sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
Sexual Positions in Your Marriage: Hey, I’m a Housewife, Not a Gymnast
I don’t need to peruse a book to learn every sexual position. (Those books crack me up, though).
And let’s be real here — I don’t need to spend too much time actually having sex to know I wouldn’t be able to do the majority of positions in those books. Good Lord, I’m an average every day housewife. I’m not a gymnast or Olympic athlete. The wheel-barrow? Seriously?
No matter what anyone says, 40 is not the new 20 — at least not where my flexibility and abdominal strength are concerned. I’ve given birth people. Let’s not even mention what happens if too much blood rushes to my head.
Call me selfish, but I actually want to enjoy sex. Any position that could result in a trip to the emergency room or compel me to start popping Vicodin does not sound pleasurable.
And, of course, there’s always that possibility that I’d have to actually explain how I was injured.
“Well, funny you should ask. Let me tell you, it all started very innocent. Before I knew it, the dresser was involved. And a pair of handcuffs. We even dug out the old Boppy from when I was nursin’ the young’uns. It wasn’t enough, though, to soften the blow when I hit the floor. Go figure. And don’t even ask me about the disco ball. I thought we had that thing secured tight enough when we grabbed on to it. Apparently those things are not made to hold a combined weight of 350 pounds. They should put that kind info on the box.”
Sexual positions. The repertoire of ones that most of us can do (and enjoy!) is not quite as broad as one would hope. Let’s just say Cirque de Soleil does not have me on speed dial.
Even so, I do think positions are worth discussing.
First of all, missionary position has its benefits (face-to-face contact, a husband’s easy access to his wife’s breasts, lots of free use of both spouses’ hands, etc.)
But missionary position has pa-lenty of drawbacks too.
It’s one of the very worst positions for a woman to climax (Unless, of course, her husband has learned that he needs to be much further forward so that the shaft of his penis is in firm and direct contact with the clitoris. I’m just saying.).
Also, missionary position assumes the premise that the man should be doing all the work when it comes to sex. Hmmm. The man doing all the work. Great concept when it comes to removing rodents from the attic. Not such a good concept when it comes to sex.
Maybe your husband would like it if you would have your way with him.
Which brings me to what I think is a fabulous position (and one that most normal everyday people can do with no athletic training).
Wife on top.
Some husbands find it totally hot when their wife takes control of things and is on top. I even wrote a guest post for Stu Gray about how I Think the Proverbs 31 Wife Liked Being on Top. It also can be a more stimulating position for a woman, because she’s in control of the rhythm and pressure on her clitoris.
Entering from behind. (I’m not talking about anal sex, which I’ll cover in another post). I’m talking about when a husband enters his wife’s vagina from behind.
This can be awkward until you get the hang of it, but many wives and husbands are surprised to discover the pleasurable sensations are different — and in some cases better — than experienced in other positions.
For you as the wife, this could be because your G-spot is getting more stimulation. I’m not sure. I just know it’s a position that should not be crossed off the list without at least a little consideration.
There also are various positions you can explore simply by changing the angle of your legs and the way you prop yourself with pillows. Making love in places other than your bed can broaden the possibilities as well, such as on a couch, in a recliner or on the floor.
Sadly, so many couples become just plain bored with their sexual intimacy — because they are unwilling to find new ways to explore each other’s bodies.
I’ve never been a big fan of “variety for variety’s sake,” but I do think we sabotage our intimacy when we go on auto-pilot. Touch him here. Kiss him this way. Allow him to get on top of me. Done.
Sex is meant to be a lot of things, and I can’t help but think fun is one of them. There’s nothing in the Bible that would suggest a married couple is limited to missionary position as their only form of sexual expression. If anything, the Bible would remind us that we serve a Creator who delights in creativity.
Which brings me to another point. Some positions are just plain silly, but a little silliness when jumping in the sack can go a long way to endear a husband and wife to each other.
When trying new sexual positions, give yourself and your husband freedom to laugh with each other. Notice I said “with each other” and not “at each other.”
