Category: authentic

orgasm-in-marriage
August 28th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

orgasm-in-marriageWhen was the last time you faked orgasm?

I've written about sex long enough to know there are a variety of answers (and reasons) rolling through the heads of my readers right now.

Some of you (I hope a lot of you) never fake orgasm, because like me, you'd rather have an orgasm than fake one.

Some of you fake orgasm rather regularly (maybe even your entire marriage).

My guess is your reasons generally fall in one of two camps -- you want to protect your husband's ego and give him the satisfaction of thinking he has wildly pleased his woman (even if he hasn't) OR you don't really like sex and you fake orgasm to end sex as soon as possible.

Certainly some of you are in both camps -- you don't want to hurt his feelings AND you want sex to end quickly.

And just to be fair, I know there are some of you who have tried to explain to your husband what it will take for you to climax, and he has been less than willing to see the value in your sexual pleasure.

Regardless of your reason for faking orgasm, I challenge you to stop.

Orgasm feels incredible, unique in its sensations and the way it affects us emotionally, relationally, physically, spiritually.

Nothing good, in the long term or short term, comes from faking orgasm.

If you are faking to protect his ego, you may be temporarily satisfied with that altruistic motive. Ultimately, though, it is wrought with all kinds of pitfalls.

An obvious pitfall is you aren't experiencing sexual pleasure. And sex without sexual pleasure is reduced quickly to mere obligation. Going through the motions. Check it off my list. This approach numbs us to the positive role and effect sex can have in our marriage.

Trust me on this -- your heart will never be able to righteously reconcile taking something that is meant for pleasure and oneness in your marriage and making it nothing more than duty.

Another pitfall is it builds your sexual foundation on a lie. (That's some shaky ground, I might add).  Marriage is hard enough. We don't need to actively bring lies into it to make it worse, especially when those lies are wrapped up in something as intimate as our marriage bed.

Another pitfall is it perpetuates selfishness -- yours and his.  What?

That's right. Selfishness. You faking orgasm fuels a false sense of pride in him.  And it perpetuates a false sense of control in you. When faking orgasm is intricately part of your sexual encounters, you both lose sight of what it authentically means to give and receive pleasure.

Also, faking to protect his ego is not sustainable. Your motive of kindness likely will spiral to a deep root of resentment. You'll end up angry -- either at yourself or your husband or both -- that you have sacrificed your sexual pleasure on the altar of good intentions.

His protected ego is no longer going to be enough to compensate for your lack of orgasmic pleasure. Even worse, trying to fake that you are just fine with faking is only going to make matters worse. I mean seriously, how wide can the distance between the two of you become sexually? Quite wide. And the toll of that is quite high.

If you are faking orgasm because you want sex to end quickly, why do you want sex to end so quickly?

This is a hard question. I know.

And I can't answer it for you, but I can say this. Sex is intended to be an intimate, pleasurable bonding experience for a husband and a wife. The degree to which a husband and a wife navigate this will be reflected in all aspects of their relationship, not just in their bedroom.

God wants you to have freedom in your sexual pleasure. I'm not naive -- I know finding that freedom is harder for some couples than others.

Some people have to heal from and overcome the damage of past sexual abuse.  Some people have to reconcile and make peace with God about their promiscuous past.  Some people have to challenge the outright wrong messages that other Christians have repeatedly told them about sex being gross, just duty or for procreation only.

If you are still reading, do you see that orgasm has a greater significance than we sometimes realize?

I'd rather have an orgasm than fake one. Because I know what happens to me and to my marriage when I climax.  I know what a positive effect it has not only on my overall positive outlook on life, but also on my relationship with the man I married.

Wouldn't you rather have an orgasm than fake one?

For more reading, I have an entire page with posts on orgasm. Well worth the read.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, orgasm, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , ,

August 24th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

I’ve made great strides in growing up in my marriage, but like all of you, I’m a work in progress.

I think one of the best ways we can nurture our marriage is to recognize where we need to mature.

That's what I have tried to do with regard to four ways I have sometimes sabotaged intimacy (sexual and otherwise) in my marriage without realizing it.

