intimacy, passion, sex, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
5 Tips on Giving a Great Hand Job
Oct
Will you lend your spouse a hand sexually? Yes, that’s a clever play on words, but I am talking about actual hand jobs today.
Of course, we always think of the term “hand job” in reference to something a wife would perform on her husband, but for our purposes here — because I’m an equal opportunity sex advocate — let’s spread a wider use of the term.
Let’s say a “hand job” also refers to a husband bringing his wife to climax with his fingers and hands.
Do you give hand jobs? Do you receive them? What do you like about them? What could make them better? What makes for a good hand job?
Certainly this shouldn’t be the only way you bring each other sexual pleasure, but it definitely can be a nice skill to have in the sexual repertoire. I highly recommend that you both be “good with your hands” when it comes to sex!
5 Tips on Giving a Great Hand Job
1. Make comfort a priority
By comfort, I literally mean being comfortable physically. Whether in bed or on the floor or on the couch or in a recliner (or wherever), you each should be as comfortable as possible. Use pillows or blankets or something to make sure you aren’t going to be distracted by a muscle strain because you’re in an awkward position. Even if you are standing, be as comfortable as possible.
And definitely if you need to adjust your position as the sexual encounter moves a long, then adjust. Embrace sexual freedom. Lean into even.
While we are talking about comfort, remember that as with any sexual experience, room temp matters. Being too hot or too cold can be a huge distraction when you’re trying to give or receive pleasure, and this is as true with hand jobs as with other sexual experiences.
2. Use lubricant
Lubricant can be touchy, meaning too much and there isn’t enough friction to climax, but too little and there could be agitation or even pain. Saliva is a suitable lubricant for some couples, but generally speaking, you’ll need to continually add more saliva to have enough lubrication for handiwork. (I just had to work that word “handiwork” in there!)
When a wife is aroused, her vagina may naturally secrete lubrication, but for some women, it may not be enough for hand stimulation of her clitoris.
And if you are giving a hand job in the shower, then lubrication is a must. Lubrication is our sexual friend always, but probably nowhere more than when water is part of the sexual atmosphere.
There are many fabulous options for lubrication, including natural oils as well as artificial lubricants. I’m not going to give an exhaustive list here, but you can find oodles of choices in this post and this one too.
And if you don’t find one in those lists that you want to try, you could ask around. I mean, it’s not exactly cocktail party conversation, but maybe you have a safe confidante who is a big fan of sex in marriage and could offer some lubrication suggestions.
3. Vary your touches (but listen to what your spouse wants)
Just like with other sexual encounters, the best hand jobs involve a variety of touches. As your spouse nears climax, they may prefer you stay with one particular touch or motion, but building the arousal to that point usually works best with a variety of touches.
A husband may like a firmer and tighter stroke up and down his penis, with particular attention to how you wrap your hand up and over the head of his penis. He may also want you to caress or touch his testicles in a particular way. And many a husband has been turned on by the way his wife uses her fingernails to send sexual shivers up and down his entire body.
I don’t want to sound like an anatomy textbook here, but I want you to have good information about arousal points. One you may not have explored is the perineum.
A man’s perineum is the surface area between the anal opening and the scrotum, the sack that holds the testicles. As a wife, you may want to try massaging this area and/or applying pressure to it with your fingertips. Your husband may find this particularly arousing.
A woman’s perineum is between her anus and the base of her vulva. She too may like this area massaged or caressed.
Not sure what to do? Show each other what feels good, ask what feels good, and volunteer what feels good (even if you haven’t been asked).
Words like “harder” or “faster” or “what you’re doing is amazing!” or “keep doing that” lend themselves well to better understanding each other sexually. And isn’t that the point? To learn what is going to be wildly arousing for the person you loved and married.
A wife’s clitoris may respond differently depending on where she is in her monthly cycle. And it often is just a matter of preference as to how she would like you as her husband to use your fingers and hand.
She may want you stimulating her clitoris while also using your other hand to stimulate her internally. Or you may want to use one hand to stimulate her clitoris and vagina while using the other hand to stimulate her nipples.
No surprise here, but a variety of touches — light and firm; fast and slow — will lead to indescribable pleasure.
4. Use more than your hands
I always have said that any good oral sex experience usually is part hand job too, so it stands to reason the reverse is true as well — any good hand job usually is going to have some oral pleasure mixed in there as well.
Stimulating your spouse with your hands may become even more enticing and tingly if you also occasionally use your tongue and mouth in the experience. As a wife, you also may want to use your breasts on your husband’s penis as your hand is on him as well.
