3 Cheers for the Wife Being on Top

It’s not that I’m not a fan of missionary position.

I’m just not a HUGE fan.

(And I’m definitely not a fan of the name of it, which depending on what source you read, dates back to when missionaries would show “less civilized” natives the “proper” way to have sex. Thus the name “missionary” position. Go. Figure.)


Missionary position — face-to-face with husband on top during sex — usually is the easiest position for a husband and wife to figure out.

(This possibly is because it is what we most often see implied during any love scene in the movies. Or maybe because somewhere along the way, we too learned that this was the “proper” way to have sex).

Just to set the record straight, nowhere in the Bible does it say the only position in which a husband and wife can have sex is with the man on top, facing his wife.

Let’s not shackle ourselves to rules that really don’t exist.

I’m not saying missionary position doesn’t have its plusses, because it does.  In Paul Byerly’s survey, in fact, it was actually listed as the most popular position (see 6 Best Sex Positions) — with “wife on top” coming in second.

One of the downfalls of missionary position is that it can be one of the worst ways for a wife to orgasm — unless she and her husband have discovered that he needs to move forward enough to have the shaft of his penis in more direct contact with her clitoris.  In most cases, this would put his chest more at her face level, shattering our whole romanticized movie version of sex, yet increasing the likelihood she will actually climax.

(TMI in that last paragraph? I’m not sure).

All that being said, let’s hear it for the wife occasionally (or often?) being on top during sexual intimacy.

I’m a big champion of the wife being on top during sex, and here’s why…

1. You as a wife are more likely to experience pleasure.

While on top, you can control the rate and angle of penetration, easily making adjustments to what is going to work for both you and your husband to climax.

The first few times you are on top, it may seem awkward, but trust me.  This is not a difficult position to master. And once you do, I’m betting it will rank high in your sexual repertoire.

Plus, you will find ways in this position to bring sensations to his body he doesn’t feel in other positions.  I think there is power in that — you being able to turn him on, which then turns you on.

What. A. Beautiful. Godly. Cycle. Right there in the privacy of your lovemaking.

2. He gets a visual feast, sexually speaking.

Ladies, if your man is like most men, he is enamored with the female body.  And most husbands are most fascinated with their wife’s body.

Your body is the one female body to which the Lord has said your husband should partake of often — with his heart, his hands, his tender kisses, his caresses.

And his eyes.

When you are on top, you allow him to really see you — your face, your breasts, your body move on his.

Want to really accentuate this? Let the light from the closet cast some light into the room.  Or turn on a bedside lamp or light a candle.

3. You share some of the physical effort required to have sex.

Okay, sex probably can’t be classified as an aerobic sport, but as any of us who have had sex knows, it does require some exertion.  It is far from being a passive physical encounter (at least if we are intent on enjoying it).

When missionary position is the only option on the menu, this means your husband is doing nearly all — if not all — of the work.

But when you are on top, well… for lack of a better way of saying it… he gets to enjoy the ride a bit more.

Sexual intimacy in a marriage is rich with opportunity for abiding and loving connection.  There is more than one position that will usher you into that holy experience.  And you being on top is worthy of consideration.

Want to read more about sexual positions? Check out my somewhat humorous post Hey, I’m a Housewife, Not a Gymnast.

And my pal J has written about the topic too in her posts How to Try New Sexual Positions, Mission Position, and Why Try More Than One Sexual Position.

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Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

9 thoughts on “3 Cheers for the Wife Being on Top

  1. Mrs R says:

    Normally I don’t leave anonymous responses, but, well, this deserves one. 🙂

    This post had me chuckling, and I read it aloud to my husband, because we can totally relate! Early in our marriage we experimented with me on top and it was one of the best things we ever did, for all the reasons you listed. Another reason I enjoy being on top is because it allows me to stay more… ahem… lubricated. Which makes things more pleasant for both of us. 😉 I feel like gravity works against me that way if I’m laying on my back.

    If you’re feeling a bit more adventurous, try doing wife-on-top facing your husband’s feet. He gets an excellent view and the different angle makes for interesting sensations for both of you! 🙂

  2. libl says:

    Ladies, let me tell you it is a great position. If you cannot climax from PIV, you can manually stimulate yourself from this position and climax while penetrated. The position does take a lot of sexercise, but that is GOOD! My hips, thighs, buns, and core get a great little workout. My endurance is greater (physical and sexual). It feels so sexy to be strong. It took a few years to get comfortable and used to it, but now I like it. I can do a lot and really play up my sexiness. Be confident, have fun, and don’t worry about that but if extra jiggling before his eyes. To him it is mezmorizing…like a belly dance. Beautiful womanhood. Embrace it.

  3. Paul Byerly says:

    We just kicked out the results of a survey on positions and orgasm (http://bit.ly/1E12eoL).
    Woman on top was the most used. Women said it was the one most likely to result in them having an orgasm, and men said it allowed them to last longer than any other position.
    Woman on top for the win!

  4. JustWant2BOne says:

    I’m so glad you posted an article about this. I can probably count on one hand how many times I have tried this throughout our almost 14 years of marriage. Hmmm, as someone who indeed has struggled with feeling pleasure and climaxing over many, many years, I am going to have to definitely start trying this again. We definitely need some more variety and a change and I hope that I will be able to try this again soon and keep trying it periodically since I have only climaxed from missionary once I believe and since as you touched on that it’s just not a very good position for us woman due to how we were created.

  5. ron says:

    This was always one of our favorites. …however, there’s a lot more of us now than there was 29 years ago, and now the geometry no longer works. Nevertheless, the bride tried it again recently, and yes the view was amazing! We finished with something else, but the fact that she cared enough about me to give me that treat was awesome.

  6. Rose says:

    While most men may enjoy the view, my husband has made it very clear that he is not aroused seeing my body. He states he is more turned on by young, skinny, un-stretched-marked girls. The only way he is able to perform is in the dark. So while we can try other positions, anything that makes me more visible to him will not benefit us.

  7. JulieSibert says:

    @Rose… I’m sorry to hear about the hurtful way your husband treats you. Someday he’ll have to give account to God for being so careless with his marriage vows. My hope is that your husband doesn’t wait for that moment to give account, but rather begins to treat you as the treasure you are.

  8. Sarah says:

    Julie, I just had to say how well said your comment to Rose was. You are exactly right & Rose, you are a treasure. 🙂 I love this blog

  9. Rookie says:

    One reason me and my husband do a lot of me on top is because initial penetration can be a little painful for me (especially during the beginning of our sex life!). So it offers me more control on taking it slow and having a comfortable angle. Thankfully the pain has gotten much better and goes away within a minute now. I feel the most pleasure though when he moves with me cuz it bumps the pleasure spot more.

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