Do you see any of these four dynamics in your marriage:

Not Showing Gratitude

It is so easy to take people for granted, even when (or especially when?) they are the people we do life with day in and day out.

I have sometimes become so comfortable with all that my husband does for me and for our family that I get laxed in actually saying “thank you.”

(Since we're being real here, I might as well admit I was even developing a bit of an entitled mentality.)

While I don’t think my lack of gratitude was necessarily destroying our intimacy, I began to see that it wasn’t building it either.

Showing appreciation builds tender connection (sexual and otherwise). Taking each other for granted, on the other hand, lends itself to stagnant co-existence, which sucks. It breeds a roommate mentality that is not healthy for a husband and a wife, who certainly should be way more than roommates.

I'm far from perfect in showing gratitude, but I am more conscientious of it for sure. It only takes a moment to speak the words, write a text or drop a note in his lunch box to point out something specific for which I am grateful.

Expecting Him to Think Like Me

“If only...”     Those two words can be the death of intimacy in a marriage.

“If only he would parent like me."

"If only he would tackle house projects like I would."

"If only he would deal with in-laws the way I think is right."

"If only he would look at sex like I do."

Yes, it’s reasonable to expect that we find healthy ways to compromise and work out disagreements. But it is not reasonable to expect him to think like I do, no more than it is reasonable for him to expect me to think like him.

Not Assuming the Best in His Motives

I have read a few books by Brene´ Brown, a social researcher, author and speaker who has written extensively about emotional vulnerability and how we relate to people. I like her book Daring Greatly the best, but she has other books as well.

In her book Rising Strong, one thing she digs into is what happens when we assume people are doing the best they can (which is freakishly hard to do in some scenarios, right?).  Can that assumption, even when we are disappointed or frustrated with someone, help us better navigate the situation?

Yes!

When I read that portion of her book, I began to wonder to myself, “Am I assuming the best about Randy?”  Sadly, sometimes I’m not, even when I can rationally tell myself that I know beyond a doubt he is a good man, loving father and husband, and hard worker.

I'm trying to discipline my heart more to assume the best about him, rather than default to assuming the worst.  Assuming the best about my husband builds intimacy between us.

Extending Grace to Others, but Not to Him

I’m not proud to admit this, but I at times have been more gracious with my friends than with my own husband.

For example, a friend texts me and says she needs to reschedule our coffee date. I’m compassionate, flexible and happy to find another date.

But when my husband suggests changes to a date he and I had planned (and has a legitimate reason for the change), I can feel the resentment building in my heart before the words are barely out of his mouth.

And it’s not even like he is doing this on a regular basis.

Instead of being so easily offended by him (and so rarely offended by my friends), I started asking myself, “Why am I not more gracious with him?”

And you know what? I couldn't come up with a good answer, which of course was a humbling lightbulb moment for me. It challenged me to be as quick to extend him grace as I do with other people I love.

Like I said, I'm still a work in progress on the above four dynamics, but it's good to be a work in progress, especially when it nurtures intimacy.

This side of heaven, I know we will all struggle to some degree with our selfish desires and depravity. That’s just the harsh reality of being human in a world marred by sin and the prowl of the enemy.

BUT we also are called to grow in our righteousness and reflection of Christ. That’s just the jubilant reality of being children of God in a world privy to redemption and the love of the Savior.

What have you done to sabotage intimacy in your marriage? What could you do to change those patterns?

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

PURSUIT OF PASSION:  Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!

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Posted in authentic, marriage problems, Uncategorized Tagged with: ,

passion in marriage
August 22nd, 2016 by Julie Sibert

passion in marriageWhen my beloved and I said our vows, we had never had sex with each other.

In those first few months (and even first few years, really) of our marriage, we had much desire (and much lovemaking), but little sexual variety.

I think we were just trying to figure out being naked together.

The idea of trying anything beyond the basics we had already mastered didn't cross our minds.  Our sexual repertoire was narrow, and we settled into a pattern of predictable (albeit frequent) lovemaking.

Don't get me wrong. We were definitely sexually satisfied. But we had not found true sexual freedom in our bed.