Along those lines, I have some wisdom for you husbands reading this. You are in a tremendous role to genuinely and specifically tell your wife what you like about her body. If you want her to grow in sexual confidence, tell her what you find beautiful and sexy about her as a person and about her body.
A note to you wives — get courageous and actually grow in your sexual confidence. When your husband compliments you and wants to enjoy you, receive his affirmation. Time is fleeting. If you are waiting to lose the baby weight before you allow yourself to embrace all sex can be, you are missing out on savoring your marriage.
Sexual positions. You don’t have to hang from chandeliers. You don’t have to install crazy contraptions in your bedroom (unless ya’ll are into that sort of thing.)
And you don’t have to be a gymnast.
You’re not training for the olympics. You’re making love to the man you promised to have sex with regularly when you stood at an altar and married him.
If somewhere along the way the two of you forgot how fun that can be — or never discovered how fun it can be — then I’m throwing down a challenge to you.
Make love. Tonight. In some other position than missionary.
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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I think it is a good thing, a very good thing, when spouses are able to ask for what they want sexually. This requires a great deal of trust and real intimacy (of the genuine emotional kind, not just the “gee, we’re nekkid” kind). But it is so much better than hoping your spouse will somehow magically guess what it is that you want.
By saying what you want, you are coaching your loved one on how to please you. I think it is definitely hot when my bride tells me what she wants. We’ve been married a long time, a really long time. What she likes today is not the same as what she liked when we were younger. I want to please her, but I’m bad at guessing. When my bride says what she wants, that is HOT.
And yes, wife on top and playing from behind. Very hot.
You can do new things, even when you are intimate in the same place. Sex with your spouse can be fresh and exciting, even in the same old bed underneath the same old ratty quilt. New ideas, new ways of touching, new whispered secrets. All can be very powerful.
Be brave – ask for what you want!
I *am* a gymnast and I can’t hold some of the positions my husband and I pursue (not long enough for it to make a difference anyway). Gymnastics is an individual sport; making love is a team effort.
Sex is a conversation. I don’t always want to talk about the exact same thing every single time.
While I am always happy when my wife actually DOES want to talk, the conversation NEVER changes despite my efforts. I WOULD like some variety for variety’s sake.
Thanks for the great post!! While my hubby and I have recently discovered a few new positions in bed, I’ve always felt like maybe we were missing out on something because we haven’t mastered (or even read the book on) 101 Sexual Positions. Now I see it’s more about fun, togetherness, etc.
The first part of your post was hilarious! I feel the same way and I am active and in my 20s (though never been flexible). I also ditto mel. I’ve never read a positions book and wondered how they came up with so many. I’m not that creative. But we are happy and satisfied with what we do, and that’s all that matters.
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Oh my gosh, Julie!!! I think you are so hilarious! I just discovered your sight and was hooked just after reading your “About Me” page. When I read this post I was seriously crying (yes, literally tears running down my cheeks!) from laughing so hard during your quote of explaining at the emergency room how you got injured. So funny! Thank you. You made my day!!! Glad I discovered your sight (from Romantic Vineyard).
Thanks Mary for your kindness… I am humbly blessed you took the time to comment!
Be sure to keep in touch and stop back often or email me at jksibert@cox.net. I love hearing from readers! Hey… we’re all in this journey together… may as well get some laughs and support along the way!
Point well taken. So what do I do since I *am* a gymnast? 🙂
Ha! Thanks for the comment Jenny! If you are a gymnast, then I would hope there’s a lot of creativity going on in your bedroom! Enjoy the flexibility to its fullest!
Blessings!
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Excellent essay, Julie.
Open communication between the spouses can help here. The rear entry of the wife’s vagina (aka “doggy” position) allows for a very (mutually) stimulating vaginal embrace of the husband’s penis. Many wives (and their husbands) enjoy making love in this position for its exciting sensations.
The making use of a variety of positions idea can also be applied to oral sex with similarly novel and pleasurable sensations.
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my is not interested in sex and says I am selfish for asking. Even after 4 months. is it ok for me to masterbate instead
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My husband is so old man and i’m a young wife .it’s 18 years i’m not happy at all but sex everyday is enjoyable and good for helth.