Dustin and Bethany Riechmann
September 18th, 2016 by Julie Sibert
Dustin and Bethany Riechmann

Dustin and Bethany Riechmann

One of the best things about writing a blog is I have connected with other like-minded Christians who also have a passion for encouraging marriages.

And they write blogs too! Some also record podcasts!

Over the next several weeks, I want to share with you some of these great resources.

I've asked them to answer a few questions and share their favorite post. Today I bring you www.EngagedMarriage.com by Dustin and Bethany Riechmann.

 

1. Why did you start writing/speaking about sexual intimacy in marriage?

We struggled in a big way with sexual intimacy during the early years of marriage.  At first, it just didn't come as naturally as we had hoped, and then, when we did "get the hang of it," the busyness of our life with kids robbed us of true intimacy.  It was only after we put God first in our marriage AND our bedroom that we truly connected to experience all that sex was meant to be in marriage.

 

2. What do you hope readers/listeners gain from visiting your site?

Engaged Marriage is all about providing real, practical help to other couples who are struggling to live the dream marriage they envisioned when they first got together.  Our goal is to provide the tools and advice that busy couples need to truly live engaged, connected lives together and honor God through their relationship.

Favorite Post:  The Best Kept Secret About Mind-Blowing Sex

THANK YOU Dustin and Bethany!

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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orgasm-in-marriage
August 28th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

orgasm-in-marriageWhen was the last time you faked orgasm?

I've written about sex long enough to know there are a variety of answers (and reasons) rolling through the heads of my readers right now.

Some of you (I hope a lot of you) never fake orgasm, because like me, you'd rather have an orgasm than fake one.

Some of you fake orgasm rather regularly (maybe even your entire marriage).

My guess is your reasons generally fall in one of two camps -- you want to protect your husband's ego and give him the satisfaction of thinking he has wildly pleased his woman (even if he hasn't) OR you don't really like sex and you fake orgasm to end sex as soon as possible.

Certainly some of you are in both camps -- you don't want to hurt his feelings AND you want sex to end quickly.

And just to be fair, I know there are some of you who have tried to explain to your husband what it will take for you to climax, and he has been less than willing to see the value in your sexual pleasure.

Regardless of your reason for faking orgasm, I challenge you to stop.

Orgasm feels incredible, unique in its sensations and the way it affects us emotionally, relationally, physically, spiritually.

Nothing good, in the long term or short term, comes from faking orgasm.

If you are faking to protect his ego, you may be temporarily satisfied with that altruistic motive. Ultimately, though, it is wrought with all kinds of pitfalls.

An obvious pitfall is you aren't experiencing sexual pleasure. And sex without sexual pleasure is reduced quickly to mere obligation. Going through the motions. Check it off my list. This approach numbs us to the positive role and effect sex can have in our marriage.

Trust me on this -- your heart will never be able to righteously reconcile taking something that is meant for pleasure and oneness in your marriage and making it nothing more than duty.

Another pitfall is it builds your sexual foundation on a lie. (That's some shaky ground, I might add).  Marriage is hard enough. We don't need to actively bring lies into it to make it worse, especially when those lies are wrapped up in something as intimate as our marriage bed.

Another pitfall is it perpetuates selfishness -- yours and his.  What?

That's right. Selfishness. You faking orgasm fuels a false sense of pride in him.  And it perpetuates a false sense of control in you. When faking orgasm is intricately part of your sexual encounters, you both lose sight of what it authentically means to give and receive pleasure.

Also, faking to protect his ego is not sustainable. Your motive of kindness likely will spiral to a deep root of resentment. You'll end up angry -- either at yourself or your husband or both -- that you have sacrificed your sexual pleasure on the altar of good intentions.

His protected ego is no longer going to be enough to compensate for your lack of orgasmic pleasure. Even worse, trying to fake that you are just fine with faking is only going to make matters worse. I mean seriously, how wide can the distance between the two of you become sexually? Quite wide. And the toll of that is quite high.

If you are faking orgasm because you want sex to end quickly, why do you want sex to end so quickly?

This is a hard question. I know.

