Ahh, sexual desire.
A hungering to be with the person you love and married. But if you’ve been married more than about 23 minutes, you know that sexual desire easily can get lost amidst the ups and downs of marriage.
What bolsters sexual desire throughout your marriage? Probably a variety of things, for sure, but the below five certainly bank the odds in your favor.
5 Things that Fuel Sexual Desire in Marriage
1. Authentic friendship
I always start here. Without genuinely nurturing your relationship, the sexual passion easily falls to the wayside.
Sure, it can fade for other reasons too, but if you don’t enjoy each other’s company and if you aren’t intentional about spending time together, sexual desire between the two of you becomes less and less alluring.
For some couples, nurturing their friendship is super easy. They have the time and space; they both place a high value on their relationship; they are intentional. They have woven the friendship into the fabric of the marriage. Other couples have to really work in that direction. Either way, it’s worth it.
Sexual desire and sexual intimacy are a natural outflow of authentic friendship in a marriage.
2. Plenty of energy
Twenty-somethings or 30-somethings can maybe still get hot and heavy beneath the sheets with little energy reserve. But as a marriage moves along and a husband and wife get older, you simply can’t draw from an empty well.
Sexual desire and lovemaking take physical and emotional energy. Sadly, we sometimes save the least for that which matters most. Now, I totally get that there are seasons and situations in marriage that can be draining times for one or both spouses.
But if this is the ongoing normal for months or years on end? Yikes. Nothing but a lot of mediocrity is going to come from that (sexual or otherwise).
3. Sexual playfulness while clothed
When was the last time you were sexually suggestive with your spouse? When was the last time you touched them or kissed them or did something sexually playful while you both were clothed, maybe long before actual lovemaking was even in close proximity?
I have long believed that the way we are affectionate with each other while clothed speaks volumes about what can and often does happen when we are naked.
Obviously, you need to be discreet and respectful when you are around other people or in public. But certainly even then you can be affectionate in a way that is subtle, yet clearly conveys that it was more than just a “have a good day” hug.
When you are alone and clothed? Go ahead. Be overtly suggestive. Your sexual desire will be better for it.
4. Drawn-out foreplay
Some of the best sex my husband and I have had—some of the most intense sexual desire we’ve experienced—has come on coattails of drawn-out foreplay.
Yes, I know sometimes there isn’t the time, what with parenting littles or anticipating teens coming home or having to get to work or a myriad of other time-sucking dilemmas. But you’d be surprised what adding even 15-20 minutes to foreplay can do to heighten your desire for each other.
So whenever you can, draw out foreplay. Explore each other’s bodies. Spend the time getting really close to climax, then backing off a little, then getting close again, until you can’t resist each other. That is delicious lovemaking, my friends.
5. Sexual pleasure
May seem odd that I’m saying sexual pleasure is one of the things that fuels sexual desire in marriage, right? But think about it. If a husband and wife have paid great attention to making sure they each enjoy amazing arousal and orgasm, there is bound to be more sexual desire in the marriage.
Orgasm feels incredible. Indescribable. Powerful. Amazing. All that and more. And to have your spouse learn what it takes to bring you that kind of experience is all the better. When the two of you invest in each other’s pleasure and find as much joy from your spouse’s orgasm as you do from your own, wow. Just wow. Sexual pleasure fuels sexual desire.
So there you have it! Five things that can heighten sexual desire in your marriage. What else has worked for you?
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.