5 Ways to Sexually Please Your Husband

Posted on Wednesday, December 11th, 2013

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hand holding 246x236 5 Ways to Sexually Please Your Husband photoEnough already with all these silly attempts to paint men into a corner as bumbling adolescents with a one-track mind.

TV sitcoms, one-liner jokes, stand-up comedy routines and conversations at the local hair salon brim with commentary about the male sexual appetite.

How he wants it all the time.

How you just have to show up naked and bring food.

Now, I'm not saying sex and fun shouldn't mingle closely.  They should indeed!

I just think we as wives have a passionate privilege to please our husbands sexually.  So let's not get caught up in unfair stereotypes about sex and men.

Instead, let's get to the high calling of sexually pleasing our husbands.

Here are 5 ways to sexually please your husband...

1. Be sexually confident.

Do you want your husband sexually?  Do you initiate?

Do you occasionally take the lead in bed and let him be on the receiving end of all things sexual?

How willing are you to bless him with your hands? Your mouth? Your breasts? Your entire body and soul?

I once wrote a guest post titled "I Think the Proverbs 31 Wife Liked Being On Top."  It's more than a catchy title.

I was simply trying to throw falsehoods to the wind that being a strong and faithful Christian wife is incongruent with being sexually confident.  If anything, being a Christian wife should go hand-in-hand with sexual confidence.

Marriage is the one place where sex is not a sin.  All other circumstances that involve sex are intricately entwined with grieving the Lord's heart.

But your marriage bed?  That's where we can confidently embrace sexual intimacy for all it is worth.

If you are not sure how to grow in your sexual confidence, the good news is you can learn.

2. Enjoy your orgasm and his orgasm.

I've long held to the mantra that while orgasm may not be everything, it certainly is a very strong something.

And though I know for some women in particular, having an orgasm EVERY time is not necessary for the sexual encounter to be fulfilling, I always get a little leery if a wife says she couldn't care less about climaxing.  Really?!

God created orgasmic pleasure.  That was 100% His idea for a husband and a wife.  That being the case, why do we not pursue it with fervor and abandon and deep gratitude to the Creator?

When you as a wife climax, it is not only good for you, it is incredibly affirming to your husband (at least if he is like most husbands). That's why I wrote the post 3 Reasons Your Husband Likes it When You Climax.

Husbands, if you are reading this and you have been a selfish lover, ignoring what it will take for her to climax, find some humility, okay?  Stop being selfish. It's not helping you or your marriage.

And if you are a wife who struggles with climaxing, consider the posts I've written about orgasm herehere, herehere, here and here.

3. Bring God into the bedroom.

Whoa.  Did I just say that?

I think too many Christian wives allow themselves to be held captive by sexual inhibition that is anything but Christian. In fact, they may even be sacrificing their intimacy on the altar of inhibition.

Proverbs 5:18-19 tells the man, "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer -- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."

So there we have it, straight from the Lord:  A "fountain" (code word for penis), a wife, breasts, satisfaction, captivation and love.    Doesn't sound like inhibition to me, but rather sounds like ravenous delight in marital intimacy.

Check your heart to see if it is aligned with God's Word on what it means to freely and passionately enjoy sex with your husband.

When you pursue your husband sexually, you aren't just saying yes to sex, you are saying yes to the Lord.  Invite Him into your bedroom.  He's already there, but I imagine would be happy if you acknowledged it.

4. Be sexually playful with your clothes on.

You don't want to tease unless you are going to follow through, so make sure your sexual playfulness is alluring, not aggravating.  I'm amazed at how many husbands and wives no longer have fun turning each other on.

If you struggle with being sexually playful, then you're just going to have to get out of your comfort zone and try something. Here are 5 ways to be sexually playful while clothed.

5. Learn some new sexual skills.

Don't know how to perform oral sex?  Don't know how to give a hand job?  Aren't sure the best ways to turn your husband on?  Aren't sure about positions other than missionary style?

You're not alone.  Most wives don't intuitively know how to have amazing sex.  Ask your husband to help you understand what is arousing to him.  Or check out the deliciously wonderful resources available on the Christian market.

sex savvy cover 170x246 5 Ways to Sexually Please Your Husband photoMy friend J just released her book Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives.