And I can't answer it for you, but I can say this. Sex is intended to be an intimate, pleasurable bonding experience for a husband and a wife. The degree to which a husband and a wife navigate this will be reflected in all aspects of their relationship, not just in their bedroom.

God wants you to have freedom in your sexual pleasure. I'm not naive -- I know finding that freedom is harder for some couples than others.

Some people have to heal from and overcome the damage of past sexual abuse.  Some people have to reconcile and make peace with God about their promiscuous past.  Some people have to challenge the outright wrong messages that other Christians have repeatedly told them about sex being gross, just duty or for procreation only.

If you are still reading, do you see that orgasm has a greater significance than we sometimes realize?

I'd rather have an orgasm than fake one. Because I know what happens to me and to my marriage when I climax.  I know what a positive effect it has not only on my overall positive outlook on life, but also on my relationship with the man I married.

Wouldn't you rather have an orgasm than fake one?

For more reading, I have an entire page with posts on orgasm. Well worth the read.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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August 25th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

The older I get, the more aware I am that time is fleeting.

A friend and I were talking about this recently. We were thinking back to when we were in our 20s and how anyone over the age of 40 (like our parents at that time) seemed soooo old!!

We were laughing about the irony that we are now that to our own kids. We are in our 40s, and though we still view ourselves as "young" in our minds, we are indeed closer to the grave than the cradle (Sorry. Just keeping it real).

And, if you want to get really philosophical and spiritual about it all, we see value in being closer to the grave than the cradle. Word. (Insert Fist Bump!)

As a writer about all things sexual, I of course look at this "time is fleeting" revelation through the lens of intimacy in marriage.

When you look back on sex in your marriage, what will you see?

Will the lens be foggy because of all the passion or will it be foggy because of all the confusion, disconnect and misunderstanding?

I've received a few emails as of late from people understandably at their wits end with sexual rejection and disillusionment. Some of these people (wives and husbands) have gone years without receiving any sexual interest and attention from their spouse.

It's heartbreaking.

They are angry, sure, but more often than not, they are profoundly sad, feeling as if they have endured needlessly, all because their spouse just "didn't want to have sex."

And then I got a cool email from a gal in New Zealand who spoke so authentically about changing unhealthy sexual patterns in her marriage into healthy ones. Now she courageously and enthusiastically is encouraging other women in her circle of influence to nurture sexual intimacy in their marriages.

Good stories. Sad stories.  Lots of stories flowing into my inbox that all have to do with how we handle sex in marriage.

Sex is part of marriage. When we say those vows, who among us could make any sane argument that sex is simply optional, like an ala carte item that's ours for taking -- or passing right on by? No one could make that argument.

When we get married, whether we realize it or not, we are agreeing with God that sex is a good and holy part of His plan, meant for pleasure and oneness in our marriage (not just for making babies).

I write about the importance of healthy sexual intimacy in marriage because my first marriage was marked by a lot of sexual struggle, and looking back now I know I didn't put in the effort to figure that out then.  I didn't know what I didn't know.

I know now, of course, being in a healthy second marriage that sexual desires and sexual struggles and sexual pleasure all deserve tremendous attention.

Or the marriage is going to suffer. Horribly.

Some of you have been married long enough that you do have enough time to look back upon in your marriage -- you can, right now, look back at sex in your marriage and piece together a fairly complete picture of what that has looked like.

Others of you reading this have been married only a few months or a few years.  Your look back period is short.  My guess is it still reveals something.

Wherever you are in marriage, how would you describe your sexual intimacy?

Is it mutually valued, pursued and enjoyed? Does it add oneness and pleasure and bring you closer to each other?

Or is it a source of conflict, distancing you from each other to the point that your marriage is a mere shell -- a mere arrangement on paper, but void of abundant life?

These are big questions.

I know.

They are worth asking, though.

And if you have young marrieds or soon-to-be marrieds in your circle of influence, you could be saving them years of heartache if you help them see the significance of sexual intimacy -- that they shouldn't take it for granted or assume that slight sexual struggles won't turn into full fledged unhealthy sexual patterns.

When you look back on sex in your marriage, what will you see?

