Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

5 Ways to Be Sexually Playful While Clothed

happy husband and wife doing honeymoon in resortMy husband and I were laughing the other day about my less than stellar organization skills when it comes to meal planning.

I mean, I'm not completely inept at it.  And I can cook.

But admittedly, I don't always know what I'm cooking until I open the fridge or freezer and scan.  For me, it looks something like this:

1. Scan. Scan. Scan.

2. Go get pizza if scan produces no viable results.

Anyway, as we were joking about this, I looked at him and wryly said, "Well, what I lack on my feet I make up for on my back."

(Insert husband's mischievous and joyful smile here.)

Are you and your Beloved sexually playful with your clothes on?

I recognize that in many marriages, the sexual tension is beyond heavy -- the bad icky sexual tension, that is, not the "I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off-as-soon-as-we-get-done-with-this-boring-office-party" tension.  That kind of sexual tension is actually good foreplay, but I digress.

If you already are sexually playful in how you express affection and desire with your clothes on, then good! Keep it up! (Pun intended, of course).

If you could grow in this area, here are 5 ways to be sexually playful while clothed:

1. Do not easily take offense.

If your husband occasionally expresses his sexual desire for you by a playful pat on your rear end or making some suggestive reference to what the two of you could do later that evening, can you welcome that with a cheerful heart -- rather than dismiss his advances as inappropriatedisgusting or inconvenient?

Now, before you get defensive with me, I do recognize that not all spouses are smooth with their advances.

I've received pa-lenty of emails from women who don't appreciate being groped by their husbands, particularly in public or semi-public places.

So, a little coaching and teaching goes a long way.  Express what kinds of sexual suggestive affection you find appropriate and enjoyable.  Stretch your imagination on this, walk in respect and strive to not take offense.

It's a good thing your spouse wants to have sex with you and is willing to express that.

2. Use code words or touches that are exclusive to the two of you.

Okay, I can't reveal specifics here about my husband and me, because that would compromise the deliciously fun exclusivity to it all, but let's just say we know.

We know by certain words, touches and looks what we want.  And many of these we could share in the most public of places, and only the two of us would recognize the significance behind those words or touches or glances.

Build your own sexual language.  Build your own sexual interaction that is subtle and crystal clear at the same time! But by all means, don't sexually tease unless you plan to follow through.

3. Become comfortable with sexual joking.

I'm not talking about vulgarity or profanity in your sexual dialogue. Particularly for most wives, that kind of talk is not arousing.

What I am suggesting is that part of what makes sex so great in marriage is a shared ability to have fun sexually, including when talking.

What is key to this is being conscientious of hurtful triggers.  If you know something is going to stir up painful memories or is too delicate of a topic to joke about for your spouse, then by all means, be respectful.  This is the person you love.

On the flip side, if you know you are being unnecessarily sensitive to the way your spouse jokes with you sexually, then broaden your perspective.  Become mutually willing to joke around sexually.

4. Stop worrying about "what the kids will think."

Enough already.  One of the best things for your kids is that they would see you being affectionate with each other, including affection that is sexual in nature.  You don't need to be overt to be playful.

This is particularly fun when your kids are teenagers and are totally grossed out by the fact that their parents even have sex.

While standing in the kitchen one day, I gave my husband a nice passionate kiss and playfully tickled him.  Our older son rolled his eyes and said, "Yuck. Get a room."

To which I seductively said with a quick wit, "Oh we will! Later."

(Groans ensue from teenager, who deep down really is glad his parents are in love and not afraid to show it).

5. Get courageous with sexual playfulness!

Yes, one of the ways to be sexually playful while clothed is simply to try!  If all this seems like foreign territory, then start with baby steps.

Maybe a playful caress in an arousing area of the body or a rather mild comment while you're in the kitchen cooking.

Maybe just say, "Hey, I think what would really help us sexually is if we could be more affectionate when we aren't having sex. Can we try that?"

Maybe just out of the blue in the privacy of your own home (or in the car), run your hand across his penis on the outside of his jeans and say, "I really need an excuse to not do laundry later. Think you can help me find an excuse?"

Anyway, you get the idea!

Sexual playfulness while clothed can go a long way in a marriage. In fact, when all is said and done, I think all the clothing will be somewhere on the floor.

For more reading, consider 5 Cheapest Ways to Turn Your Husband On and How to Get an A+ in Foreplay.

Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

February 21st, 2013 by