God as fully as we are known by Him and enjoy basking unashamedly in His presence? For that reason alone, let us overcome any spiritual obstacles holding us back from experiencing our own little slice of Heaven here on earth!”

You can agree or disagree with Shannon.  You can agree or disagree with me.

But if you are refusing to be vocally expressive during sex because you think there is something inherently wrong with it, then I encourage you to surrender that at the foot of the cross. Get real with your Savior and get real with your husband.  For crying out loud, get real with yourself.

If on the other hand you think quiet sex is the hottest thing ever, have at it.  Just make sure you somehow are conveying to your husband that you really enjoy sexual pleasure with him.   Maybe a few fingernails dug into his back will do the trick. I’m sure you won’t find him complaining.

Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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24 thoughts on ““Oh God” and Other Things We Say During Sex

  1. Patty says:

    I love your SIL’s comment…that was indeed a toughie for me! Since becoming empty-nesters many years ago, I’ve felt free to express myself, though hubby is still a bit more reserved vocally.
    Although each of us has said, “Oh God!” at one time or another, I’ve always wondered if it didn’t tread on the 3rd Commandment. While I agree that married sex is a sacred thing, and have been brought to tears by the magnitude of closeness and holiness that I have felt during love-making, I had not thought about it in terms of a foretaste of heaven…silly me.
    Great post, Julie.

  2. JulieSibert says:

    Hey Patty! Thanks for the comment. I can manage “quiet sex” if need be, but it is definitely not my preference! Ha! And as for the kids, mine are heavy sleepers, so I don’t think I give much thought to how quiet I need to be when they are asleep.

    I also ask myself, what’s the worse that could happen… if my kids heard us having sex and asked about it, I would see it as one more opportunity to tell them that sex within marriage is right and holy and awesome.

  3. Alecia says:

    “Oh God” seems to be my go-to response as well. I wish I could come up with something else! But I’m pretty conservative in my speech outside of the bedroom so that seems to transfer over to inside the bedroom. And I have often wondered the same thing as Patty. Especially since once upon a time my husband joked with me that I was probably taking His name in vain. But at the end of the day, I think if I’m experiencing that kind of pleasure the two names that are very appropriate to call out are my husband’s and God’s!

  4. Shelly says:

    Your sil’s statement reminded me of the time hubby and I figured out a new position that worked VERY well for me. I was extremely loud. My oldest who was about 8 to 10 at the time knocked on my door and with a terrified voice asked if I was okay. Oops!!!!

  5. JulieSibert says:

    thank you Shelly and Alecia for your comments! I love it when a post creates good dialogue!

    you all have a blessed day… maybe a blessed night too! 🙂

  6. Louise says:

    Very Interesting Post… I must keep this in mind because I am kind of on the quiet side during pleasure and ther are so many sexual heightened peeks that have not yet been fulfilled… time will reveal and I will shout “Oh God”!!! Thank You for sharing this great tip with all of us. We appreciate it!

  7. J (Anonymous) says:

    Yes, I thought your comment about “Oh God” and direct salutation was hilarious! This post is great. I have a problem with keeping it down, as I am not a quiet girl. I think some of our old apartment walls were phyllo-dough thin (which might explain the smirks from our neighbors). Having a house instead helps with the neighbor thing, but the presence of kids changes the whole game…to the quiet game.

    My husband is happy to have me vocalize my delight, however! It’s immediate feedback for a job well done, you know. Keep writing the great stuff!

  8. Em says:

    I think these are great comments. And, admittedly, “quiet sex” is a challenge. However, I’m a little disappointed that taking the Lord’s name in vain, while utilizing our God-given sexual abilities, and sharing it on a Christian sexual website, is the first natural response for many. I feel that the Spirit of the Lord DOES support us in our sexual relationships, and that his assistance makes it even better. Perhaps replacing our “natural man” response with something more appropriate would only help to improve our relationships. Certainly the Lord would bless us for keeping His commandments while employing His gifts.

  9. Sandra Houtz says:

    I know I had wondered about that “particular” outburst … lol … I can never think or mutter anything else … or at least anything that is “legible” … lol …

  10. M says:

    I am a newlywed and was shocked on my honeymoon when I found “oh God” coming out of my mouth…to me it’s always been something I don’t say like the others have mentioned. How odd it seems to be so instinctive?? We’ve also been told the neighbors below us complained they could hear us (to be fair they also complained they could hear us watching TV at 3 AM which we most certainly haven’t done, we don’t even own a TV right now) so now I’m afraid I’ll be much more self conscious and afraid it will stifle the fun. Are there suggestions for those of us in apartments?