For more reading on this, consider my posts What if The Last time You Made Love Was Truly the Last Time? and Do You Really Have "Plenty of Time Later" to Nurture Your Marriage?

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in intimacy, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: , ,

passion in marriage
August 22nd, 2016 by Julie Sibert

passion in marriageWhen my beloved and I said our vows, we had never had sex with each other.

In those first few months (and even first few years, really) of our marriage, we had much desire (and much lovemaking), but little sexual variety.

I think we were just trying to figure out being naked together.

The idea of trying anything beyond the basics we had already mastered didn't cross our minds.  Our sexual repertoire was narrow, and we settled into a pattern of predictable (albeit frequent) lovemaking.

Don't get me wrong. We were definitely sexually satisfied. But we had not found true sexual freedom in our bed.

Do you know what changed everything and made sex better for us?

We became comfortable enough in our own skin to try new sexual techniques and talk about what we liked.

I know.

Sounds simple enough, all written out in one concise sentence, right? But wow is there a plethora of truth in that sentence.

Comfortable enough in our own skin to try new sexual techniques and talk about what we liked.

When we let go of the idea that there are only a few ways to please each other sexually, it transformed sexual intimacy in our marriage.

And we started having a lot of fun making love, and connecting with deeper oneness that I knew was different than we had experienced in our first few years of marriage.

It's not that we haven't had our share of sexually difficulty in our marriage, because we have.  BUT what has carried us through is that we have a deep understanding of what it takes to bring each other intense sexual pleasure and nurture closeness.

We are turned on by turning each other on.

That understanding in our bed is profound.

And we would have missed out on that level of sexual enjoyment and connection if we hadn't embraced -- even pursued -- the freedom God gives a husband and wife in the exclusivity of their sexual intimacy.

Trying new ways to arouse each other and please each other sexually may be as simple as new ways of touching, new positions, undressing for each other or making love with more light in the room.

Just to be clear, I'm not talking about doing anything that would compromise your exclusivity (there is no room nor need for third parties in your lovemaking, no pornography, no illicit behavior).  And certainly I'm not talking about one spouse demanding or forcing certain sexual acts.

Nope.

God has always intended sexual intimacy to be a place of respect, mutuality and sacred covenant.

What I am talking about is taking great liberty in exploring your husband's body and inviting him to explore yours.

Our capacity to give and receive pleasure is multi-faceted because what appeals to our senses is multi-faceted.

Are you ever surprised by what you find arousing?

In that surprise, we can be tempted to downplay or even run from the arousal, overwhelmed by the exhilaration of maybe something we have never before felt. Don't run from it. Believe instead that it is sweet privilege for a husband and wife to please each other and find mutual enjoyment in making love.

This is your marriage bed, after all.

Exclusive ground for the two of you alone to explore each other, share, talk, touch, climax.  Exclusive ground to feel valued, desired and enthralled with sexual connection.

What will it take for you to become comfortable enough in your own skin to try new sexual techniques and talk about what you like?

When you do that in bed, it just might change everything.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, body image, orgasm, passion, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , ,

wife-undressing-for-husband
July 12th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

wife-undressing-for-husband

I know what some of you are thinking.

"What's the big deal with him seeing me undress?!  It's not like he's never seen my body before."

Or possibly others of you reading this are struggling with body image, and you're not giddy one bit at the idea of your husband seeing you naked, let alone seeing you get naked.

But letting your husband see you undress might be a bigger deal than you realize.

It might be a pathway to sexual oneness and playfulness that you've thus far left untapped. And you may be surprised to discover that taking your clothes off isn't just arousing for him, it's arousing for you too.

As many a wife has happily discovered, sexual seduction is never just about the person being seduced.

Here are 3 reasons it's sexy to undress for your husband:

1. He Doesn't Get to See Other Women Undress.

Here's the thing gals.  You're it for him.

You're the only woman he gets to see do this undressing thing.  If he is a good upstanding Christian guy, he is trying (and likely succeeding) in keeping his focus on you.  And not that he needs to be rewarded for doing what Christ has called him to do, but for the love of God, reward him already!

