I have the most amazing blogger friends, and today my friend Chris Taylor of Forgiven Wife is graciously helping me out with the below guest blog. Be sure to check out her blog and her cohosted podcast. Thank you, Chris!
Most couples can decide to have sex and be basking in the afterglow within the hour.
Sex doesn’t require much preparation. Sure, you need to lock your door, grab the lube, and make sure any kids are asleep or have earbuds in. Maybe you make a bit of added effort and light some candles, lay down a blanket, and even get your sex wedge pillow out.
Pretty good sex can be enjoyed on a whim.
I’ve been thinking about this as I’ve been making Christmas treats the past few days.
It’s pretty easy to whip up a batch of cookies on a whim. I always have the ingredients to make cookies, so I can decide to bake and be enjoying my cookies within the hour.
Christmas is hardly the only time I bake cookies or other yummy goodies. However, it IS the only time I go the extra mile. This is the time of year when I make several different kinds of cookies, including some that are more labor-intensive or require extra planning.
At Christmas, my cookies are “extra.” They’re extra tasty, extra involved, and worth the extra effort.
I made a shopping list that include the basics I would need (flour, sugar, and vanilla) and then added some things I don’t always have on hand—chocolate stars, extra powdered sugar, cream cheese, peppermint extract, and more. Groceries cost more than they usually do.
Preparation took several days as I cleared the kitchen to make more space, gathered cookie tins, retrieved my large mixing bowl out of storage, and even adjusted my schedule to accommodate my plans.
I’ll be feeling the physical impact for a day or two as well.
My knees ache from all that standing on my poor middle-aged arthritic knees. My shoulder and arm are sore from all the hand-kneading I did while making cream cheese mint candies last night.
But as I look at the wonderful variety of treats I have and immerse myself in the taste-testing, I know absolutely that all the extra-ness was worth the effort. And when I share the results of these efforts with my loved ones, I know they will be very appreciative of the extra-ness of the treats.
Extra Sex Is Worth the Effort
During all that time standing on my feet, stirring, and kneading, I thought about how some things are worth the extra effort.
Sure, sex can be enjoyed on a whim. It doesn’t require a whole lot of planning to have delicious sex.
But having “extra” sex every now and then is oh, so worth the effort.
Be like the bride in the Song of Songs. She and her husband had a verdant bed, but she still planned a special outing:
Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom— there I will give you my love. (Song of Songs 7:12)
Have the sex that requires extra planning, extra preparation, and extra investment—even if it is something you only do every now and then.
Think ahead to your next special occasion, such as Valentine’s Day, your anniversary, or your spouse’s birthday.
Even though it may be months away, start now to plan to have extra sex.
Make hotel reservations.
Arrange for the kids to stay with family or friends.
Start your list of whatever props and items you might need.
Purchase that piece of sex furniture you’ve talked about.
Study some online burlesque tutorials so you can dance for your husband.
Practice stripping in front of a mirror.
Shop for clothing appropriate for your plans.
Talk with your husband about whether you want a special theme or challenge, such as seeing how many orgasms you can have during a three-day getaway or trying five new positions.
Go the extra mile and enjoy the most “extra” sex possible!
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6 thoughts on “When Was the Last Time You Had “Extra” Sex?!”
What is this “basking in the afterglow” of which you speak?
Is that the hasty roll away, scurry yo “wipe out”, then put on the robe. Walking out if the room withou saying a word and jumping right i to the day?
Heavy sarcasm in case you hadnt noticed.
We “do it” a coulle times a year. And after 24 yrs of marriage she still refuses to acknowledge the “hair trigger” situation that is inevitable with that long between encounters. Of course any “solo satisfaction” is a selfish betrayal and sinful. No there is no level of staying power, no toloerance to physical touch. Heck im hard and “leaking” on the rare occasions she does even cuddle up and rest her head on my shoulder. Of course any manual or oral stimulation (any foreplay really) is out because due to her setting up the short fuse, i will finish too soon and then she gets mad at me because…
And of course the concept of foreplay to initial orgasm, then cuddling and a second round with much longer staying ability is just so out of her thinking. “Why should i do that for you and then you’ll just fall asleep. Whats in it for me?”
Sigh. I guess a pat on the shoulder (like a buddy) and occassional quick peck on the cheek is considered “intimacy” in mid 50’s
laST TIME I HAD SEX WAS 40 YEARS AGO
Extra sex is hard to find when you don’t understand each other fysically.
“challenge such as seeing how many orgasms you can have during a three-day getaway”
This so so nice, but I feel so sad that if I say that to my wife she will get upset or will ask why we need so much of it.
I feel sad that I have so much to offer to her, and so much that I would like to enjoy but for her, sex and passion is another task of the day. I’m tired of this.
and is not that she can’t reach orgasm, she always does, and even more than once per session. but after is done… she has the same attitude that is so hard, like she is always tired of even thinking of sex. and I am sad about it.
As a woman, I appreciate the time and thought you put into these posts. Thank you for providing ideas and perspective on a subject like this. My husband and I have a fairly healthy sex life, but I am thankful for a positive, Christian place to gather more ideas and mindset on making our marriage better when it comes to intimacy.