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July 12th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

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I know what some of you are thinking.

"What's the big deal with him seeing me undress?!  It's not like he's never seen my body before."

Or possibly others of you reading this are struggling with body image, and you're not giddy one bit at the idea of your husband seeing you naked, let alone seeing you get naked.

But letting your husband see you undress might be a bigger deal than you realize.

It might be a pathway to sexual oneness and playfulness that you've thus far left untapped. And you may be surprised to discover that taking your clothes off isn't just arousing for him, it's arousing for you too.

As many a wife has happily discovered, sexual seduction is never just about the person being seduced.

Here are 3 reasons it's sexy to undress for your husband:

1. He Doesn't Get to See Other Women Undress.

Here's the thing gals.  You're it for him.

You're the only woman he gets to see do this undressing thing.  If he is a good upstanding Christian guy, he is trying (and likely succeeding) in keeping his focus on you.  And not that he needs to be rewarded for doing what Christ has called him to do, but for the love of God, reward him already!

Consider it a privilege to undress for him.

If you feel nervous about doing it, ask him to help you undress. That can be quite the turn on all the way around.

2. He is Visual.

If he's like most guys, he is visual.  There's just something about a woman's body that a man finds attractive. Your husband wants to see your curves. Your softness. Your breasts. Your hair.

Everything.

"Yeah, but Julie, my body doesn't exactly look like a Victoria Secret's ad."

Hey, even the women in the Victoria Secret's ad don't look like a Victoria Secret's ad in real life. Our idea of authentic beauty has been hijacked by photoshopping, good lighting and a whole slew of professional make-up artists and hairstylists.

And you know what?  Your husband doesn't want the airbrushed model anyway!

He wants you -- the woman he does life with.  The woman who gave him babies.  The woman who fixed him dinner and dropped the kids off at baseball practice.

He wants his wife, because the most amazing thing about building amazing sexual connection is doing it with the person you literally said you would die for.

There is nothing sexier than a marriage covenant lived to God's fullest imagination.

Your husband doesn't just want to lay his hands on your body. He wants to fix his eyes on it as well.

3. It's Good Foreplay.

Most married couples spend years -- even decades -- together.

That's a lot of ground for familiarity in lovemaking.  It's easy to fall into a sexual routine that we could recite with our bodies without even thinking.

I get that there's a comfort in predictable sex. But there's also excitement and opportunity in sexual play and allure.

Undressing for your husband is good foreplay, because it forces the two of you to slow down a bit, take your time with arousal, and extend an invitation to touch one another.

Still unsure about all this? Just remember that you're undressing for an audience of one, in the privacy of your bedroom. This isn't America's Got Talent. It's sexual intimacy with the man you love.

Let go of your inner critic and stop overthinking it.

Enjoy the journey, because I kid you not, there's a lot of great sex to be had in the journey.

And for more posts on body image, consider these...

A Body that Never Quits (possibly my favorite post of all time)

The Secret to Stopping the Body Image War

Are Body Image Struggles Destroying Sex in Your Marriage?

Body Image: The War Between Feeling Shame and Finding Freedom

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Hot Holy Humorous Sex Book
July 10th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

Hot Holy Humorous Sex Book

Funny story about J. Parker, author of Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God's Design.

When she first emailed me as a fellow sex blogger years ago, she was still writing her blog anonymously at that point.

She was even writing her email to me anonymously.

Or so she thought.

We live hundreds of miles apart, but when I read her email, I knew we were kindred spirits.

You know, just two Christian wives who have an unabashed appreciation for profound sexual intimacy in marriage, indescribable orgasmic pleasure, and good wine.

J. Parker and I love sex and are on a mission to get other Christian wives to love sex.

If God lays stuff on your heart, you'd be wise to heed the call.  God dealt J. Parker and I the "Be a Champion for Sex" card, and we agreed to play that card.

Can you imagine if she and I lived in the same city? Oh the conversations people would overhear us having in coffee shops and wine bars and farmers markets. Good Lord, if people could hear our phone conversations now. Seriously.

Anyway.

I was super glad she emailed me. Obviously because there aren't too many of us Christian wives who are writing specifically about all things sex.