Consider it a privilege to undress for him.

If you feel nervous about doing it, ask him to help you undress. That can be quite the turn on all the way around.

2. He is Visual.

If he's like most guys, he is visual.  There's just something about a woman's body that a man finds attractive. Your husband wants to see your curves. Your softness. Your breasts. Your hair.

Everything.

"Yeah, but Julie, my body doesn't exactly look like a Victoria Secret's ad."

Hey, even the women in the Victoria Secret's ad don't look like a Victoria Secret's ad in real life. Our idea of authentic beauty has been hijacked by photoshopping, good lighting and a whole slew of professional make-up artists and hairstylists.

And you know what?  Your husband doesn't want the airbrushed model anyway!

He wants you -- the woman he does life with.  The woman who gave him babies.  The woman who fixed him dinner and dropped the kids off at baseball practice.

He wants his wife, because the most amazing thing about building amazing sexual connection is doing it with the person you literally said you would die for.

There is nothing sexier than a marriage covenant lived to God's fullest imagination.

Your husband doesn't just want to lay his hands on your body. He wants to fix his eyes on it as well.

3. It's Good Foreplay.

Most married couples spend years -- even decades -- together.

That's a lot of ground for familiarity in lovemaking.  It's easy to fall into a sexual routine that we could recite with our bodies without even thinking.

I get that there's a comfort in predictable sex. But there's also excitement and opportunity in sexual play and allure.

Undressing for your husband is good foreplay, because it forces the two of you to slow down a bit, take your time with arousal, and extend an invitation to touch one another.

Still unsure about all this? Just remember that you're undressing for an audience of one, in the privacy of your bedroom. This isn't America's Got Talent. It's sexual intimacy with the man you love.

Let go of your inner critic and stop overthinking it.

Enjoy the journey, because I kid you not, there's a lot of great sex to be had in the journey.

And for more posts on body image, consider these...

A Body that Never Quits (possibly my favorite post of all time)

The Secret to Stopping the Body Image War

Are Body Image Struggles Destroying Sex in Your Marriage?

Body Image: The War Between Feeling Shame and Finding Freedom

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Hot Holy Humorous Sex Book
July 10th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

Hot Holy Humorous Sex Book

Funny story about J. Parker, author of Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God's Design.

When she first emailed me as a fellow sex blogger years ago, she was still writing her blog anonymously at that point.

She was even writing her email to me anonymously.

Or so she thought.

We live hundreds of miles apart, but when I read her email, I knew we were kindred spirits.

You know, just two Christian wives who have an unabashed appreciation for profound sexual intimacy in marriage, indescribable orgasmic pleasure, and good wine.

J. Parker and I love sex and are on a mission to get other Christian wives to love sex.

If God lays stuff on your heart, you'd be wise to heed the call.  God dealt J. Parker and I the "Be a Champion for Sex" card, and we agreed to play that card.

Can you imagine if she and I lived in the same city? Oh the conversations people would overhear us having in coffee shops and wine bars and farmers markets. Good Lord, if people could hear our phone conversations now. Seriously.

Anyway.

I was super glad she emailed me. Obviously because there aren't too many of us Christian wives who are writing specifically about all things sex.

I happily emailed her back, adding to the end of my reply (with a mischievous twinkle in my eye) something along the lines of...

"By the way, just so you know, you have an auto signature on your email. I now know your full name. So much for being anonymous, eh?"

Here we are five or so years later, and we've forged a really good friendship, complete with shared inside jokes about sex, tough conversations about blog topics, and unbridled support for each other when some readers beat us up.  And honestly, we just click really well.

But that friendship isn't why I'm telling you about her book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage By God's Design.

I'm telling you about her book because I know without a doubt it can make marriages better.  I know it.

And the more people (particularly wives) who read this book, the more marriages that can be healed, strengthened and wowed by God's gift of sexual oneness.

So consider this book your opportunity -- your invitation -- to set things right in your marriage bed.  Better yet, consider it your invitation to set things on fire in your bedroom.

Not only is it possible to like sex, it also is possible to savor it, pursue it, value it, protect it and pour into it.