In it, she offers candid advice for wives on everything from kissing to oral sex to orgasm to sexual positions -- all from a Christian perspective.

The exclusivity of the marriage bed can be a profoundly playful and soul-drenching place in your marriage. But you have to walk in that direction.

Any other ideas on how to sexually please a husband? Do tell.

Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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33 Responses to
“5 Ways to Sexually Please Your Husband”

  • Topper says: December 11th, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    Julie,
    I have a sincere comment that says something about this and others of your posts, but it reflects even more about myself, and more still about this era and culture.
    I read posts like this, Julie, and I wonder if you are even real. I am sorry for seriously wondering that, but I do. As in, I wonder if you are who you write that you are, and whether or not you are really even female.
    My reason for serious suspicion is simply this: My experience with women, especially married ones (I confess to having two now, one prior to knowing Christ) is that women, especially married American 21st century women, care not a wit for sex nor pleasing nor submitting in any way to their husbands. My conversations with married male friends of mine all give me the same account, without exception.
    And now I find this blog of yours and I want to run my eyes. I honestly don't know if I can believe what I am reading and by whom.
    Truly I want to, I just am still quite skeptical, I confess. My life experience has taught me to be.

  • JulieSibert says: December 11th, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    @Topper… Thanks for the comment and I can assure you that I am who I say I am. I realize that not all wives are like me, but there are some.

    If you want to read more about my story, you can do that at this link: http://intimacyinmarriage.com/a-little-bit-about-me/

    Also, I have a Facebook fan page, where you can see a picture of me and my family. You can find that at this page: https://www.facebook.com/IntimacyInMarriage

    Also, many other bloggers quote me and refer to me. For example, I write a monthly post for Dustin at Engaged Marriage. Here is my recent one: http://www.engagedmarriage.com/sex-family-planning/3-sex-lies-some-christian-wives-believe

    Also, I've written for Sheila Gregoire, who is a well known Christian author and speaker. Here is my most recent post for her: http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2013/11/assume-sex-marriage/

    Hope this is helpful!

  • Larry B of larrysmusings.com says: December 11th, 2013 at 9:08 pm

    Thanks Julie for a great essay.

    I would suggest that wives be more playful during foreplay. A big plus for husbands is when the wife takes the initiative, and suggests or starts things (activities or positions) she knows that he enjoys. This relates to your first point above about being sexually confident. When the wife ties that in with your last point, learning some new sexual skills, it can provide a very pleasant surprise to her husband during the couple's lovemaking. (Variety of activities and positions helps, too.) The confidence that the wife shows to her husband is a "turn-on" for him.

  • Scott says: December 11th, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    Julie, my wife and I truly enjoy your honest approach to what God had instore for intimacy on a Christ centered marriage bed. I have shared many of your posts with her in a loving way, hearing these truths from you has had a very positive impact on our marriage and her understanding of me. Thank you for your bold approach to talking about topics the church is chicken to address.

  • John says: December 12th, 2013 at 10:35 am

    #1: Actually have sex with your husband. More than 5 times a year.

  • Aimee says: December 12th, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    Topper,
    I do not personally know Julie, but I can say that I am a woman like her and her blog gives me affirmation that I'm not alone in enjoying sex with my husband. I am a 21st century woman that loves sex with her husband, loves pleasing him and allowing him to be head of our household. So yes, there are women out there that actually have a sexual desire for their husbands and want nothing more than to please their man. Yes, Topper, we do exist! ;)

  • Charlie says: December 12th, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    Keep up the good work Julie, there are waaaaaay too many women just like "toppers" out there, she sounds just like my wife. Wait a minute. Where is my wife? Are you on the computer again? Are you Topper????
    Nope, false alarm, my wife doesn't even have enough interest in intimacy to even read or complain about it!!!

  • J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) says: December 12th, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    @Topper

    I want to second what Julie said. I know her personally...and not only is she real, she is not alone. I'm also a Christian wife who enjoys and promotes healthy, godly sexuality. I could name several friends who feel the same, although I admit that sometimes we can feel like odd birds among women who don't realize how important physical intimacy is in marriage.