I happily emailed her back, adding to the end of my reply (with a mischievous twinkle in my eye) something along the lines of...

"By the way, just so you know, you have an auto signature on your email. I now know your full name. So much for being anonymous, eh?"

Here we are five or so years later, and we've forged a really good friendship, complete with shared inside jokes about sex, tough conversations about blog topics, and unbridled support for each other when some readers beat us up.  And honestly, we just click really well.

But that friendship isn't why I'm telling you about her book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage By God's Design.

I'm telling you about her book because I know without a doubt it can make marriages better.  I know it.

And the more people (particularly wives) who read this book, the more marriages that can be healed, strengthened and wowed by God's gift of sexual oneness.

So consider this book your opportunity -- your invitation -- to set things right in your marriage bed.  Better yet, consider it your invitation to set things on fire in your bedroom.

Not only is it possible to like sex, it also is possible to savor it, pursue it, value it, protect it and pour into it.

When a husband and wife have this sort of attitude about sex, the impact on their marriage reaches far beyond the sheets, far beyond the intense pleasure of orgasm, far beyond the revelation that God was really on to something when He came up with this idea of sex.

All I'm saying is that this book is a worthy investment in your marriage.  Much to gain. Nothing to lose.

It's $12, people. Check it out:

Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage By God's Design

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, orgasm, sex education, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized Tagged with: , ,

July 7th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

I'm going to start with a disclaimer.

It's the quickest way I can clarify my audience for this post.  (You may be my audience. You may not. But I figure you'd like to know that within the first few paragraphs.  I mean seriously, we're all limited with time).

This post is not for you if you don't like sex because your husband is basically a jerk.  In a variety of ways, he makes sex less than appealing at best and downright intolerable at worse.

If you are a husband who is not a jerk, don't worry -- I'm not stereotyping. Stay with me.

It's just that this is not my first rodeo and I know there are guys out there who have created the sexual problems in their marriages. They see nothing wrong with looking at porn or having affairs or belittling their wives or rarely taking a shower or being abusive. So on and so forth.

Maybe the wife has even pleaded with him to get help, but to no avail.

Needless to say, if as a wife this describes your situation, I understand why you have a difficult time cuddling up next to all that. You don't like sex and you have totally figured out why. And while I do have other posts that speak into this, this particular post today is not for you.

If, however, you are a wife who actually enjoys a fairly decent marriage, this post IS for you.

Your guy isn't a jerk.

In fact, you might say the opposite if asked by your gal friends or your neighbors or the random grocery store clerk. You'd willingly admit your man is the real deal.  Good man.  Good provider.  Good dad. Romantic. Attentive.

And yet. Here you are.

Still not overly interested in sex with him.

Do you not like sex? Have you figured out why?

It is a freakishly important question. Seriously, it is.

Because if you are willing to look closely at that question, unpack it in the most vulnerable of ways, get at the heart of your indifference and resistance, then there is much hope that you and your husband can build amazing intimacy together.

And amazing sexual intimacy is worth it.

Because here's the deal -- great sex in a marriage is never just about great sex.  Every married person who enjoys phenomenal sexual connection in their marriage will tell you this.

Nurtured sexual intimacy in marriage is particularly generous. Pay attention to it often and it will graciously open doors for you to an overall sense of "We are on the same team! Yeah us!"

If you do not like sex, you and your husband would benefit much if you can figure out why (and then do something about it, of course, but let's first focus on the figuring out why).

Now I know that you may not like sex for serious reasons from your past (past abuse, a skewed message of sex doled out by adults who raised you, your own struggles with promiscuity or pornography use, etc.)

OR maybe you don't like sex because you're not experiencing much pleasure (possibly no pleasure), and you have been timid in clueing your husband in on this.  Whenever you have sex, you're bored out of your mind (and have a mess to clean up afterwards, with not an ounce of orgasmic "wow" to show for it all).

OR maybe there's something wacky with your hormones or other physical issues and you don't like sex because you have no drive or sex is painful. Sure, some physical challenges are more involved than others, but many physical issues impacting sex can be resolved or at least improved with the right professional care.

Anyway, I don't know your reasons for not liking sex.  BUT I would bet my last dollar that you have an inkling of what may be going on.

