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I’ve been thinking about sexual inhibitions. And the problems they create in a marriage.
Maybe sexual inhibitions are creating problems in your marriage.
Christian wives (and some Christian husbands too) are more prone than anyone else to sexual inhibitions in the marriage bed. Oh the irony of this.
Of anyone, married Christians should feel the most confident about sexual passion and sexual expression within the exclusivity of marriage. That’s what was behind my post When We Did This in Bed, It Changed Everything.
But you know me. One post just isn’t going to be enough when it comes to wanting to free married couples from their sexual inhibitions.
A good friend and I were bantering back and forth via text when I proclaimed enthusiastically, “Lord help us all when I put ‘sexual cheerleader’ on my business card!” (There probably is some great branding I could build with a moniker like that, but I’ll meander down that road another day, another post).
No, I’m not going to be standing along the sidelines of anyone’s bed, but I do want to offer some solid encouragement on how to free yourself from your sexual inhibitions. Read on, brave sexual warrior, because this could be revolutionary for your marriage.
What. In. The. World?!! Here’s what I believe. Some married Christians want to be more sexually uninhibited, but they are hung up on, “What would other people think if they saw me doing this? What would God think?!!”
Your stumbling block is that when you start visualizing yourself as a more sexually confident and passionate person, you sense this doesn’t align with who you are on Sunday morning or at the PTA meeting or in Bible study or in any other public place.
Well, guess what? The opposite is actually true. The misalignment occurs when you are sexually inhibited in your marriage, not the other way around. (Bear with me, because I know for some of you, your head is spinning right now).
If you proclaim God’s Word is true and you strive to live in accordance with that truth while your clothes are on, wouldn’t you want to do the same when your clothes are off in the most private and intimate moments of your marriage bed?
Intense physical, emotional and spiritual connection sexually has always been God’s vision for marriage. Think for a moment about sexual arousal. Who equipped our bodies to do that? God did.
Think about orgasm — not only what it feels like, but also the sheer mechanics of it all. Who equipped our bodies to do that? God did.
If you equate sexual enthusiasm with promiscuity, take a breath and consider what is skewed in that correlation. It’s not the sexual enthusiasm that is sinful. Context means everything. Sexual enthusiasm in marriage isn’t just hot. It’s holy.
For some of you, all of the above that I rattled off still isn’t enough to move you beyond the paralyzing thought, “What would others think if they saw me doing this?”
I’m not going to get sexually descriptive here, but suffice to say few of us would really struggle in coming up with all that is possible sexually in a marriage. What we can do with positions, our hands, our tongues, our bodies, our voice. What we can do with lighting or lingerie or repositioning furniture or pillows.
The possibilities are endless.
News flash. Your friends, kids and neighbors don’t know the specifics of what you’re doing sexually in your marriage. But too often we behave sexually as if they do. We start to set up all these arbitrary rules about what is “proper” sexually in a marriage — what is Christian.
We let what others would think if they saw us be the barometer of how sexually uninhibted we can be, rather than keeping God as our barometer.
And here’s even more irony. Not only do all those other people not know what you’re doing in your marriage bed, they also don’t care (because honestly, who has that kind of time?!) When was that last time you pondered, “Gee, I wonder if Mark really likes it when Sue pursues him sexually in their marriage and she is on top and has a mind-blowing orgasm?”
You don’t think those things about your friends, do you? I doubt they are thinking about what you’re doing sexually. Nobody is privy to what’s going on in your marriage bed and nobody really cares how you and your spouse enjoy sexual passion.
Well, nobody except God. And let’s remember, He’s a big fan of sexual freedom in the marriage bed. So if you are aiming to please, aim to please the one Whose opinion matters the most.
Sexual inhibition does not lend itself well to profound sexual oneness in a marriage. It just doesn’t. What does lend itself well to oneness? Sexual freedom and pleasure.
And lest you think I’m just talking about amazing orgasms, let’s circle back to God again and His creation of sex in the first place. I mean, I’m a fan of the orgasms (big fan!), but believe or not, I’m a bigger fan of how that intense pleasure and sexual closeness intimately unites me to my husband.
It’s a mystery, really.
Even God’s Word talks of the mystery going on there in a marriage. And what is the key thing that sets marriage apart biblically from any other human relationship we have? Sex!
It stands to reason that the more passionate and intentional we are about giving ourselves over to sexual arousal and pleasure — and encouraging our spouse to do the same — the stronger our marriage will be.
I’m not talking about sexual pleasure that comes at the expense of walking outside God’s exclusivity factor. Being uninhibited sexually doesn’t mean inviting third parties into your intimacy. It doesn’t mean adultery or porn. It doesn’t mean forcing your spouse sexually. Nope. Those are all cheap avenues that divide rather than unite a husband and wife.
True sexual freedom is a place of monumental safety. It’s where we feel the most secure to express ourselves sexually… to ask for what we need… to pursue each other. And to not be afraid of going sexually where our bodies and minds hunger to mutually go.
Are you imprisoned by your sexual inhibitions? Do you want to break free?
The freedom is yours for the taking. All you have to do is bravely step outside your comfort zone and walk in it. I don’t care if you’ve been married four months or four years or four decades. Now is a good time to start.
Copyright 2018, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.