Do you know what changed everything and made sex better for us?

We became comfortable enough in our own skin to try new sexual techniques and talk about what we liked.

I know.

Sounds simple enough, all written out in one concise sentence, right? But wow is there a plethora of truth in that sentence.

Comfortable enough in our own skin to try new sexual techniques and talk about what we liked.

When we let go of the idea that there are only a few ways to please each other sexually, it transformed sexual intimacy in our marriage.

And we started having a lot of fun making love, and connecting with deeper oneness that I knew was different than we had experienced in our first few years of marriage.

It's not that we haven't had our share of sexually difficulty in our marriage, because we have.  BUT what has carried us through is that we have a deep understanding of what it takes to bring each other intense sexual pleasure and nurture closeness.

We are turned on by turning each other on.

That understanding in our bed is profound.

And we would have missed out on that level of sexual enjoyment and connection if we hadn't embraced -- even pursued -- the freedom God gives a husband and wife in the exclusivity of their sexual intimacy.

Trying new ways to arouse each other and please each other sexually may be as simple as new ways of touching, new positions, undressing for each other or making love with more light in the room.

Just to be clear, I'm not talking about doing anything that would compromise your exclusivity (there is no room nor need for third parties in your lovemaking, no pornography, no illicit behavior).  And certainly I'm not talking about one spouse demanding or forcing certain sexual acts.

Nope.

God has always intended sexual intimacy to be a place of respect, mutuality and sacred covenant.

What I am talking about is taking great liberty in exploring your husband's body and inviting him to explore yours.

Our capacity to give and receive pleasure is multi-faceted because what appeals to our senses is multi-faceted.

Are you ever surprised by what you find arousing?

In that surprise, we can be tempted to downplay or even run from the arousal, overwhelmed by the exhilaration of maybe something we have never before felt. Don't run from it. Believe instead that it is sweet privilege for a husband and wife to please each other and find mutual enjoyment in making love.

This is your marriage bed, after all.

Exclusive ground for the two of you alone to explore each other, share, talk, touch, climax.  Exclusive ground to feel valued, desired and enthralled with sexual connection.

What will it take for you to become comfortable enough in your own skin to try new sexual techniques and talk about what you like?

When you do that in bed, it just might change everything.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, body image, orgasm, passion, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , ,

July 26th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

For married couples in Eastern Nebraska and Western Iowa, you have a great local opportunity coming up Aug. 6, 2016.

Christ Community Church in Omaha is offering a half-day presentation on improving communication skills in marriage.

Registration is required for the session, but cost is only a free-will donation. To register, email Sue Beed at sueb@cccomaha.org or call Dr. James G. Johnson at 623-202-4037.

This is a great opportunity to spend a Saturday morning investing in your marriage.  Your marriage is worth a Saturday morning!

Couple_Talk 1.0
August 6
8:30 am -- Noon
Christ Community Church
404 South 108th Ave, Omaha NE
(Bagels and coffee will be provided).

Dr. James G. Johnson will offer this session packed with relevant content and humorous and interactive delivery.  He is an author, speaker, counselor and mentor who has a heart for helping married couples.

Topics covered will include:

Successful conflict resolution

Increased relational satisfaction

Understanding and being understood

Increased problem solving

And more!

Take the time to pick up some great communication tips that could transform your marriage!

Posted in authentic, marriage problems, Uncategorized Tagged with: ,

wife-undressing-for-husband
July 12th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

wife-undressing-for-husband

I know what some of you are thinking.

"What's the big deal with him seeing me undress?!  It's not like he's never seen my body before."

Or possibly others of you reading this are struggling with body image, and you're not giddy one bit at the idea of your husband seeing you naked, let alone seeing you get naked.

But letting your husband see you undress might be a bigger deal than you realize.

It might be a pathway to sexual oneness and playfulness that you've thus far left untapped. And you may be surprised to discover that taking your clothes off isn't just arousing for him, it's arousing for you too.

As many a wife has happily discovered, sexual seduction is never just about the person being seduced.