You have an idea, right, of why you don't like sex?

My heart cry to you, one wife to another, is to figure that out.  Get real and humble with your man -- you know, that guy you love and do life with -- and say, "This is really hard for me to talk about.  But I think I know why sex is a struggle for me."

Then ask him to join you on the journey toward better sexual connection.

It's not going to happen over night.  But offer your heart and intention to it enough, and it will happen.

You'll wake up on the other side of this sexual frustration and drought and you'll both realize that you do have it in you to nurture amazing sexual intimacy in your marriage.

And you'll be glad you figured out the why.

Like super glad.  More glad than you are about all those Pinterest ideas and recipes on Tasty and TipHero.

Yes, more glad than all that.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in marriage problems, orgasm, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: ,

June 17th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

I've been meaning to do a follow up post on my earlier female ejaculation post, and then I stumbled across Shannon Ethridge's post, where she includes info about the wetness many women experience with a G-Spot orgasm.

Gotta love Shannon Ethridge! Such a genuine person who has such a beautiful and authentic heart for marriage!

Shannon's post is great and I've added it to my orgasm pageI'm not sure if anywhere else on the web you are going to find a list of so many posts about orgasm, written from a perspective of healthy sexual intimacy in marriage. Seriously. Good stuff.

And I'm not just saying that because this orgasm page is here on my site.

I'm saying it more so because I enjoy climaxing. And I genuinely believe the more a married couple can grow in helping each other experience orgasm, the better.  Win-win for both of them.

I also want to share a post over on Paul and Lori Byerly's site The Marriage Bed, where they share results of a survey they did on female ejaculation.  Great info that gives insight to what the respondents experience with those orgasms that result in wetness for a wife. I so respect the Byerlys and the years of effort they have dedicated to helping married couples in their sexual intimacy.

On a personal note, when I first experienced such wetness, I was a bit caught off guard.  But I find G-spot orgasms incredible and now experience this nearly every time we make love.

As I said in my previous post, though, I don't think we should ever view sexual pleasure as a gage of our sexual ability.

What I do think is that the more a husband and wife can nurture and value each other's sexual pleasure within the safe and healthy confines of exclusive marital lovemaking, the more such pleasure nurtures the overall strength of the marriage.

Let's not forget that God is the author of sexual arousal and orgasm. They are part of His handiwork, meant not only to increase the sexual bond in a marriage, but also to reveal His generosity and compassion for marriage.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in body image, intimacy, orgasm, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , ,

June 14th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

If you were hoping for a post on mind-blowing orgasm techniques, you'll have to wait for another day. (I promise. Because as we all know, I do like to write about pleasure).

Today, though, I'm going to bear my serious side a bit on a post I've wanted to write for awhile.

Maybe because it's the time of year when a lot of weddings happen.

Maybe because I was just digging through my deceased grandmother's photo albums and came across the sweet wedding images of what are now four failed marriages (My first wedding. My brother's first wedding. My sister's wedding. A cousin's first wedding.  Eh.)

I began blogging about sex six years ago, and I learned quickly to check my naivety at the door.

And the longer I've been married and the more I scroll through the emails and comments in my inbox from readers and the more I glance out at society, I've grown numbingly alert to what it takes to build great intimacy in marriage.

Numbingly alert.

Sounds just like clever word play, but it's not really.  When you speak and write about one topic as long as I have, a few common themes emerge.

In my humble opinion, great sex in marriage all comes down to a husband and a wife walking in that direction.

Ta-Da!  There you have it.  (I know. Mind blown, right?  I make it all sound so simple.)

The recipe for great sex (mutually nurtured, valued, satisfying, tender sex) is the exact same recipe for -- wait for it -- a great marriage.

And great marriages are hard to come by. Trust me. I have a failed marriage on my resume, and my current marriage has had its fair share of ups and downs.

Great marriages are hard to come by, because they take effort -- ongoing effort.  Sure, some marriages begin with and journey through easier cards than other marriages, but even the "easier" marriages take a fair amount of work.

And truth be told, no marriage is great all the time. (Two sinful people just aren't equipped to pull off that kind of phenomenon).