    Still, we're out there and we're speaking up. So take heart!

    And I for one am thrilled that Julie is here speaking truth and godliness about the marital bedroom.

  • Loni says: December 14th, 2013 at 4:34 am

    I absolutely agree with this post!! So beautifully written and expressed! Every item you list is a wonderful tip on how to please your husband, and I appreciate you being so bold as to state it as confidently as you did. This is the type of post couples should read!

    I also like the fact you asked for other ideas. At the risk of being overly bold myself, I'd like to focus on point 5, something I've learned with my husband.

    My experience is simple, and it works so well for us: Doggy style! It's such a powerful way to make love. It increases his confidence and allows the pace to be more intense, which can be a nice change. He can let me have it and wow!

  • keturah simpson says: December 14th, 2013 at 10:29 pm

    It's a blessing to 'stumble' into your blog via a tweet @husband mentor... Of course as a believer, we never stumble as my belief is always that my steps are ordered in Christ.
    I look forward to your subsequent posts.
    I love your writing....your honest, direct approach to say all the things we do actually think of...

    God's blessings to you as you help me to become the wife that God has called me to be.

  • Dave says: December 15th, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Great Post. Sharing it via our ministry Facebook page! Thank You!

  • Bedroom Blessings says: December 18th, 2013 at 1:44 am

    Thank you Julie! Such true and simple advise that is often overlooked by sophisticated women who are overwhelmed with life and really just need to slow down and realize the blessings that are passed by without nurturing intimacy and a strong sexual bond within marriage.

  • Jed says: December 18th, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    Wonderful Ideas and thoughts as always!!

  • Topper says: December 22nd, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    Apparently there really are a few married women in this world who enjoy sex.
    Truly this is a revelation to me.
    Mind you, I am not overweight, I don't smoke, I exercise. I am pretty sure I am in above-average condition for my age (46). The bummer is, the more I exercise, the healthier I keep myself, then the more my sex drive remains buoyant and vital--which is an unfortunate drive to have when you are married to an ice-woman like this.
    I also have in the past made it very plain to her that I want to please her physically in the bedroom, and not just myself. No dice. The glacier did not melt, nor does it show any sign of ever melting.
    I feel duped. Deceived. Entrapped. She had posed as sooooooo uber-intimate and passionate when we first met.
    I feel supremely ripped off.

  • WH says: December 22nd, 2013 at 11:56 pm

    @Topper: I've read your other posts from today, I cannot tell you how sorry I am at your situation. That identical wife you describe was married to a close relative of mine...no sex for decades but mad as hell if he was interested anywhere else. Divorce ensued and he had to financially start over in his late 40's. His wife was basically PAID to deceive him before marriage, then starve him for sex until he broke. This website is trying to solve that problem, but the ultimate fix can only come from parents of girls and from the pulpit.

  • JulieSibert says: December 23rd, 2013 at 8:14 am

    @WH… thx for your comment. I think the ultimate fix, though, can come from all Christians following the truth of scripture and trusting the Lord in His design of sexual intimacy in marriage. Parents and church leaders teaching young people that sex is a holy, beautiful, sacred and passionate gift to marriage is certainly part of that fix.

  • Maria says: December 23rd, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    Thanks for the encouraging blog. The problem may be a lack of understanding of male sexuality on the part of many women. I am sure you will agree that male sexuality is presented very negatively in our culture.
    There are sensational stories about crimes. Stories about good men with a mature and normal sexuality are few.
    Not sensational enough.I am not saying that the crimes are not horrible and should be not reported. However, it would be nice to read more information about how a normal man develops and matures sexually.
    It would also be nice to read about women in the same way.
    Your comment about the belief that all men are raging teens is well taken. Could you write a series of blogs on the stages of male sexuality?
    I did not understand or know about the true nature of men until I read about it in books and read blogs like yours. Actually, I don't fault any woman for not knowing and understanding. There is so much misinformation about about the nature of male and female sexuality.