Here are 3 reasons it's sexy to undress for your husband:

1. He Doesn't Get to See Other Women Undress.

Here's the thing gals.  You're it for him.

You're the only woman he gets to see do this undressing thing.  If he is a good upstanding Christian guy, he is trying (and likely succeeding) in keeping his focus on you.  And not that he needs to be rewarded for doing what Christ has called him to do, but for the love of God, reward him already!

Consider it a privilege to undress for him.

If you feel nervous about doing it, ask him to help you undress. That can be quite the turn on all the way around.

2. He is Visual.

If he's like most guys, he is visual.  There's just something about a woman's body that a man finds attractive. Your husband wants to see your curves. Your softness. Your breasts. Your hair.

Everything.

"Yeah, but Julie, my body doesn't exactly look like a Victoria Secret's ad."

Hey, even the women in the Victoria Secret's ad don't look like a Victoria Secret's ad in real life. Our idea of authentic beauty has been hijacked by photoshopping, good lighting and a whole slew of professional make-up artists and hairstylists.

And you know what?  Your husband doesn't want the airbrushed model anyway!

He wants you -- the woman he does life with.  The woman who gave him babies.  The woman who fixed him dinner and dropped the kids off at baseball practice.

He wants his wife, because the most amazing thing about building amazing sexual connection is doing it with the person you literally said you would die for.

There is nothing sexier than a marriage covenant lived to God's fullest imagination.

Your husband doesn't just want to lay his hands on your body. He wants to fix his eyes on it as well.

3. It's Good Foreplay.

Most married couples spend years -- even decades -- together.

That's a lot of ground for familiarity in lovemaking.  It's easy to fall into a sexual routine that we could recite with our bodies without even thinking.

I get that there's a comfort in predictable sex. But there's also excitement and opportunity in sexual play and allure.

Undressing for your husband is good foreplay, because it forces the two of you to slow down a bit, take your time with arousal, and extend an invitation to touch one another.

Still unsure about all this? Just remember that you're undressing for an audience of one, in the privacy of your bedroom. This isn't America's Got Talent. It's sexual intimacy with the man you love.

Let go of your inner critic and stop overthinking it.

Enjoy the journey, because I kid you not, there's a lot of great sex to be had in the journey.

And for more posts on body image, consider these...

A Body that Never Quits (possibly my favorite post of all time)

The Secret to Stopping the Body Image War

Are Body Image Struggles Destroying Sex in Your Marriage?

Body Image: The War Between Feeling Shame and Finding Freedom

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, body image, passion, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , , ,

Hot Holy Humorous Sex Book
July 10th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

Hot Holy Humorous Sex Book

Funny story about J. Parker, author of Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God's Design.

When she first emailed me as a fellow sex blogger years ago, she was still writing her blog anonymously at that point.

She was even writing her email to me anonymously.

Or so she thought.

We live hundreds of miles apart, but when I read her email, I knew we were kindred spirits.

You know, just two Christian wives who have an unabashed appreciation for profound sexual intimacy in marriage, indescribable orgasmic pleasure, and good wine.

J. Parker and I love sex and are on a mission to get other Christian wives to love sex.

If God lays stuff on your heart, you'd be wise to heed the call.  God dealt J. Parker and I the "Be a Champion for Sex" card, and we agreed to play that card.

Can you imagine if she and I lived in the same city? Oh the conversations people would overhear us having in coffee shops and wine bars and farmers markets. Good Lord, if people could hear our phone conversations now. Seriously.

Anyway.

I was super glad she emailed me. Obviously because there aren't too many of us Christian wives who are writing specifically about all things sex.

I happily emailed her back, adding to the end of my reply (with a mischievous twinkle in my eye) something along the lines of...

"By the way, just so you know, you have an auto signature on your email. I now know your full name. So much for being anonymous, eh?"

Here we are five or so years later, and we've forged a really good friendship, complete with shared inside jokes about sex, tough conversations about blog topics, and unbridled support for each other when some readers beat us up.  And honestly, we just click really well.

But that friendship isn't why I'm telling you about her book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage By God's Design.