The hopeful part is that if both people want indeed to put effort in, they will see progress. Even greatness.

Who among us hasn't heard of marriages that were mediocre or on the brink of disaster that then were healed, redeemed and strengthened, all because the two people took even baby steps in the right direction -- and kept walking (sometimes crawling) in that direction?

My current marriage is evidence to this, with its own periods of greatness that ebb and flow and encourage me and humble me.

Of course, the excruciating part -- the flip side to what I just described above --  is that if one person wants to nurture intimacy (emotional, physical, spiritual) and the other person does not, the quandary is deafening loud in the heart of the person who is hungering for intimacy.

Deafening loud.

Sometimes there is a third scenario where neither the husband nor wife really care about the marriage and neither wants to stack their odds in the direction of growth.  I don't put too much faith in these situations, because few survive for long.

Where my heart grieves the most are the marriages where one person wants growth. And the other does not.

And I will be honest.  I never have easy answers.

I have no magic words that will spur action within a marriage to compel both people to both want healthy growth at the same time (or at least in close proximity to each other's timing).

The insight I offer is what virtually every other Christian marriage writer and speaker offer.  When I blog or speak about sexual intimacy in marriage, I'm simply saying try this or try that.

Nearly every post I write has some element of try this or try that.

And there are no guarantees that this or that will work (I know. Another excruciating reality).

Yet, sometimes what I write or another author writes or another person speaks into the marriage or the way God motivates a person does indeed bring about healthy change.

Hallelujah.

Thank you, sweet baby Jesus.

Lord have mercy.

Progress. Hope. Glimpses of goodness out of what seem like impossible scenarios.

And those are the reasons I still write and speak on sex in marriage. Because -- not gonna lie -- I've been tempted to throw in the towel on all of it.  All. Of. It.

But then I get an email from someone sharing that God used something I wrote or said to help their marriage grow in intimacy.  I'm inspired to carry on.  To keep speaking hope into desperate places.

Great sex -- great intimacy of any kind -- in marriage all comes down to a husband and a wife walking in that direction.

Whether you are single and want to be married someday, engaged or currently married, aim for greatness in marriage.  Go into it (or begin where you are if you are already married) with the raw recognition that it's going to take effort.

Because. Well. It is.

A lot of effort.

But the reward for all that effort?  Wow. Just wow.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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April 28th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

It's wedding season.

And I can't help but to reflect back on a wedding I attended years ago.

The pastor looked at the groom during the ceremony and boldly said, "Son, you better satisfy her sexually. Or someone else will."

Wow.

You could hear the collective gasp in that sanctuary.

But you know what?!

That pastor was full of profound insight.

Sure, we can think of a few other ways he maybe could have said it (like maybe that they should both satisfy each other sexually).

BUT, honestly, I passionately believe his point was spot on.

Sex matters in a marriage.

And the sooner we help young marriages realize this, the BETTER.

I'll be headed to my niece's wedding early this summer, and I can't help but ponder about what young marriages really need these days.

Actually, it's what young marriages have ALWAYS needed.

Solid information about sexual intimacy in marriage.

Think about how much better off marriages would be if they could start with a healthy perspective on sex?

Think how much heartache would be prevented?  How much sexual struggle could be minimized if a couple could build a solid sexual foundation from the get-go, rather than try to repair the sexual disconnect years or decades later?!

No, I'm not so naive to believe that building a strong healthy marriage all comes down to sex.  I know full well that marriage is hard and takes tremendous commitment, sacrifice, compromise and investment on all fronts.

But still this truth remains: When sexual connection is ignored, downplayed or relegated to the "we'll get to nurturing it someday," the marriage suffers.  There is no question about this.

Don't even get me started about the infamous "someday."  I remember telling myself that in my first marriage.  You can read more about my story here.

Sex matters in a marriage.

Today, I encourage you to do a brave and wise thing.

Invest in the young marriages you care about -- the ones that are about to begin and the ones that are still in their early years.

When I co-authored the book Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage, my heart was to make a difference in marriages -- to help them be PRO-ACTIVE in pursuing amazing sexual connection.

pursuit-of-passionMy book is available in eBook, audio book and PRINT, so you have many options.