Get creative in pleasing each other and you will discover that connecting with each other sexually is rarely limited to one sexual act or technique.
5. Enjoy each other visually
This goes for any sexual position or technique, but let’s not forget the visual experience when giving a hand job. The huge blessing of sex being an exclusive and private experience between just the two of you means that you have the safety of being uninhibited. And it can be a huge turn on to see how turned on your spouse is.
Play to the visuals, including having some light in the room, even if it’s a closet light with the door slightly open to shed some light into the room.
So there you have it! 5 tips on giving a great hand job!
Will you lend your spouse a hand sexually?
Hand jobs are quite fabulous, so if you have not included this in your sexual connection, why not give it a try?
For more reading, cruise through my list of past posts. as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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Thanks, Julie!
“Stimulating “ reading!
I give “hand jobs” on a regular basis when we have sex. However my wife does not reciprocate. And oral sex is disgusting to her, even when I shower ahead of time (given her ultra conservative upbringing, I understand). Kudos to Christian women who engage in these activities with their husbands!
As the joke goes… Step 1: Use your mouth.
I can’t remember the last time I got a handjob that resulted in orgasm. Been a long time! But for foreplay I really love them. There is something about seeing my wife’s hand wrapped around my cock that really is very hot. I’ll take a blowjob or intense sex resulting in orgasm any day of the week!
I super love this one! haha thanks for sharing 🙂
Hi, I live in UK and am pleased to view exchanges about married intimacy. While I’m approaching my 79th birthday my wife and I still enjoy intimacy albeit at times on my part the spirit is willing but the flesh not quite up to it. So we resort to hand and other means to reach respective climaxes. I’m glad to have found your site (I did so some months ago) as it has helped come to terms with overcoming erectile dysfunctional issues that prevail in someone of my age. Other more distasteful means were tried on my part to help overcome the problem. However, the boldness, openness and honesty presented by Julie and her friends has thankfully redirected my approach and helped tremendously. Thank you.
Thanks for putting it in writing, so helpful for me.
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Update on my comment above. Got a handjob to orgasm from my wife last night. Can’t remember the last time she gave me a handjob to orgasm. Was really fun and she made it interesting and kinky.
I’m female and honestly couldn’t live without this and oral sex (and I reciprocate). It’s the only way I can reach orgasm. Never have with normal sex (but he does every time). Is this weird? Please let me know. Only been married 2 years though and we’re each other’s first. So maybe we just are doing something wrong in normal sex. We’re fairly new to it in the grand scheme of things I guess. Thanks
That was amazing ❤️ I showed her Rookies comment It started something amazing👧🏻👅Helping people over come is an amazing rush. Innocents is so wholesome and good. It makes me realize porn and the stuff God make at creation are so opposite. The most evil verses the most amazing ewh Satan hates being exposed for what he is a lier.
This is for Rookie: I commend you and your husband. You are doing it right. Having an orgasm during vaginal sex is, IMHO, mostly Hollywood. I am a remarried widower. I think my late wife had one in 27 years. My new wife has had only one in 11 years. We are very active, and she has as many as she wants whenever she want them…just not during vaginal sex. I think the most important thing is not how you get there but that you are both enjoying the journey. Certainly if it is important for you to orgasm while he is in you, work at it, do some research about how you might get there. But don’t let it frustrate you. If it’s not fun, it’s not worth it. Blessings.
Rookie you made a statement I’d like to question you on. What’s normal sex?? No matter how you orgasm together as a couple you are having sex together as a couple. Don’t over think it. Enjoy each other and be patient. It’s in the mind. Angle and the right speed. In our case it came together in time.
To A: I am so glad that my comment helped you and your wife! I almost didn’t post it (I’m a little shy on talking about this stuff openly) but I’m glad God made it happen. And by normal sex I just meant vaginal sex, hah, and you’re right, “normal” doesn’t have to be the only way! Thanks
To Lump of Clay: I really appreciate the reassurance! And it does seem like a lot of people’s views on sex comes from movies (when it shouldn’t be this way cuz we then feel like we have to live up to that perfection). I wonder if Julie has done a post on this.
We are very private people but have a very definite style that has grown over the years. You faith is not a feeling our sexual conectivness is not about the ultimate experience. Our faith lives are very much our commitment into action that leaves a contentment and peace. Our sex life are possible because of the blessing God has designed. Discovering each other is on going. Remember patients and caring enough to bring out the best in one and other covers every aspect of each other as a person. In marriage it includes the sex act. I know you will discover more and more as you freely give each other a chance to express sexual erotic love.
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