I'm telling you about her book because I know without a doubt it can make marriages better.  I know it.

And the more people (particularly wives) who read this book, the more marriages that can be healed, strengthened and wowed by God's gift of sexual oneness.

So consider this book your opportunity -- your invitation -- to set things right in your marriage bed.  Better yet, consider it your invitation to set things on fire in your bedroom.

Not only is it possible to like sex, it also is possible to savor it, pursue it, value it, protect it and pour into it.

When a husband and wife have this sort of attitude about sex, the impact on their marriage reaches far beyond the sheets, far beyond the intense pleasure of orgasm, far beyond the revelation that God was really on to something when He came up with this idea of sex.

All I'm saying is that this book is a worthy investment in your marriage.  Much to gain. Nothing to lose.

It's $12, people. Check it out:

Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage By God's Design

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

PURSUIT OF PASSION:  Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!

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Posted in authentic, orgasm, sex education, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized Tagged with: , ,

June 14th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

If you were hoping for a post on mind-blowing orgasm techniques, you'll have to wait for another day. (I promise. Because as we all know, I do like to write about pleasure).

Today, though, I'm going to bear my serious side a bit on a post I've wanted to write for awhile.

Maybe because it's the time of year when a lot of weddings happen.

Maybe because I was just digging through my deceased grandmother's photo albums and came across the sweet wedding images of what are now four failed marriages (My first wedding. My brother's first wedding. My sister's wedding. A cousin's first wedding.  Eh.)

I began blogging about sex six years ago, and I learned quickly to check my naivety at the door.

And the longer I've been married and the more I scroll through the emails and comments in my inbox from readers and the more I glance out at society, I've grown numbingly alert to what it takes to build great intimacy in marriage.

Numbingly alert.

Sounds just like clever word play, but it's not really.  When you speak and write about one topic as long as I have, a few common themes emerge.

In my humble opinion, great sex in marriage all comes down to a husband and a wife walking in that direction.

Ta-Da!  There you have it.  (I know. Mind blown, right?  I make it all sound so simple.)

The recipe for great sex (mutually nurtured, valued, satisfying, tender sex) is the exact same recipe for -- wait for it -- a great marriage.

And great marriages are hard to come by. Trust me. I have a failed marriage on my resume, and my current marriage has had its fair share of ups and downs.

Great marriages are hard to come by, because they take effort -- ongoing effort.  Sure, some marriages begin with and journey through easier cards than other marriages, but even the "easier" marriages take a fair amount of work.

And truth be told, no marriage is great all the time. (Two sinful people just aren't equipped to pull off that kind of phenomenon).

The hopeful part is that if both people want indeed to put effort in, they will see progress. Even greatness.

Who among us hasn't heard of marriages that were mediocre or on the brink of disaster that then were healed, redeemed and strengthened, all because the two people took even baby steps in the right direction -- and kept walking (sometimes crawling) in that direction?

My current marriage is evidence to this, with its own periods of greatness that ebb and flow and encourage me and humble me.

Of course, the excruciating part -- the flip side to what I just described above --  is that if one person wants to nurture intimacy (emotional, physical, spiritual) and the other person does not, the quandary is deafening loud in the heart of the person who is hungering for intimacy.

Deafening loud.

Sometimes there is a third scenario where neither the husband nor wife really care about the marriage and neither wants to stack their odds in the direction of growth.  I don't put too much faith in these situations, because few survive for long.

Where my heart grieves the most are the marriages where one person wants growth. And the other does not.

And I will be honest.  I never have easy answers.

I have no magic words that will spur action within a marriage to compel both people to both want healthy growth at the same time (or at least in close proximity to each other's timing).

The insight I offer is what virtually every other Christian marriage writer and speaker offer.  When I blog or speak about sexual intimacy in marriage, I'm simply saying try this or try that.

Nearly every post I write has some element of try this or try that.

And there are no guarantees that this or that will work (I know. Another excruciating reality).

Yet, sometimes what I write or another author writes or another person speaks into the marriage or the way God motivates a person does indeed bring about healthy change.

Hallelujah.

Thank you, sweet baby Jesus.