It's comprehensive and biblical and specific encouragement, so I have no doubt that ANY couple could glean nuggets of gold from it.

Even if you don't want to buy my book, there are countless books out there by Christian authors.  We really have no excuse for not helping couples discover true intimacy in their marriage.

You can find out more about the various buying options for Pursuit of Passion at this link.  Or if you are an Amazon fan, you could just go directly to the Amazon link.

At any rate, give the perfect gift this wedding season.  Invest in the marriages you care about.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, intimacy, orgasm, passion, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , ,

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April 21st, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

intimacy-in-marriageIt was raining as we crawled beneath the sheets, the sound of water running down the gutter outside our window.

The song "Who'll Stop the Rain" weaved its way into our conversation in the dark, as we laughed and cuddled and lay naked next to each other.

And we were trying to remember who sang that song originally.

(We also were trying to remember the first name of a kid who our oldest son played baseball with several years ago, which really had nothing to do with the rain song. But it helps paint a picture for you of the randomness of our conversation).

Anyway, in our attempt to remember the song, I racked my brain for other lyrics in it, but came up blank.

I rolled over and grabbed my phone and did a search.  (For the love of God, what did we do before the internet?! Seriously.)

It's Creedence Clearwater Revival, by the way. Released in 1970, the year I was born.

So we played the small portion of the song, and I tried to join in right before the clip ended, which my husband, laughing, unabashedly said, "You added nothing to it."

So true.  And we laughed about that.

What's my point in sharing all this with you?

There's something to be said for connecting with your husband before you drift off to sleep, regardless of whether you have sex.

(Although, I might add, we did make love after all this, if you can believe it.  Maybe having finally identified CCR as the artist, not to mention my stellar vocal contribution, lent well to putting us in a playful mood.  Midway through foreplay, I remembered the name of the kid our son played ball with and I mentioned it to my husband. Which, not gonna lie, seems kind of weird to think about now as I tell you.)

Anyway.

My beloved and I have had some of our most endearing conversations and connection in those moments between awake and asleep -- the moments that are intensely personal, private and full of the kind of knowing that is harder to find in the busyness of daily life.

It's sweet, sweet connection, and it's one of the reasons we try on a regular basis to crawl into bed together.

I wrote a similar post about this awhile back, where I pleaded, "Keep me in the dark please."

Do you and your husband try to go to bed together at the same time?  I know it's not always possible.

But strive toward it every now and then, okay?  God offers you a profound opportunity in those moments between awake and asleep.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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March 26th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

It's a dilemma.

And more often than not, it's a dilemma for wives, whose husbands want to do something sexually that really turns the wife off.

Just to be clear, let's remove from the picture anything that biblically would be off grounds.

I've talked before about what's okay sexually.  As long as exclusivity is maintained (no third parties real, portrayed or imagined), neither spouse is getting hurt (physically, emotionally, spiritually), and the Lord doesn't expressly forbid the sex act in question, then I think married couples have tremendous creative liberty in their marriage bed.

Even within permissible sexual creativity, though, it's not surprising that some couples can't agree.

What turns one on sexually is a big turn off to the other one.

For example, a husband may be turned on by giving oral sex, but his wife doesn't like it.  It's not that she thinks it's off limits biblically; it just doesn't turn her on.

Or a wife is really turned on by receiving oral sex, but her husband doesn't like giving it.

Maybe a husband is aroused by seeing his wife in lingerie, but she can't stand putting it on -- feels self conscious or objectified, even if that's really not his heart's intent.

Or a husband loves the feel of his wife's breasts on his penis, but she doesn't care for this.

These are pretty tame examples.

I'm sure if we bantered at length over coffee (you know, in your average everyday roundtable talk), we could come up with countless specific things that turn one spouse on, while turning the other spouse off.

If you reflect on your own sexual intimacy and see a few scenarios that would fit this dilemma, what should you do?

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. Is our sexual intimacy a unique blend of giving and receiving?

Sex in marriage should never be about one spouse's sexual desires and requests always superseding the other spouse's.  One of you can't hold all the cards of being able to deny something or desire something.

That's just not mature. And it's just not fair.

