I’m often touting the deep need for healthy communication between a husband and wife about sex. (Well, about all things, but let’s stay on point here with sex).
Without good communication—solid listening and feedback and verbal expression of feelings and thoughts—a married couple is left to rely on assumption to navigate their sexual way.
Assumption does not lay down a solid track to phenomenal sex. It just doesn’t. It’s not hard to see why a married couple would be left sexually disappointed if the only tool with which they are working is assumption.
Today I want to expound on this a bit by talking specifically about penetration and thrusting during sexual intercourse.
All penetration and thrusting are not created equal. You don’t have to have sex more than about once to know this, but it still is something a husband and wife may not intentionally talk about. Like ever.
They fall into patterns of “this is just how we do it,” and either it doesn’t occur to them to speak up about what may make the experience more enjoyable for each of them OR they are hesitant to speak up out of concern of implying that their spouse doesn’t know what they are doing.
But maybe they don’t know what they are doing. That’s not a bad thing. It just a revelatory thing. It’s a clue that some coaching may be in order.
Just like all aspects of sexual arousal and pleasure, a fair amount of communication can go a long way. Through giving and receiving feedback and through trial and error, you can better use penetration and thrusting.
Yes, as a husband, your penis is what is penetrating and thrusting in your wife’s vagina. But both of you are participants in those actions.
3 Tips to Fabulous Sexual Penetration and Thrusting
1. All the Right Angles
Well, by right, I don’t mean 90 degrees. I mean there is more than one angle when it comes to intercourse, and the most phenomenal lovemaking incorporates at least a few, that’s for sure!
The angle at which the penis is going in and out of the vagina matters. Some angles are more enjoyable and some can be painful. Key here is try different angles to see what brings about more pleasurable sensations for both of you.
As a woman, your husband’s penis will likely stimulate your clitoris more pleasurably if the shaft of his erect penis is in more direct contact with your clitoris (as opposed to his penis sliding back and forth under it but not on it).
Angle also can determine how well the head of the penis is stimulating the wife’s G-Spot. Various angles also intensify stimulation of the penis in different ways, making sex more pleasurable for a husband.
So how do you try out different angles? Varying positions is one of the best ways, as well as making slight adjustments within each position.
For example, the wife on top gives her a lot of control in determining the angle at which the penis is coming in and out of her vagina. A wife can be on top facing her husband (often referred to as cowgirl) or facing away from him (often referred to as reverse cowgirl). Both allow various penetration angles.
During missionary position, you can adjust angles with a pillow under the wife’s hips or by the husband moving forward so his chest may be more aligned with his wife’s face, as opposed to them being face-to-face.
The husband entering his wife’s vagina from behind also gives them angles that are quite stimulating. Some women particularly find this position stimulates their G-Spot.
There are so many sexual positions that afford you various angles for penetration and thrusting. You won’t know until you experiment a bit and see what you each enjoy.
2. In the Shallow and the Deep
As a husband, how deep are you penetrating your wife? Have the two of you talked about what you each enjoy? Incredibly deep penetration can be quite arousing for both a husband and a wife. Or it may be painful (particularly for the wife).
Key here is to find the threshold between what is optimal depth without something becoming painful.
And let’s not assume there is no value to shallow penetration being included as well.
In fact, varying the depth throughout a lovemaking session can be quite tantalizing. Arousal and pleasure can build as a husband varies how deep he is penetrating his wife; sometimes shallow, sometimes a little deeper and sometimes very deep.
As I have mentioned a bazillion times, communication is key. Tell each other what feels good. Show each other what feels good.
It’s not unusual as a husband’s arousal is increasing that he wants to go deeper. And it’s not unusual that as a wife feels her husband’s penis within her and her pleasure increasing, she may want him to go deeper, possibly even expressing this by pulling him deeper into her or demanding he go deeper.
Great sex happens in the shallow and in the deep. Learn from each other how to adjust and appreciate various depths to the fullest.
3. It’s a Marathon and a Sprint
Rate matters. The rhythm and speed at which a husband moves his penis in and out of his wife’s vagina—or how she moves him in and out of her, if she is on top—has a dramatic effect on the sexual pleasure and climax they each experience.
As with everything we have talked about thus far, this really comes down to preference and communication. I will say, though, that I think varying the rate, especially early in a lovemaking session, can enhance arousal and pleasure. It’s kind of like teasing, but in a good way—how a husband can oscillate between speeding up and slowing down.
Yes, of course, there likely will reach a point where the desire to go faster is what you both need to climax hard. But getting to that point affords you room and opportunity to vary your rate. Think of a lovemaking session loosely as both a marathon and a sprint.
So there you have it. Having read the above, do you think you’ve been appreciating all that penetration and thrusting have to offer?
Do you have room to learn from each other and experiment with each other? I have no doubt your lovemaking will be better for it.
For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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4 thoughts on “3 Tips to Fabulous Sexual Penetration and Thrusting”
I want to keep championing you Julie to encourage us readers to keep those vital communication lines open. Sadly, for my wife and I, we waited far too long before we really started to talk honestly about our sex life, our likes and dislikes and to even talk about the matter of sexual penetration and thrusting. Now, we talk freely and openly and it really had made a great difference to our sex life – even though there hasn’t been a lot of change in our positions or sexual activity. We encourage each other during sex and after sex, we discuss what just happened, what was nice, what was different and what didn’t quite work out. We no longer take sex so “seriously” but are learning to laugh at those things that didn’t work.
We’ve learnt what works and mix things up slightly to add variation. Sadly, because of our age, taking up “challenging” positions really are not on the menu for us and we’re okay with that. Add in my wife’s battle with cancer and the resultant lymphedema and different positions become even more limiting and challenging. But, we are both very determined (and stubborn!) people and so we are still working out what works best and enjoying the process. It really is a learning journey. We still keep experimenting (as long as our bodies allow us too!), trying new things just to see if it adds more fun and more pleasure to our sexual journey and life together. Reading blogs (like yours) help us explore more. We often discuss what we’ve read and if we haven’t tried what was written then we get to work to try it out. It’s all part of the fun!! 😉😀
Julie, thank you so much for addressing this topic! I prefer this type of topic over any other, as it really gets to the heart of the matter when it comes to sex.
First of all, I just love the word. It’s both a noun and a verb, and such a descriptive word, too. Beyond that, I think thrusting is the essence of great sex, and while a seemingly simple act, it has many variants as you wisely noted.
Second of all, I echo each of the points you said. Rate and pace does matter. Communication is key here, as you said, and the pace can differ depending on position, too, or even the mood of the moment. In my case, I prefer an aggressive pace, especially when getting pounded doggy style.
Thank you so much for this!
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