When a husband and wife have this sort of attitude about sex, the impact on their marriage reaches far beyond the sheets, far beyond the intense pleasure of orgasm, far beyond the revelation that God was really on to something when He came up with this idea of sex.

All I'm saying is that this book is a worthy investment in your marriage.  Much to gain. Nothing to lose.

It's $12, people. Check it out:

Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage By God's Design

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, orgasm, sex education, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized Tagged with: , ,

July 7th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

I'm going to start with a disclaimer.

It's the quickest way I can clarify my audience for this post.  (You may be my audience. You may not. But I figure you'd like to know that within the first few paragraphs.  I mean seriously, we're all limited with time).

This post is not for you if you don't like sex because your husband is basically a jerk.  In a variety of ways, he makes sex less than appealing at best and downright intolerable at worse.

If you are a husband who is not a jerk, don't worry -- I'm not stereotyping. Stay with me.

It's just that this is not my first rodeo and I know there are guys out there who have created the sexual problems in their marriages. They see nothing wrong with looking at porn or having affairs or belittling their wives or rarely taking a shower or being abusive. So on and so forth.

Maybe the wife has even pleaded with him to get help, but to no avail.

Needless to say, if as a wife this describes your situation, I understand why you have a difficult time cuddling up next to all that. You don't like sex and you have totally figured out why. And while I do have other posts that speak into this, this particular post today is not for you.

If, however, you are a wife who actually enjoys a fairly decent marriage, this post IS for you.

Your guy isn't a jerk.

In fact, you might say the opposite if asked by your gal friends or your neighbors or the random grocery store clerk. You'd willingly admit your man is the real deal.  Good man.  Good provider.  Good dad. Romantic. Attentive.

And yet. Here you are.

Still not overly interested in sex with him.

Do you not like sex? Have you figured out why?

It is a freakishly important question. Seriously, it is.

Because if you are willing to look closely at that question, unpack it in the most vulnerable of ways, get at the heart of your indifference and resistance, then there is much hope that you and your husband can build amazing intimacy together.

And amazing sexual intimacy is worth it.

Because here's the deal -- great sex in a marriage is never just about great sex.  Every married person who enjoys phenomenal sexual connection in their marriage will tell you this.

Nurtured sexual intimacy in marriage is particularly generous. Pay attention to it often and it will graciously open doors for you to an overall sense of "We are on the same team! Yeah us!"

If you do not like sex, you and your husband would benefit much if you can figure out why (and then do something about it, of course, but let's first focus on the figuring out why).

Now I know that you may not like sex for serious reasons from your past (past abuse, a skewed message of sex doled out by adults who raised you, your own struggles with promiscuity or pornography use, etc.)

OR maybe you don't like sex because you're not experiencing much pleasure (possibly no pleasure), and you have been timid in clueing your husband in on this.  Whenever you have sex, you're bored out of your mind (and have a mess to clean up afterwards, with not an ounce of orgasmic "wow" to show for it all).

OR maybe there's something wacky with your hormones or other physical issues and you don't like sex because you have no drive or sex is painful. Sure, some physical challenges are more involved than others, but many physical issues impacting sex can be resolved or at least improved with the right professional care.

Anyway, I don't know your reasons for not liking sex.  BUT I would bet my last dollar that you have an inkling of what may be going on.

You have an idea, right, of why you don't like sex?

My heart cry to you, one wife to another, is to figure that out.  Get real and humble with your man -- you know, that guy you love and do life with -- and say, "This is really hard for me to talk about.  But I think I know why sex is a struggle for me."

Then ask him to join you on the journey toward better sexual connection.

It's not going to happen over night.  But offer your heart and intention to it enough, and it will happen.

You'll wake up on the other side of this sexual frustration and drought and you'll both realize that you do have it in you to nurture amazing sexual intimacy in your marriage.

And you'll be glad you figured out the why.

Like super glad.  More glad than you are about all those Pinterest ideas and recipes on Tasty and TipHero.

Yes, more glad than all that.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in marriage problems, orgasm, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: ,

June 17th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

I've been meaning to do a follow up post on my earlier female ejaculation post, and then I stumbled across Shannon Ethridge's post, where she includes info about the wetness many women experience with a G-Spot orgasm.

