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My Beloved and I went to a wedding recently, and at the reception we sat with two couples we know, who are about our same age.
A younger couple then joined our table.
And by younger, I mean young enough to be our children.
That’s always a humbling experience… to sit with adults who you could have given birth to.
And they were married nonetheless! (I found myself thinking, “How can someone who was born in 1990 be so grown up?!)
Chuckling aside, after I reflected on the evening later, I felt grateful that I have been “grown up” for a couple of decades rather than just a couple of years.
A friend and I were talking about this recently and all that we appreciate about being in our 40s — like having better discernment, making quicker decisions and really being able to sift out the major issues from the minor ones. I would have loved to have done my 20s with the wisdom of my 40s. Seriously!
And what about sex as you get older?
Some would say that sex is a young person’s game… meant for those 20-something newlyweds. They are kidless, their kitchen cabinets aren’t stocked with 5-Hour Energy (what would be the point?!), and they have the flexibility and body mass index of an Olympic gymnast.
Sure, maybe they are having some hot sex (I hope so!). At any rate, though, I’ve come to realize the youngsters do not have the corner on it. There is pa-lenty of potential for tremendous sex as the years go by.
Could sex be just as good — dare I say, better — as we get old(er)? I’m going to vote with a definite “YES” on that one!
And honestly, I think I’ll be saying the same thing when my husband and I are in our 50s, 60s and beyond. That’s my attitude and approach at least.
Here are 3 reasons sex is really quite remarkable now that I’m a little older:
1. The clitoris is no longer a mystery object no one in the room can figure out.
(Well, the only people in the room are me and my husband, but suffice to say…we’ve got that thing figured out). Enough trial and error… enough willingness to teach and be taught… and ample appreciation for my own sexual pleasure has brought me to a place of complete awe for the wonder of the orgasm.
It’s like being offered a top shelf margarita or martini and being able to say, “Yes, I will have another. In fact, give me a couple… I hardly think one will be enough.”
2. I’m comfortable in my own sexual skin.
Okay, would I occasionally like my pre-baby abs or my youthful wrinkle-free face? Sure. But I’m not going to let body image be the barometer on if sex in my marriage bed is going to happen, let alone be good!
When I as a wife can embrace this, then sexual confidence truly finds its place.
A lot of my sexual confidence has come with age. I also can quickly discern if distractions and mixed-up priorities are robbing us of the opportunity to make love as often as we both would like.
3. I better understand what makes sex so profoundly bonding.
I’m not talking about foreplay or the power of touch or variety in our sexual intimacy (although, all very nice I must admit). Nope. What makes sex so incredible is the sheer amount of safety in authentic love and commitment.
With each passing year, I more clearly see what it means to feel completely safe with this man. And there is something really sexually freeing about that.
If you are older (or if you are young and wondering what sex will be like when you are older), does anything in this post strike a chord with you?
I’m not discounting that aging can have some health challenges and changes that affect sexual intimacy.
I’m simply asking, “As a body of Christ, have we been too quick to buy into this idea that growing older automatically translates into a decline or disappearance of sex in marriage?”
Think about the sexual ground that has been lost in marriages because we lament about the toll of time, instead of celebrate the raw passion of uninhibited sex.
As for me and my marriage? Well, I’m giddy with delight to think about what we might be doing sexually years from now.
Yeah, I know. Too much information, right? Hehe!
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.