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In a marriage where there is healthy sexual intimacy, a husband and wife become so knowledgeable about each other sexually that there aren’t too many surprises.
I’m not saying their sexual intimacy is boring. Not by a long shot. If anything, they relish the mutuality of sexual pleasure—knowing each other well enough to be incredibly adept at giving and receiving pleasure.
If that describes sex in your marriage, fantastic! You’re humming along on all cylinders, communicating your sexual needs and desires and responding to your spouse’s needs and desires. Fabulous!
Maybe some of you reading this wouldn’t describe sex in your marriage that way per se, but you still would characterize it as good. Sure, you have room to grow, but you both like sex and there aren’t any alarming underlying issues.
The below suggestions probably wouldn’t work too well for marriages that are experiencing longstanding sexual struggles. Certainly, I’m not saying you can’t try them if you think they would be just what your marriage needs at this moment. I just don’t want you thinking these are “quick fixes” to issues that need more intentional effort and healing.
Disclaimers aside, let’s dig in!
This can be a ton of scrumptious fun! I personally love turning my husband on, so when I can occasionally make it all about him, I do! It’s a big turn on for me.
To pull this surprise off, you may have to actually say to your spouse, “I want to make this time all about you. So just relax and enjoy!”
Key to making this sizzling hot is to take your time. Make sure the setting is right and that the two of you won’t be interrupted. Make sure the room is the right temp and you have anything you may need to bring some sexiness to the scene.
You could light some candles (or use battery-operated candles, which I think are just as cool and a lot safer). Heat up a small bottle of massage oil in a glass of hot water. Have towels nearby. Sometimes alternating hot and cold can increase arousal and sensations, so maybe have a small cup of ice cubes nearby too, that you could use to creatively stimulate your spouse.
Set the mood and make the encounter all about your spouse.
Of course, you’ll want to ensure your privacy won’t be compromised, but where could you surprise your spouse with some sexual playfulness? In the car? In the garage? In a different room of the house than your bedroom?
If you are really adventurous and can discreetly and ethically pull off some sexual escapades (or maybe a heavy make-out session?!) while at a party, go for it! You’d have to find a place in the house or venue where you could find a little privacy. Again, you have to use your best judgement. Probably easier to get away with something like this at the house of a close friend or family member than at an acquaintance’s house or your boss’s house! Ha!
You get the idea. Let your hands and mouth do the talking, if you know what I mean.
If you are in your own home and you don’t have the risk of the pitter patter of little ones (or teens! Yikes!) stumbling upon you, then get sexually creative at home when your spouse would least expect it.
Maybe spontaneously and passionately “distract” them from that boring show they are watching on TV. Or if your spouse is doing some mundane task like sorting laundry, why not start exploring beneath the clothes they have on right now?!
This is more in the “go big” category and likely requires a bit more planning on your part. But if you want to sexually surprise your spouse, why not plan an overnight away from home for the two of you?
This can be as simple as a nice hotel right in your own city or it can be a bit more elaborate, like a cabin or bed and breakfast in a neighboring city or town. If you are campers, that’s an option too!
Obviously, you have to do your homework. If you are going to surprise your spouse with a night away, you have to makes sure you get all your ducks in a row… or, more specifically…that you get all their ducks in a row.
You can’t plan a night away if they are working feverishly on a big work deadline and can’t afford to take a break right then or if you know they have other responsibilities they can’t delay. The point of a sexy night away is that you both can relax, enjoy each other’s company and take your time making love.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.