As a married couple, you have to learn a dance of sexually giving and receiving.  Ultimately, that is how you reach a place where you both enjoy sex and pursue it.

Maybe you could share this blog post with your spouse, and the two of you together could humbly look at your intimacy in a new light.

2. Do we have reasonable expectations?

If it turns your husband on to have you lick his testicles, his request isn't necessarily unreasonable -- unless he expects you do this every time you make love and/or he's never willing to take steps to make the experience more tolerable for you (like taking a shower before sex).

Another example would be you as a wife desire your husband use a vibrator on you, yet your husband is turned off by this. How can you arrive at good middle ground where the vibrator is included in your lovemaking some of the time, but not all of the time?

I think the only way to reach reasonable expectations in sexual intimacy is honest communication.

So, if there's something that really turns you on, don't be vague in your desire about it or wait for your spouse to read your mind.

Express your desire maturely and compassionately.

And if your spouse shares with you something they would really like sexually (that isn't off limits, as we've already clarified), make your best effort to hear them and honor them.  You gain great marital harmony with the words, "I wouldn't mind trying that every now and then, but not every time."

Key to all this is respect.

If you say you don't mind trying it every now and then, you need to make intentional effort to indeed include it every now and then.  And do it with a generous heart, rather than doing it begrudgingly.

Doing something sexually with a chip on your shoulder is a real mood killer.

3. Am I turned off because of pre-marital promiscuity?

Dig deeper as to why something is a turn off for you.  Sometimes, if something was part of your or your spouse's pre-marital promiscuity, it can take effort to grasp that context means everything.

For example, if you are turned off by oral sex or sex in the car or sexual play in the shower simply because those were things you did before you were married, I encourage you to entertain a new perspective.

The same sexual experiences in the context of your covenant marriage are rich with possibility of sweet and sacred sexual oneness.  You are married. Sex is no longer a forbidden playground.

4. Have we asked each other what turns us each on?

Sometimes it's just a matter of learning new ways to arouse each other. You can do this either by asking and/or by simply trying new touches, techniques or ideas.

The more you focus on what you both like, the broader your sexual repertoire when you crawl beneath those sheets.

What is surprising to some wives and husbands is that they didn't even know something was a turn on until they tried it.   This is certainly the case with me and my husband. I'm not going to share the details, but there are things we've done sexually that I never would have imagined would have been so arousing.

But wow.  Just wow!

And I'm not just talking about him arousing me, but also what it feels like to bring sexual pleasure to the man I love in new and creative ways.  Turning him on is a turn on for me, even if the particular act wouldn't be my first choice.

When all is said and done, you have to decide mutuality is a foundational cornerstone to your sexual intimacy.  If what turns your spouse on turns you off, don't let that be the end of the conversation.

There's more sexual ground to explore to better nurture your intimacy.  Like I said, you might be pleasantly and shockingly surprised at the turn-ons you discover along the way.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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March 24th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

It sounds like you'll get a medal or raise a trophy with a plaque that says "Sex Champion!"

Well, not exactly.

Although, if they were handing out something like that, I'd want to be first in line!

So maybe you don't get to stand on a podium, per se, but certainly the Lord is well pleased any time He sees His followers speaking up about what's important to Him.

That's my eloquent way of saying, "Will you be a champion for sex in marriage?"

I was thinking about all this as I was coming down from the emotional high after a few friends and I put on a Pursuit of Passion Event on March 5 for engaged and newly-married Christian women.

It was all about helping them get their marriages off to a great start sexually!

We planned and poured our hearts into it and PRAYED that God would show up.  And boy did He!

Thirty women attended. And they were grateful to have other Christian wives speaking so boldly and specifically and biblically about sexual intimacy in marriage.  One gal said to me afterward, "If I had known it was going to be this good, I would have told more women to come!"

My friends and I aren't just trying to be champions for sex, we are also trying to create a few sex champions along the way.

Our vision is to build generational patterns of nurtured sexual intimacy.  Passionate, frequent and mutually-valued sex in a marriage -- that's our heart.

Sadly, as someone who blogs about sex, I hear too many stories of Christian wives who have heard nothing positive about sex from other Christian women. Nada. Or what they did hear was minimized to only a barrage of don't-do-its when they were teenagers or "it's gross, but your obligation" when they got married.