Gotta love Shannon Ethridge! Such a genuine person who has such a beautiful and authentic heart for marriage!

Shannon's post is great and I've added it to my orgasm pageI'm not sure if anywhere else on the web you are going to find a list of so many posts about orgasm, written from a perspective of healthy sexual intimacy in marriage. Seriously. Good stuff.

And I'm not just saying that because this orgasm page is here on my site.

I'm saying it more so because I enjoy climaxing. And I genuinely believe the more a married couple can grow in helping each other experience orgasm, the better.  Win-win for both of them.

I also want to share a post over on Paul and Lori Byerly's site The Marriage Bed, where they share results of a survey they did on female ejaculation.  Great info that gives insight to what the respondents experience with those orgasms that result in wetness for a wife. I so respect the Byerlys and the years of effort they have dedicated to helping married couples in their sexual intimacy.

On a personal note, when I first experienced such wetness, I was a bit caught off guard.  But I find G-spot orgasms incredible and now experience this nearly every time we make love.

As I said in my previous post, though, I don't think we should ever view sexual pleasure as a gage of our sexual ability.

What I do think is that the more a husband and wife can nurture and value each other's sexual pleasure within the safe and healthy confines of exclusive marital lovemaking, the more such pleasure nurtures the overall strength of the marriage.

Let's not forget that God is the author of sexual arousal and orgasm. They are part of His handiwork, meant not only to increase the sexual bond in a marriage, but also to reveal His generosity and compassion for marriage.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in body image, intimacy, orgasm, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , ,

June 14th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

If you were hoping for a post on mind-blowing orgasm techniques, you'll have to wait for another day. (I promise. Because as we all know, I do like to write about pleasure).

Today, though, I'm going to bear my serious side a bit on a post I've wanted to write for awhile.

Maybe because it's the time of year when a lot of weddings happen.

Maybe because I was just digging through my deceased grandmother's photo albums and came across the sweet wedding images of what are now four failed marriages (My first wedding. My brother's first wedding. My sister's wedding. A cousin's first wedding.  Eh.)

I began blogging about sex six years ago, and I learned quickly to check my naivety at the door.

And the longer I've been married and the more I scroll through the emails and comments in my inbox from readers and the more I glance out at society, I've grown numbingly alert to what it takes to build great intimacy in marriage.

Numbingly alert.

Sounds just like clever word play, but it's not really.  When you speak and write about one topic as long as I have, a few common themes emerge.

In my humble opinion, great sex in marriage all comes down to a husband and a wife walking in that direction.

Ta-Da!  There you have it.  (I know. Mind blown, right?  I make it all sound so simple.)

The recipe for great sex (mutually nurtured, valued, satisfying, tender sex) is the exact same recipe for -- wait for it -- a great marriage.

And great marriages are hard to come by. Trust me. I have a failed marriage on my resume, and my current marriage has had its fair share of ups and downs.

Great marriages are hard to come by, because they take effort -- ongoing effort.  Sure, some marriages begin with and journey through easier cards than other marriages, but even the "easier" marriages take a fair amount of work.

And truth be told, no marriage is great all the time. (Two sinful people just aren't equipped to pull off that kind of phenomenon).

The hopeful part is that if both people want indeed to put effort in, they will see progress. Even greatness.

Who among us hasn't heard of marriages that were mediocre or on the brink of disaster that then were healed, redeemed and strengthened, all because the two people took even baby steps in the right direction -- and kept walking (sometimes crawling) in that direction?

My current marriage is evidence to this, with its own periods of greatness that ebb and flow and encourage me and humble me.

Of course, the excruciating part -- the flip side to what I just described above --  is that if one person wants to nurture intimacy (emotional, physical, spiritual) and the other person does not, the quandary is deafening loud in the heart of the person who is hungering for intimacy.

Deafening loud.

Sometimes there is a third scenario where neither the husband nor wife really care about the marriage and neither wants to stack their odds in the direction of growth.  I don't put too much faith in these situations, because few survive for long.