  • 54 Sexy Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage in 2014 | Intimacy in Marriage says: December 28th, 2013 at 10:20 am

    […] 46. Consider these 5 Ways to Sexually Please Your Husband. […]

  • Larry B of larrysmusings.com says: December 30th, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    The comment by Maria is true and apropos There is a lack of understanding of male sexuality among many women in our society. This is a holdover from the time when any discussions of sexuality were taboo. As well, the lack of a healthy respect for male sexual needs may be in part due to a distortion in feminist thinking. (Equity feminism that proclaims and defends the equal dignity and worth of women vis-a-vis men is a good thing. But, sadly, gender or radical feminism fosters antipathy between women and men.)

    I always thought that feminine women and masculine men complement each other as each has some character strengths that the other needs. Women do need to realize and accept that men's need for frequent sex is more than just physical. As others have written about, men perceive the sex (within the relationship) as love and when women withhold sex they are seen as withholding love. It is true that a lot of men's needs are met through sex. One can attribute it to the wiring of the male brain, but it is nevertheless true.

  • Chuck S says: January 16th, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    I wish my ex-wife could have read this long before we divorced. May not have made any difference but it wouldn't have hurt anything.

  • Lisa says: January 16th, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    My husband and I have been married for 22 years. We are both Christians. It took the first 20 years for me to understand God created sex and it is a very, very good thing for our marriage. My poor husband lived with an "ice woman" for way too many years. Now that I have a much better understanding of what God expects of me as the wife, WE are really enjoying making up for lost time. Sometimes it is more than a little challenging with two teens in our house. Lots and lots of prayer and reading this and similar blogs have really made all the difference for us.

  • LeAnn says: January 27th, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    We have been married 24 years with 3 teenage boys. I can honestly say our sex life is better than ever! I thank God for a very unselfish, patient, and creative husband. Thank you for your honest and candid writing. It's so refreshing and encouraging! Keep up the great work!

  • VQ says: February 17th, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    I have been checking out your web site for several weeks. Checking to see if it was good and written from a true Biblical perspective. I have grown to appreciate the candid articles about relationships in marriage. I have felt for a long time, that sex, (or the lack thereof) was the cause of many marriage problems. I really appreciate the comments by Larry B above. What happens in many marriages is as time passes, one or both spouses get lazy in their pursuit of sex. They don't realize the vital role it plays in a strong Christian marriage. As has been stated in other blogs, when a married couple have a strong relationship sexually, why look around.
    This is the first time I have commented on any of the pages. My wife and I have been married for 39 years. Good sex is VERY important to me still, but has become less important to my beautiful wife. (Believe me, she looks like she is in her early 40's. Great shape and great body) I can understand this as she has went through her change. The really good news is she realizes it, and wants to work on getting the "fire" back in our sex life. I believe this blog and web site can be a great asset. We have had a "good" sex life thus far, but really believe the best is yet to come. (no pun intended) For everyone out there, know this. When your kids are out of the house, and you finally have time together the opportunity for more and better sex is there. Don't wait to get educated. Start enjoying all that God has for you with the God given partner you have. His blessings are there for all of us as we seek Him and His desires for us. I have a true story that happened to me one night about 18 years ago that perhaps I will share here some time. God indeed wants us to enjoy sex with that special partner He has given.
    (don't worry, it is rated pg) Blessings to all.

  • Sue from Aus says: March 2nd, 2014 at 3:36 am

    My husband and I celebrated 38 years of marriage yesterday. We are becoming more happy together as each year passes, thanks to a load of commitment and patience. As I've read how unhappy a lot of husbands are (I didn't realise the extent of this) how about educating the men on how to treat their lady? The importance of a woman feeling loved and cherished cannot be overrated as a lead-up to a successful, regular sex life within the marriage. What can these husbands do to make their wife feel absolutely cherished? After all, their are two people and two sides to these problems with sex. I'm sure all the men that read this blog would love to learn how to treat their wife, even though they feel they are doing their best. Please do not put the whole blame for an icy wife's cold shoulder to sex on the wife. This is a problem that can be worked on and that can lead to success and great happiness for both partners. Some tips please?