Tragic.

Compound that with too many Christian couples not knowing where to turn to help them build authentic sexual intimacy, and it's no wonder we don't have more sex champions.

If anyone should be the loudest sex champions, it should be married Christian couples.

(Okay I admit, that last sentence could be taken a few ways. Possibly I know too much about loud sex. But I digress.)

If you don't know how to be a sex champion, it's your lucky day!  I have IDEAS!

First, if you have children, be sure to have ongoing age-appropriate conversations with them about godly sexuality.

Don't just focus on the risks of sex outside of marriage, but give equal air time to the passion, oneness and infinite richness of sex within marriage.

Let those kiddos see you and your spouse being affectionate and playful with each other.  No, they don't need to see or know the details of your intimacy.   But there's nothing wrong with particularly the teenagers knowing you have sex.

And regardless of their age, all of your children will benefit from seeing your appropriate physical affection with each other.  They learn a lot about marriage from watching the two of you. Be a sex champion.

Second, speak favorably about sex in your circles of influence.

Don't be the wife at the Bunco party or office or moms' group who casts sex in a bad light. Don't lament about "it's all he ever wants" and then roll your eyes in disgust.

While your friends don't need to be privy to the details of your sexual intimacy, there's just something refreshingly attractive about a wife who speaks positively about sex with her husband. Don't be timid to say that it's something you both enjoy and both look forward to.  Be a sex champion.

Third, mentor younger couples about the importance and richness of sex.

As a wife, do you know a younger wife you could encourage?  Could you speak into her life about sex and marriage?   As a married couple, could you and your spouse together speak into a younger couple?

Yes, it takes courage, but you'll be saving them from a world of hurt later in their marriage if you help them establish a good sexual foundation now.  Be a sex champion.

Fourth, consider bringing an intimacy speaker into your church or small group.

There are a handful of us out there who are willing to stand in front of anyone, whether we know them or not, and talk openly about why nurtured sexual intimacy is so vital to a marriage.

I love talking about sex.  Love it.

(A good friend of mine says I'm the only person she knows who can so casually ask her about sex in her marriage with as much confidence as I would ask her what she's making for dinner or how her job is going).

Make sexual intimacy the main focus of a conference or make it a break-out session.  At any rate, get the conversation going.  Be a sex champion.

Fifth, keep investing sexually in your marriage.

Want to try a new position?  Want to find new ways to be sexually playful?  Want to better understand what turns your spouse on?

The more you nurture sex in your own marriage, the more enthusiastic you are about sex in general.  Be a sex champion.

The reality is we need more champions.  Instead of being paralyzed in fear or disgust over the ways society has skewed God's gift of sex, start to tune your heart toward what you can do in your own home and community and church to raise the bar.

What can you do today to be a sex champion?

You may not get a medal.

But I guarantee sweet Jesus will be smiling.  Your spouse will be smiling too.

Everyone will be smiling.

Because everyone loves a champion.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

PURSUIT OF PASSION:  Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!

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Pursuit of Passion Resize
February 17th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

Pursuit of Passion ResizeIf you are an engaged or recently-married woman in the Omaha, Nebraska, area, you have a great opportunity March 5, 2016, to invest in your marriage.

Some other Christian wives and I want to give you biblical and practical tips on what it takes to have great sex in your marriage.

You possibly think sex will be no big deal in marriage... that authentic intimacy will come easily and you won't encounter struggles.

Or maybe you are already married and you're enjoying sex. Awesome!

Or maybe you've already encountered a few struggles and you wonder what it will take to build the sexual closeness you've envisioned with this man you fell in love with.

Whatever your circumstances, we encourage you to come to the March 5 event and hear not only what God has to say about sex, but also what some experienced wives have to say.

We want to pour into you, because we know nurtured intimacy is worth it!  It's so worth it!

All registered attendees receive a copy of my book Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage. Plus, we will have door prizes of books, gift cards, and more!

Register today at www.PursuitOfPassionEvent.com.  You won't regret it!

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

PURSUIT OF PASSION:  Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!

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Posted in authentic, orgasm, passion, Uncategorized Tagged with: , ,