Where my heart grieves the most are the marriages where one person wants growth. And the other does not.

And I will be honest.  I never have easy answers.

I have no magic words that will spur action within a marriage to compel both people to both want healthy growth at the same time (or at least in close proximity to each other's timing).

The insight I offer is what virtually every other Christian marriage writer and speaker offer.  When I blog or speak about sexual intimacy in marriage, I'm simply saying try this or try that.

Nearly every post I write has some element of try this or try that.

And there are no guarantees that this or that will work (I know. Another excruciating reality).

Yet, sometimes what I write or another author writes or another person speaks into the marriage or the way God motivates a person does indeed bring about healthy change.

Hallelujah.

Thank you, sweet baby Jesus.

Lord have mercy.

Progress. Hope. Glimpses of goodness out of what seem like impossible scenarios.

And those are the reasons I still write and speak on sex in marriage. Because -- not gonna lie -- I've been tempted to throw in the towel on all of it.  All. Of. It.

But then I get an email from someone sharing that God used something I wrote or said to help their marriage grow in intimacy.  I'm inspired to carry on.  To keep speaking hope into desperate places.

Great sex -- great intimacy of any kind -- in marriage all comes down to a husband and a wife walking in that direction.

Whether you are single and want to be married someday, engaged or currently married, aim for greatness in marriage.  Go into it (or begin where you are if you are already married) with the raw recognition that it's going to take effort.

Because. Well. It is.

A lot of effort.

But the reward for all that effort?  Wow. Just wow.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

PURSUIT OF PASSION:  Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!

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Posted in authentic, intimacy, Uncategorized Tagged with: , ,

April 28th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

It's wedding season.

And I can't help but to reflect back on a wedding I attended years ago.

The pastor looked at the groom during the ceremony and boldly said, "Son, you better satisfy her sexually. Or someone else will."

Wow.

You could hear the collective gasp in that sanctuary.

But you know what?!

That pastor was full of profound insight.

Sure, we can think of a few other ways he maybe could have said it (like maybe that they should both satisfy each other sexually).

BUT, honestly, I passionately believe his point was spot on.

Sex matters in a marriage.

And the sooner we help young marriages realize this, the BETTER.

I'll be headed to my niece's wedding early this summer, and I can't help but ponder about what young marriages really need these days.

Actually, it's what young marriages have ALWAYS needed.

Solid information about sexual intimacy in marriage.

Think about how much better off marriages would be if they could start with a healthy perspective on sex?

Think how much heartache would be prevented?  How much sexual struggle could be minimized if a couple could build a solid sexual foundation from the get-go, rather than try to repair the sexual disconnect years or decades later?!

No, I'm not so naive to believe that building a strong healthy marriage all comes down to sex.  I know full well that marriage is hard and takes tremendous commitment, sacrifice, compromise and investment on all fronts.

But still this truth remains: When sexual connection is ignored, downplayed or relegated to the "we'll get to nurturing it someday," the marriage suffers.  There is no question about this.

Don't even get me started about the infamous "someday."  I remember telling myself that in my first marriage.  You can read more about my story here.

Sex matters in a marriage.

Today, I encourage you to do a brave and wise thing.

Invest in the young marriages you care about -- the ones that are about to begin and the ones that are still in their early years.

When I co-authored the book Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage, my heart was to make a difference in marriages -- to help them be PRO-ACTIVE in pursuing amazing sexual connection.

pursuit-of-passionMy book is available in eBook, audio book and PRINT, so you have many options.

It's comprehensive and biblical and specific encouragement, so I have no doubt that ANY couple could glean nuggets of gold from it.

Even if you don't want to buy my book, there are countless books out there by Christian authors.  We really have no excuse for not helping couples discover true intimacy in their marriage.

You can find out more about the various buying options for Pursuit of Passion at this link.  Or if you are an Amazon fan, you could just go directly to the Amazon link.

At any rate, give the perfect gift this wedding season.  Invest in the marriages you care about.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

PURSUIT OF PASSION:  Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!

pursuit-of-passion

 

 

 

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Posted in authentic, intimacy, orgasm, passion, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , ,