Many newly-married couples are apprehensive about sex. Sometimes even couples who have been married quite awhile are apprehensive.
Not only do they want to enjoy sex, but they also want to be good at it!
They aren’t quite sure how to go about doing that, though. Despite what entertainment would lead us to believe, we don’t instinctively know how to have great sex. We have to learn. And that’s okay! It’s actually more than okay.
Sex isn’t something we begrudgingly have to learn, but rather it is something we GET to learn! (Cue the confetti and party hats and high fives!)
We can ease apprehension with action. A body in motion stays in motion. Once you lovingly start learning together, there’s less space for anxiety about sex.
It is likely one of the biggest fallacies or deceptions that honeymoon sex is the best sex in a marriage. In fact, I rarely hear from people who say their honeymoon sex was off-the-charts. Even for couples who had sex before they married too often build up the intimacy expectation so much that when the honeymoon actually happens, the expectation becomes an illusion.
Newly-married couples need to learn how to have great sex. The honeymoon is a good starting point, for sure. But the learning has to continue long after they’ve put the suitcases back in the closet and written the thank you notes.
And married couples who have struggled several months or even years to connect sexually also need to recognize that if their intimacy is going to improve, they are going to have to learn.
Obviously there is a physical aspect to great sex, but we can’t ignore it also is the emotional and spiritual vulnerability and oneness that make sex such a sacred place in marriage. Healing past sexual hurts, skewed perceptions and miscommunication also helps you as husband and wife to desire each other enthusiastically.
It’s okay you have to learn how to have great sex!
And fortunately, it is increasingly easier to learn, in that there are so many reputable Christian resources. Healthy, vibrant sexual intimacy should not be a taboo topic. As husband and wife, you have God’s blessing to nurture and enjoy sex to the fullest.
He is a passionate God. He is enthusiastic about the sexual pleasure the two of you learn to give and receive from each other. And He is thrilled when you find freedom in seeking and expressing sexual desire.
So whether you’ve been married a short time or you’ve been married for years, don’t delay. Start learning how to have great sex. And then keep learning.
For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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4 thoughts on “It’s Okay You Have to Learn How to Have Great Sex”
I think my wife learned that sex was for me. She could enjoy it but only as related to me. Not as a seeking for herself. Sad, and un-re-learnable. I would encourage women to understand that sex if for them also, and not exclusively to “please her husband”.
Sex isn’t something we begrudgingly have to learn, but rather it is something we GET to learn!
NOT something the “Titus women” at our “church” will ever believe, condone or, God forbid, teach!
Not quite “procreation only” but close enough to not matter for these last 35 miserable years.
I simply ask her what, then, were we supposed to be “waiting” FOR?!
I have never gotten any answer. Much less a satisfactory one.
How much misery is a man supposed to be able to take? And why? God doesn’t require, or expect this! Why marriage is THERE in the first place!
Certainly NEVER breathed a word of this “belief” BEFORE marriage. Talk about the “bait-and-switch” straight from the pit of hell!
Thanks for the encouragement Julie. The way I have approached it is as I do with every aspect of my life, the learning is a life time journey. Just when I think sex couldn’t get any better we try something a little different and BAM 💥 we both discover sex can get better. Just never settle for what you have and always have the belief and faith that there’s always more to enjoy when it comes to sex (any in any aspect of life!).
When we are getting our premarital counselling our pastor never talked about sex! We started out not knowing much at all. We didn’t have the internet 39yrs ago! But the journey has been wonderful, even if it has had a lot of dips and bumps along the way. Communication has been key for us. The older we’ve gotten the freer we’ve become. But sex in marriage is a wonderful journey worth pursuing and never settling for second best!
Just wished we had blogs like yours to read all those years ago! It would have been a huge help in our sexual journey.
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