I tried about five different headlines on this blog post and I still am not sure I landed on the right one.
Bear with me.
Basically this is a more serious post where I try to unpack this tendency we sometimes have to down-play our own sin and carelessness with sex and up-play what we see as others’ sin and carelessness with sex.
So join me on this conversation and journey… it feels like a lengthy discourse, but I do have a point.
As a Christian who blogs about sex in marriage, I believe that God designed sex to be enjoyed exclusively between a husband and a wife.
That being said, I completely understand that not everyone agrees with me, including many Christians.
And you know what? I’m fine with that. I’m fine with agreeing to disagree.
It doesn’t bother me one bit, because I trust in my own capability to respect someone even if I disagree with them. Let’s face it. It’s not just faith issues where this shows up. It’s in countless issues. We have the capacity to love and be respectful despite our differences. We are able to enjoy mutual respect, kindness, compassion.
If someone doesn’t get this concept and is belittling me or outright mean or even if they simply lack a respectful attitude, then they are probably toxic to not just me, but others as well. Steer clear of toxic people. That’s a mantra I have found helpful. I don’t spend extended time in the company of toxic people. They are not good for me.
But a bigger point I want to make when it comes to disagreements about sin or theology or “what does the Bible really say” dialogue is that it’s not my deal to wrestle with God on behalf of someone else. And it’s not anyone else’s deal to wrestle with God on my behalf.
Sure, we can each speak what we believe, but I am never going to beat someone up on what I think they should believe or how they should behave.
Not my deal. That’s their deal with God.
And we all have our own sin we have to wrestle with God on, whether it’s sexual sin or not. But as a sex blogger, I encounter several conversations, debates and ponderings that do revolve around sexual sin.
And hear my heart when I say I recognize that sometimes when people are trying to shed light on someone else’s sin, the intentions are coming from a deep love. A good example would be when parents are concerned about their teenagers or adult children having sex outside of marriage, and they take it upon themselves to point this sin out, maybe over and over again.
Yes, if children are still living under your roof, your standards and rules apply within your household. But the reality is they still may find a way to have sex elsewhere (or in your home when you are gone). I don’t know too many parents who can keep a teenager in constant eyesight, let alone an adult child who may be living with you.
That’s just one example. Given enough time, we could come up with so many others, couldn’t we?
It’s not wrong to share that you believe something is sin and that sin has consequences. I don’t know how helpful or biblical it is, though, to berate, disown or pester someone into a corner on sin issues if they haven’t already grappled with the Holy Spirit first.
Many Christians are having sex outside of marriage. Many Christians are struggling with adultery or lust or pornography or skewed sexual thinking or skewed sexual behavior. Many Christians are withholding their bodies from their spouse for no good reason at all. Sexual sin abounds in all forms, not just among non-believers, but among believers, too.
There’s nothing new under the sun and God knows this.
So I have learned to take to heart Jesus’ example that is recounted in John 8:2-11. Here we get a tender demonstration that any wrestling on sin is to be done between the individual and God. We can’t wrestle on behalf of others.
Look at this encounter as Jesus sat down to teach…
At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
John 8:2-11 NIV
I strive to have a heart that is resistant to condemn and that is quick to love.
I strive to have a heart that discerns the difference between sharing what I believe versus wrestling with God on someone’s behalf.
I strive to have a heart that is more concerned with the areas where I need to grow in my own sexual conduct and less concerned with managing other people’s sexual conduct.
What about you? Are you more concerned with your own sexual behavior than with what other Christians are doing?
It’s a valid question worth exploring.
For more reading, cruise through my list of past posts. as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
Oh and I have a 5 video series available on building better sex in your marriage. Great way to invest in your marriage! You can find out all about it at this link: Better Sex in Your Christian Marriage.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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One thought on “Are You More Concerned with Others’ Sexual Sin than with Your Own?”
Good points. And honestly, I can say that when I was steeped in sexual sin (premarital promiscuity), harsh comments from other Christians only made me dig in my heels more. I felt attacked, so my defense mechanisms popped up.
At the same time, some Christians invited conversation and showed compassion, and ultimately that’s what helped pull me out of the bad situation I was in. It wasn’t that they lowered their standards–I knew what they thought–but they engaged me where I was.