  • Alan says: March 2nd, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    @Topper - Let me speak up for us men. I'm married to a woman who already does all 5 of these. It's not impossible! And for the record, we were virgins when we married. She was raised with the "good Christians don't talk about sex" mentality. Now she's hot and and wild when we're together. PTL!

  • Joi says: April 25th, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    I really appreciate this article! I have been married for 18 years and my husband and I have struggled sexually for about 3 years now. He will not touch me at all unless I initiate contact. I have never been the aggressor which is what he wants me to do. I struggle with low self-esteem and must admit that I have NEVER undressed my husband! I love to read and will be reading everything you write and have written ! Thanks for the encouragement!

  • Kimber says: June 6th, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    I want to first thank you for putting this into light. I am a Christan very happily married woman. My husband and myself have a wonderful private life. Full of fun, excitement, passion and romance. We have had sex everyday since the day we were married unless one of us was out of town. When I say everyday, I mean as in not one day missed. We live by the words "the greatest of these are love". We are openly yet appropriately express our live for one another in front of children/grandchildren and have taught them as age allowed that the greatest gift we give to The Lord is a happy marriage and a happy marriage requires, time, faith, patients,care, compassion, an open communication between partners for ALL subjects, healthy regular sex within your marriage. We teach that monogomy and marital intimacy is sanctioned by The Lord.

    Lots of people don't allow themselves the true joy God has blessed us with, it bonds you to your partner in a way no other act can. It is favorable amoung the Lord to be fruitfull.

    @Topper - Yes wives like this do exist. But it takes time to develop. The relationship between husband and wife. I was not always so open, but with the soft guiding words of my husband, a building of trust, allowing of fantasys from one to another. Start by sharing a little private something with her then vice versa, do the dishes one night, cook dinner for her as a storied....date your wife again. Woman like to be wooed (I don't know if I spelled that right), but romance her, fake it if ya have to at first. Listen and comment about her day. Take a moment out to rub her feet, get her a soda without her asking. Little things go a long way and frankly you start showing you're interested in HER, she will reward you. But not gonna happen over night. Let me tell you, I would do anything my husband asked, at least once as long as it didn't break our covenants to the Lord, I am game to at least try. Kneel with your wife in prayer and Thank The Lord out loud for giving you a kind, caring beautiful wife. Ask him to bless your marriage and allow you to grow stronger in your love for one another. Works I am telling you!

  • Jamie says: June 24th, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    Topper, if you are still out there, I would just like to reiterate what Kimber said. Intimacy for a woman begins long before you enter the bedroom. My husband tells me every day that I am beautiful. He shares a soft touch or a kiss on the back of the neck almost every time he walks past me. He often rubs my feet or neck after a long day at work. It is the constant, overall feeling of being valued and seen as beautiful that makes me wildly attracted to him sexually.

  • sese says: June 25th, 2014 at 8:46 am

    i thank every one that commented bt me have aproblem , i dnt like kissing my husband and this makes the whole love making processes nt enjoyable.am even lazy to do other style apart from missionary

  • Renee says: July 3rd, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    I am 35 years old and have always loved sex with my husband until I got on birth control...I feel a lot of women could be having problems getting in the mood because of there birth control pills or shots. Finally with prayer to my Lord and my birth control out of my system my desires for my husband sexually is back!

  • Mark says: July 6th, 2014 at 11:10 am

    Great article! My wife has a strong faith and I pray that God can soften her heart and allow her to throw off the chains by which she has been sexually bound. I picked up The Five Love Languages this week and that should be a good starting point for us. After nearly twenty-seven years of marriage it is only through my faith in Jesus Christ that I have been able to stay the course. I pray for real change and growth.

  • Rebecca says: August 13th, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    About #1: Contrary to the male fantasy of "mousy shy librarian turns into raving sex machine", I doubt that many women can turn on confidence like a light switch. I wish more husbands would get a clue, that when they spend all day directly and indirectly undermining their wives' sense of confidence outside the bedroom, it will effect her confidence inside the bedroom.

  • patricia says: August 16th, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    After thirty years finally...!

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