Lord have mercy.

Progress. Hope. Glimpses of goodness out of what seem like impossible scenarios.

And those are the reasons I still write and speak on sex in marriage. Because -- not gonna lie -- I've been tempted to throw in the towel on all of it.  All. Of. It.

But then I get an email from someone sharing that God used something I wrote or said to help their marriage grow in intimacy.  I'm inspired to carry on.  To keep speaking hope into desperate places.

Great sex -- great intimacy of any kind -- in marriage all comes down to a husband and a wife walking in that direction.

Whether you are single and want to be married someday, engaged or currently married, aim for greatness in marriage.  Go into it (or begin where you are if you are already married) with the raw recognition that it's going to take effort.

Because. Well. It is.

A lot of effort.

But the reward for all that effort?  Wow. Just wow.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Posted in authentic, intimacy, Uncategorized Tagged with: , ,

April 28th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

 

It's wedding season.

And I can't help but to reflect back on a wedding I attended years ago.

The pastor looked at the groom during the ceremony and boldly said, "Son, you better satisfy her sexually. Or someone else will."

Wow.

You could hear the collective gasp in that sanctuary.

But you know what?!

That pastor was full of profound insight.

Sure, we can think of a few other ways he maybe could have said it (like maybe that they should both satisfy each other sexually).

BUT, honestly, I passionately believe his point was spot on.

Sex matters in a marriage.

And the sooner we help young marriages realize this, the BETTER.

I'll be headed to my niece's wedding early this summer, and I can't help but ponder about what young marriages really need these days.

Actually, it's what young marriages have ALWAYS needed.

Solid information about sexual intimacy in marriage.

Think about how much better off marriages would be if they could start with a healthy perspective on sex?

Think how much heartache would be prevented?  How much sexual struggle could be minimized if a couple could build a solid sexual foundation from the get-go, rather than try to repair the sexual disconnect years or decades later?!

No, I'm not so naive to believe that building a strong healthy marriage all comes down to sex.  I know full well that marriage is hard and takes tremendous commitment, sacrifice, compromise and investment on all fronts.

But still this truth remains: When sexual connection is ignored, downplayed or relegated to the "we'll get to nurturing it someday," the marriage suffers.  There is no question about this.

Don't even get me started about the infamous "someday."  I remember telling myself that in my first marriage.  You can read more about my story here.

Sex matters in a marriage.

Today, I encourage you to do a brave and wise thing.

Invest in the young marriages you care about -- the ones that are about to begin and the ones that are still in their early years.

When I co-authored the book Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage, my heart was to make a difference in marriages -- to help them be PRO-ACTIVE in pursuing amazing sexual connection.

pursuit-of-passionMy book is available in eBook, audio book and PRINT, so you have many options.

It's comprehensive and biblical and specific encouragement, so I have no doubt that ANY couple could glean nuggets of gold from it.

Even if you don't want to buy my book, there are countless books out there by Christian authors.  We really have no excuse for not helping couples discover true intimacy in their marriage.

You can find out more about the various buying options for Pursuit of Passion at this link.  Or if you are an Amazon fan, you could just go directly to the Amazon link.

At any rate, give the perfect gift this wedding season.  Invest in the marriages you care about.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

PURSUIT OF PASSION:  Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!

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Posted in authentic, intimacy, orgasm, passion, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , ,

April 22nd, 2016 by Julie Sibert

Our youngest cub screamed "MOM!!" at the top of his lungs. (And I was a mere 20 feet away, mind you).

Obviously, I was going to walk into the living room and find a severed limb (which has never happened in my house) or a broken big screen TV (which has happened in my house. But that's a story for another time).

Takes a lot to rattle me, but I got up from my chair at my desk and nonchalantly responded to what must be a life-or-death situation.

Nope.

It was dog puke.

There's much truth in that saying that once a woman becomes a mother, her tolerance for gross stuff goes way up.

Out of necessity.  Out of frequency of said scenarios.

Out of reality that as her tolerance is rising, the tolerance of every other capable person in the house seems to systematically plummet.