  11. JulieSibert says:

    @M thanks for the comment. I don’t have tons of suggestions, but I definitely think that being uninhibited doesn’t automatically mean you have to be loud.

    Sure, you may need to keep your voices down a little bit, but you can still have lots of fun!

    Maybe kiss right as you climax instead of crying out in delight? 🙂 Just an idea!

  12. Lahmeet says:

    GREAT post! I totally agree with the comment about orgasm being a slice of heaven 😀 After reading, I asked my husband if i was vocal enough for him and he said yes and that he completely loves it! Thanks for the post. LOVE it! 😀

  13. joshy says:

    Fabulous post! i struggled and muffled myself for years about how vocal one should be as a christian, until a few days prior to reading this post i freed myself and i have never felt better…i am still smiling now-and i am happy to know that i have not been alone in the world of muffled pleasure. i am from Jamaica where using certain words are considered indecent and unlawful so just imagine how caged as a christian one can be in your own bed of mind, wanting and trying to be sanctified and obedient-then, i learned that the marriage bed is a private and UN-defiled place. so scream your lungs out you owe it to each other.

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  16. Sue says:

    Myself and my partner jay have only been together a short while we have great vocal sex but I do use the word o my god a lot he’s now said I should think of another word to say has anyone got any suggestions please as for myself I’m showing him when saying this word how much he is pleasuring me, but he has mentioned quite a few times I need to think of something eles to say

  17. Joy B. says:

    I have read all the above comments and I can feel the full spectrum of opinions and personalities. I just would like to add one thing. I think we are losing sight of what using the Lord’s name in vain truly is. If you search the scriptures you will find where people call on their God in time of need and time of Praise. I think that fits well here in both respects. You can say Oh My God if you really mean it in respect to God and not as a curse word. In an undefiled bed giving praise to the creator for the ultimate gift is not using the Lord’s name in vain. But, if it feels wrong or filthy to you then you may want to refrain. Substitute your own husband’s names or a love name you call him when you are intimate this will come in handy when you call him “Sparky” outside of the bedroom. You will get the best look ever. Ladies, in the garden Adam And Eve knew they needed to hide for their shame. This is why we have a hard time understanding the purity of an undefiled bed in the bounds of marriage. But, God gave us the ultimate gift to enjoy. Shouldn’t we praise him for that! Oh God, thank you for my Husband and for the gift of marriage and for all that comes with it!

  18. Cathy Jo says:

    I agree with “Em” from 2011. We can be vocal and express our pleasure without taking the Lord’s name in vain. I’ve never once screamed out God’s name in any situation. I only speak it reverently. I can’t even imagine yelling it out in the throes of passion. It actually makes me cringe to think that Godly, Christian women actually think its a respectful practice. Of course because I don’t think it’s appropriate doesn’t mean I am judging you for doing it. I simply don’t get it.

  19. Jacqueline says:

    Thank you for the lit ladies… I think I kidda knew most of this before but needed a little refresher. My problem is not with the screams and shouts… when I get excited I whisper Jesus! I’d love to shout but 4 kids 2, 5, 7 and 8 makes it complicated. What I do need help on is coping sexual when I’m always tired (looking after the kids) any ideas here…

  20. Cathy says:

    In our relationship I’m the noisy one. I can’t help it, especially when I orgasm. My DH is very quiet – barely a grunt – and I sometimes wish he were more vocal during lovemaking. My untintentional noises have sometimes stirred the house, the most embarrassing being when my husband gave me his load in my mouth on one occasion and I wasn’t ready and yelled out yuck! I woke up the kids.

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  24. Jan says:

    I’m always confused about what people consider to be ‘loud’. I moan and gasp and he can’t fail to know when I’m orgasming, but I just don’t ever scream or shout. Is that the only kind of vocalizing that’s acceptable? Even if we were somewhere miles away from another living soul, I wouldn’t feel the need to scream and I don’t feel stifled or deprived. I’m more of a ‘yes’ woman than an ‘oh God woman.’ I’d find it a bit distracting and forced if I shouted and hollered. Just do what comes naturally, whatever that may be.

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