I am fascinated when a post is widely received well, but then some people get vehemently angry about the post at the same time.
Such is the case with my post Your Teens Can Hear You Having Sex? Why That May be a Good Thing.
Not that I want to over-explain myself, but I do recognize that some people were offended by the post. Not sure if they will read this follow-up, but hey, anything is worth a shot, right? I thought I would clarify a few things.
I wrote the post with a bit of humor, and I think most readers recognized that. If you were offended, I apologize and I encourage you to re-read it with a bit more objectivity and through a lens that the post was meant to be somewhat humorous.
I wasn’t saying that parents should flaunt their sexual intimacy or neglect their kids, all in an effort to just sneak away and get crazy loud beneath the sheets.
The narrative I was trying to get across is that in too many homes, there is not a healthy attitude about sex in marriage. This lack of a healthy perspective about sex is actually what causes more harm.
I also was striving to say that a husband and wife enjoying sex in their marriage should be the normal rather than treating sex like a shameful obligatory “oh, we never do that” sort of thing. When all is said and done, we should be aiming to send the message that healthy sexual intimacy is vital to a healthy marriage.
And certainly if you read it and concluded I was saying it is okay to traumatize your kids… that was not my heart intent. Should parents be discreet about their sexual intimacy? Yes. Do they need to maintain privacy and not let their kids see them having sex? Yes. And should they make sure young children are not left unattended and unsafe? Yes.
Let’s think of how we can help young people grow up to be adults who see sex as something holy and worthy of honor and pursuit in the covenant of marriage. One of the best ways we can do that is to speak favorably of it and not shy away from the fact that we enjoy it in our own marriage.
Not sure if any of this will calm the haters, but I’m giving it my best attempt. I definitely respect people don’t always agree with me, and I do my best to approve the comments of people who don’t agree (unless they are full of profanity, at which point I think, what’s the point?)
Peace to all.
Below are some posts I have written about talking to your kids about sex. They are full of helpful tips…
The Five Secrets to Talking to Your Kids about Sex
PART ONE: The 10 Worst Mistakes You Can Make When Talking to Your Kids about Sex
PART TWO: The 10 Worst Mistakes You Can Make When Talking to Your Kids about Sex
For more reading, cruise through my list of past posts. as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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5 thoughts on “I Think Some People Missed What I Was Trying to Say…”
I’m sorry you had to do a follow-up, Julie. I thought your intent was very well expressed. Keep it up!
Hi there, sorry if I came across as a “hater” in your last post. Please know that my anger was not aimed at you but was actually aimed at the other comments. This is something I’m deeply passionate about because it’s a major hurt in my life that NO ONE knows about. I read and reread both of your posts, and I’m so grateful you took the time to clarify. I totally get where you’re coming from, but I just wanted to make sure no one else read it the way I originally did. Sex in front of kids can be very, very hurtful. But I agree with you that it should be healthy to talk about. Sorry for all the rage, and thanks for clarifying! =]
Agree, but one thing when you said: “One of the best ways we can do that is to speak favorably of it and not shy away from the fact that we enjoy it in our own marriage.”
Your children do not need to hear you having sex. Ever. They can know this fact without hearing you. You shouldn’t be pretending you never do it, but they should know that you respect them enough to keep it private. The fact that they can potentially happen to overhear shouldn’t be a risk you’re willing to take. It should never be normalized to hear this, because we live in a world of abuse. What’s beautiful to you may be harmful to your kids.
I agree with Anny A. I also read the previous article in which you follow up here; and this is just my opinion. I’m not religious and I grew up in an environment where sex was considered natural; however, I do not think that you should let your kids hear your sex life in order to teach them about healthy sexual intimacy. Also, this is not coming from a place of shame around sex. I was taught that sexual urges/desires are natural. I would have no issues with talking to my kids about sex when they are ready; but I feel like while trying to maintain sexual intimacy, they should also be considerate of their kids’ comfort. If your kids express discomfort over hearing their parents have, the parents should at least be considerate about it and at least come to a solution that makes BOTH parties happy and comfortable, not just disregarding the kids’ feelings. Lots of people who are sex positive still don’t want to hear their parents having sex… there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to hear your parents have sex, it’s not because their sex negative or not sex positive enough. I know that sex may be a gift and it’s a beautiful thing in marriages, but that doesn’t mean that you should assume that everyone should be comfortable hearing you have sex.
I hope I didn’t come across as rude, I just wanted to express my disagreements.