If you are a husband reading this, I know you probably already know a lot of what I am about to share.
You know it’s not just what you do with your penis. Hear my heart when I say I am not trying to imply that you don’t know how to help your wife experience amazing sexual pleasure.
Being the thorough gal I am, though, I like to cover all the bases. And there are some men who could use a little coaching on arousing their wife. (Just as there are some wives who could use a little coaching on arousing their husband, as I have covered in many other posts, including 3 Sex Tips Some Experienced Wives Don’t Even Know).
So even if you feel your sexual aptitude as a husband is off the charts, I encourage you to keep reading. You may pick up some helpful tips you could add to your repertoire.
Take care of your hands and your mouth. You’re going to need them.
As amazing as the penis is, your hands and mouth are what pave the way for it. How you touch your wife, especially her erogenous zones, will greatly affect how eager she is to connect with you sexually.
So keep your hands and fingers in good shape for touching. No, they don’t have to be super soft. You can still have manly hands. But make the effort to clean, trim and file your nails so there are no rough edges. Also soften any calluses with a pumice stone. If your hands are really dry, use some lotion daily so your touch will be comfortable for her.
As for your mouth, no surprise that this plays a significant role in foreplay and lovemaking for most couples. That being said, go the extra mile for her by maintaining good dental hygiene, use lip balm if your lips are dry, and keep your mustache and beard trimmed in a way she finds attractive and comfortable while you kiss her, whether it be on the lips or any part of her body.
Sure, this all may seem like stuff not worth fussing about, especially if you’ve been married awhile. But isn’t she worth it? Isn’t passionate lovemaking worth it? I certainly hope so!
As for those erogneous zones…
How much have you explored your wife’s body with your hands and mouth? Each person is unique, and your wife is no exception, so you’re going to have to figure out what types of touch she truly finds arousing. Try different touches (firm and light), follow her cues, ask for feedback, and welcome her guidance if she uses her own hands to show you what to do.
Generally speaking, the entire body offers up opportunity, so don’t limit yourself as you learn what gets her sexually worked up. A few specific areas worth noting, though:
Her neck. So much territory here for touching and kissing, sometimes at the same time. If you are behind your wife, kissing and caressing the back of her neck may especially be arousing.
Her breasts and nipples. Fondling her breasts and even playing firmly with her nipples, both with your hands and your mouth and tongue, may be incredibly arousing to her. Keep in mind that her breasts may be more sensitive depending on where she is in her monthly cycle, so what may be arousing one week may actually be painful the next. Ask her what feels good as you are exploring.
Her entire vaginal area. Wow! Your attention to her in this area can significantly influence the intensity of her arousal and her orgasm. You can use your fingers and/or mouth to touch her here, including exploration of the individual lips of the vagina, the opening of the vagina, the area between the vaginal opening and the anus, the clitoris, and the crease between the outside edge of the vagina and the leg. She may also like the feel of your fingers inside her vagina, as this entire area is full of nerve endings.
Under her arms and along the side of her upper body. Your wife may find it incredibly arousing when you lightly touch her armpit area and down the side of her body. As with all touching, there can be a fine line between arousing and ticklish, so again, you have to be seeking feedback and following her cues. And remember that your mouth and tongue may be welcomed guests to this area of the party as well.
Her hair. I’ve heard from more than one woman who say they love it when their husband plays with their hair. This must be more of a gal thing, because I don’t think guys find it as arousing to have their hair played with (but some do!). If you’ve never played with your wife’s hair during foreplay or lovemaking, it may be worth a try! Your wife may get turned on by the way you run your fingers through her hair or gently pull her hair and/or use your finger tips to massage her scalp.
Her mouth. Kissing is such an individual preference that there’s no “one way” to do it. The good news is the more you practice and the more you and your wife communicate about what you each like, the better at it you will get! Whether it is deep passionate kissing, gentle kissing, light biting or using your tongue to explore her mouth, there is a lot of potential for arousal. And for some people, the kind of kissing they do during lovemaking may be completely different than how they would kiss (even passionately) when they are standing in the kitchen. So learn what she wants as far as kissing.
Legs. Oh wow, so many opportunities here. Light caressing of the inner thigh or behind the knee can be particularly arousing. And some people are really turned on by foot caresses and foot rubs. As I mentioned earlier, you want something to be arousing, not ticklish, so adjust accordingly.
So that gives you some ideas. Certainly take your time to get to know every inch of her body. And grow in the way you touch a couple of areas at the same time, like kissing the back of her neck while you caress her breasts.
Be sure to make mental notes as to when her response is more heightened by your hands and mouth, whether it be in what she says or the sounds she makes or the ways she uses her own hands to direct you to what she needs sexually.
Oh my. We covered a lot of territory. I hope you picked up some good tips, maybe even a few new touches you want to try the next time you and your wife make love. Just remember, it’s not just what you do with your penis that makes her pleasure intense.
You definitely will want to come back for my next post!
It will be a continuation of this one, as I unpack the signs of arousal to watch for in your wife so that you can help her experience pleasure to the fullest.
I know for many husbands, seeing their wife experiencing incredible sexual arousal and climax is one of the hugest turn ons. Are you turned on by seeing your wife in the throes of passion? I think I already know the answer to that question.
Be sure to read the next post! I will have it up some time tomorrow (no pun intended!)
And I have a 5 video series available on building better sex in your marriage. Great way to invest in your marriage! You can find out all about it at this link: Better Sex in Your Christian Marriage.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.