So I pulled the carpet cleaning machine from the closet to clean up dog puke from carpet that I think was installed in the early 80s. (That's no lie.)

Always the optimist, I rationalized it was a good time to clean the carpet anyway, because there were already muddy prints on it.  (Thanks to the pup. And the rain.)

What could all this possibly have to do with sex?

Well, nothing directly per se.  I mean, after all, cleaning up dog puke hardly could be considered foreplay, even with the loosest definitions of foreplay.

BUT, life is messy, right?

And it's more often messy than it is crisp and clean.  Messy hearts. Messy emotions.  Messy calendars. Messy floors. Messy jobs. So on and so forth.  You know what I'm talking about.

And I have found that sexual intimacy with my husband helps me keep sane amidst all that mess.

Sex builds our resilience to weather the ups and downs of life, the annoying inconveniences (dog puke), the debilitating tragedies (grief, loss, confusion), and the crazy-making that just comes with being human.

And with being married.

This is why I have sex.  Much more than the biblical command behind it, but rather because sexually connecting with the man I love gives me perspective.

Keeps me grounded.

Reassures my heart.

Helps me not be derailed by life's messiness.

I think God just knew -- He knew that when a husband and wife mutually and respectfully and intentionally treasure each other intimately, they would find solace there.  They would be rejuvenated by their sexual oneness in unexpected ways.

So I cleaned up the dog puke. Marveled at my now somewhat-clean 1980s carpet.

And felt grateful my husband and I had made love last night.  God must have known I needed it.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

PURSUIT OF PASSION:  Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!

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Posted in authentic, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , ,

April 16th, 2016 by Julie Sibert

I admit it.

I have a bit of a writer's crush on Joy McMillan.

Joy and I connected awhile back, and I reviewed her book XES: Why Church Girls Tend to Get It Backwards ... and How to Get It Right.  Fantastic sex book, by the way.

When she asked if I would take a look at her latest book, I was more than happy to say yes.  It's called Penduka: 21 Ways to Awaken Passion & Purpose in Everyday Life.

I know I'm diverging a bit here from the sex topic, but I think it's worth it because I like to let my readers know about resources that help them live more authentically and fully.  I believe this book is filled to the brim with nuggets of gold.

If you mine those nuggets, you can transform your life, even by baby steps. Sometimes by big steps.

Mind you, this book isn't about a quick fix.  It resonates what is true of any book like this -- if you want something in your life to look different, you have to be willing to look intimately at your story, own it and see where you need to adjust.

And then you have to actually make those adjustments.

The book is broken into three sections:  PASSION, PURPOSE, and PROCESS.  She weaves anecdotes and practical tips throughout to make the book more applicable.

What I found encouraging about the book is that Joy stays true to her writing style and is willing to be vulnerable about her doubts, weaknesses, and questions.

There's power in owning your story, and Joy owns hers well -- even the messy parts that at times baffle her and other times inspire her.

"Your story isn't just a past to regret and resent and hide, it's a brush stroke on a massive canvas that reveals a greater story. As you take your nose from that dark spot you've been pressed up against, and step back, you'll start to see the bigger picture taking shape."

I will offer a bit of a disclaimer that the book is not a quick read.  Joy covers a lot of ground, and I personally think that's good if you are ready to figure out what it is personally going  to take to do what the book says -- awaken passion and purpose in everyday life.

Joy wisely recognized that a little guidance while foraging through the book would be helpful, so there is a companion study guide titled Wake Up Your Soul.

The book and companion guide will likely appeal more to women, but I never want to box something in too much.  Gals, when you read the book, you may find ways to encourage your husband to live more passionately in his own life as well.

If you're like me, you read a book with a pen and highlighter locked and loaded, ready to snag the points that genuinely resonate with you and hopefully challenge you.

That's how I read Penduka: 21 Ways to Awaken Passion & Purpose in Everyday Life.  I'm thinking you'll read it that way too.

You can discover more about Joy and her various endeavors at Simply Bloom.  This sweet gal is also on Facebook and Pinterest.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

PURSUIT OF PASSION:  Now Available in PRINT and Ebook!

pursuit-of-passion

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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