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I’ve always said that if I was ever wealthy, I would indulge in more frequent massages.
Massaging your spouse sensually is a beautiful expression of love and passion. I know that not everyone is open to massage from a massage therapist, but when spouses can learn to give and receive this physical touch in their marriage, it can be quite profound.
No shocker here, but a massage is way more relaxing if you are not distracted. Ideally, have the house to yourself or at least make sure the kids are gone for a couple hours.
Shut down the phones if at all possible. Turn off the TV. Put on some light instrumental music that will set the mood and block out any distracting background noise like traffic or anything else in the vicinity. And certainly in the hours leading up to your time together, try to calm your heart and mind.
I know it seems counter-intuitive to take a shower before being slathered lovingly with massage oil, but I highly recommend taking a hot shower first. The two of you could even take a shower together if you desire! A hot shower aids in overall relaxation and loosens up the muscles. Seriously. Such a wonderful precursor to massage.
The other thing a shower does is leave us feeling clean, which lowers the inhibitions when we are naked together. A hot shower is ideal before a sensual massage (and anything that may follow the sensual massage!)
Whether you are giving the massage in a bedroom, another room in your house or in a hotel room, you’ll want it to be comfortable. Because you’ll be naked, you’ll want the room temp a little higher than you would have it when you are clothed. If you don’t want to crank up the furnace, consider using a small portable space heater.
Have plenty of pillows and towels available. The pillows are to ensure your spouse is comfortably supported as you give them a massage. Sometimes this means placing pillows under the hips, knees, ankles, arms and/or neck. Get comfortable.
The reason you want plenty of towels (or a large blanket that is washable) is because all the massage oil won’t stay on your spouse! Imagine that?! Cover the pillows and sheets you want to protect from oil.
Regular baby oil will work for massage, but there are other options. Neutrogena makes a light body oil that is unscented or sesame scented, and of course there are a variety of massage oils. In massage therapy school, I learned a lot about the unique qualities of massage oil, which is designed to not quickly absorb into the skin, allowing for more fluid massage strokes.
I encourage you to go with an oil that is either unscented or lightly scented with a fragrance you think your spouse will enjoy. Lavender and jasmine are popular scents, but there are many choices. Places like Bath and Body Works sell massage oils, and the options on Amazon are endless.
Don’t rule out flavored massage oils that obviously are made for sensual massage. These are different than flavored lubricants designed for sex, which may be too sticky or too slippery for actual body massage.
Suffice to say, you may want to try a few different oils for massage before landing on a couple that you and your spouse thoroughly enjoy. Whatever you choose, you can warm it up by putting the bottle in a hot glass of water or wrapping it in a heating pad close to where you will be giving the massage.
After Christmas, one of our local grocery stores had some carts filled with marked-down gift baskets and other items. They had these flameless LED candles, so I bought two sets of three. What a great buy! They add some romantic lighting to our bedroom during sex and they are safe. They even came with a remote!
You could use real candles, of course, but make sure they are away from anything flammable and you don’t leave them unattended. Talk about disruptive. An unexpected fire in your bedroom would be a real mood killer for sure.
If you aren’t too keen on candlelight, consider turning on a nightstand lamp or the closet light with the closet door cracked.
Having some light in the room during a sensual massage can heighten our sense of sight. It’s arousing to see our spouse’s body naked, as well as to see our own body with theirs. Visual stimulation can be so arousing, and there’s nothing quite like a sensual massage to make the most of the visuals.
It’s so funny the things I remember from massage therapy school. One of the things they taught us was to be extremely appropriate and professional, and that included not going too lateral—meaning, don’t let your hands go too close to the inner thighs and genital area.
Well, as spouses, you can go lateral. I encourage you to go lateral! That’s not the only move you’re making, but as you work your way around the body, remember to seamlessly include some sexual touches as well.
When it comes to massage, we usually think of the neck, back, legs and feet. We typically do hunger to be touched in those areas, because that’s where we carry tension. But the entire body is full of nerves and is sensitive to touch.
Consider gently massaging the scalp, hair, ears and face. And don’t forget the hands, fingers, arms and armpits. The key is finding pressure and technique that is soothing but not ticklish. Encourage your spouse to give you feedback and to tell you if they want you to go deeper with your touch or vary it more.
You can use your hands to knead the muscles or in a percussion motion as if you are pounding on a drum. Use your fingertips and fingernails to run lightly across the skin. Again, you don’t want to be ticklish, but this light touch can be extremely arousing.
So there you have it! 6 tips on giving a sensual massage.
All this sensual massage segues nicely into passionate sex. What a wonderful gift you can give each other when you learn how to caress and massage each other’s bodies in a way that is relaxing and exhilarating.
And I have a 5 video series available on building better sex in your marriage. Great way to invest in your marriage! You can find out all about it at this link: Better Sex in Your Christian Marriage.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.